4
I couldn't love Edward. It would be the end of him if I stepped in where his Dom left off. She had taken him too far and when I pushed his limits he wouldn't push back. He probably wouldn't use a safe word and I wouldn't know when to stop.
I tried my best to forget about the Cullens. I didn't return Carlisle's calls and I refused to think about Edward during the day. But he showed up every night in my dreams. He wasn't damaged there; he was loving and responsive to me as I tried my best to give him everything he needed.
I got a call one morning from a man who refused to tell me who he was. He told me he heard I was treating Edward and he wanted to know the prognosis. I was stunned and assured him I was not treating Edward and I had no idea what was wrong with him.
"Ms. Swan," the man said and I quickly corrected him. "Dr. Swan."
"Yes, Dr. Swan. I am aware of your past and I am someone you can trust."
My hands began to shake and I looked at my phone to see if it showed who I was speaking with. It was a call from out of the states and I cleared my throat so he couldn't tell how terrified I was. "I deal with research, not patient treatments. I can assure you the information you have is incorrect."
I hung up and called for Angela. She rushed into my office and when I asked if the caller had given her a name she said, "He said you were past colleagues, and that was all."
"If he calls again, don't put him through unless he gives you a name," I instructed, and Angela nodded and turned to leave. I called out for her and she looked back at me. "Do I frighten you?" I asked.
"No, I feel intimidated by you, but not frightened," she admitted.
"Why would you be intimidated by me?" I pushed.
"I don't know. You seem so in control, like you know what you want and how to get it. I guess I'm a bit jealous."
I'm sure she meant it as a compliment, but it tore at my conscience and I nodded so she would leave. I sat back in my chair and turned to look out at the bay. I felt some sort of pull toward Edward Cullen, but all my instincts told me to stay far away from him.
I had resigned myself to a life without love, hoping it would change something deeply rooted in my psyche so I could be normal. I couldn't live with myself it I went back to my old habits, but the thought of dominating Edward was growing like a cancer in my soul.
That afternoon I was reading through some data when Angela called to say a woman named Tanya was here to see me. I let her come in and was shocked by her beauty. She was tall with strawberry hair and high cheekbones. Edward was a right to use her as a cover.
She sat across from my desk and looked at me with sad eyes. "Dr. Swan, I'm here to persuade you to help Edward."
"Why don't you help him?" I said, sounding like a jealous woman.
Her lip trembled and she said, "Edward never loved me. I see that now, but I loved him very much."
"Tell me about the day before he left," I pushed, and tears filled her beautiful blue eyes.
"We had a fight. He was dragging his feet on the wedding and I accused him of cheating on me."
"Was he….cheating?"
She shook her head and said, "Edward wanted to go to some island in Brazil. I'm not sure what it was about, but I exploded in a rage. When he was missing I prayed he went there, but his passport was never used and a ticket was never purchased in his name."
"What was on the island?"I asked, curious myself.
"I don't know, we never discussed it deeply enough for me to find out. He wanted to go and that made me freak out."
"Tell me about your sex life," I said, and watched closely for her reaction.
"Like I said, I loved him very much. He was the perfect lover," she said, and then smiled softly.
I must have looked like a shocked puritan. My mouth fell open and I asked loudly, "You guys had actual sex?"
"We were engaged Dr. Swan, I'm not going to apologize for making love to my fiancé."
I had to control my emotions and quickly apologized. "I didn't mean it like that. I just thought….never mind."
I was now totally confused and thought I had been wrong again about his life as a sub. I had to admit I had no idea how to help Edward, but for some reason he responded to my demands and commands. Maybe turning him into a sub would actually help him. The thought excited me and I could feel my pulse racing.
"Please, Dr. Swan, I am begging you to help Edward. He's a kind man and he doesn't deserve to spend his life in an institution."
It wasn't Tanya's begging that changed my mind. It was the possibility Edward's life had nothing to do with a sub Dom lifestyle. I took a deep breath and finally nodded in agreement. "I'll give it a try," I conceded.
She jumped up and came around the desk to hug me tightly as she cried. I told her to give me two days to prepare and drive to Seattle. She left my office on the cell phone to the Cullens. I told Angela I would be gone for a couple of weeks and then went home to pack up my stuff. I headed north but I had a stop to make first to my mentor, Dr. Mike Newton.
Mike had introduced the lifestyle to me and trained me as a dom. He taught me to be considerate of my partners and push them slowly to heighten the experience for them. I realize now it only served to blur the lines. With proper training you could take a sub from kinky to perversions relatively easily.
I drove to Mike's office and entered unannounced. He looked up and smiled widely when he saw me in the doorway. "Bella, come in," he urged.
"Hello Mike. You've been a naughty boy," I teased, and he smiled wider.
"You'll have to be more specific," he laughed.
"You sent Dr. Cullen to see me," I explained and he nodded.
"He wanted a psychiatrist who dealt with out of the ordinary situations. You were the only one I could think of."
"You sent him because I'm a Dom and you know it," I pushed, and Mike finally nodded in agreement. "I thought his son was a sub, but I'm wrong. He was in a normal relationship when he disappeared."
"Normal," Mike repeated as if the word disgusted him.
"He responds to harsh commands though," I added.
Mike smiled again and said, "You can thank me later."
"Thank you? I want to ball slap you for getting me involved with them," I yelled. "I have no idea how to help the guy. Should I turn him into a sub so he has the appearance of normalcy or is that just more abuse to his mind?"
"Let me show you something dear," Mike said and rang a bell on his desk. A door opened from the side and a young man dressed in a harness entered the room. Mike stood and petted the man as if he were an animal. "This is Eric. He's my new toy," Mike said and ran his tongue down the length of Eric's ear. "Do you like me, Eric?" Mike asked.
"Very much," Eric said as he remained still.
"Where did I find you, precious?" Mike asked.
"At a Giants game," Eric responded.
"Who were you with?"
"My wife," he answered.
Mike grabbed him by the harness and pulled his head back as he kissed him deeply. "Go now," he commanded and Eric returned through the door he appeared from.
"You patient could have been a sub all along and he just didn't know how to find what he craved. You may not have much work to do after all," Mike smiled.
"So if she took his mind…."
"She?" Mike questioned. "Maybe it was a he."
"Whatever, if he was damaged how do I fix it?"
"You must teach him to trust again. The most important component in the relationship between a Sub and a Dom is trust. His trust has been destroyed and he doesn't know what to believe in."
"He wanted to be a priest," I pointed out.
"Oh God, then he has guilt and all that shit too," Mike said, as if it was a joke.
I finally got to the real reason I came to Mike. I wanted him to tell me I was strong, not as a Dom but as a woman who was trying to fix all the wrongs in her life. I needed him to tell me I left this life because it wasn't who I really was. "What if it pulls me back in?" I asked.
Mike sat down and clapped his hands together. "Then I'll throw you a fucking welcome back parade."
His glee at my downfall angered me. I was more determined than ever to keep everything professional between me and Edward. I wouldn't teach him to trust his Dom; I would teach him how to trust his own heart. It was what got me out of the lifestyle and maybe it would work for him.
I left without telling Mike goodbye and made the drive to Seattle. I stopped in Corvallis to spend the night and showed up at the Cullens door before noon the next day. Esme greeted me with joy and quickly took me to Edward's room.
"We tried to make things normal for him. Emmett stayed a week, but Alice could only stay a few days. He eats with us, but that is it," she said sadly.
"May we have a minute alone?" I asked Esme, and she turned and left the room.
I walked over to the chair Edward was sitting in and knelt before him. I placed my hands on his knees and decided to show trust in him first. "Edward, I'm terrified. I want to help you, but I don't want to live as a Dom anymore. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"
He nodded ever so slightly so I continued. "I want to be your friend. I want to lean on you as you lean on me. I don't want anything from you except friendship. Will you be my friend?"
His eyes began to water and I knew he couldn't answer. He was too broken to trust in a former Dom who had walked out on him once already. I let my head fall to his knee and I took a few deep breaths before taking his hand and pulling him to his feet. He let me lead him to the back porch and we sat on a bench swing under the rare noon sun.
I kept his hand in mine as I spoke. "Tanya came to see me. She told me about Brazil." I felt Edward stiffen so I continued on. "It is okay with me. If you wanted to go to Brazil you should have gone. You were young and free to do as you wished."
I glanced over at him but his face was unreadable. "I had to do what was best for me. It was hard, but it was the best decision of my life. Your decision didn't work, but it doesn't mean your next one won't make you happy. I want you to decide to let me help you, okay?"
His head turned slowly and he focused his eyes on mine. He struggled to say what he was feeling and finally croaked out a sentence that brought me to tears. "I'm nothing," he said, "I don't deserve your help."
5
It was the Doms responsibility to convince the Sub their world revolved around them. That every ounce of happiness came from the submissive and life was worthless without them. Someone had convinced Edward he was worthless and it broke my heart. It meant his scars were not false declarations of love but cruel ways to inflict pain on him.
I took hold of Edward's face and demanded he look at me. His eyes rose to mine and nothing but pain and fear showed in them. "Edward, you are loved by your family and friends. Why would they love you if you are nothing? You are everything to them."
"Because they don't know," he said in just a whisper.
"But I know," I admitted, and watched his eyes grow wide. "And I came back to help you, because you are so special." His eyes began to dart around as if he wanted out of my presence. I quickly let go of his face and gave him some space.
"Do you remember when you believed in Santa Clause?" I mused. "Christmas was so much better when you believed. I think every kid knows he doesn't exist, but it is just better to believe for some reason." I looked over at him and smiled. "Did you know one fourth of all people who sit on a mall Santa's lap are adults? I think we like to believe in happy things."
"Emmett told me when I was five," he said, as his expression became tortured.
I laughed and said, "I didn't have siblings. I must have been ten before I figured it out."
We sat in silence for a bit longer and I decided to push him just a bit. I wanted to see if he was comfortable talking about his childhood, or if something there propelled him into the lifestyle he had chosen.
"I heard you grew up in Chicago, did you have a lot of friends?"
He looked at me and nodded.
"Did you play with Emmett a lot?"
He shook his head and then said, "He was older."
"You're Carlisle and Esme's son?" I asked, trying not to insult him by insinuating anything.
"Yes," he said and his voice changed to one of distain, "The golden child, both families are rich and I get an inheritance from both."
"You must have heard that a lot," I stated, seeing I hit a nerve and wanting to explore it further. "Were you treated differently than Alice or Emmett?"
He looked away from me and refused to answer. I was so tempted to command him to answer, but I was building trust, not working on his life story. I began moving the swing with my legs and we both stared into the forest for a few minutes.
"I thought I was so smart," I said softly as my own anger rose up inside of me. "I thought I could handle anything. I was always in charge, always the one with the answers. I was so full of it."
He looked at me but I kept my face forward. "You don't realize when you go over the edge. One day you're looking down and the next day you are drowning and looking up. I wanted Charlie to be proud of me."
"Who's Charlie," Edward asked.
"My father." We sat quietly for a few more minutes and I turned my attention back to Edward. "We can't worry about the opinions of others. We have to look at our own reflections and that is what I'm here to do for you. I want you to be able to look in the mirror and see a great man."
"Just tell me to do it," he challenged, knowing I couldn't do it and he wouldn't be the one responsible for seeing the broken man either.
"I can't," I said truthfully. "And not for the reasons you think. I can't do it for my own sanity."
Esme walked onto the deck with a phone in your hand. "Carlisle would like to speak to you."
Everything about Edward changed. He retreated into his body and his expression changed to one of complete ambivalence. I took the phone and said hello, only to hear Carlisle thank me over and over again for coming back. I tried to play it off as no big deal and when he invited me to dinner with him and Esme I refused and told him I would remain with Edward. It was the first step in building trust between us.
I kept Edward downstairs as his parents got ready for their evening. He looked at me often as if trying to decipher my thoughts. I watched the television screen and refused to act concerned with what was going on around me.
When his parents left I gave them a quick wave over my shoulder and waited for the door to close before turning to face Edward. "What should we do this evening?"
He didn't answer but his eyes darkened and I could see he was becoming aroused. He had to be insane if he thought I would touch him in that manner. I was here to help, not service his need to be dominated. "Let's play a game," I suggested and he only continued to stare. "It is called ten questions. I get to ask ten and then you get to ask ten."
He never responded so I went forward with my first question. "What is your favorite color?" I asked.
"Blood red," he said with a thick voice.
"Favorite book?" I asked without responding to his first answer.
"I don't like to read," he said, and let his finger trail along my shoulder. It took everything I had not to smack his hand away and tell him he needed permission to touch me. Instead I looked at his finger and then up at him and smiled. He let his hand drop instantly.
"Favorite food?" I pushed.
"Anything," he said as if pouting.
"Come on Edward. You have to have a favorite. Tell me what it is." I meant for it to sound like I really wanted to know, but instead it sounded as if I was commanding him to tell me.
His eyes brightened and he said leaned in closer to say, "You."
I had to literally bite my tongue to stop the words from flying from my mouth. He was pushing me, trying to make me react like a Dom to make himself feel better. He didn't trust a woman who wasn't dominating him, and he was trying to push me into it.
I wasn't about to give him what he wanted so I whispered, "Why don't you make a move on me?"
"Tell me what you need," he begged, as his voice sounded like he was in pain.
"I have no idea," I lied. I knew it would be pure torture for a sub to hear the person in charge of dominating him say she didn't know what to ask of him. I was taking a chance by acting ignorant and I could see Edward's anxiety rising.
His head fell to my shoulder and he begged softly, "Please Bella."
"Do whatever you want, I don't care," I said with my own anxiety.
He suddenly pushed me away from him and jumped up to pace the room. His nostrils were flaring and he was quickly coming undone. His arms pumped angrily at his side and he kicked anything that got into his way. I remained calm and watched him without saying a word. He finally went rigid and fell to the ground. I jumped up and rushed to his side.
"Edward, you're hyperventilating. Breathe slowly and deeply," I said as I tried to calm him.
He continued his shallow breathing so I got right into his face and slapped him a couple of times. "Breathe," I demanded, and his eyes locked onto mine as he breathed in rhythm with me. His pale face gained color and he rolled onto his back as he took deep breaths.
"Damn it Edward, can't you see how messed up this is? You shouldn't depend on me to do something as simple as breathing. Obviously Tanya wasn't telling you what to do, so who was?"
He rubbed his eyes roughly with the palm of his hands and then let them fall as they remained shut. "I don't know," he said barely above a whisper.
"You don't know who it was or you can't remember?" I pressed.
"I can't remember anything. I don't know what happened to me? But I feel like I'm crushing in on myself."
I smiled widely, knowing we just experienced a huge breakthrough. He confided in me, letting me in just a little bit to the confusion and fear he was experiencing. I tried to keep the excitement from my voice as I spoke to him. "Edward, I know it is so confusing, but your mind is protecting you from something it doesn't want to remember, something it isn't ready to deal with. You body has been…conditioned to react a certain way. It will fade and your memories will return. I wish I could tell you it will be easy, but it won't. It will be very painful. But I'm here to help you. I promise I will never hurt you."
He opened his eyes and looked at me with the expression of a lost child. The innocent part of him that had been destroyed by the monstrous reality of what some adults find seductive. It corrupts the soul and it is considered okay because the participants are over eighteen. In reality it is two disturbed people feeding off the needs of one another.
"I'm so sorry," I said without realizing it. I was sorry to the child inside of Jake, the child in me that Mike destroyed, and for whatever happened to Edward.
"I never wanted to be a priest," he whispered, as his eyes remained locked onto mine.
"And I never wanted to be the ballerina my mother wanted me to be," I replied.
"Do you dance?" he asked.
"No, I fall," I said, and we both laughed.
Parents don't mean to burden their children with their unfulfilled dreams; they only want the best for them without realizing it is best to let them choose their own path. Esme most likely felt the failure of her first marriage as a weakness and wanted Edward's success in the church to absolve her of it. I could only imagine what I would do to a child to make up for my mistakes.
"How did you tell your parents you didn't want to go into the Priesthood?" I asked him, hoping we had a connection strong enough for him to feel he could answer.
"I began dating Tanya and let them find condoms in my pants," he said, and moved his eyes from mine.
"Tanya said you were a great lover. Were you happy with her?"
He sat up and moved to the sofa to sit against it. He hugged his knees to his chest and shook his head back and forth. Mike was right, she was just a decoy. "I'm sure the marriage was looming over your head and you felt the need to run. Was Brazil an attempt to run?"
"No," he said sadly. "It was an attempt to rid my mind of the evil that existed there. I have sick thoughts."
I scooted closer and set my hand on his knee to rub it gently. "No Edward, they are not sick. What we need to figure out is why you need to be dominated to feel fulfilled. What is it about a command that gives you permission to access your passion and sexuality?"
I had heard of religious retreats which promised to turn a sexually adventurous man or woman into a God fearing zealot, I just never meet anyone who had given one a chance. "How long were you in Brazil?"
He raised his head and looked at me in surprise. "Did I go?" he asked.
"Didn't you?" I asked back.
"I don't know, I can't remember," he said, as he tried to pull any memory from his foggy brain.
6
I was more than thrilled with the progress Edward made in one evening. I dropped the subject and put on a movie, a comedy, to let him relax and enjoy being with another person. He stared at the screen, but I wasn't sure if he actually watched the movie or not.
Carlisle and Esme came home and were excited to see Edward doing something so normal, or at least appearing to do something normal. They said goodnight and hurried upstairs. I turned to look at Edward and said, "If you're tired you can go to bed."
"Are you tired?" he asked in return.
"Yeah, I'll go up in a minute," I said and stretched my legs. He watched me closely and then scooted closer and tried to whisper. I couldn't hear him so I moved even closer to him.
"I have horrible dreams," he said with just a breath.
"Do you remember them?" I asked and he nodded nervously. "Okay, I'm going to get you a notebook and I want you to write them down each morning." He licked his lips and thought before he finally nodded in agreement again.
I stood and waited for him to follow my action. He walked a step behind me the whole way to his room. I opened his door and smiled at him. "Have a good night, sweet dreams," I said.
Instead of going into his room he stepped in front of me and blocked my retreat. His chest was moving up and down quickly and I found the nerve to look up into his eyes. He took a baby step closer to me and said, "That's it?"
My body was on fire and I wanted desperately to order him to his knees, instead I shook my head up and down so I wouldn't have to speak. His body was brushing mine lightly as he breathed and I could hear the air coming in and out of his nose.
"Edward we need some definite lines. We are building trust in each other and neither one of us should take advantage of the other."
His mouth formed a twisted smile and he said, "I could push you right onto the ground."
My hand rose to slap him but I managed to control it. He was threatening me just to get a reaction, so I would lose control and take him however I wanted. It was so tempting, but I wasn't throwing away my license on such unethical behavior.
"Yes, and I would fall," I admitted. "But only to get up and go to my room."
"No," he chuckled. "You would get angry."
"You're right, but not angry enough to do what you're pushing me to do. Maybe I don't even want you Edward. Maybe I want a man who hasn't lost his memories or feel he's dirty for having fantasies."
His expression changed to one of hurt and I knew I took a shot at his pride, but I had to make him understand he wasn't going to force me into anything. I stepped around him and headed to my own room. This time I made sure to lock the door so he couldn't come in during the night.
The following morning I got a notebook and set it on his bedside table. He was sleeping peacefully but his covers were a mess. I was anxious to see what he would write about and exactly how honest he was willing to be.
Carlisle and Esme were at the kitchen table and I smiled as I joined them. "Edward is progressing quickly. I really think he'll begin to have memories soon."
"We can't thank you enough Dr. Swan. Tell us what you need from us," Carlisle said.
"Can you show me childhood memorabilia from Edward so I can get a broader look at his life?"
"Sure," Esme said, and left the room as I ate my grapefruit. She returned with a big box and I headed into the other room to go through it all. I looked at school pictures, vacations, family portraits, not really sure what I was looking for. I found an artist tablet filled with drawings, very erotic drawings of dragons and all kinds of beasts.
I heard something and looked up to see Edward standing in his pajamas looking at me. I smiled and he held out the notebook before going into the kitchen. I opened it and saw his perfect, neat printing.
I was a demon coming up from under the ground to hunt. I found a young girl with short hair and dark eyes and I wanted her. I wanted to consume her, to hear her body crush underneath mine, feel her skull break apart in my hands. Before I could move she was on me, taking me inside her as she laughed with joy. I tried to get her off of me but her muscles clamped down tightly as she rode me harder.
I cried for help but the devil spoke in my ear. You like this, you want this. I couldn't disagree so I grabbed onto my penis and moved it hard and fast to the sight and sounds of her until I screamed in pleasure and collapsed into the pit of hell.
I went through each line over and over again as I tried to decipher his meaning, other than the obvious. It was all there, his guilt, his desire, his hatred for someone, as well as his hatred for himself. I put all the childhood things away and carried the box upstairs. I waited for Edward in his room and hoped he would return by himself. He did eventually come, but with Esme leading him by the hand.
"He'll dress himself today," I told her, and she nervously left the room. Edward gave me a defiant look and I laughed. "You're still her pride and joy, don't worry."
He sat on his bed without dressing and I ignored the action. I sat on the chair and pulled it closer. "Okay let's go over your dream. The demon is your sexuality; it is totally natural for you to have erections during the night. It is also normal for you to masturbate. What isn't normal is to feel guilty for it. I think your religious upbringing makes you feel it is something evil and it manifests as a demon or a devil. We need to find out who the girl is. She is vital to the scenario."
"I want to fuck her until she's dead," he yelled. "Don't tell me it is normal."
"No you don't," I said just as loudly. "You want to break free from her hold on you. You never tried to kill her or saw her dead in the dream. Who had that much control over you?"
"I don't know," he cried out and covered his eyes with his arm.
"Think about it. Whose skull did you imagine crushing so you could be free from the commands?"
He thought for a moment and shook his head again. I stood and patted his leg. "We'll talk more after you're ready for the day." I exited the room and found Esme waiting with a clean set of clothes for Edward. I took them and headed back downstairs. She followed quickly behind.
"Why can't I help him dress?" Esme asked.
"Because he isn't a child and we are helping him become a functioning adult."
We waited downstairs for close to an hour until Edward finally appeared. He was dressed in jeans and a ragged sweatshirt with gym shoes. He looked like a sexy man headed to a game or to go shopping. I tossed my head toward the back porch and he followed me onto the deck. I continued down the stairs and onto the grass before waiting for Edward to join me.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"I just wanted to take a walk. I haven't had any exercise," I answered, and took hold of his arm as we began walking. "Do you believe in God, Edward?"
"Um…Priest, remember?" he chuckled.
"You didn't answer my question. Do you believe in God?"
"Of course," he answered.
"Do you believe he forgives us for our sins?"
"Only if you go forth and sin no more," he said quietly.
"Okay, so if I tell a lie and I ask for forgiveness and then lie again, will he forgive me?"
"I guess," he mumbled.
We walked in silence and Edward finally spoke first. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you care if I believe in God?" he asked, and I could feel his body tense.
"I've done some pretty bad things. It would be nice to be forgiven," I said with a smile.
"Like what?" he asked with a hint of a smile.
"I've pretended not to be home when my mother called. I lied about work when my dad asked me to come for Easter. I've cheated on men and lied on my taxes," I stated openly.
Edward looked at me in shock and then broke into laughter. "You're a terrible therapist."
I gasped and pretended to be offended before saying, "You are wrong. I am a great researcher, I'm just not perfect."
We walked further and Edward was growing more and more anxious. I wanted him to expose the source of his anxiety but I didn't want to push him. He finally stopped and jammed his hands into his jeans pockets. "Okay," he said loudly. "We need to talk about the elephant in the room and stop skirting the issue."
"Which elephant would you like to talk about, because I see an entire herd?"
"You were a Dom and I was a Sub. There, it's out into the open," he stated.
"Really, and who were you a sub with?" I asked, since he was engaged to Tanya when he went missing.
"Chicago is a big city," he offered. "And I had the money and the access."
"But you have no idea what happened to you," I reminded him and watched to see any sign of lying.
"I don't, but I do remember what happened before I went missing."
I knew it would help to tell Edward my story, but I wasn't sure I was comfortable talking to him about it. I was here to help him and I didn't want to confuse the issue.
"Why does it make you feel guilty?" I asked.
"It makes me feel guilty because it became necessary. What man needs a woman to control him to get into the mood?"
"Tanya called you perfect," I said, and tried not to sound jealous or disbelieving.
"That was acting," he admitted, "And it became more and more difficult."
"Maybe that is why you've blocked everything out of your mind. You feel the weight of what you did to a great woman."
I was talking more about myself than Edward. I was almost drowning in my guilt for turning Jake so desperate. I was transferring my feelings to see if they fit for Edward. He took a couple of steps and then turned to face me. "I don't want to go back to her," he admitted.
"Back to who?" I asked.
"Tanya, I don't want to see her."
I realized he had no idea she had moved on without him. She was happy and aware he never loved her. I tried to let the truth out slowly and said, "Edward, you don't have to worry about Tanya. Her life is fulfilled and happy. She is married now."
He looked at me with an odd expression, almost like he didn't believe me. I worried I had shown him his parents lied to him. I finally asked, "Are you okay?"
"How long was I gone?" he asked with a soft voice that was obviously shaking.
Oh God, I hadn't realized he wasn't aware of the span of missing time. I walked up to him and took his hands and asked slowly, "How long did you think you were gone?"
He shook his head, too afraid to speak. I glanced around the yard and wondered if I should take him inside before telling him. I squeezed his hands and said, "Edward, you've been gone for six years."
