** Here's chapter 2! Hope you guys are enjoying it. More people seemed to like it more so than Bybbec Fever at least lol. Enjoy!** ~Ocean
Chapter 2: Hero's Death
Even after being awake for several minutes, Kanan could still feel the heat of the explosion on his face; he could feel the rumbling ground from the explosions. He had felt Ezra's emotions and thoughts in the dream. The Jedi was still unable to feel his student though and that left a wound deep in his chest that wouldn't heal.
It had been a month since they had lost Ezra. After a week of scanning, researching and infiltrating Imperial data files, they still came up with nothing. Ahsoka had them call off the search finally after three weeks. If Ezra had been in the main reactor like Kanan dreamed he was, there was no way he could have survived the explosions.
The youth had sacrificed himself so that the rest of the crew could escape from the Imperial star destroyer. Without him, they would have either been captured or would have been dead. Kanan had never been more proud or angry with the youth's decision. Needless to say, Ezra had still been given a hero's death.
The crew had spent hours searching through the debris and scanning the escape pods after they could get close enough to the rubble. They were forced to leave when a small portion of the Imperial fleet had shown up.
Kanan had relived the dreaded day every single night in his dreams. It plagued him, his mind was unwilling to let go of his student and what had happened. The Jedi had broken a cardinal rule, he had formed an attachment without realizing it.
Kanan sighed heavily before forcing himself up and changing, getting dressed for the day. He could keep his mind focused when they were out on a mission, but any other time he didn't want to move. He wanted to lay in bed and never get up.
The Jedi's heart was heavily laden with guilt. He knew through his childhood trainings that he should have let go of Ezra weeks ago, but Kanan couldn't find the will or strength to do so. The older Jedi even tried giving himself the feel-good lecture he told Ezra when his parents had died, the one about always being with the kid. Nothing made him feel at ease. It was his fault that Ezra did what he did.
"You're still unfocused. You're never going to achieve anything if you don't focus!" Kanan lectured for about the fifth time that lesson. Ezra's mind seemed to be elsewhere; he didn't even seem to take note that his master was talking to him. Kanan grabbed his shoulders and gently shook him.
"Earth to Ezra!" That seemed to work. Ezra snapped out of it and he looked at the older human.
"I'm sorry, I zoned. What were you saying Kanan?" He asked, still a little dazed. Kanan looked at him exasperated.
"What was I saying? Kid, you've been unfocused this whole time! What in the galaxy is going on inside your brain?" The Jedi was a slight bit concerned with the youth's behavior. Normally even Ezra wasn't this bad. He didn't know that the youth hadn't slept well since the news of his parents' deaths. It was starting to effect his whole body.
"I just…I don't know. I feel weird." Ezra looked down moving away from his master. It wasn't just the sleep deprivation; the youth himself had been trying to pinpoint what was wrong.
"You have to explain better than that. I don't understand and I can't help you unless you talk to me." The Jedi took a seat on the crate behind him waiting for Ezra to explain.
"I don't want to do the mission today. I think we should just rest and recover." The youth still didn't know what was on his mind, but this was the conclusion of his thoughts.
"That's not an option." This was becoming a more frequent occurrence with Ezra, and it needed to stop.
"I don't feel like doing it today." Ezra couldn't quite place his emotions, but something was telling him to back away.
"We can't just run anytime you don't feel like it or are scared. We'd never get ahead of the Empire. You're lack of cooperation tends to also get us into a lot of trouble" Kanan felt a small spark of anger coming from the youth.
"I'm not scared!...and I don't mean to cause trouble Kanan. I just don't want to go into a star destroyer." As the youth snapped back, he balled his hands into fists to quell the emotions building up inside.
"It's okay to be scared Ezra. The fights are getting more serious, this is no longer just fun and games like it seemed when you first joined. Admitting the fear will help you stay open with the force." Ezra didn't give him a chance to continue.
"I said I'm not scared! I just have a bad feeling…" Ezra left the cargo bay, ignoring the shouts from his master to "get back here". He would show him that he wasn't scared if it was the last thing he would do.
Kanan didn't think anything of their argument then; to the Jedi, it was normal. They always bickered during lessons. If he had known that it would be the last conversation he would have had with his padawan…well, it would not have been the last if Ezra didn't feel like he was having to prove a point. The whole mission, the teenager had been fairly reckless with his risks to make sure the assignment went according to plan. His master took notice that his precision was heightened though, and the amount of trouble they got into during the mission was minimized, until it wasn't.
The human walked into the commons area. Hera was already seated having made two cups of caf for them. The Twi-lek was going over information about the planet they would be staying on for a while.
"Morning luv." She said softly.
Everyone on the ship had been affected by the loss of the youngest member. She knew though that Kanan was taking it the hardest. In the course of a month, Hera saw the weight loss and withdrawal he was presenting. Kanan's head was clear and precise when they had missions, but on their down time he was a completely different person, worse off than when she had originally met him.
"Morning…Is this the planet we'll be using as a temporary safe place?" Kanan said in his normal tone as he sat down and took a sip of the caffeine that had been poured for him. Hera knew exactly how he liked it. He settled into his seat enjoying it silently.
"Yes, we're still in the Lothal system. It's one of the other planets, known for its freezing rainstorms in the winter, and melting hot summers because of how close to the sun it can orbit. Right now it's almost winter so we don't have to deal with melting, just the freezing." She said looking up as she saw Zeb walk in.
"Fine with me. I prefer the cold, reminds me of Lesan. Could never stand the heat." He said in his usual morning gruffness. The Lesat acted indifferent to the loss of his roommate, as long as Ezra wasn't brought up that is. He missed his little buddy just as much as everyone else though.
Truth be told, everyone avoided talking about the late crew member. No one wanted the pain of their loss.
"Good, that just means you volunteered for supply runs Zeb." She smirked as the former honor guard groaned in protest. Kanan mirrored the smirk slightly knowing that Zeb still didn't like freezing cold temperatures, or going on supply runs.
"This is the planet we were by last month…Ezra would have frozen into an icicle if he was there…" The Jedi mused quietly, the smirk being replaced with a small frown. He had done it again; he had thought about the Kid. Kanan stood and left the room leaving the two behind.
Zeb and Hera watched him go knowing what had caused the sudden upset.
"I thought Jedi weren't supposed to form attachments. Seems like he formed a pretty big one if he's still this messed up about the kid." Zeb said quietly sitting down with his morning ration bars.
Hera sighed, looking down at her half empty cup and nodded.
"They aren't, but the order died. Kanan is having to do many things that go against what the Jedi were about. That included learning to love people and forming close bonds. He said him and Ezra had a fight before that mission. He has a lot of guilt over it." The Twi-lek spoke quietly and sadly as she shut her eyes with the mental pain that came up when Ezra was mentioned. She knew that talking about it would help them all heal.
"I heard the argument. It seemed normal, the kid just didn't want to go on the mission and Kanan told him it was okay to be scared. The kid went all defensive. This time on the planet will do him good I guess. His brain will be too numb." Zeb took a bite of one of the bars after finishing his last sentence.
"That's what Ahsoka thinks too. I just hope it's enough." Hera finished the last of her coffee before getting up and heading for the cockpit. She was greeted with Sabine sitting in her personalized chair.
"Morning Hera." The teenager was playing on her data pad, no doubt looking up her own research about their new, temporary, home. Sabine hadn't given up the search and spent her free time scouring data files trying to find a trace of Ezra.
When the others thought she was looking up new information, she was really looking for any trace of Ezra on Imperial files. She wanted to tell Kanan about it, but she didn't know if getting his hopes up would make matters worse for the older human; she had to keep trying though. Even a body to bury would give them all closure. The Mandalorian had many nightmares about Ezra's body flowing around space as a block of ice, forever alone and cold. The kid would not have wanted that.
"Good morning Sabine. We'll be arriving in about an hour so make sure you're geared up for the weather. We won't be docking in the city even though the planet hasn't been taken over by the Empire fully, we don't want to take any risks so we'll be staying close by." She saw the Mando nod as she sat down and set coordinates for the planet.
Sabine turned her attention back to her data pad. She mentally sighed as she saw the pop-up telling her that there was no new news.
