Good morning all!

I had a party in my dorm last night because my roommate was visiting her parents and now everything is a giant mess! What's more is that there are three Irish study abroad boys who didn't feel like taking the bus back to their own school and never left my room. Two of them are playing xbox and one of them is asleep in my bed. I'm really not sure what to do with them. Should I go get them breakfast I wonder? I don't really even know these boys. Hmm. Anyways...

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.


"Sakura!" Dr. Soto exclaimed, her mouth agape. "You look fantastic!"

"Really?" Sakura tugged at her hair nervously. "You don't think it's too much?"

Dr. Soto shook her head. "Not at all Sakura, it's perfect. I didn't know you had it in you to look this good. What happened?"

"Well," Sakura said, setting herself down on the couch, "it occurred to me last week that I've been neglecting my personal appearance. So, this past weekend I went on somewhat of a spending spree."

The therapist sat down in her chair and picked up her notebook. "So this is all new? New clothes? New shoes?"

"New clothes, new shoes, new make up, new haircut, new manicure, the works." Said Sakura. "I figure that if I have all this money in my fat bank account then why shouldn't I put it to good use and pamper myself? I mean, I'm a nerd, but that doesn't mean I have to dress like one."

"I see…" Dr. Soto jotted something down in her notebook. "And what brought this on? Did something special happen?"

Where to begin… Sakura tapped her chin. "I got a promotion…"

"That's wonderful, congratulations, Sakura."

"It is wonderful. I get to design my own study and I'm going to be in charge of my own patients. It won't be too long before I'm applying for my own grants and running my own laboratory. This is a big step up for me. I couldn't be happier.

"We've already established that professional success brings you personal satisfaction, but this is the first time you've had such a reaction to it. I think this goes to show how far you've come. Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your job."

"It's like I had some sort of epiphany. I love my job; therefore I want to look good for my job. It's not just about looking good to other people, it's also about being the best I can be at work." And in the off chance that she was ever going to run into another character from her past, she wouldn't look like a ghoul.

"Oh." Dr. Soto's smile faded. "So this is just about achieving more professional success?"

Sakura nodded. "Absolutely. What else could it possibly be about?"

"Right." Dr. Soto wrote something else down in her book. "So how about your homework? Was this make-over your idea of getting out of your comfort zone?"

Sakura's back stiffened. "No, I did something else for that assignment, something stupid."

"I'm all ears, Sakura."

"Umm, you see… a friend called me, Ino."

"Ino, your old friend from Konoha?" Dr. Soto interrupted.

"Yes, that's the one." Sakura fidgeted for a moment before settling back down. "So anyways, she calls me and asks me to help her out and be a waitress at this wedding she was coordinating."

"And you said 'no' of course."

"Actually, I told her 'yes'."

"Really? So you were a waitress at a wedding. How did that make you feel?"

"Umm." Sakura was thoughtful for a moment. "It was a little embarrassing." And by little she meant a lot of course. "I guess it's been a while since I did the same work as a high school dropout."

Dr. Soto frowned. "So you think service industry work is beneath you?"

"No." Said Sakura slowly. "I think it's perfectly respectable work. I just didn't kill myself in college studying to serve drinks and carry plates."

"Did you still try your best? How did people treat you?"

"Of course I tried my best." Sakura was appalled that her therapist would even suggest otherwise. "But I was treated as if I wasn't even there, or as if I was dirt."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"For the most part, I didn't care."

"When did you start to care?"

Sakura looked at her watch. Damn, they had at least forty-five minutes left in their secession. There was no way Sakura was going to be able to get away with not talking about this. "I ran into a some guy I knew, he was a guest at the party." She shrugged. "I guess I was a little embarrassed to see him again under such circumstances."

Dr. Soto looked up from her notebook. "Was this a man you know from work? Another scientist perhaps?"

Sakura shifted uncomfortably. "No, umm, actually he was someone I knew from Konoha. We sort of dated a little."

"Sasuke Uchiha?"

"No." They had already dedicated many sessions to that asshole Sasuke Uchiha. Dr. Soto was less than impressed with the way he treated women. "It was another guy. We only dated briefly, it really wasn't that big of a deal."

"How did he react to seeing you again?"

Sakura's cheeks turned red. "He pretended not to know me."

"Oh dear." Dr. Soto put down her notebook. "Do you think it was maybe just that he didn't recognize you?"

"I have pink hair." Sakura deadpanned. "And also, we lived in the same town for almost ten years. Konoha isn't that big."

"How long exactly did you date for?"

"Three or four months."

"That's much longer than any of the relationships you've had since moving to the city." A funny look flashed on Dr. Soto's face. "Was he the last boyfriend you had before leaving Konoha?"

"Yes…" Said Sakura casually. "I believe he was."

"Things ended badly between you two." Guessed Dr. Soto.

"What? No…" Sakura waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. "We both knew it was over and we agreed that it was in both of our best interests to just break up. We weren't that serious to begin with.

"So your two weren't in love?"

"Love? No way! It was just a really casual relationship. We were barely even friends."

"Was your relationship sexual?"

"You know, I honestly don't remember. It was a really long time ago."

Sometimes, if Sakura closed her eyes she could still feel Gaara's cold hands and needy kisses.

"I see." She picked up her notebook again. "So you can't think of any reason why he would deny association with you.

"None. There is no reason."

"Well then, I'm just as stumped as you are. Maybe it's best not to dwell on these things. This is a boy you knew ten years ago. You're a different person now."

"You're right. I just did something strange that I don't understand." Sakura let out a short laugh. "I told him that I was a cleaning woman."

Dr. Soto's jaw dropped for the second time in one session. "You told him you were a cleaning woman?"

Sakura buried her face in her hands. "I have no idea why I would do something like that."

"Probably because you like lying so much."

"What?" Sakura asked, wondering if her she had heard her right.

"You use lying as a defense mechanism." Dr. Soto explained. "You use lies as a way of pushing people away from you. You were protecting yourself."

It was ironic. Maybe she should have thought to protect herself ten years ago when he turned her heart into hamburger meat. Not that their relationship meant anything to her.

"Just so you know," said Dr. Soto, "there is no rule that says your not allowed to lie to your ex boyfriends. You don't owe him the truth."

She didn't owe Gaara anything, except perhaps, a good slap in the face. Gaara Sabaku was really wracking up a slap debt.

"I'm not worried about it." Sakura assured her therapist. "And I've definitely moved on."

If ever by some cruel twist of fate Sakura had to face that awful boy again, she was going to take the high road and look right past him. She was going not only pretend she didn't know him; she was going to pretend he didn't even exist.


Things had gone well with her meeting last Thursday. The outline she had designed for her trial had gone over very well with her bosses. They gave her permission to start right away.

The purpose of Sakura's study was to compare the good and bad effects of two standard cancer drugs, daunorubicin and cytarabine combined with a new drug midostaurin, in order to see which combination was better. Patients were either going to receive one of the two standard drugs combined with the experimental drug or one of the standard drugs combined with a placebo known as a sugar pill. Neither Sakura, her team, nor the patients would know whether or not they were given the new experimental drug.

Sakura's patients were a group of one hundred children newly diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia or AML. AML was an aggressive cancer typically fatal within weeks or months if left untreated. Sakura knew the children that she would be working with were very sick and had only around a fifty percent five-year survival rate and a fifty percent chance or relapse.

She knew she was going to have to remain professional and detached when it came to working with the patients. The purpose of the trial wasn't to make friends with them; it wasn't even to cure them. Sakura was supposed to study them, and study their bodies' reactions to the medicine she would be giving them.

The oncologist Sakura had chosen to work with was Dr. Kabuto Yakushi. Kabuto was actually pretty creepy. It wasn't really anything obvious that he did, and maybe Sakura was just imagining things, but something about him just wasn't right. He was too nice, too friendly, and too helpful. It made Sakura nervous.

But he was the best. He was hands down the smartest doctor on staff and the obvious choice for working with children. Like Sakura, Kabuto was excellent.

"That was the last patient, Dr. Yakushi." Sakura said after her research assistants finished registering the participants.

"Please, call me Kabuto. We're going to be working with each other for a while, we might as well get comfortable." He said with a wide smile.

She knew that wearing make-up and designer shoes was a mistake. The way he was looking at her made her feel anything but comfortable. "Okay, Kabuto." Sakura forced a smile. "Maybe you could tell me a little bit about your experience working with AML?"

"I think you what you really want to ask me about is about my experience working with children."

He was right. She had seen AML plenty of times underneath a microscope and she had read about it in countless medical journals. She new everything about there was to know about the disease.

It was children that she knew nothing about.

Sakura had completely given up on the idea that she would ever be a mother and have children of her own. She knew that she didn't necessarily have to have a husband or a man in order to get pregnant, and she could always adopt if that didn't work out… but it just wasn't going to happen.

It's not that she didn't want to have a family. Sakura just knew that she couldn't give a child the attention it deserved. Who would take care of her child when she was working all day and night in the lab? It would be inconvenient to have a child to worry about.

Even if she wasn't busy with work, there was still a good chance that Sakura would be an incompetent mother. Her own mother was so messed up who's to say that Sakura wouldn't be exactly the same way? She couldn't take that risk.

"I guess you're right." Sakura conceded. "What's it like to work with children?"

"It's not so much working with children as it is working with their parents. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a child with cancer. These parents are terrified that their precious children are going to die. They're desperate and will do anything that that they think will increase their children's chance of survival. They're going to be rude and pushy and they're going to be vulnerable and pathetic. You're going to have to be there to steady them. If for some reason you think that you're going to be unable to do that then perhaps it's best that you stay in your lab and let your assistants handle the legwork."

She was Dr. Sakura Haruno; there wasn't anything that she couldn't do. There was no way she was going to stay in the laboratory and let someone else do the work. How could she have even considered it? That was a coward's way of dealing with things, not Dr. Haruno's.

"There won't be a problem. Hysterical parents don't scare me. I'm a woman of science, I can steady anyone." God, she hoped she was right about that.

"You're going to have to be reassuring to the children too. They're just as scared as the parents, and most of them don't understand their disease. They're going to be miserable and in pain, you need to show them kindness but remain professional. What ever you do, always smile. Don't let them know if they're getting worse or they're dying. If they lose hope and give up it might adversely affect your results." Kabuto put his hand on her shoulder. "I've heard good things about you, and I know your smart. You can handle this."

Was he serious or was he just using his oncologist mind games on her to build up her confidence and prevent her from letting herself fail? Either way, if he didn't remove his hand soon he was going to lose it.

"Thanks, Kabuto." Said Sakura. "I have a good feeling about this. Everything will work out, I'm sure of it."

"It's good to hear optimism from you. You're going to need it."


After she finished her work in the clinic Sakura brought the files back up to her office so she could read them, alphabetize them, and check to make sure everything was filled out correctly. If there was one thing Sakura had learned since she started working at the lab it was that you couldn't trust your underlings not to screw up.

Sakura caught a glimpse of her reflection in the shine of a metal paperweight on her desk. She wondered if taking charge of her image meant she falling back into the person she used to be before she left Konoha. Before she started dating Gaara.

She had forgotten what it was like being pretty. She had forgotten how to use eyelash curlers and how to shop for the right underwear to wear under the right skirt to go with the right blouse. It was kind of like finding your old favorite shirt and putting it on and seeing that it still fit.

It was addictive. Once Sakura saw how healthy she looked with color on her lips and cheeks she decided she had to have a suit that made her look equally as good. And if one suit made her feel good wouldn't two suits make her feel even better? What about a pair of designer jeans? Or maybe a cute designer dress? A cashmere sweater?

Looking good was easy if you had a little money. And doing this one frivolous thing had not affected her work performance. Maybe, just maybe she could squeeze in another couple of things to make her life feel more complete.

She didn't mean squeezing in another person, no, there wasn't any energy left for that. But perhaps there was a hobby out there that would suit her. She could take up stamp collecting or model airplane building.

Or she could just stick with shoes. God she had forgotten how gloriously painful it was to wear designer shoes.

Sakura leaned back in her chair and tried to balance her pen on the tip of her nose. Maybe she would go get that cat. The people in her building could then refer to her as 'that attractive scientist with a cat'. That would be pretty cool.

Just then the door to Sakura's office flung open and the sight of the person standing in the frame caused Sakura to fall out of her chair and onto the soft-carpeted floor.

It was that jackass Gaara Sabaku.

"Shit." Sakura whispered. She tentatively looked over the edge of her desk to make sure it wasn't just her mind playing tricks on her.

No, it was Gaara. Sakura didn't think it was possible, but he looked even better than he did the week before.

She had always found Gaara attractive. She used to marvel at how his eyes looked both blue and green, and how his hair was so red against his white skin. All she could see now was an icy glare. It was different than what she had remembered. Whereas before it had conveyed fiery red-hot anger, it was now cool and disdainful.

She was surprised to see he wasn't wearing black. Dark wash jeans, grey shirt, leather jacket- it was just the way that the clothes hung on his body, the way they hinted at the muscles underneath. But when Sakura pictured the man under those clothes all she could think about was a skinny teenager covered in bruises and the way they felt under her lips when she gently kissed them.

"What the hell are you doing?" Gaara demanded, obviously un amused by her behavior.

Sakura felt her face get hot. Did the universe really hate her that much? "Ah, sorry I slipped." She picked herself up and dusted imaginary dirt off of her lap. She smiled politely. There was really no reason they couldn't get along. It was true that the last time they had had an actual conversation he had made her feel so terrible she wanted to die, but they were both adults now. He was probably here to apologize for being such a dick. "Can I help you with something?" she asked.

Gaara stepped into the office and closed the door behind him. He crossed the room and stood opposite Sakura desk.

"Have a seat." She offered, gesturing toward the chair next to him.

Gaara remained standing.

Ok then… so much for pleasantries. Judging by sneer on his face he wasn't here to catch up and reminisce. "So, how did you find me?" She asked. "Did you-"

"Stay away from me." He said, harshly silencing her.

Sakura was taken aback. She wasn't used to being cut off and she wasn't expecting this attitude.

"I don't know what the hell you were doing at that wedding," he said, "and I don't want to know. So this is how this is going to go. Don't speak to me, don't try to contact me, and don't even look at me. Stay the hell away from me."

The venom in his tone burned, it ignited something inside of her. Sakura felt her cheeks grow even redder. She wasn't going to let him do this, not again. "Who the fuck do you think you are?"

His face hardened. "I just came her to tell you-"

"You just came here to tell me what?" she interrupted, her voice rising and tinged with indignation. "Let me get this straight, you looked me up, found out my address, and then came to the place I work in order to tell me to stay away from you? Do you have shit for brains?"

He clenched his fists. "You don't understand."

"You're right." She said. "I don't understand. I don't understand what makes you think you have the right to tell me what to do."

Sakura was mad. Sakura was livid. She wasn't going to let him get away with treating her like this. He may have walked all over her and embarrassed her that other night, but that was not going to happen again, not in her laboratory.

This was the place she had built with her dreams. She worked for this for eight long years. This was her sanctuary. Who was he to barge into her office and demands things of her? To disrespect her. To use that tone on her.

Gaara moved closer to the desk and fixed her with a level stare. "I don't have to explain myself to you. If I say stay away from me then you stay away from me. It's simple, I shouldn't have to say it twice."

Sakura scoffed. "Are you kidding me? You think you can just waltz in here and give me orders? You're damn right you have to explain yourself to me."

"Just shut up and do what I say." He growled.

"Fuck yourself!" she shouted back.

Gaara ran his hand though his hair in frustration. "You're going to ruin everything!"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not the same person I was back then!" He shouted. "I'm a man now. I have a good life now. I don't need you coming in and wrecking everything."

"You're right." Sakura shook with rage. "You're not the same person you were back then. Back then you were just a stupid kid. But you know what? You did a lot of really hurtful things, but you would have never done something as despicable as pretending not to know me. You're a grown man and you did that." She wrinkled her nose. "Gaara Sabaku you are disgusting."

He banged his fist against her desk. "I don't have to acknowledge you! You're nobody to me!"

For some unknown reason her anger began to dissipate. He looked like a monkey hitting the desk like that. And more than that he was wrong. Sakura was not nobody. Maybe it has slipped her mind the last time they had spoken because she was in that dopey waitress's uniform, but Sakura was certainly somebody.

Sakura laughed. "Maybe you do have a life now. Maybe you've got nice clothes, a good job and a pretty girlfriend, but don't think for a moment that any of that means something. I didn't care about any of that then and I still don't care about any of that now. Those things don't make you a man; you make you a man." She shook her head. "But you're not a man Gaara, you're a coward and you're still a child."

Sakura felt even more laughter bubbling up inside of her. It had been a long time since she had seen anyone this angry.

"You haven't changed at all." He spat. "You're still a stupid bitch who doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut."

She laughed again. "I don't know what's funnier, the idea that I care what you think or the idea that I would actually want to have anything to do with you. Because really, Gaara, I want even less to do with you now then ever before."

"Then just stay the away from me."

"With pleasure." She pointed to the door. "Now get the fuck out of my office."

"If you see me on the street-"

"Shut up and get out." Sakura had already sat down and was busying herself with the files and paperwork. She didn't need to hear this kind of shit from him. She was so finished with Gaara Sabaku.

Which was why she kept her eyes fixed on the paper in front of her, because for some reason she couldn't bear to watch him walk out that door.


After her latest encounter with Gaara Sabaku, Sakura was curiously light headed and felt as if she needed a good dose of fresh air. She soon found herself walking aimlessly through the memorial garden behind the laboratory.

She couldn't stop thinking about him.

But she had to. No good could possibly come from occupying her mind with thoughts of Gaara Sabaku.

Sakura sighed. She could have lived her entire life with out seeing him again and she would have been content. If he had just been polite when they ran into each other at the wedding they could have said goodbye and never crossed paths again.

But this, this was a headache.

"Excuse me? Dr. Haruno?" a voice asked.

Sakura turned around. The voice belonged to nicely dressed man with a blond ponytail. Sakura knew she was supposed to know who he was but she couldn't remember his name. "Ah, hello …"

"Deidara." The man supplied.

"Of course." Sakura smiled. "You're Sasori's…"

"Life partner." Deidara laughed. "I guess wife works too."

Sakura nodded. "Right. I remember now, I met you at the holiday party. You're an artist. A good artist."

The blond man laughed again. "I'm a good artist, yeah. And you're a good scientist."

Sakura blushed. She needed to watch what she said in front of her boss's partner. "I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. I've just been having one of those afternoons." She said.

"I'll bet." Deidara eyes twinkled. "I saw him coming out of your office."

Sakura paled. "Oh god, you didn't hear any of that did you?" She should have remembered not to shout. The walls weren't exactly thin in her office, but one could never be too careful.

"No, but you've piqued my curiosity. How do you know Gaara Sabaku?" he asked.

"How do you know Gaara Sabaku?" she replied without thinking.

Deidara cocked his head to one side and gave her an unreadable look. "I don't know him personally, but he's kind of famous."

Gaara was famous? How did she not know about this? "Famous?" she asked in disbelief. "Gaara? What for?"

Deidara lead her to a bench where the both sat down. "He wrote that book, yeah, that best seller…"

"Gaara Sabaku is a best selling author?" When did this happen?

"The Darkest Storm." He said. "That's the name of the book, The Darkest Storm. Everyone's read it. It's on Oprah's booklist."

How in the hell did she miss Gaara becoming a famous author? Where the hell was she when all of this happened.

Actually, it wasn't all that unusual that Sakura missed out on something in the pop culture world. She didn't even notice the country electing a new president. Her work really had consumed her life.

"Wow." She whispered. "So that asshole really made something of himself. Wow."

"I take it you're not a fan of his work?" Deidara asked.

"Oh," Sakura straightened up, "no I'm sure whatever he's written is amazing. He's a gifted writer." She grimaced. "But he's also the meanest bastard on the planet. I'm not a fan of him."

"My friends in the literary circle don't have good things to say about his personality either. "He's got a reputation, yeah."

"What kind of reputation?"

"They say that he's cold, unforgiving, cruel, and uncompassionate. He refuses to do book signings or interviews. Even his publicist is afraid of him."

That wasn't the Gaara she knew. Sure, he had been a little dark back then, but he wasn't evil. He had been really kind and caring in his own backward Gaara way.

"And he's going out with that heiress, yeah, the one that's always in the society pages. They call her the ice queen. Completely unbearable. She's the only child of some shipping company executive. She's been spoiled rotten since the day she was born. The only reason people put up with her is because she's an avid philanthropist. She and Sabaku have been dating for months. They're always together."

Deidara must be talking about that woman from the wedding. She had certainly been very beautiful, but Sakura had no doubt she was ugly on the inside. She actually took pleasure out of humiliating Sakura. What kind of person does that?

Maybe they deserved each other.

Still, the idea of Gaara with another woman made her feel queasy. At least he was with someone Sakura could have no problem hating.

"I don't know how to feel about all of this." Sakura said aloud. "I don't know whether to feel happy or sad for him." Maybe it would be better if she didn't feel anything at all.

"You are or were friends with Gaara Sabaku?" Asked Deidara.

"We grew up together." Her insides felt hollow when she heard him speak that name.

"You were lovers, yeah?" he asked innocently.

Sakura coughed. "No. No, we just went to school together. We barely knew each other."

"Is that so?" He looked at her slyly out of the corners of his eyes. "You're pretty worked up over a guy that you barely know."

Sakura shook her head. "It's not like that. I'm just surprised that someone from my little town has made it so far. Aside from living in Konoha together we were really just strangers."

"Okay." Deidara seemed to be taking this into some sort of consideration. "Why did he go through the trouble of finding you? What reason did he have for paying you a visit?"

"I guess…" she exhaled. "I guess he just wants to make sure I'm not going to do anything to mess up this apparently good thing he's got going on. He has a life of his own now and he doesn't want anything or anyone from Konoha bringing up the past. He's moved on, and I can respect that. I would do the same thing if I were him." Or not.

Deidara stretched out his limbs and looked up at the sky. "Sasori doesn't talk much about Suna. I think his memories of his hometown are very painful. If someone from Suna were to drudge up the past and threaten the life we have now I would not react kindly."

They sat in silence. Despite everything that had happened between them, despite the way he continuously hurt her, Sakura really just wanted him to have a good life. That's all she had ever wanted for him. If he was reacting to her this way because he was scared and wanted to protect himself, then it was probably best to just do what he said and leave him alone. But in all honesty she had no intention of taking a stroll down memory lane with him. She had built a good life for herself too and she didn't have room for the likes of Gaara Sabaku.

But the way things had gone down between them left a bad taste in her mouth. As he gave her more and more reasons to hate him Sakura was beginning to realize that she was weak. No matter how angry she was with him, she could not bring herself to truly hate him.

Sakura left work early again. There was something she needed to pick up on her way home. Something at the bookstore.


So I hope everyone enjoyed reading that! I updated much more quickly than I anticipated I would. I just got so many reviews saying people liked my story that I couldn't resist blowing off my homework and writing more. So next time, the update actually will be slower because I have midterms.

I hope I'm not making anyone miserable with this gloomy writing. I know it seems like they're never going to get together, but you'll just have to wait and see ;) Sakura is in major Denial

Oh also, I totally made up all that psychology stuff. I've taken a psychology class and I've been to group, but I know nothing about real therapy, so I have NO idea what I'm talking about. And the science stuff I took from a real clinical trial, that if for some bizarre reason you're interested in, you can find it at ..

THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS BTW. I really love them. I read everyone of them and smile. :D

So leave a review, let me know what you think, and I'll see you all again once school takes a break.