Chapter 1: Training Day
"Alright," said Kakashi, "we'll start with introductions. Sakura, would you like to start us off?"
"Okay!" Sakura said while coming her hair with an ivory brush from the horn of a ninja rhino. "My name is Sakura Haruno and my goal is to date cute boys and punch a life-size puppet in the stomach."
"Very good. I share both your ambitions," replied Kakashi. "Naruto?"
"I WANT TO BE KING OF THE NINJAS! BELIEVE IT!"
"The Hokage?"
"Yes, that was what I was alluding to."
"Great. Sasuke?"
"I want to get revenge on a certain somebody who is my brother who killed our entire clan except for me, and also I want to get eyes that bleed when I create magic ninja fire."
"Worthwhile goals. And finally, Shrek?"
"I want to become the Hogrekage!"
"The same goal as Naruto. It looks like you two will have to fight to the death for it, fufufufufufufufufufufufufufu ."
Shrek and Naruto locked eyes. The passion in their souls leaped out of their bodies and intertwined, creating a single spirit—a spirit of the future Hogrekage.
"We will meet in the ninja training field tomorrow for your first ninja test." And with that, Kakashi turned into a log and disappeared. The rest followed suit.
- One day later -
"I can't believe we have to be up at 11am," said Naruto.
"I know, my ninja swamp needs some tendin'," Shrek replied.
Suddenly, Kakashi appeared. "I have some bells and you all have to get them to become real ninjas."
"I love balls," said Sakura.
"The test starts… now!" Kakashi stood still while they all attacked. Sasuke threw fucking shurikans at Kakashi like calm down bro, seriously. He turned into a ninja log though, so Kakashi was fine. Sakura was busy reading Teen Beat magazines. Naruto was caught in a bear trap or I don't really know what to call it but his foot got caught in a loop and he was hanging from a tree. It was all up to Shrek and Sasuke.
"Sasuke," Shrek said, "It is all up to us."
"Goddammit, Shrek," said Sasuke and he punched a ninja tree.
"Well, I'm not about to let our time together as a team be ogre." Shrek back flipped into the middle of the clearing, just twenty ninja yards away from Kakashi. He ran toward him with his arms trailing behind his back. "Onion no justsu~!" he cried. His entire body turned into a hail of onions. Kakashi jumped into the air, only to be punched in the face by Shrek. Shrek landed on the ground and seized the bells. "I bet you weren't shrekspecting that," he smirked.
"Shrek-kun," Sasuke said, "you really did it."
"I guess I have to acknowledge you as my rival," said Naruto. "And Sasuke too, I guess."
"I helped!" Sakura said as she skipped into the clearing.
"You all worked together," Kakashi replied, "and that's why you won."
"We didn't work—" Sasuke was cut off.
"Together. Congrats, team 7!" They all cheered. During the loud rejoicing, Shrek's hand brushed past Naruto's. They both sensed the electric shock of their converging skin. Shrek felt his ogrehood stiffen. Naruto swallowed a lump in his throat. They stood there for several minutes, looking silently at each other's hidden erections.
"Well, I should be growing—I mean, going," said Naruto.
"Same for me. I need to make some earwax candles and take a mud bath back at my ninja swamp."
They parted ways, but they knew this was not the end. This was only the beginning of what was sure to become the greatest of all ninja love affairs.
-xxx-
I hope you guys liked it! Up next is the Zabuza arc and things are going to get wacky!
