Everything else on the first chapter!

A/N: Italics are thoughts and sorry about the flashbacks. I didn't know how else to explain what was going on, but I promise to have some present time Buffy/Spike stuff really soon. I won't keep it all in the past.

Dedicated: To my step-sister Kloie, for helping me with ideas and putting up with my not-stop Spike talk. She has never even seen the show and I bet that she knows more than some people! Luv ya lots!

Chapter 2: The Buffy and Spike Explanation

You see Spike and I have become pretty good friends. Well pals, not friends, he is still annoying and constantly trying to make me go out and have some fun. I hate him, I am sure I do. I still do right? Ok, ok, I don't hate him, just don't really like him. He can be so cruel sometimes, I mean he can be so sweet at times, like when he is trying to get something or if something is truly wrong.

I guess I don't know weather or not I hate him anymore. I mean, I don't want him to go away because my life would be so boring. I usually don't want him to stay either because he is the only person I know that can make me so angry, so fast. All he has to do is say one smart-ass remark and things fly. But I bet he says the same about me. We both know exactly what to say or do to push the other ones buttons. I sweat if I didn't know better, I would say I could read his mind.

I don't know anymore. A few hours ago we had this big argument and…

Flashback

"Spike, I don't care if you have a girlfriend or not. All I care about right now is that you stop telling me that you do. I heard you the first time you said it to me. You have a girlfriend, I get it ok?"

"Well sorry luv. I just thought you would be happy for me and maybe say… oh I don't know… congratulations?!?! Is that to much to ask? I just figured that you didn't hear me that first time so I told you again. After I knew you had heard me the second time, I just got mad. No 'good job' or 'congrats' or anything. You just looked at me and said 'so?' Then I just decided that pissing you off would be the best thing to do, so I did just that. Maybe if you actually cared at all about anybody else but yourself…"

"Don't you get it Spike? I am happy for you, but I am also mad at you because you are showing me everything I used to be and have. And I wish I could have it all like you do but I can't because I am afraid. I can't date anybody because I am afraid that if I start to like somebody they will just end up breaking my heart. And I don't think that I will be able to take it again. And I am so afraid, Spike… I am so… scared," she says as tears slowly start to fall.

"Sh… luv. You don't have to be scared. I will always be here for you and I won't let anybody hurt you ok? Buffy, don't cry." he said as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap, cradling her like a small child. He gently stroked her hair whispering 'don't cry' and ' I'm sorry' into her head.

Back to that day

All I can remember is him holding me for the longest time. It was really nice, I just love it when he holds…hold up. Am I falling for Spike? I mean I like it when he holds me but just in a friend way, right? I know he loves me, just as a friend, he said so himself, while he was holding me after out fight…

Flashback (Spike's POV at first)

"Shhh, Buffy don't cry. Come on luv," Spike said. 'How does she do that? How does she look so beautiful even when she is crying?'

"Spike, I can cry if I want. Nobody loves me anyways so why does it matter?"

'God Buffy, how can you not tell,' "I love you," 'Oh man, did I just say that out loud? Judging by the look in her face, I did, "Just as a friend" 'I see her nod but there is a look on her face… it kind of looks like… disappointment? Does she love me? I shouldn't have said the friend thing. I don't want to lie to her. I do love her. I want to with her. I'm scared, scared that she will leave if I tell her. But if I don't tell her, will she leave anyways? Will she feel that I am holding her back from finding her one, true love. Oh man, what do I do?'

Buffy stares at him blankly as he said that he loves her… just as a friend.

Back To Present

Ok. He said he loved me. Then he filled it in with a 'just a friend.' So he only loves me as a friend? How come when he said 'I love you', I wanted to kiss him. But then he finished his sentence, I felt like somebody had shot me right though the heart. I don't love him, but I care for him a lot. I think I could let myself love him, but I won't cause then he will leave just like everybody else does, so I can't fall in love with him. But if I could, I know it would be so easy to fall. It would not take much effort at all.