Eleven PM and he was too wired to sleep. It had been a rough week and a horrible case and there was no escape from the exhaustion that had been steadily trying to drag him under all day. Thankfully, the team had solved the case, well, unfortunately, the assassin who they'd been unknowingly chasing had it had fallen almost literally in their laps. The ringing of his phone, brought his mind back to the present, back from the brink of that wonderful world of sleep beckoning to him in mockery.. Snatching up his phone, he answered it less than pleasantly; not wanting it to be work related, but wanting to kill someone for calling him this late if it wasn't about work.
"This had better be a matter of life or death!" he growled at whoever was daring to call this late.
"Hey, It's Abby. I need your help with something."
He was aware of the questioning glances being delivered at him as he sat at his desk Friday morning, but couldn't bring himself to care. It was almost like they knew how and where he'd spent his time last night. He was tired, too tired to worry about what they thought or how he needed to put up a shield. Right now, he didn't care if anyone knew. He just wanted to be left alone to get his work done in peace. The sooner he got his report done, the sooner he could get outta here.
Thank God, he'd stopped feeling sick to his stomach. Even better, he'd actually stopped puking his guts out about, oh, a mere two hours ago! He didn't remember getting home; didn't remember how he got into his comfortable bed or having the wherewithall to have the necessary provisions handy when his protesting body had woken itself up with both a horrendous headache and a revolting stomach at three in the morning. He must have taken a cab, since his car wasn't at his apartment building this moring. But, then again, he hadn't been missing any cash out of his wallet, so how was it he'd paid for this cab? Oh well. More to ponder later; after work. He didn't need any reason to have Gibbs' bark at him today. He didn't think he could take it. It would probably take just once, for him to lose it; to slip over the edge he felt widening under his unsteady feet, as it was.
Still, he didn't care. The escape had been great and he was actually looking forward to escaping again, the minute he could, again. The place he'd chosen had been perfect. There was no way any of his co-workers knew about it and that's what made it so great! He didn't have to hang out at home, doing nothing waiting until someone showed up and didn't take no for an answer or tried to feed him or tell him what he needed.
Last week had pulled the rug out from under his feet and the walls and masks that he had built and used, to protect himself, had seriously started to crumble, way beyond the cracks that had been there since; well, since way back when. He couldn't let anyone else know just how shaken up he was. After all, he had a job to keep and weakness wasn't tolorated here. That had been the whole reason for his unusual means of escape, one that worked quite well, for a little while anyway.
He remembered going out, taking himself to that out of the way place where no one here would ever think to look for him in. The evening had been quiet and so relaxing, it had literally saved him from doing something stupid. That idea hadn't left ; but the desire to do it was greatly lessened.
Focus! he told himself sternly. Just pretend you're okay until it's time to leave for the day, and you can escape from it all again then. Don't give Gibbs a reason to yell at you.
He got up, muttered something about going to the head in response to Gibb's questioning glance that he happened to catch and made his escape while he still could.
Leaning over the bathroom sink he splashed water over his face and breathed in and out deeply.
"You okay?" Startled, he looked up to see Gibbs leaning against the door staring at him.
"I'm okay, Boss" he replied looking away. He couldn't look at Gibbs. Gibbs would know that something was up and he'd get it out of him.
"You don't look okay to me" Gibbs stated running his eyes over him, focusing on the pale skin, the bags under his eyes and shaking hands. Striding over and grasping his agent's shoulders Gibbs forced him around, tucking a finger under his chin and moving his head until his eyes were meeting Gibbs blue ones.
"Talk to me." Gibbs urged.
"I need to get back to work." his agent reminded him quietly, his eyes not meeting Gibbs'. A light slap to the back of the guy's head immediately had the younger man's eyes diving for the floor.
"Look at me." Gibbs quietly ordered.
As expected, in obedience to the unusual tone coupled with the command itself, the eyes came up off the floor to meet Gibbs' in the mirror. Unexpectedly, there had been some actual hesitation first.
"Talk to me." Gibbs now directed "without tryin to lie to me?"
Taking a deep breath, the younger agent moved away and looked back at Gibbs through the mirror once again.
"I can't. Not now, Boss." he told the older man quietly but with every ounce of respect for Gibbs back in his voice.
Gibbs had to accept the guy's decision. But, this was Friday and the only reason they were here now, was to finish up paperwork on the case and then they could go home. The unusual order of the day decreed so by Vance, in order to give the team some much needed rest. He put what he hoped was a comforting hand on his agent's shoulder and squeezed in a show of silent support and understanding before he vacated the restroom, leaving him in privacy and peace.
Heading back to his desk, Gibbs looked at his now empty squad room in frustration. Letting his breath out on a sigh, he walked over to his agents' desks to see what they'd left in the middle of. On two desks, he found a note, Gone for coffee. will bring you back one, Boss.
Gibbs grinned. the notes were typical of McGee, typwritten and copied. Anything to simplify things, huh? Yeah, he knew all of his agents kept these to reuse, it made escaping easy and quick and almost painless for them all. Knowing, there was little he could do about it, Gibbs returned to his own desk to get started on his own work. His thoughts, however, immediately went back to his agents.
None of his agents were hiding their emotions well this morning. Gibbs decided he'd nip it in the bud when they all got back to their desks before it became embarrassing for anyone.
He was surprised to look up at the sound of approaching footsteps, to find Abby entering the squad room, obviously in search of someone. Gibbs knew she was worried about what had happened last night. He needed to keep her focused on work, too.
"Abby? Something I can do for you?" Gibbs asked her in his tone that let her know, he would not tolorate her lurking around when she had work she could be doing in her lab.
"Gibbs! I just needed to see him! Where is he?" Abby asked demandingly.
"Why, Abby?" Gibbs asked sternly.
"Gibbs! I haven't seen him yet today and I wanna make sure he's okay!" Abby declared.
"Abby, he's okay. But, he won't be if you're hounding him. Now, go on, get back to your lab and do something. Do your inventory or something!" Gibbs commanded.
"Fine." Abby huffed. But, you make sure you tell him I was here looking for him, to make sure he's okay!" Abby declared as she stomped away in frustration.
It didn't matter that he'd had rescued the agent in question last night; driven him home and put him to bed, leaving him a glass of water, a trash can, and some asprin next to his bed, before he'd driven himself back home just a couple of hours ago. It was patently obvious that the younger man had no recollection of those events. Hell, he probably didn't even realize where he'd been last night.
Gibbs started to roll his eyes, until he caught sight of the agent currently occupying his thoughts, standing stock still, listening and watching Abby's tirade and subsequent departure from the squad room. It was obvious that the guy didn't even realize Gibbs could see him, by the fact that his raw emotions were out in plain sight, strewn across his face like they'd been tossed aside carelessly and he'd just reached out and embraced them. Yeah, Gibbs could see his agent was hurting, but he also saw anger and betrayal, and alarmingly enough, a touch of resignation and acceptance. The most alarming point of notice for Gibbs was the light that had gone out of this younger man's eyes. He hated to see that happen with any of his team.
Not wanting to have his agent know that he'd been seen wearing his broken heart on his sleeve in such a way; Gibbs quickly looked away from him and got back to work. As the guy returned to his desk, silently and seemingly more morose that when he'd left it just a few moments ago, Gibbs made a mental note to take him aside after work and try to get him to open up.
"Get to work!" Gibbs told his coffee laden returning agents in what he hoped was less than a bark but more stern than mere compassionate understanding of their worry
All of his agents caught the strange quality in Gibbs' tone and wisely kept mum about it and quickly dove back into their work. None of them wanted to be there all day. Gibbs got called up to the Director's Office and his agents were left to their own devices. Surprisingly enough, all three of them remained steadfastly working, wanting to get done as soon as possible. Since Gibbs had told them they could go when their reports were finished, saved and sitting on his desk, they were all gone before he got back to the squad room.
Coming back to an empty squad room, Gibbs silently cursed. He shouldn't have told them they could leave before he got back. Now, the chance to talk to his troubled agent and find out what he was going on and what he was planning on doing with himself after work, was gone.
