Author: eponinesghost (EppieG)
Title: I Want You To Want Me Part 2/?
Pairing: Rizzoli/Isles
Rating: Pretty mild for this chapter. Mostly language.
Disclaimer: Characters belong to the creators of Rizzoli & Isles. No infringement intended.
Notes/Summary: Continuing with just the basics. Just another Friday night. Two women on a couch with a dog.

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Burned.

If you play with fire you get burned. Wounds so raw and so sensitive that any contact is agony. Even air hurts.

Every breath equals the anticipation, the stark dread, of pain.

Jane's thoughts tore through her like a rock from a slingshot. Everything else stood still. Time. Her ability to move. Hell, to process or react.

She had stepped from the ledge and now the only possible outcome inevitably involved concrete and carnage.

Fuck.

She was done. It was over before it had started.

If she had just been able to think, to grasp at straws. She might have been able to play it off that she was just brushing the crumb away from Maura's lip … that nothing serious was happening here.

But she was far too close for that to make sense. And completely exposed. Her eyes were broadcasting every truth she had accepted. Every emotion she had wrested with and couldn't defeat. And most damnably, her clear intention.

Maura's transition from untroubled slumber to gradual awareness played out in slow motion. Jane could only watch ... mere inches away from the oncoming crash.

The first flash of feeling fell short of fear — Maura was obviously startled to find Jane directly in front of her, their noses practically touching. That gave way to confusion, underscored almost adorably by the creasing of her forehead the way her eyebrows drew together.

Jane hated that she couldn't reassure her, explain. Stop this. That her voice had deserted her when she just needed to … do something.

She knew the instant that her secret was out … that Maura realized it … absorbed the meaning of it. The questioning look dissolved into one of stunned surprise. Her pupils widened and her expression altered, her mouth unconsciously forming an "oh" …

Jane's stomach clenched dramatically and her heart seemed to tighten in on itself, smaller and smaller until it felt like it left her altogether. She could tell she was crumbling, even prior to impact.

And then. And then …

As her own eyes were closing in protection, the one act she seemed capable of, she glimpsed a flash of concern, colored by something else mysteriously undefined. Before she could begin to acknowledge it, she heard her name in a hushed tone that mimicked the sensation of wind slightly ruffling her hair.

"Jane …"

She knew Maura was calling her back, but she couldn't look. Couldn't bear to see anymore. However, she wasn't going to be allowed to withdraw. Without warning or preamble, Maura's lips grazed hers, a fleeting yet soothing gesture that was repeated almost instantly.

"It's okay …" Whispers against her mouth coaxed her closer. "It's okay."

Something akin to relief washed over her, left her shaking. Daring to open her eyes once again, she met Maura's searching gaze. It wasn't going to be over. She wasn't going to crash and burn. She knew that she was totally transparent when Maura's hand moved to caress her cheek, dislodging Jo Friday and sending her scrambling to the corner of the couch.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Jane."

The gentle pressure of Maura's fingertips, the power of her words, melted the lump in her throat. Allowed her to breathe once more. She couldn't help but lean into Maura's palm, needing the warmth and reassurance it held.

How had she even attempted to assess the extent of Maura's beauty while her eyes had been closed? They were essential. They were restorative. They were live-saving.

And they were not critical or wary or dismissive at this moment. She was safe.

But she needed to be whole.

With only the slightest, barely detectable, hint of hesitation, Jane initiated the next kiss. A real one, like she had imagined, yearned for … risked everything for.

She brought the hand that had hovered anxiously over Maura's skin minutes before up to her jaw, slipping it under the cascade of hardly mussed hair, anchoring Maura in place. She tasted the traces of salt from the popcorn, marveled at the achingly soft warmth of Maura's lips, and nearly smiled at the recognition of the tingling current she had expected.

She loved this.

Deepening the contact, she teased with her tongue, nearly swooning at the shock of desire such a simple motion provoked in her. The fire that she had so feared destroying her suddenly flared, fueling her instead. Her fingernails gripped the back of Maura's scalp, causing shivers that Jane could feel in the midst of the kiss. Moaning in response, she captured Maura's mouth in relentless pursuit of more, needing so much.

She could feel the hunger growing between them and welcomed it. Did her best to stoke it, heighten the intensity. Her body was humming, completely wired to the sensations they were creating. Her heart was expanding steadily, engulfing the rest of her. It was exquisitely unbearable.

When she felt Maura shudder once again, she grasped her tightly, twisting her body so that she fell across her own, basically ending up in Jane's lap. Her free hand dropped to Maura's ribs, stroking up and down her side, just under her breast, as she continued to kiss and explore.

Unbelievable. This was all so unbelievably amazing. Maura in her arms this way, The freedom to express herself, her feelings, without boundaries. The fact that she wasn't petrified that this might be more … mean more. So fucking unbelievable.

Jesus Christ.

How could she have kept herself from this? Her fingers found the hem of Maura's blouse, the skin underneath scorching hot and so incredibly smooth. The muscles quivering at her touch. HER touch.

Running her tongue along the lusciousness of Maura's lower lip, she felt as if she would explode.

"Maura … Jesus."

Her voice sounded broken, crushed. Her chest was heaving with the effort it was taking her to breathe.

The hand that had been curled around Jane's neck, holding on for dear life, pressed and squeezed the muscle of her shoulder as Maura wet her lips. She seemed to be struggling to open her eyes as Jane's thumb continued to circle against her stomach.

With as much effort as she could muster, Maura finally made her eyelids obey, although they were still somewhat heavy. Her pupils almost imperceptibly widened at the look of raw emotion etched on Jane's face.

"Jane …" She swallowed and tried again. "We have to stop …"

Shaking her head in confusion, Jane slid her hand further up, her thumb barely grazing the curve of Maura's breast as she rasped her reply.

"I don't think I can."

Fighting hard not to arch her back at Jane's more intimate touch, Maura flattened her hand against the plane of Jane's chest. "We have to …" Closing her eyes once more and then opening them quickly, she directed her gaze and her words more pointedly. "I have to."

Jane's hand stilled as the statement sank in. Jesus. She was rushing things. Maura had just woken up for Christ's sake! While she had been working her way through her newly discovered circumstances, Maura had been innocently sleeping, oblivious to any of Jane's internal drama and deliberations. She hadn't given her any space, any opportunity to catch up.

Slipping her fingers free from beneath Maura's blouse, she ran them through her own thick hair as she tried to regain her composure. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she nodded, helping Maura sit up and slide from her lap back onto the sofa.

"You're right. We should slow down." Her arms suddenly empty, she fiddled with her fingers, threading them together and twisting them apart.

Shyly glancing sideways at Maura as the doctor straightened her clothing, she added, "I mean … this is all new to me too. I've never … we can figure it out together."

She felt her face flush as her coherence eluded her. She felt like an idiot. Thankfully, the way Maura was sitting, bent forward with her hands on her knees, her hair shielding her face, kept Jane's embarrassment a secret a little while longer. Still it did make it harder for Jane to decipher her next statement.

"There's nothing to figure out, really."

Perplexed, Jane reached for the wrist closest to her, trying to get Maura to look at her once again.

"Are you okay? Did I totally make a mess of things?"

Dammit. This was the one thing in her life she couldn't afford to screw up. She had to find a way to communicate the entirety of the situation to Maura. To establish that she was all in.

As Maura turned toward her, any relief Jane found in her answer was quickly erased by the haunted look in her eyes.

"It's fine, truly. There's nothing here that can't be fixed."

For the first time since Maura had kissed her, Jane felt a trickle of unease travel up her spine. Things didn't seem fine. She scraped her thumbnail lightly against Maura's wrist and drew her hand into her lap.

"I know this is scary, Maura. I'm bouncing back and forth between terrified and thrilled. I just … need you to know … if you're worried about what people will think … or if you're worried about … this type of relationship … with me … with another woman … or if you're worried that I don't feel, that I'm not as overwhelmed as you are … I just need you to know that I'm going to be here. Every step of the way."

Maura cleared her throat softly. Glancing down at where their hands were intertwined before looking back to Jane, she smiled a tight smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"You should know by now that I don't care one whit what other people think of me. And that I would never let outside opinions direct any of my decisions."

"That's my girl." Jane squeezed Maura's hand gently, still dismayed that she was so apprehensive.

"And although I may not have been forthcoming about it before now, I've had … I've been with other women."

Wow.

Okay.

Jane shouldn't have been so thrown by that. Maura had never been shy about her sexual freedom. And it wasn't as if she'd ever asked. Or that they were a couple, truly, and that she had any right to know … The last thing she wanted right now was to seem judgmental or jealous, so she fought to keep her shocked reaction to herself.

She knew she hadn't quite pulled it off when Maura gripped her hand tighter, as if she were afraid Jane would snatch it back after her announcement.

Slowly, she formed the words. "That doesn't change anything for me, Maura."

Maura visibly relaxed for a brief moment, but then much to her horror, Jane could detect the onset of tears. It was obvious that Maura was holding something back. Something that was causing her deep distress. If wasn't that she was freaked out about making out with another woman, that she didn't care about the ramifications of a same-sex affair, that only left one thing …

"It's just that it's me, isn't it? You can't … with me."

Jesus Christ this was going to hurt. The knife plunged in quickly when Maura bit her lip and nodded, one tear slowly making its way down her cheek.

Jane needed her hand back. She needed both arms to fold across her middle, to try to keep the rest of her body from shredding apart like her heart was doing right this minute.

"Okay then."

All of her recriminations from earlier in the evening rushed back, twisting the knife in further. Maura was untouchable. Not just out of her league but not of her world. She was not the type someone so spectacular could end up with, would ever choose. And it goddamn hurt like a sonofabitch to realize how true that was.

And that she had made Maura cry because of it.

"It's not your fault, Maura. I crossed the line. It's not your fault you're not interested in me that way, not attracted to me …"

Even as she spoke, she could still feel how Maura had responded to her kisses, her hands. What the hell had that been about, then?

"Oh Janie …"

Maura seemed oblivious to her use of the endearment, but Jane flinched nevertheless. "Of course I'm attracted to you … that's what makes this so hard."

Something echoed in Jane's memory from another conversation in her apartment.

"Like you were attracted to Tommy."

A flicker of hope lit Maura's eyes. "Yes … not exactly, but yes."

"But you couldn't act on it, because you loved me." Bitterness crept into Jane's tone without warning.

"I do love you." Maura was adamant. Fierce in her reply.

This was the oddest rejection Jane had ever heard. Even as everything was slipping through her fingers, she was concerned enough to clarify.

With her heart in her eyes, she tried one last time to salvage her future, if not her dignity.

"But I'm IN love with you."

Maura winced as if she'd been stung, bracing herself against the force of the confession so that she wouldn't be blown away. Her voice barely above a whisper, she responded.

"I didn't know that for sure until tonight."

"Neither did I. But now that we both do …" She shrugged. "Where does that leave us?"

Maura choked back a sob. "I can't lose you, Jane."

Still hugging herself tightly, Jane pondered the way the earth seemed tilted. "You're not going to lose me, Maura. I'm the one spilling my guts here. I'm the one who's getting shut down. Did you hear an ultimatum from me that I'm unaware of?"

Sighing softly, Maura quirked an eyebrow toward her darker companion. "No, but …"

"But what, Maura? Tell me exactly what you want to happen next. I'm at a loss here, frankly."

"I've never, ever had a best friend, Jane. Until you I didn't really believe in the concept. I believed I was destined to be alone, to always remain alone. Sure, I expected I'd have my share of relationships, and … sexual encounters." She seemed to tiptoe around the topic. "But in my experience, those don't last, aren't permanent. The one consistent connection I've been able to count on is our friendship. It means the world to me. It's my cornerstone. It's been my salvation. I can't … fathom … my life without it. Without you."

As Maura took a long shuddering breath, Jane was compelled to reach out to her. Smoothing her hair away from her face, she softened her voice.

"Sweetie, much like you didn't believe a friendship like ours could exist and thrive, you aren't letting yourself see the possibility that it could develop into more. Just because none of our previous relationships were right, doesn't mean this one isn't. In fact, based on your own scientific sample, this thing between you and me – it's the strongest case you have for the foundation of a successful relationship. One that lasts. Maybe it's just time to build on it, see where it goes."

"I can't take that risk, Jane. I can't just hope. I have to know! And we know how to do this. We know how to be the best friend the other has ever had. There is nothing our friendship cannot withstand, I firmly believe that. But the rules for romantic relationships are different. I won't risk what we have on the chance we could have more. You were always braver than me. But you have more to fall back on."

Jane's exasperation was palpable.

"Fuck the rules, Maura! We can make up our own. Don't you get it? This … is whatever we choose to make it. We don't need rules or labels or past experiences. We both just need to have faith."

Maura didn't need to verbally respond for Jane to know she had lost the debate. The fear in her eyes, the fresh round of tears, the way her body crumpled into Jane's arms, all spoke of defeat. Jane couldn't bring herself to rail in anger or be more forceful in her argument, she was too busy wrapping Maura tightly to her, rocking her slowly, kissing the top of her head.

"Shhh. It's okay." She'd wallow in her own misery later. She couldn't take Maura's heartbreak on top of her own. "We're still fine. Just like you said. Nothing has happened that can't be fixed, sweetheart."

She could feel Maura's hot tears soaking her t-shirt. The smaller fingers clinging to her shoulders. Her love for this woman meant she needed for her to be happy. No matter what. Bending slightly, she tilted Maura's tear stained face up so that she could look into her eyes as she continued to speak.

"Look at me. I'm not going anywhere. I'm okay. We're exactly who we are, Maura, who we've always been. Best friends."

Maura's vulnerable smile was heart-wrenching. Jane carefully wiped her tears away with her thumbs and encouraged her once again. "Best friends?"

"Best friends."

Unexpectedly, Maura sealed her benediction with a whisper-soft kiss, causing Jane's heart to cartwheel into her stomach.

As she drew away, Jane murmured an admonition, "Maura … best friends don't kiss each other on the lips like that."

Somewhat dreamily, Maura replied with absolutely no remorse. "I know. I just wanted that last one to remember."

Swallowing hard, Jane committed it to memory as well. Commitment. She had one, albeit a different one than she'd wished. And she'd keep it.

She'd give Maura anything and everything she wanted.

Even if it killed her.

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end part 2
thanks for reading!