Be warned.
Forest of Death: Part I
Chunin exams are hell. They work you, starve you, and then dump you in the Forest of Death while they feed on fishballs. If things were going to be like this…
"I'm gonna piss." I pulled down my pants and started watering the tree closest to me.
"Me too!" Idiot Orange yelled as he unzipped his jumpsuit.
"Get your own fucking tree!" I turned to spray him away.
"Would you two brain-dead retards shut the fuck up!" Sasuke Pouty Uchiha was 9.5/10 times a kill-joy.
He's not a complete idiot though. Ever since we stepped in the 44th Training Ground, it was awfully quiet. A deathly quiet. I surveyed the surrounding trees and shrubs. There was nothing to hide us, it wouldn't give us the advantage to cause a ruckus.
We began walking deeper into the forest when Pouty randomly threw his hand out and slapped me on the chest.
"Where's Idiot 1?"
I shrugged. "Still pissing maybe."
"It's not safe to separate from your teammates in the Forest of Death," a perverted voice purred.
Uchiha and I briskly sidestepped and bumped our backs together.
"Where is he? Damnit." Sasuke looked around the forest in a slight panic for he didn't sense anyone at all.
"Activate your Sharingan damnit," I retorted. "That perverted voice scared the shit outta me."
Sasuke's face scrunched up. From the looks of it, he probably agreed.
"Over here."
Sasuke and I both flung our heads to see a thin looking woman man.
"Uchiha. Is that a man or a wo-?"
But before I could finish, I witnessed my own death. A kunai flew straight to the dead center of my forehead and blood splattered everywhere.
If it was time, then it was time. But my eyes wouldn't fucking close. I was scared shitless. I ain't dying like this. I'd choose the lightning-blade-through-heart death any day over this.
My eyes shifted back and forth and finally caught sight of Uchiha. He was in the same state, trembling all over, maybe even worse. My face twitched seeing him suffer the same trauma. Then I realized, I was gaining sensation in my fingers again.
But before I was ready to move on my own, the Grass ninja flung two kunai at us.
Pain would snap us out of this trance, but before I made a move, Avenger freed himself first.
"Nice going Uchih-
I didn't get to finish. A tremendous force knocked me off of my frozen legs, carried me to some high place in the trees, and slammed me to a thick tree branch. All the numbness was gone by now and I was about to get up when heavy panting tickled my neck.
I gaped at Sasuke who had his entire body leaning on mine like I was some sort of comfort pillow.
"The fuck man… It's okay if you and Naruto are a thing, but please, I don't run that way." I shoved him off and began dusting my clothes.
Damn. It's wrinkled.
"Shut up idiot. If it weren't for me, you'd be dead." Sasuke sat down and leaned against the tree trunk. I looked at the gushing blood that soaked through his trousers. My finger could probably fit through the hole.
"Ain't that bad. The hole Kakashi carved in Sakura could fit my head!" I tried to recreate the exact shape with my fingers.
Uchiha threw his hand over my mouth. "Shut up if you don't know have something useful to say."
I wanted to retort him like I always do, but a giant ass snake appeared. So instead, I whacked his hand away and leaped backwards to escape, dodging the venomous bite just in time.
A cloud of smoke hovered around the area that I just rested on. When it cleared, the tree was gone with it. But not the snake.
The snake opened its mouth, looking more ready to snap again.
Shit. It's coming after me so that must mean…Sasuke's been eaten already.
I twisted to face it. With my speed, it wouldn't be able to catch up that quickly. I launched five senbon in its direction, and then immediately formed hand seals.
"Certain Kill Ice Spears!" The senbon pierced through the first layer of snake skin and upon contact, transformed into giant ice pillars, immobilizing the monster and ripping apart its flesh. The animal summon squirmed to no avail as I landed on its back and started running towards the head.
Damn. My aim gotten worse. Not even one hit the eye.
"Certain Kill my ass!" Uchiha appeared next to me and we both sprinted to the top of the snake's head.
I snorted. "About time you showed up." Grabbing onto his hand, I flung him to the front where he activated his Dragon Fire Technique.
We both watched from a higher branch as the snake burnt and the smell of flesh filled the air. It was over. But it was not.
The slimy shinobi started peeling out of the snake and warping into a different looking person.
Fan boy was scared shitless. I could tell. I was fine though, I watched from three branches higher.
"Not. bad. at. all," a now deeper voice coming from Evil Reincarnated enunciated.
"He's a Sound Nin!"
"He's a man!"
Uchiha and I looked at each other. And to think our compatibility was only rated 47%.
Partner briskly jumped onto my branch. I never seen him so fast before.
And before I could even process it, Sasuke climbed ahead of me, leaving me covering the end, Snake Man hot on my tail.
Mother fucker. How dare he jump onto my branch and outrun me.
A wet tentacle-like object wrapped around my ankle and yanked me to the floor. I looked down and saw that the tentacle-like object (commonly referred to as tongue) extended nearly fifteen yards.
"Consecutive chains of ice jutsu!" I went through the hand seals and aimed it at the perverse thing licking at my shin.
The moment my ice particles made contact, I smirked. It was only a matter of seconds before the frostbite hits.
But the jounin level ninja acted fast. He conjured up a kunai and decisively slashed off half of his tongue before the ice reached his mouth.
The unattached half was completely covered in ice and shattered into tiny ice crystals when it touched the wooden floor.
"What's your name boy? I'm Orochimaru." Pale Face cooed as he retracted his remaining tongue.
Activating my Icebreaking Sledgehammers, I entered into fighting stance. "Haku."
"I see you've made yourself some interesting friends, Sasuke~" Orochimaru hissed violently as he ran like a mad man straight in my direction.
I readied my ice defense, but was only struck by the cutting wind from the ridiculous speed of the passing man. I realized then, I wasn't the target. Fan Boy was.
"Sasuke!" Orochimaru screamed in ecstasy, much to my utter distaste.
The psycho's head suddenly detached from his body with unbelievable elasticity and locked onto Sasuke as its final point of destination.
Sasuke knew he was coming for him, and so he pivoted to run, but he was dragging his bad leg. The monster would reach him before he had the chance to reach the end of the branch.
Focusing all my strength, I propelled myself forward until I was within range and threw the only senbon I could reach from my pocket.
It pierced through the back of Sasuke's calf just in time for his unexpected fall to dodge the cursed bite specially prepared for him.
(insert awesome music—totally saved your ass Uchiha)
Just then, the unforecasted storm called Naruto struck and hurled a kunai into the snake's bottomless mouth pit. If it weren't for Orange's outrageous appearance, Uchiha probably would have been successfully bitten.
A furious Orochimaru retreated back thirty feet or so, but didn't stop there. With the still functioning part of his tongue, he swaddled Naruto and lifted his shirt. My eyes widened as he mercilessly jabbed Fox Boy in the gut and a new seal formed next to his already tattooed belly.
After branding Orange, he tossed his motionless body aside to die.
Shit. He'd never survive the fall from this high.
I, with my once unmatched speed, launched myself at Naruto and caught him. He was still breathing. Gently placing him down, I felt a shiver run down from my spine. As I turned to see, I was too late.
The sound of a painful bite echoed through the forest and the black birds perched on the tree flapped away.
"Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!"
It took me a few seconds to process the tragedy that just happened.
"Sasuke!" I yelled as the Snake Pervert drew back his once again detached head.
Sasuke pelted Orochimaru with a series of fancy taijutsu kicks and punches creating some distance before sucking a lung full of air and blasting his infamous Fire Dragon Jutsu.
"Now!" Sasuke commanded as he tumbled back to where Naruto and I were stationed.
On cue, I rushed through my hand seals and activated the technique, "Ice Dome of Magnificent Nothingness!" Immediately, a dome of ice caved around us and deflected the kunai bombs Orochimaru sent to follow us.
When the smoke cleared, the conscious among Team 7 made out a figure walking steadily towards us. He sent a few more bombs and poison gas, but my dome didn't budge.
Sasuke was panting heavily beside me with a kunai in hand while Naruto was still comatose behind the both of us. I was on one knee, focusing the last of my chakra flow into maintaining the ice barrier separating us and the enemy.
"Amusing indeed," Snake's vile voice sent shivers down both our spines. Thank Sakura in the heavens for he suddenly stopped and did not approach any closer.
"What do you want?" Sasuke barked, rage and fear obvious in his eyes.
"I know you'll come finding me. You desire my power," Orochimaru said with unparalleled confidence and turned to walk away. There wasn't even enough time to let out a sigh of relief when he swiftly turned around once more.
He had the fucking nerve to look me in the eye. "Until next time…" he whispered as a parting gift before completely disappearing.
The instant he left, my ice dome subsided and I fell forward on all fours, choking aggressively on my vomit.
Pressured by both my sorry and Naruto's pitiful states, Sasuke transported us to some area with more shelter and algae. We were back on the supported ground, which gave us slight relief from expending our chakra to stay glued to the tree branches.
I turned to Sasuke who was putting a cool cloth on Naruto's burning fevered forehead.
"Uchiha…come over here," I gestured said person over. He was wearing a 'what now I'm already scared shitless' expression, but the hell did I care.
Only when he was next to me, did I finally release the hand covering my neck. "Did he leave a hickey?"
A throbbing sensation pounded relentlessly around the swollen area he had bitten. I winced in pain, but kept one eye open to extract the information I needed.
Blue Boy's disgusted reaction confirmed that there was no doubt that I was branded.
"Shit. Shit. Shit!" I cursed under my breath and punched the floor with my hand.
Throwing a tantrum wouldn't solve anything. Think Haku.
In a few seconds, a smirk snuck its way onto my face. I turned to Sasuke, and he knew it was coming.
"hell. no." Sasuke began rushing through hand seals.
"hell. yes." But I beat him to it. My ice formed a prison and immobilized his feet.
"Shit. God no!" Sasuke melted the ice with his fire and was planning his next escape plan.
"Fuck Uchiha. I saved you from this fucking bite and you're just gonna leave me to die?" I spat out through my gnashed teeth.
"You fucking threw a needle through my leg!" I still can't move it thanks to you!"
"I fucking saved you. This would've been you if not for me." I flinched from the pain eating at my skin.
Fan Boy was insanely arrogant. He was a big fat dick. But have to admit, he is pretty cool.
I tilted my head slightly to the left and started my rant.
"What the fuck was Slit Eyes saying about power? Who the fuck needs his power? Look how unhealthy he looks. I swear 'm gonna blow his perverted ass up with my thousand, no, billion flying water needles of de-
"Shut the fuck up, Haku!" Uchiha jerked my head more to the left. Giving his 'I'm too good for this' labored face for the fiftieth time, he lowered his head and placed his lips to my neck. His teeth from his tiny mouth tickled my neck and I couldn't help but squirm around.
"Stay the fuck still, dickhead!" Uchiha tightened his hold on me before spitting out the black blood he was able to extract.
"Then hurry the fuck up Loser!" I hollered back in reciprocated impatience. "You think I like this?"
God the only thing keeping me going was imagining Naruto's Sexy Justu.
I looked over at Naruto who was slowly regaining some color in his face. At this rate, it would be just a little more time before we could move again. But until then, we would still be vulnerable.
I looked at Sasuke who collapsed from embarrassment. I patted my neck, there was still discomfort, but I could tell the worse has already passed.
"Yo… Sasuke." I nudged him in the side, but he was too defeated to give a damn. This obviously crushed his fucking massive ego. I kind of felt bad, but what had to be done, had to be done.
"I'll take responsibility," I breathed into his ear.
This got a reaction.
"The fuck you just sa-
But Sasuke stopped mid-sentence. We both sat up and had our guard up once more.
In the not so far distant, there was slight, yet not completely unnoticeable movement in the green bush from the side of our camp.
We were being watched. And now under attack again.
