A/N: Once again, big thanks to Amanda, my beta. :) You're the best!
ATTENTION: DUE TO THE RULES OF THE SITE, I HAVE REMOVED A SCENE from this chapter so as to not cause problem with its CONTENT and I have placed said scene in LIVEJOURNAL.
Link to the story IN MY PROFILE PAGE or this:
queenofcitrus(then you write a dot and 'livejournal') (then a dot) (then 'com/1692')(then a dot)(then 'html')
Please, support the petition to allow writers to have stories containing lemons - you will find the petition by googling 'petition to stop the destruction of fanfiction'
or... www(then dot)change(then dot)(then org)(then this /petitions/fanfiction-net-stop-the-destruction-of-fanfiction-net)
Till then... I'm saving my stories pretty much. :3
For the last time, MUCH drama coming round the corner, so really... whoever can't take it, leave. NOW! Don't say I didn't warn you.
Part 2
"Where are we going?" Hitsugaya asked half an hour later as he realized they were leaving the borders of Karakura, Ichigo's car evenly making a couple of turns til it was driving down a small, unlit road.
"It's a surprise," the strawberry retorted coyly, a small smirk pushing to burst on his face as he refused to remove his gaze from the windshield.
"Okay… Question number 2: Am I going to enjoy the surprise?"
At this point Ichigo openly laughed, glancing at the boy next to him for a second.
"Such a head-scratcher, i'n'it?"
"Ha." Hitsugaya commented dryly. "Maybe I should've just let them take you to jail for a couple of hours. That would've saved me the need to 'scratch' my head."
"Cheer up, grumpy, we're almost there."
"Almost where?" came Toushiro's incredulous inquiry as he nodded towards the dark way in front of them that seemed to be going straight through some abandoned field. "In the middle of nowhere?"
Ichigo shook his head condescendingly and pulled up to the side of the road, the engine still running as he turned the headlights off and looked at the boy beside him.
"You ok? You seem a bit uneasy." He paused, his soft smile fading away into a serious expression as he surveyed Hitsugaya's face. "Just because I drove you out of Karakura, it doesn't mean I'm going to hurt you. I won't put a finger on you if you don't want me to."
Toushiro nodded, looking down at his feet as a shy smile twisted his lips.
"I know that."
An almost imperceptible sigh of relief escaped Ichigo's lips as he turned to fiddle with the buttons on the car dashboard. With a small swishing sound the top of the cabriolet slid back and a gust of gelid wind penetrated the automobile, causing Toushiro to shiver slightly and pull his thin jacket tighter around his frame.
"Are you cold?"
"No, I'm fine."
Ichigo shook his head almost accusingly and pulled his own jacket off, dropping it over the boy's shoulder and effectively cutting off all protests that the other male tried to voice with one simple command:
"Look up."
Hitsugaya surveyed the carrot-top incredulously for a moment, suspicion smoldering in the depths of his eyes but seeing the encouraging smile, he carefully lifted his gaze. And the breath hitched in his throat.
"This is-"
"Astonishing?" Ichigo finished with a small chuckle as his own eyes followed the same pattern. "It was impossible to have a good view in Karakura because all of the lights, and the noise… But out here, it's a whole different story…"
Hitsugaya exhaled slowly, a white puffy stream leaving his mouth as he contemplated the endless blanket of blackness, studded with so many bright, jewel-like spots. He couldn't remember a time when he had admired a sky with such absorbing and enthralling depth that stretched on so many layers that every time his human eyes assumed they had reached the end, there was more underneath, more darkness, more light tearing it. There wasn't a single cloud to ruin this beauty, as the very last one had absconded after the morning rain; now it seemed like the night itself was opening up to him, welcoming him into its cold, yet alleviating embrace. Gazing up there in the unknown Toushiro felt small, but he also felt free,amazed,fascinated, as he sensed, with hiswhole tiny, shivering being, thevast space that spread between him and the infinity.
"You know…" Toushiro whispered softly, as though if he raised his voice, the magic was going to break. "I was going to… I wanted to study astronomy after school. In the university."
A small pause hung between them as the white-haired youth adjusted the other one's jacket more comfortably around his shoulders, his jade eyes never once leaving the sky.
"You didn't make it?" Ichigo asked carefully. Hitsugaya's lips twisted into an ironic smile and he shook his head, a small bitter laugh tearing from deep inside his aching chest.
"Of course I made it. I could study in any university I wanted. But then-"
"Then what?"
"Then nothing," Toushiro susurrated. "I made a choice. And I don't regret it."
"You don't?"
"No. Life is too short to spend it learning how to see things, instead of just… seeing them. And… think about it this way: if things had gone otherwise, I probably wouldn't be here now, watching the stars with you, would I?" Toushiro turned his head to look at Ichigo and smiled. But there was so much sadness in the boy's eyes, so much grief and so much resignation, that the med student found his throat dry and his tongue heavy as he bore the gaze.
"It's strange, isn't it?" the carrot-top uttered, shifting his orbs to the sky above them.
"What is?"
"The stars. That they'll always be there, and they'll always be shining, no matter what. No matter what happens to us."
Hitsugaya bit his lower lip but decided not to tell Ichigo that this was far from true. Or that some of the stars they were admiring at this very moment had long been dead and it was just their last farewell brilliance, their racing blaze that was only now reaching their planet.
Toushiro slumped into his seat and wrapped his arms around his body, fighting down the stressed out frown that threatened to break on his face.
Even the mighty fall, even the mighty perish, so what can be said about the rest of us?
"You hungry?"
Toushiro snapped back to reality, his eyes blinking with surprise at the question. Ichigo just grinned cunningly before reaching behind his seat to pull out a bulging paper bag and two sets of wooden sticks.
"I hope you like eating Chinese food in the open?" the carrot-top enunciated, wriggling his brow in much too question-like manner as he gazed apprehensively at the other male. Hitsugaya pursed his lips to suppress the little guffaw that was threatening to tear from his mouth at Ichigo's expression, but managed to nod his head yes and reached for his share of the dinner.
They spent the next hour or so consuming the food (oh, yes, eating Chinese food in the open proved to be quite a pleasurable experience) and talking about everything that happened to make its way from the bottoms of their minds, down the meandering paths of thoughts and out their mouths. It was slightly peculiar how their voices were the only things cutting through the silent loneliness of the night, but while in any other case it would've made either of the boys feel like intruders in the holy grounds of the uncharted wild, tonight no barriers – formal or material ones – seemed to stand firmly enough in their way. Toushiro found himself strangely at ease as he listened to Ichigo's hilarious stories about high school, and college and his apparently downright crazy family. The white-haired boy himself wasn't one to open up this quickly but it seemed so easy with the carrot-top, so right. And so he spoke – about his early life, about the café, about Matsumoto, about pretty much everything… except one thing. Because this one thing, this one fact was the very same problem he was trying to run away from. Tonight. Every night. Every fucking minute.
"Hey, Toushiro, look! A falling star!" the carrot-top suddenly exclaimed and the boy's head snapped in the pointed direction, successfully catching the view of the dying light's blazing trail. "Quick, make a wish!"
"Are out of your-"
"Ack! For crying out loud, humor me for once and just do it!"
Making an annoyed grimace, Hitsugaya followed the taller male's example and closed his eyes wearily, his lips barely moving as he formulated his wish in his head.
"There." He commented several seconds later as his ivory lids lifted, revealing a slightly exaggerated browned off expression to the flashy-haired youth behind the stirring wheel. "Happy now?"
Ichigo grinned and let his empty carton of Chinese food fall into the paper bag that he was keeping behind his seat.
"What did you wish for?"
"If I tell you, it's not going to come true." Toushiro teased, a coy smile twisting his lips as he proceeded to stuff the last remains of his meal into his mouth with the help of the wooden sticks. Ichigo merely rolled his eyes.
"I'll tell you mine, if you tell me yours." He suggested conspiratorially as he arched his brows in an unambiguous offer. Hitsugaya snorted, his eyes still fixed on the bottom of the carton he was holding as he poked around in it aimlessly for a few moments before replying:
"What if I'm not interested?"
"Ah, wouldn't that be a shame… Because it has something to do with you."
Toushiro's ears instantly perked up and he glanced at the taller male with the corner of his eye.
"I'm listening…" he drawled, his chin lifting a little and Ichigo bit his lower lip to suppress a laugh as he nodded in the boy's direction.
"You have something on your face." The carrot-top taunted and Hitsugaya's eyes widened, a small blush dusting across his cheeks as he slapped his hand to the side of his mouth, searching blindly for any traces of food.
"Where?"
Ichigo was laughing pretty hard by now, his guffaw only causing the smaller male's sides to grow a deeper shade of scarlet as the tiny, yet slender white fingers felt around the pale skin in search for some flaws.
"Here." The carrot-top said, waving his hand around his chin indefinitely and causing a low growl of frustration to emit from the boy's lips.
"Dammit, Kurosaki, where!"
"Not there anyway."
"You're not helping, just-…UGH! WILL YOU STOP LAUGHING AND GIVE ME A HAND HERE! WHERE! WHE-"
"Right here," Ichigo murmured and suddenly his lips were pressed firmly against Toushiro's smaller ones. Hitsugaya's eyes snapped wide open and he froze, a small yelp-like sound tearing from his chest as his suddenly very empty head tried to comprehend what was happening. So soft… so… warm…
The kiss was very shy, very careful, ending way too soon for either of the two's liking and when Kurosaki's mouth distanced itself from Toushiro's, the boy's lungs seemed to halt their function and all he could think about, all he could feel was the desperate need to have this feeling back.
"Too much?" the carrot-top uttered, his eyes fluttering open to look at the white-haired boy before him, brows furrowed with sincere concern. "Because if it is-"
"Shuddap."
Ichigo barely had the time to gasp as he was suddenly pushed back in his seat and a warm body pressed against his, a pair of smooth lips brushing teasingly over his.
"You know what I wished for?" Hitsugaya sibilated, his breath burning wantonly on the other one's flesh as the boy adjusted himself more comfortably in the carrot-top's lap, one slim thigh on either side of the taller male's waist and spindly arms wrapped possessively around Kurosaki's neck. No sound came as the strawberry merely shook his head no, chocolate eyes gazing deep into the seemingly luminescent jade ones in a sad attempt to fathom the sudden switch of the roles. "I wished for you to stop calling me 'Toushiro' but I guess it's not going to come true after all…"
Then their mouths crushed together again, hot wet tongues pushing against each other with sinful greed, with a breath-taking need for more as their lips molded in synchrony, shaping into something complete, something wrong, yet so, so perfect. Soft moans ripped through the silence of the night, clawing into its thick, uncorrupted peace, scraping against the very laws of nature as a far more dreadful wrongdoing than any unsuccessfully muffled scream of debauchery. Fingers dug under every rift in the fabric they could find, and hands felt, and touched and tugged until it became too much, until the thin layer of air between them grew unbearably, insufferably fervent…
Stop, stop, STOP! a small, panicking voice inside Hitsugaya's head screeched but the boy shoved the intruder back with ease, pulling back just enough to look at the other male's eyes.
"Your place?" he lipped ardently. Ichigo hiccuped audibly in response, causing the other to smirk knowingly.
"Are you serious?"
Biting his lower lip with a half-muffled groan, Toushiro rolled his hips forward gently, giving the other male a very vague idea of just how aroused he was.
"My place is perfect," Ichigo managed with a small voice, nodding a bit too eagerly and causing the boy to laugh out loud before sliding off of the carrot-top's lap swiftly.
How could one's kisses feel so tender and so burning, so scorching hot at the same time? And how could touches so light and soft make you sigh contentedly in one moment, then pant with need in the next and, and-… Toushiro gasped, arching his back as his fingers dug into the mattress, twisting the sheets with a mix of demand and desperation that could've brought Ichigo on his knees, if he weren't already there, hovering over his lover's naked body, sucking and licking every bit of skin he could find.
"K-kuro-saki-"
A low groan bubbled in the smaller male's chest as he felt his partner hum against the bruise that he had just created on the boy's pulse, before making his way down Hitsugaya's heavily rising and falling chest. Toushiro's breath hitched in his throat as two hands landed on his knee caps and slowly, gently, pushed his legs wide apart, exposing him to Ichigo's intense gaze in the most intimate way possible. What am I doing? Whimpering helplessly when a slightly cooler waft of air grazed his twitching erection, the white-haired youth buried his fingers in the outrageous orange mane below him and tugged lightly in a sad attempt to make the other one look away from his most private parts.
"Stoppit…"
"Stop what?" Ichigo inquired absently as he slid his palms up the slim tights before coming to a halt around the smaller one's hips and proceeding to take a firm hold on the protruding bones on either side.(...)
Missing scene can be found in my LJ account. Links are in my author notes and profile page.
(...)"Come here…" Hitsugaya mumbled sleepily and the strawberry exhaled with relief, quickly following the order and wrapping his arms around the small body. "I hope you don't snore."
Ichigo all but chuckled, pressing his lips against the sweat dewed forehead for a moment before sinking back into the pillow comfortably.
"I'm counting on you to tell me in the morning."
The rustling of clothes was so soft that it was a miracle that Ichigo woke up at all. Maybe he did so because it wasn't the noise that snapped him back from his tranquil, hazy world of dreams, but the sudden loss of the warm body, breathing peacefully in perfect synchrony with his.
"Hmm?" Ichigo's eyes fluttered open and he lifted his lead-like hand to smooth his brows with his thumb and index finger, the wavering room around him falling into place piece by piece. The small movement in the foot of the bed caught his attention and he propped himself on his elbow with effort to take a better look. "Hey… what are you doing?"
Hitsugaya, clad only in a pair of unbuttoned jeans, froze in his way of gathering his clothes from the floor and turned to look at the taller male, all blood withdrawing from his face.
"K-kurosaki…" he whispered, hurrying to stand up straight, the pile of attire hugged tightly, almost protectively to his chest. "I was just-…"
"'Kurosaki?'" The carrot-top repeated, frowning slightly as he sat up completely in the bed and draped one arm over his bent knees casually. "And what happened with 'Ichigo'?"
The room fell silent, the last question, as lightly as it had been asked, oscillating palpably in the air between them like a delicate warning for what was to follow. Toushiro's lips were clamped shut, his disheveled hair falling in thick locks into his eyes, and his face looked pasty, colorless even, as he struggled to hold the other bloke's mildly baffled gaze. He failed, almost too quickly, and averted his face, shaking his head a little as his thin shoulders drooped with the invisible weight of the guilt that threatened to crush him. Ichigo's orbs widened at the sight and he felt this mouth gape with disbelief as his hand shot to his orange tuft of hair, fingers grasping the roots.
"You can't be serious!" he whispered, surveying the boy up and down incredulously. "You gotta be fuckin' kidding me!"
"This is not-" Hitsugaya tried but his feeble attempt was cut short as the carrot-top's dry, humorless laughter rang around the room, striking hard, right into the white-haired youth's barely beating heart.
"You were going to sneak out, weren't you?" Ichigo inquired, sliding off the bed and grabbing his boxers to put on. "Well, too bad that I woke up to spoil your little plan. I want an explanation."
"I tried to tell you so many times…" Toushiro said, stepping back as his lips twisted into a painfully uneven line. "You and me: this isn't going to work."
"And what the hell makes you think that, huh?" Ichigo retaliated, hands clenching into frustrated fists by his sides. The firm denial in his eyes was piercing, almost aggressive and it seemed to grow stronger with every tick of the clock, making Hitsugaya shrink under the grip of some crushing inner agony.
"I have to go." The boy choked out before spinning on his heel and dashing through the door into the other room. The carrot-top gave up a small growl but followed the other male anyway, only to find him in the living-room engulfed in struggles to throw his clothes on as quickly as possible.
"You said last night meant something to you!" Ichigo insisted, standing between the boy and the front door, a look of painful determination plastered on his face as he watched his-… his-… fuck it!... his lover show such admirable hastiness in his resolution to abscond from the carrot-top's apartment as though the place was the scene of some horrible crime.
Yes… Such a hurry, the taller male thought with woe, his head tilting to the side and teeth aching with the strength with which he was clenching his jaw. Such a goddamn hurry, ne, Toushiro? Wanna get out of here? Wanna run? Well, not today.
"Don't you pretend you didn't hear me!" Ichigo barked, his eyes narrowing as every inch of pale flesh was gradually being concealed, fabric after crumpled fabric wrapping around the small body as if in some wicked zeal to put layers of whatever to keep them apart. It was peculiar how slow everything seemed to look from Kurosaki's point of view though, how abundant the details were… Just one more button, one more top, one more way to hide…
"I didn't lie!" Hitsugaya claimed, fingers shakily trying to smooth his attire, to fix the hems and lapels; anything that would make him feel a little less depraved, a little more decent. "It was true – it was all true, everything I said and you have no idea-…" his voice broke and he pressed the base of his palms to his brows, his chest rising and falling unsteadily as he fought to regain his composure. When he spoke again, his words were barely above whisper, quivering slightly with the desperation that oozed from them in giant, sweeping waves. "Why-… why do you have to make this so much harder than it already is?"
Ichigo exhaled slowly through his nose, his anger and refusal bubbling inside his gut with every passing moment and before he knew it he was in front of the smaller male, squeezing his arm into a vice-like grip that had the boy wincing with pain.
"What are you hiding?" he hissed, his frustration getting the best of him as he pulled Toushiro against him, their faces just inches apart from one another. "You're either keeping something from me, or you're just a goddamn brilliant actor, so which is it?"
"I'm being honest to you, but there is so much that I can't tell you!" the boy whispered, his jade eyes wide with apprehension as he shook his head and added softly "Please, just-… just let me go, let me go home…"
"Not until I get some answers."
"Gods, Kurosaki, last night was so wrong… a terrible mistake that I shouldn't have allowed to happen. I'm begging you to forget all about it…"
Ichigo's jaw clenched for a moment, a strange shadow falling on his face as his grip around the boy tightened, pain twisting his tan features so openly that Hitsugaya's heart skipped a beat.
"Is this how it's going to be?" the carrot-top whispered "You throw me a bone, see if I catch it and the next day you pretend that nothing's ever happened."
Toushiro's breath hitched in his throat and he shook his head frantically, a look of shock and fear flitting across his face.
"N-no!" he uttered imploringly, helplessly. "It's not like that!"
"Really? Maybe I should be grateful, then? For being so lucky as to get a one friggin night-stand with the all-famous Hitsugaya Toushiro, huh?"
The cruel words struck the boy like a punch in the gut and a small, choking sound left his lips, desperation ripping every bit of strength that he had left.
"Ichigo… Ichigo, don't do this… You don't know what you're talking about!"
"Then tell me, dammit! Tell me! What is it? If I am so unworthy of you, why don't you just fucking say so?"
"Don't-… Don't make me!"
"Don't make you do what? Don't make you do what exactly? Act like a normal human being and not like the emotionless selfish-"
"Oh, Gods, I-I'm sick!" Hitsugaya blurted, screwing his eyes shut and when nothing but shocked, thick silence answered his statement, he added weakly: "I'm very, very sick, Ichigo."
The grasp was gone in a heart-beat and Toushiro gave up a small sob, his arms wrapping around his body protectively as he refused to meet the chocolate orbs that he just knew were now staring at him with terrified confusion.
"What do you mean?" came the wavering question.
"Exactly what I said. Why do you think I gave up on university?" Hitsugaya whispered, his voice returning bit by bit. "It was just such a waste of time… Pointless waste of time for someone in my situation…" He paused to let out a dry little huff. "Ironic, isn't it? You should've guessed a long time ago… After all, you're aiming to be a doctor some day, aren't you?"
Ichigo swallowed with difficulty, his throat clenching with denial as he took a small step back.
"What do you have?"
A short humorless laughter tore from the boy's lips as he met the empty chocolate eyes with his own suddenly very calm, and just a little bit sympathetic, teal ones.
"Does it really matter? It's not contagious, and it's not curable either… I'm dying, Ichigo. Do you think I give a fuck about the name of whatever's killing me? I'm trying to forget it every single day, for crying out loud…"
"How much time do you have left?" the carrot-top choked out and Toushiro smiled mirthlessly in response.
"A year. Fourteen months at most." He paused to pick up his jacket and press it to his chest. "Do you understand now? Do you understand why I didn't want to get involved with you? Why there's no future for the two of us, no matter how much we try or how much we long for it?"
"Toushiro-" Ichigo tried but a tiny finger pressed to his lips, shutting him up as the boy stepped forward.
"Please, don't say anything." He whispered, a thin layer of moisture covering his eyes as he looked up at the taller one. "Don't ruin this. I want this memory. I want to think of you, to grasp on this night we had together when the time comes and I…" his voice faded and he didn't finish his sentence, the truth hanging between them like a deathly loop, swinging in anticipation. Hitsugaya sighed then, his features softening and stood on his tiptoes to press his lips to the pair of ones before him. Ichigo's eyes fluttered shut and he lifted his trembling arm to touch this-… this-…
Nothing.
Because just as sudden as the kiss was there, Hitsugaya was gone, the front door shutting softly behind him.
A/N: What did I say about drama?
Link to the missing scene (can also be found in my profile page): queenofcitrus(then you write a dot and 'livejournal') (then a dot) (then 'com/1692')(then a dot)(then 'html')
Now, be good and review. Because you're not getting another quick update otherwise! Yes, this is a threat.
