Thank you for those of you that reviewed, much love and appreciation. You rock!
I'm planning on jumping between different people's points of view in this story, not just Spencer and Ashley's, but Kyla, Aiden and maybe even Paula's! I'll try to give them each their own chapter or something so it's not too confusing. Let me know if it sucks or not. Also, the first few chapters will be more about giving background info than anything else. Sorry if it lags a bit.
So I had a dream and in it I owned the show, then my alarm went off and brought with it a bitch slap back to reality. So, yeah, I don't actually own it.
Senior Year
Chapter 2
Ashley
Sometimes I feel like the only living person in the world. Like I'm not sitting in a class room full of other seniors, I'm sitting by myself, not a sound or sight to distract me from the truth. I'm all alone. Isolated. It' my own fault, I know that. I push people away, I keep them at safe distances, I think it's safer that way. It might be stupid, but that's how it needs to be, because when someone you love goes away it hurts. I know that hurt intimately, it burned its place into my soul not once, but twice. I don't think it will ever leave me, that hurt or the instinct to shield myself away from everyone. The sad thing is I hate being alone. Self preservation is a funny thing really. I have so many people around me, so many friends, yet I'll always be alone.
I can remember the first time. The first hurt. I was only twelve when it happened. I remember my nanny at the time coming into my room with such a grave look on her face. She had been very gentle with me, holding me close as I wept after she told me my daddy was dead. Afterwards I realized how uncomfortable she must have felt, having to tell a child her father was dead, a child she had barely even liked. I had been a bit of a brat at that age and had taken it out on her most of the time. Still, she let me cry against her chest for what felt like hours.
It took me a long time to find my balance after that. Years in fact. Strangely enough my mothers marriage to Rob Woods helped a lot. It brought Kyla into my life. I know most people in my situation dislike their step siblings, but I like Kyla. Does that mean I let her in, share everything with her like a real sister would, of course not, but sometimes she helps me forget about all the bad things. All the disappointments, all the things I've lost. I watch her as she sits two rows ahead of me, passing notes to that friend of hers. I'm honest enough with myself to say I'm jealous of them. Of their friendship. It reminds me of what I had with Aiden. That closeness.
This thought leads me to the thing that still hurts the most. The baby. My baby. For three months, I was the happiest person alive. Not a lot of sixteen year olds in my position would have shared my feelings of elation at being pregnant, but to me it was wonderful. I was going to give life to someone, someone who would depend on me, love me unconditionally, like I had loved my father. Like my father had loved me. Aiden had taken it so well, being the supportive boyfriend and best friend. He even let me choose a name, well he would of let me choose the name if my body had not betrayed me. If my womb had not rejected the small, growing life inside it. I don't remember the first few weeks after the miscarriage. It's lost somewhere inside me, in a place I leave the pieces of my broken soul. It happened in the summer, so when I started my junior year no one was the wiser. Only myself, Aiden and Kyla had known I was pregnant. We were the only ones that mourned my child.
Afterwards, things between me and Aiden were not the same. My fault again, because I pushed him away. I pushed his sadness away. I couldn't deal with it. He understood in the end and now we are still friends, but it's not the same and it never will be again.
I sigh as the bell finally rings. A text message pulls me from further getting lost in old memories and I quickly read it.
'Party at my place! U in? Bring Kyla.'
I let my gaze drift to where she and her friend is standing talking by their desks. I have to search my memory for the girls name, I know she's Glen's sister, but thats about it. She very rarely hangs out with Kyla at our house and we only share a class or two. At least I think we do, I'm not sure. I can't remember ever really having a single conversation with her. By the time I reach them the girl is looking at me in a quiet, sad sort of way. It kind of makes me feel bad for her, I'm not sure why.
"Hey, Kyla. Aiden just let me know he's having a party. He wants you to go, are you in?"
Kyla never says no, she's a party girl at heart, it's something we have in common I guess.
"Sure, why not, but I'm bringing Spencer."
"What!"
"Who?"
I glance at the shy girl who spoke at the same time as I did and I feel kinda bad when I realize she's Spencer. I try to cover it up.
"I mean, sure, you can bring anyone you want. So you wanna go with us, Spencer?"
The blond has a deer caught in headlights look as she just stares at me in surprise. She starts to shake her head no, but Kyla cuts off whatever she was going to say.
"I'm not taking no for an answer, Spence. You're seventeen years old, you're hot and you are going to this party."
Spencer shook her head again.
"It's not my thing, Kyla and you know that."
Kyla rolled her eyes at this.
"You went to one party, Spencer, one and you decided you didn't like it. I think thats just stupid. You have to broaden your horizons, you can't enjoy life with your nose stuck in a book."
The blond frowns at Kyla and gives her a look.
"Hey, it's totally your fault I hated that party. You were the one that decided to set me up with that moron, I mean what were you thinking, he was Madison's cousin!"
Kyla pulled a face and looked slightly ashamed.
"Okay, you totally can't blame me for not knowing the guy was a dick and, I'm saying this for the last time, I did not know he was related to Satan's Bride, other wise known as Madison. Besides, not all guys try to stick their hands up your skirt on the first date, not that I really blamed him. You're pretty hot when you're not hiding behind all that baggy clothes, your breasts can actually distract someone from noticing how gigantic your brain is. Brains are a turnoff, Spence."
I snicker at this and can't help but let my eyes drift to where the girl has securely crossed her arms over her chest. It's cute how self conscious she is.
"I'm not really looking to turn anyone on, so that's fine by me. And this is not really helping to change my mind about the party."
She flicked her eyes over to me and back at Kyla, shuffling her weight from her left foot to her right. She looked nervous for a second.
"Well how about this, I want to spend time with my best friend and let her have some fun for once. She deserves it for hanging out with me. She deserves it for getting straight A's for the last three years, she deserves it for almost never having told a lie in her entire life, she deserves it for still being a virgin at..."
Spencer's face exploded into a bright red blush as my eyebrows shot up. You didn't meet a senior that was still a virgin very often. Ad that to the fact that up close she was kinda pretty, it was a miracle really.
"Fine, fine I'll go, just stop talking please! You're right you know? I should be rewarded for hanging out with you, should maybe get a medal for bravery or something. Or a smack in the head for my stupidity, I haven't decided yet."
I stood there just listening as they kept up with the friendly bickering. It was kinda nice, for a minute or two I wasn't hearing my dead father's voice or trying to imagine what my baby would have looked like. For a second or two, when Spencer flicked her eyes over to me again, I maybe didn't even feel so alone. I watched them as they smiled goodbye and left, Spencer having agreed to catching a ride with us. I think I'll hang out with them tonight, maybe get to know Spencer a bit. It's about time I tried to see what Kyla saw in her. The more I thought about it, there had to be something special about the girl to keep my crazy step sister interested.
So let me know if you liked it, if you didn't, tell me what sucked about it. Anything can be fixed if you point out what's wrong, you know?
