ACT I: Discovery
The scene opens up in Giles' house, a typical "Scooby Gang" meeting type, only with a new, special guest sitting near the center of the room. Surrounding him is Giles, Buffy, Willow and Tara sitting close to each other, Xander and Anya sitting close to each other, and Spike is seated near the kitchen.
Guest Stars:
Amber Benson
Lindsay Crouse
Riff Regan
Sharon Peters
Leonard Roberts
Leslie Bibb
George Hertzberg
Emma Caulfield as Anya
and James Van Der Beek as Buddy
GILES: So... let me get this straight. You are a Slayer? Like our Buffy here?
BUDDY: Yep. I was actually about to slay this chick vampire who had just come out of the ground when this portal opened up and I was sucked into it. Only I'm not sure if I went anywhere because the graveyard I fell into was a lot like the one I was in.
GILES: Hmm. Fascinating. You came from some other similar graveyard. But what's more perplexing to me is that you claim to be another Slayer, and there should only be one... although we've broken that rule... but Slayers are definitely always female.
ANYA (scoffing): Come on guys, are you really that dense?! He came from the same graveyard in another dimension! He must have come from one of the hundreds of mirror dimensions.
XANDER: Ah! Like Star Trek! Or Sliders!! An alternate dimension!
BUFFY: A mirror one? As in everything is backwards? Why isn't he talking backwards?
ANYA: Well not everything is backwards. What is and isn't varies from mirror dimension to mirror dimension. And not all the differences are necessarily backwards. They're sometimes just different. But apparently in his dimension the Slayer is male. He's basically a male version of you. And I've noticed that he's left handed.
Buddy looks down at his left hand, which he has been using to twirl his stake around.
BUDDY: What? Are most of you Righties?
GILES (while reading in a book, mumbling): Yes, being left-handed here is a recessive trait.
WILLOW (sheepishly): Um… I guess the one with… Evil Vamire Willow… that was a mirror dimension?
Tara looks at Willow.
ANYA: Yes, that is an extreme example of one. The one Buddy here comes from appears to only have small differences.
SPIKE: So the bloke comes from a world full of south paws and Slayers with outties instead of innies? (He grins at Willow) I wanna hear more about this Evil Willow!
WILLOW: I'd, uh, r-rather not talk about it. Thanks.
SPIKE: Aw, come on! What's the big--?
BUFFY: Spike, leave it alone. Or would you like to be sent on a snack run when the sun rises?!
Spike sighs, rolls his eyes, and sits further back into his chair. Meanwhile, Buffy droops a little, brings her hand to her mouth, and yawns. Giles looks at her, slightly concerned. She notices.
BUFFY: I must be a little tired or something.
BUDDY: Ah, Spike. I have one of those. A neutered vampire. Only mine's a she. Same name, though.
SPIKE (grinning wide, an amorous look in his eyes): Forget Evil Willow… I wanna hear more about her.
GILES: Typical narcissist. Would have sex with himself if the extraordinary chance ever came up. (Looks at Spike in disgust)
SPIKE: Hey, whasswrong with that?
BUDDY: My Spike is the same. Gender is the only difference. I wonder if he's as good in the sack as she is. (He gives Buffy a questioning look)
BUFFY: Ew!
BUDDY: What? You mean to tell me that you have a good-looking neutered vampire, kind of under your control, and you haven't hit that?
BUFFY: Again. Ew!
SPIKE (very wide grin): Ha ha! I'd give you the ride of your life, Blondie!
BUFFY: You wish, Chiphead!
SPIKE: Naw. Maybe you couldn't handle me anyway!
BUFFY: Yes I cou—(stops looks around at everybody's stunned silence) – I mean, Ew!
ANYA: I'd do Spike! (Xander shoots her an incredulous look, she nervously chuckles) Well, I mean, if I didn't have this sexy hunk of man next to me! And… if Spike didn't have all the… evil. (She gives Xander an innocent smile but he scowls a little before smiling back. When Xander looks up she secretly winks at Spike. Spike rolls his eyes at her and she puppy-dog frowns)
BUDDY: What I don't have is a tactless former vengeance demon turned human. Now you're completely new to me, Anya.
ANYA: What can I say? When they made me, they broke the interdimensional mold.
GILES: Can we just all get back to the subject at hand, please?! Now, we've got an alternate Slayer here and we've got to figure out the why, how, and who. I've been looking in a few books during the mostly useless conversation so far and I have a few idears.
BUFFY: What ya know, G?
Giles squints his eyes at her, frowns, then continues.
GILES (looking at a book): Well, there are many species of demon that are powerful enough to open doorways to other dimensions. Although I am having trouble finding any that would open doorways between relatively ordinary dimensions. Usually they prefer to have fun with doorways to Hell dimensions and the like. However there's this one species of demon, the Ra'ggüü, they opened up a doorway to a mirror dimension once to, erm, find better tasting pies? (He scowls at the book and flips back a page as if to say "Is that right??")
XANDER: I woulda thought they'd be looking for better spaghetti! (Everybody looks at him). OK… I'll shut up now.
ANYA: Good idea, honey.
BUDDY: Well, I don't anything about pies, except that I enjoy those little Hostess ones very much. I kinda want to get home. There's a new episode of Spot: Pet Detective I wanna see and I don't know if you have that show here. So… next!
XANDER: Never heard of that one. But… Hey, Buddy! That reminds me of that old show Charles in Charge, had that hilarious character named Buddy.
BUDDY: Oh yeah! That was a great show! Lasted ten years. One of the most revered in television history. A "water cooler" show as they say. You had that show here??
XANDER: Sure, but not nearly as popular! Only on about five or six years and switched from network to syndication in the second season.
WILLOW: Charles… in Charge?
XANDER: Yeah, you haven't heard of it? (Everybody has blank stares.) Come on… just me? I was the only one who--? Oh… never mind!
BUFFY (standing up): Well, Charles or not, it's time for somebody to take charge. We need to figure this out. Spike, we need you to go to the usual demony hangouts and get some information.
SPIKE: (He scoffs) Gimme a phone. I might call your bloody 411 information thingy… maybe after calling that vamp phone sex line.
BUFFY (pretending to dial a pretend phone, sticking her pinky and thumb to form a pretend handset): Hello? Initiative? Yeah, I've got Hostile 17 here. Uh huh. May I suggest a full lobotomy, too..?
SPIKE (rolling his eyes): Fine! (He sighs.) It'll, uh, gimme a good excuse to find some demon arse to kick. I'm in the mood for a good romp, or two… or a dozen. Speaking of those cats, where is your soldier boy?
BUFFY: One of those missions I guess. I left him a message. I'd be surprised if the Initiative didn't detect the portal. But anyway… Willow…
WILLOW: Tara and I, we can research portal-opening spells. It may not have been a demon. It could have been a powerful witch or warlock.
GILES: That's pretty damned powerful. I wouldn't want to run into one of those. If you find one, please come to me first.
TARA: Sure thing. Wow. I didn't know there were witches that could do that.
WILLOW: Oh you have no idea. I can't wait to teach you some things.
BUFFY (turning to Buddy): Buddy…
BUDDY: Why don't you go patrolling with me? We might be able to beat some information out of some demons, too.
BUFFY: Weird. I was just going to say that exact same thing.
ANYA: I'll see if I can find anything out from any of my contacts.
BUFFY: Giles… you…
Giles looks up from his book.
BUFFY: You read!
GILES (rolling his eyes): Thanks. (Then he mutters under his breath) Thought the Watcher gave the bloody orders…
XANDER (as everybody starts to get up): Umm… I'll uh… I'll… hmmm.
ANYA: I don't mind that you're useless, honey. Just as long as you keep up those skills in the bedroom!
Everybody looks away from them, pretending not to have heard her.
XANDER: Gee… thanks, An. You certainly have a way with compliments. (He gets up.) You know what, I'm coming with you!
ANYA: Oh! I get to show off my new human boyfriend to my old demon friends! How exciting! Although, you might want to stay in the car when I go see the ones who like to eviscerate people and use their guts to make pastas.
Xander swallows.
The scene switches to Buffy and Buddy patrolling down a dark alley in town. Their dark shadows hide some of the street light reflections in the moist pavement.
BUDDY: …yeah it was a very strange feeling. I'd never taken a ride in a portal before. It really sucked at first…literally. (It felt like I was getting sucked up a vacuum cleaner or something.) But then after that for a second or two it was like being on a really neat roller coaster.
A car with an unusually loud engine passes behind them on the main street.
BUFFY: So you don't remember seeing a demon or anything? Hearing a strange voice or something? The portal just opened and you were Hoovered over here?
BUDDY: That's pretty much it. (Suddenly he yawns.) It must be very late.
BUFFY: It is. But I patrol 'till three, four o'clock in the morning usually. You do, too, right? Or in Backwardsville do you take the day shift?
BUDDY: No, the night shift. I should be used to it by now, I know.
BUFFY: Actually I'm feeling a little beat myself. (She sighs.) No rest for the weary, though. So, is your Scooby Gang all gender-switched?
BUDDY: Actually, not all of them. I mean, my friend Xandra – full first name Alexandra – she's a chick. But my Willow's a girl. But she still looks different than yours. And has a different last name. She's probably trying spells to bring me back as we speak. She was a bit further along in her magicks than yours. And her "friend," Tanya, she kinda looks like your Tara, only with darker hair.
BUFFY: Why'd you say "friend" like that?
BUDDY: Well, those two, they're real friendly… if ya know what I mean.
BUFFY: Oh… I see. That kind of friendly.
Scene switches to a young woman with a plump face, curly short dark hair. At a podium, she is studying a big, dusty old book with yellowed pages. Behind her is an open window, the night breeze tossing the curtains about.
A tall blonde girl is standing before the podium, looking very concerned.
GIRL: Willow! I don't know about this! That last spell nearly blew this house up! I think you should just quit! Miss Gillian is contacting some powerful witches to see if they can figure out how to get Buddy back!
OTHER WILLOW (flipping a page furiously): This will work, Xandra! I know this one will!
XANDRA: Willow, stop! Miss Gillian said before she left, under no circumstances were you to try any spells trying to open up a portal! You're powerful, Will, but you're not there yet!
A brunette girl that looks a lot like Tara, only with dark hair, approaches Willow.
TANYA (putting her hand on Willow's shoulder): Baby, I'm starting to agree with Xandra now. I think we should stop and wait for Miss Gillian, too!
OTHER WILLOW: This spell will work, Tanya! I thought you had faith in me!
TANYA: I do! I do! But I'm getting scared!
OTHER WILLOW: I can't imagine how scared Buddy is! He's probably in a Hell dimension or something. We gotta get him out of there!
The Other Willow starts chanting something in Latin. Her eyes turn completely black and her skin turns pale. Her voice becomes frighteningly deep. A portal DOES open. But it is glowing red. An evil roar begins to emanate from it. Something very, very evil is trying to come through.
TANYA (tears starting to come from her eyes, screaming, trying to be heard over the roar): Oh my god! Please tell me you didn't open up a doorway to a Hell dimension! WILLOW!
XANDRA: Close it, Willow! CLOSE IT NOW FOR GOD'S SAKE!
A long, dark talon strikes out from the portal. It impales Xandra through the gut, sending blood spraying on Willow and Tanya. Xandra's eyes open wide, horrified. Scene cuts to black.
