Chapter 2: The Tale Of Two Logans
Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters.
Author's Note: A big thank you to everyone who read the story, added it to their Story Alerts and asked for more. This will be a full blown out story, but I'd like to take the time to develop it as fully as possible. Your reviews really encourage and help me out a lot so please keep them coming!
'Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you fall forever.'
Anonymous
Logan stared blankly out of the thick glass of the school bus window. Outside, Mother Nature sympathized with his despondent mood and let the heavens bless the dry earth of Los Angeles with their sky-borne water. He let out a small breath of misery. He was still wounded from Kendall's desire to stop sleeping with him yesterday. The blonde had said it before, but immediately relapsed for some reason. However, this time he meant it – Logan could feel it. Of course, it wouldn't mean much to the hockey captain. He would move on with Jo, and let the charming consequences of denial sweep away any memory of the sordid affair with the bookworm. Logan, on the other hand, would be trapped in his memories, deceiving himself that the lust he shared with Kendall was actually love. It was a double-edged sword: reliving those afternoons were like stabbing himself with a knife, but it got him through the inability to accept that the fact that he was not loved by the blonde, or anyone else for that matter.
"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" A clear, sunny voice disturbed Logan's depressive ruminations. The brunette looked up to see a girl he'd never seen before smile expectantly at him. Her long brown tresses were wet from the heavy rain outside and clung limply to her small shoulders. Her eyes twinkled gently at him, exuding warmth and kindness. Her colorful clothes suggested an aura of peculiarity. Logan stared at her momentarily before fumbling to place his bag in front of his feet. "Uh, no, it's not taken." She gratefully placed herself next to him and unceremoniously dropped her satchel in the aisle. "Thanks. Lovely weather we're having huh?"
"Yeah, I was thinking of ditching school for a swim." Her delicate laugh rang through his ears like a wind chime's ring. Logan looked at her again. There was something about this girl that intrigued him, despite his deplorable mood. Even though he'd known her for about twenty seconds, her bubbly charm seemed to rub off on him a little. "I haven't seen you before" he said to the girl, who was now absentmindedly twirling her mahogany hair around her fingers. "Are you new here?"
"Yeah. My name's Camille Roberts." She extended her hand. Logan shook it gently. "Logan Mitchell. So when did you transfer to Palm Wood High?"
"About a week ago."
"A week? This is the first time I'm seeing you, and I catch the bus everyday." She gave another sparkling laugh. "Today's my first day on the bus. My mom's been dropping me off."
The bus ride seemed to pass quicker with Camille at Logan's side. Her animated personality interested the brunette because she was so different from him. Her unabashed enthusiasm countered the bookworm's introvert nature. In the twenty minutes they'd known each other, Logan discovered that Camille Roberts was a drama student, and like him, a senior. "Why'd you transfer in your senior year?" he asked as they were getting off the bus. She smiled, waiting for him to catch up to her. "My dad got a promotion to his company's head office in L.A. He really wanted to take it, so we packed up, left Boston, and here we are." Logan smiled slightly at her. "OK, don't take this the wrong way, but if I lived in Boston, I'd probably want to leave too." She stopped suddenly and stared furiously at him. "Don't you ever say anything bad about Boston in front of me, you hear?" she hissed, her finger repeatedly jabbing Logan in the chest. His eyes widened in panic. "No, that's not what I-" Her face immediately lightened into a wide grin as she covered her hand with her mouth while laughing. "I'm just kidding. I hated it there." Logan silently let out a relieved sigh as they walked into the dirty white hall of the school. It might have been Camille's luminous disposition or the fact that someone was paying attention to him for once, but he felt a minute levity overcome him and temporarily displaced Kendall Knight out of his mind.
Through the raindrop-speckled window of his car, the hockey captain watched the brunette enter through the school door with the new girl beside him. From his intrusive observation, it seemed like Logan relished her company. A small pang of guilt made its malevolent presence known in his stomach. Yesterday wasn't easy for him. He knew that the six months he'd spent sleeping with the brunette would now slip from reality into mere wisps of smoky memory. As he got out of his silver Mercedes, the rain bulleted through his clothes with surprising force, but he didn't care. His mind was somberly occupied by Logan Mitchell. The brunette was a dangerous temptation, unknowingly alluring in his inconspicuous nature. Sex with him was an addictive high that the blonde could just not get enough of. A wry smile played on his bee-stung lips as he recalled the deal they had made. Initially, he'd done it out of an arrogant flattery. Hordes of girls swooning over him was a certainty, but to know that he was attractive to a man? That was a definitely an ego boost. Somewhere along the profligate line, that had changed to a raw connection. He was astounded by the sheer depth of the brunette's devoted affection for him; something which he could not return. Whether he wanted to or not was a question best left unanswered to him: his perfect world would start to unravel around him if he did seek any answers. He never knew someone could love that deeply, and love him in spite of having being written off so many times. The truth was that Logan Mitchell scared the hockey captain. He was scared that he would one day need the bookworm as much as he needed him and define something beyond the boundaries of emotionless sex. In an abstemious effort to try and save himself from his perceived fall from grace, the blonde had called off the affair. His attempt had failed miserably, and he immediately resumed the deal the following day. But something had changed yesterday. His phobia had conquered the shameless desire he felt, and reinforced itself in his icy words. Even though the brunette was probably best left forgotten, Kendall Knight could not help feel a spasm of regret over his actions.
The lunch bell rang through the halls of Palm Wood High to the relief of its teachers and students. Logan scrupulously packed away his math textbook, mentally making a note to himself to go over differentiation and integration of polynomials again when he reached home. He left the empty classroom and made his way to the cafeteria, hoping that Kendall would be somewhere else. The morning periods had brought back the miserable tirade of loneliness he felt last night, erasing Camille's vivacious effect on him. He knew it was silly to contemplate since he was only seventeen, but he'd wondered if he'd ever care for anyone as deeply as he did for Kendall. "Hey Mitchell, wait up!" The booming shout halted the brunette's feet as he turned around. He frowned slightly as James Diamond ran up to him like an overeager puppy. Logan didn't know much about him, except that he was in the same social clique as Kendall , played on the hockey team and was the self-confessed ladies man and pretty boy of the school. Of the two titles, Logan had a hard time picking out the worse one. He gave the brunette a quick smile as he flicked his long blonde locks out of his face. "I've been looking all over for you man! Where have you been? We never hang out anymore." Logan gave him a puzzled look. "We never hung out in the first place James."
"Besides the point dude" he said, waving his hand casually to Logan's statement. "Listen, so I'm here to help you help me."
"With?"
"I need your help in getting a date with that new girl. What was her name again?" He brought his finger to his lips and frowned in thought. "Lauren, Leigh? Nah, that wasn't it…"
"Camille?"
"Yeah, that's the one! I knew I wasn't far off." Logan smiled as he shook his head at James's obliviousness to his mistake. Athletically, he was a master on the ice rink, being surpassed only by Kendall. Mentally, his head was emptier than a lake in drought season. Logan raised an eyebrow. "How'd you know about her?"
"I take drama with her." Logan smirked. If there was a bigger dramatist in the school than James, he didn't know about it. "So why can't you do what you normally do James?" he asked slyly, amused that James would go for someone like Camille. A blank expression came over James's face. "There's just something about her, man. She's not like the rest." Logan's smirk grew wider. "No, she certainly isn't" he thought. James continued to walk with him to the cafeteria, his eyes starry from the thought of Camille. Logan was impressed: the girl had only been here a week and already managed to make an impression on the serial heartbreaker of Palm Wood High. "She must be some girl to make you like this" said Logan. James turned to him. "You have no idea. You should see her acting dude, she is so… committed." He gave an infatuated sigh. "It's out of this world."
"I'd bet. So what do you want me to do?"
"Put in a good word for me. Give me a good intro, and she's mine."
"I don't know her all that well."
"I saw you two talking when you came in this morning." Logan sighed. "She sat next to me on the bus. I only met her today." James maneuvered himself in front of Logan carrying an impervious smile. "But the point is you know her!" Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. "James, I only know her from a conversation that lasted half a bus ride. She's not my friend or anything."
"Come on Mitchell, please? I'm begging here. And James Diamond never begs!" Logan gave another weary sigh. "I'll see what I can do." James did an excited air punch. "But," added the brunette hastily, "I can't promise anything."
"All I need is a good intro, and she's as good as mine. You know, I think she may even be the future Mrs. Diamond" he said seriously. Logan shook his head, marveled at James's blind tenacity. "Yeah, well do yourself a favor and don't let last week's 'Mrs. Diamond' find out."
As the two of them made their way to the cafeteria, Logan ignored the incessant drone in his ear, giving James the occasional "uh huh" or polite nod of the head. If he thought about it logically, it didn't make any sense for James to be involved with Camille. Apart from the fact that she wasn't a busty blonde airhead, he thought that she would be more suited to someone like him. This morning's conversation had caused the brunette to take a slight liking to the new girl. "What if she and I…" He immediately killed the thought. Kendall had drained him emotionally, leaving him barely able to feel anything but the cruel miasma of pain. If he did go out with Camille, it wouldn't be fair to her: he wouldn't be able to give his all, like he did with his pretend relationship.
The cafeteria was filled with a stampede of hungry students, each of them making a significant contribution to the loud buzz of conversation diffusing across the area. Logan's eyes gleamed across the room. Everyone knew their place here – the high school hierarchy was practically a law of human nature, omnipotent and unmovable. They all stuck to their own groups, having gained access to them through various trials and obligations, and hardly ever ventured out into new social territory. The sole exception to the law stood before the chaotic jungle of friendship like an alien from another world. His eyes caught onto his love casually draping his arm over his girlfriend, whispering into her ear. He shook his head disdainfully and forced his eyes to tear themselves away from them, leaving the two to profess their teenaged love to each other. James nudged him gently on the shoulder. "Look, there she is." He pointed out Camille sitting alone at the table, heavily absorbed a book while uninterestedly poking a fork through a tray of lettuce leaves. Out of nowhere, James whipped out a comb and began running it through his locks. "OK, gotta play this cool. So once you introduce her to me, you leave and I'll just turn on the old Diamond charm. She'll be falling all over me." Logan opened his mouth to protest that he didn't think that Camille was that kind of girl, but thought against it. "Alright, let's get this over with," he said flatly, leading the narcissistic hockey player to Camille's table.
"Hey Camille" he said, as he approached the table with James excitedly bouncing behind him. She looked up from the depths of her book and gave a bright smile. "Hey you. I was wondering when I'd see you again."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I meant to ask you what you were doing during lunch in the morning, but I completely forgot."
"Now" whined James softly into Logan's ear, causing the brunette to flinch irritably. "Uh Camille, this is James."
"James Diamond" said the hockey player smoothly, shoving Logan out of the way to take a seat. Camille's raised her eyebrows in astonishment. "Camille Roberts. Aren't you in drama class with me?"
"Yeah, and might I say you are one fine actress."
"Why thank you." Logan looked on, an eyebrow raised in confusion. The two really seemed to hit it off, disproving his earlier theory. "Guess I was wrong" he thought. He lifted his eyes to take in the other sights in the cafeteria. Automatically, his eyes were drawn to Kendall and Jo. Their lips were locked together in a passionate kiss, both of them ignoring the world around them. Logan's breath quickened as he looked on. This time, his eyes would not obey him to look in another direction. He stood there, masochistically absorbing the sight of the person who obliterated his heart kissing someone else. He watched Kendall lift his head slightly and look straight at him. When emerald eyes met chocolate ones, a powerful wave of nausea overcame the brunette, and he finally looked away. He silently turned around and left, leaving Camille and James to continue their energetic exchange of sentences.
Logan returned home later that afternoon in a more morose state than when he had left. Having to accept that Kendall was done with him was one thing, but to sit there and watch him move on with his life so easily was nothing short of exquisite torture. Logan halfheartedly rebuked himself for being so miserable. "You knew this was coming" he said softly. Even so, it did little to quench the raging inferno of grief burning inside of him. Whether in memory or fantasy, Kendall was permanently present in his mind. There seemed to be no way of erasing him from the depths of his memory, let alone his soul.
As he walked through the door, he heard footsteps coming from the kitchen. Moments later, Mrs. Mitchell appeared before him smiling, her clothes carrying a stain of what seemed to be tomato. Logan sighed wearily. His mother's culinary skills were limited to knowing the phone numbers of all the popular takeout places off by heart. The Mitchell family was extremely cautious of any enthusiasm she showed to be in the kitchen, knowing that anything she conjured up could most likely be used as a new fuel source. It was surprising that she was home at this time. Usually, she got picked up by Mr. Mitchell and they came home together. "Mom, why are you here so early?"
"Your father had to go for an urgent business meeting," she said cheerily. "I asked for a couple hours off early so he could fetch me and then drive there." Logan let his bag fall slowly off his shoulder. "Where's he off to?"
"Pasadena. He said he'd be back by Sunday." Her face lit up in realization. "Oh, that reminds me. Brothers & Sisters is on." She hurried past her son and turned on the TV. "Ah, no. It's the one where the gay son gets married." Logan's expression grew tired. "So?"
"I don't want to watch two men get married." Logan felt a cold tingle travel up his spine. "Why?" he asked quietly. "What's wrong with it?" His mother turned around to face him, her hands placed on her hips. "I don't approve of that kind of lifestyle. It's…" She shivered in disgust. Logan's eyes narrowed. "They're human too you know."
"But it's not the natural order of things Logan." Logan bit his lip anxiously. If she only knew what he'd been doing for the past six months – death would seem like a sweeter option than whatever her reaction would be. "I'm gonna go upstairs." He grabbed his bag and walked steadily upstairs, trying to ignore that he really was alone in the pain he felt. There was no one he could turn to, not even himself.
The brunette somehow found himself at school the next day. The night had been a blur to him: he couldn't remember waking up or taking a shower, but here he was, fully clothed and ready for another day of learning and heartache. It had only been two days, but it felt like millennia to him. He dejectedly walked through the school doors and walked to the bathroom. He splashed his face with a cool handful of water. He stared at his reflection, which looked on pitifully back. "Has it really come to this?" it asked. Logan snorted gloomily. "There really isn't another way to be."
"Isn't there? Or do you just not want to see it?" Logan cast his eyes downwards to the white basin. His hands traced the outside contours. "He's gone" he said thickly, fighting back tears. The reflection looked on coldly. "And you got left behind." Logan smiled sadly. "It's what I do best." He stared back in the mirror. "I'm not saying you should forget him" said the reflection, its tone more gentle now. "You probably never will. I'm just saying try to move on."
"To what?"
"Life." In the moment before everything faded into the blackness of his subconscious, Logan stood before the mirror and realized he had to somehow piece back the miniscule shards that made up his heart. "Life" he whispered softly. "Live."
