2.
Marlene is chattering away about something either vulgar or seductive (I don't honestly think she can tell the difference) that Sirius Black said to her before Charms today, and I'm finding myself keeping my head down diligently, as if I simply cannot bear to be torn away from this fascinating potions essay I'm scribbling away at.
It is, in fact, one of the most boring things I have ever written.
But Marlene is talking in a rush that I'm pretty sure has been caused by the mug of milky tea in her hands, and I can sense with a feeling of vague panic that her speech is swinging closer and closer to the subjects of James Potter and 'where were you in Charms today, Lily?', like a searchlight closing in on a criminal hiding quivering in the shrubs just beyond the road.
My brain is filled with this new little voice, asking, what are you doing? Why are you panicking, just because Marlene might mention James Potter's name? What's it to you? And my hand is slowing over the paper, because I can't think so many thoughts and write at the same time, because I just accidentally wrote the flowers of the Jame- instead of the flowers of the Jasmine….
"Lily, did you skip Charms today?" Sure enough, it comes up as I knew it would, and I look up innocently, to find Marlene smirking at me with delight.
I shrug. Yeah… I ditch class all the time. No big deal. Totally cool. "Oh… yeah. I'm just, erm- not used to being back from the summer holidays yet… trapped in the castle. Just thought I'd take a stroll through the grounds."
Yes, because that's what you're best known for, Lily. Your love of 'strolling round the grounds' outside.
I tucked my hair behind my ears with both hands as I spoke, and I think it was a giveaway, because Marlene's smirk grows and Alice and Emmeline look over at me as well.
"You were taking a stroll," she says flatly, in a voice that clearly says, 'who are you kidding', and narrows her long-lashed eyes at me, "you were with a boy!"
The other girls' eyes light up, and my face betrays me and turns instantly hot, because no, I was not with a boy, I was alone in a classroom staring blankly at detention lines for an hour.
Then why does it feel like she very nearly just struck a nerve there?
I push that pesky, stupid little voice out of my mind, not wanting to give any more attention to these bizarre feelings of a stranger that have somehow cropped up inside my own chest over the past few days. I make a mental note to look up emotional-switching spells. Is there such a thing? Is this his most elaborate scheme yet?
"I was not with a boy Marlene," I say in a dull sing-song, casting my eyes back onto my essay, and scribbling out the Jame that I have accidentally written. "I was having a moment alone."
She makes a noise of doubt, and eventually picks up her caffeine-induced chatter again. I chance a glance up, and find Alice still watching me curiously. I look away immediately, pretending that I heard an alarming noise behind me, because Alice knows me better than anyone, and I know she will be able to sense the fishiness in the air around me if I meet her eyes.
'Lily?' her eyes say, when I eventually look back. I grimace and shake my head. Her angelic blue gaze sweep softly over mine, and I think she somehow, unfathomably, knows what has been bothering me, because her smile is all too understanding.
Because she was there earlier this week, on our first day as Seventh Years, when James Potter brushed past me and the rest of the Seventh Year Gryffindor girls, with nothing more than a cursory glance, and a smiled 'Ladies'.
She watched me frown after him in confusion, and quickly try and cover up the fact that I had even noticed his unusually casual treatment of me.
She was there at the feast, when he and I stood to acknowledge our new positions as Head Boy and Girl, and she saw him turn to me as if just realizing his manners amongst the applause, and say a very polite, 'Hey, congratulations, Evans.'
And she was there a few minutes later, when Marlene realized how strange he was acting and exclaimed it to me with gossipy excitement. And I think she saw me blanch, shocked and puzzled at my own reaction, as I tried to fake that same gossipy interest in this silly new development in James Potter's ridiculous evolution.
And Alice was there, for the past few days, as James and I had a few more interactions, each as meaningless as the last. And she saw me realize that this was not James feigning indifference, as another ploy to win over my affections at last- this was a James who had somehow, over the summer, actually let me, Lily Evans, go.
This was a James Potter who was now completely polite, kind, and genuinely indifferent.
And I think she saw this strange hollowness fall over me, as I realized that the thing that I had hoped for for years had come to fruition.
And I think she saw, as she had always predicted she would, that I finally realized my mistake.
A small hand covers my wrist, the nails painted a chipping lilac color, a small silver band on her index finger. The touch makes me want to cry, and I look back up at her in utter confusion and disappointment and horror at myself.
And I can tell she sees it all.
