- Chapter 2: Variant Cover -
In a flash, this taller, leaner Wendy O. Koopa had Mario pinned to the bulkhead. "What did you call me?"
"Sorry!" he croaked through a bruised windpipe. "I… I'm sorry, I just… I'm surprised…"
"Nobody gets to call me that. Nobody but Toadam – and even he had to earn it." Then she released him, staring down at his new position on the floor out of clear blue eyes set in tanned reptilian scales. "Now, let's go back to how you know who I am."
"But you're so… so different. You're a blonde, which is kind of a change from being bald."
Her features, already annoyed, grew further disgruntled. "Who said I was bald? Ugh, bartenders will spread any rumor about me that sounds mildly amusing…"
"Listen, Wendy, I- I don't know how you wound up here too, but maybe we should put our differences aside and figure out how-GLK!"
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT." She let him go (again) and scowled, folding her arms. "It's Wendus to you. Actually, it's Officer Oran; I don't even think you should be allowed to use my first name at all."
Mario squinted at her, completely thrown for a loop. "Did you hit your head or something? And how'd you follow me through the pipe if it disappeared? You're supposed to be flying around with your dad right now, causing mayhem and destruction."
"That is impossible. My father has been dead for decades."
"What? B-but- wait…" He frowned. "How old are you exactly?"
Her upper lip curled. "Save the pillow talk for some other girl, flyboy."
"No, I- you're supposed to be sixteen, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're at least mid-twenties. Which is nuts."
"Supposed to be… okay." She ran her gloved hand through her limp golden locks and stared at the ceiling for a few breaths. "Let's assume you're not just trying to mess with my head on purpose. For the moment. What do you mean, I'm supposed to be a teenager?"
She had to have a concussion. Or a mental block. Or maybe it was some kind of evil hypnosis. Or she had just plain lost all her marbles. Either way, Mario was going to have to refresh her memory, so he shrugged and began, "Okay. Right before I fell through the pipe, you and I were having a… uh, disagreement. You kicked me in the head, then flipped your airship and dropped me into the hole. And for me that was maybe half an hour ago, tops."
"Half an hour ago I was blasting Goomboids with Missile Bills." Her eyes narrowed. "You're saying you saw me elsewhere?"
"Yeah!" he snapped, annoyed that he somehow hadn't made that clear. "You, at sixteen, with your friggin' pink high heels and your polka-dot hairbow!"
Mario had thought she was sneering when he asked for her age. He had been mistaken; this was what it truly looked like when she sneered. "Ugh. Sorry, but I have better taste than that."
"No?"
"NO. You must have me confused with someone else."
That was when it hit him. "Huh… maybe… maybe I do. Didn't you just say something about dimensions waxing or whatever?"
Wendy nodded, then blinked a few times when she caught on. "You think… well. I'm not sure I can believe that. You think there's another Wendus out there in the universe – or in a parallel one?"
"Maybe you think I just have bad eyesight, lady, but since I saw Wendy O. Koopa up close and personal just a few minutes ago when she was trying to kill me, you should probably believe that you and she have the same face. So either there's two of you, I got a concussion that lead to a ten-year coma, or you finished puberty awfully fast. Oh, and don't forget that you're a SPACE COP for no reason, when the kingdom I left behind couldn't even train some reliable palace guards." When she didn't respond, he added, "If you think of anything else to explain this, feel free to jump in anytime."
Wendus was staring slightly to his left, obviously thinking hard. The more Mario watched her, the more convinced he became that this wasn't the Wendy that he knew and loathed – not even ten years later with a follicle transplant. Their faces were almost exactly alike, but they were polar opposites in every other way. For starters, the pampered offspring of Bowser Koopa would never choose bounty hunting as a career path. She might chip a claw.
"It's none of my concern," she said forcefully, though she was visibly shaken. "I'll take you to Police HQ and let them deal with you. This kind of thing, tears in the space-time continuum… it's beyond me."
"But you did save my bacon," he reminded her, seeing something in that fact he had overlooked until now. "That makes you a-"
"A hired gun. Nothing more, nothing less. Wiping your runny nose isn't on my itinerary, plumber." When he only stared at her, she rolled her shoulders uncomfortably. "Besides, I'm a soldier. It's all I know, and that's not what you need to return to your point of origin. Now, if you'll excuse me…"
Off she went. Much worse than the fact that she wasn't going to help him was the fact that he was sitting around a piece of alien technology without the first clue of what he could or might be doing. He didn't even have his favorite book of crossword puzzles to occupy the leisure time, much less anything that was productive.
So he took to poking about the ship. When he heard the sounds of running water he rushed past that particular room, not wanting to further anger his ungracious host by barging in at an inopportune moment. He did find a restroom, and a place that would probably serve as a kitchen if he could figure out how to work any of the appliances, but nothing particularly staggering there. Eventually, he stumbled upon a seat that folded out from the wall in a hallway complete with safety harness and buckled himself in. At least now he could rest his legs.
"Ahh, much better. I feel Koopan again – or at least more Koopan than I did before."
"Well, I'm glad it hit the spot, Your MajestHOLY MACKEREL!"
Wendus stared down at him as she ran her claws through her damp hair. "What's your problem? And why are you strapped into an emergency pod?"
Mario was too dumbfounded to reply. Now that she had divested herself of armor, he could see a lot more fundamental differences between the Wendy of this alternate universe (if that's what it was) and the one he was more accustomed to. For instance, she was shaped more like the women from his own homeworld of New York – lithe and curvy, but not without a respectable amount of muscle tone. What happened to that bulky round Koopa shell? Furthermore, she was the same height as he was, whereas Kingdom-Wendy had been at least a foot shorter if not more. Add into that the hair thing, and it was pretty much down to the face that cosmically linked the two ladies.
"If you want to keep your eyes, I suggest you answer my questions, you letch."
"I… I didn't know it was an escape pod," he sputtered to life, hoping his face wasn't as red as his shirt. "And, well… let's just say you look different from the Wendy I know. A lot different."
She folded her arms over her black tank top, which matched her black shorts – both of which seemed to match her disposition. "How so?"
"Well, you don't have a turtle shell. And… and most of the other ways would be impolite to say out loud, so maybe it would be smarter if I keep those under my hat."
Her lips twitched in what was dangerously close to a smile before she wiped it away. "I find you endlessly annoying, plumber, but at least you didn't just stammer 'morph balls' and drool on the nice clean floors of my gunship."
"Ah, and there's the tail," he said, hoping they could stop talking about how big her 'morph balls' may have been. "Somehow I didn't notice it before."
"Really? My Power-Up Suit has a tail-sleeve, it was out there the whole time." A quick bark of laughter. "You're not the brightest supernova in the quadrant, are you?"
"Brains have never been my strong suit. I'm more of a hands-on, 'point me toward the grunt work' kind of dude."
"Hmm." She tapped something on the wall, some alien-looking symbols flashed up, and then she tapped it again and it disappeared. "Well, my zero-suit won't be clean for another ten minutes, and we won't arrive at HQ for an hour. Let's get some chow."
-o-o-o-o-
"Chow" turned out to be freeze-dried rations, which was all Wendus kept stocked. Luckily for both of them, the freeze-drying technology of her universe/time period/whatever had improved greatly, and whatever odd meat-substitute they enjoyed wasn't at all bad… even if it would never quite compete with fresh ingredients prepared by an expert chef. Maybe that was Mario just being spoiled by the royal cooks.
"So you fix pipes?" Wendus asked out of the blue, after about three minutes of total silence.
"Yeah," he said, trying not to gag from the shock of her sudden upswing of interest. "That's my job. Or it was supposed to be." When he caught her questioning glance, he went on, "See, you've got these, uh… Space Plumbers, and the Mushroom Kingdom has got… well, to be blunt, you."
"Me?" She frowned at her food. "It figures. Here I am, busting my tail to make our galaxy a safer place, and one parallel galaxy over there's another me doing the opposite."
"In a nutshell, your dad – self-appointed 'King' Bowser Koopa – is determined to get his grubby claws on Toadstool Castle and the Mushroom Kingdom so he can move his entire family into it and out of the depressing excuse for real estate that is Dark Land. Of course, Princess Toadstool would be more than happy to let him set up a cozy little house on the outskirts, but he's bent on owning the whole shebang. Therefore…"
"Therefore, she can't let my family just run rampant." Her eyes narrowed as she poked at her lip with her spork. "And something about all this tells me… this is where you come in."
Mario grinned. "How'd you guess?"
"Because you're nosy. You've hardly taken a breath from asking me how old I am or why you're going to the police and all that crap since you got here, so why would you stand around and let them fight this battle when you could make it your business?"
"That's me; an altruistic busybody. Actually, like I told you, we were in the middle of a big aerial battle when I got launched into your world. You and the whole Koopa Klan, and me and my brother, Luigi."
"Just… okay, I'm sure the answer won't satisfy me in the least, but let me ask anyway. Are you and your brother the only ones who stand against the villains?"
Mario shrugged as he took a sip of the vaguely-sweet-but-mostly-flavorless drink she had poured him. "What can I say? The humble 'shrooms just don't have the physical strength or battle reflexes to be of any use. Sometimes Toad helps us out, or the Princess herself, but other than that…"
Wendus scowled. "What a pathetic bunch. Leaving the fighting to their leader and a couple of foreigners while they cower like weaklings. Disgraceful. Don't they have any civic pride?"
"Not really."
"Wow. I'm beginning to see why this 'Koopa Klan' wants to overrun your kingdom. It's easy pickings."
At that, Mario frowned. "Hey, that doesn't make it right, though, does it? The 'shrooms can't help that they're half the size of even the youngest Koopaling, nevermind Bowser himself! It would be like pitting an ant against an antelope!"
"Size shouldn't matter. You should see half of the ugly mugs I've had to face – Birdley alone is at least three meters taller than me. I'm not even gonna tell you how gargantuan Kwart was!"
"Meters? Oh, great – you guys use the metric system. Where am I, Mushroom Kingdom Canada?"
"My point being, all you need is to feel a sense of attachment to your land and loved ones to take up arms against those who would steal it all away from you." Her lip curled as she dropped her spork onto her tray. "I already dislike these people of yours. It's bad enough they won't fight for themselves, but to let their very own queen go out in their place? What if she never comes back? Don't they care?"
Even though she was being incredibly judgmental about a race she'd never met, Mario had to admit there was some truth in her callous words. He'd always wondered why Toad was the only one among thousands of 'shroomy citizens that bothered to stand against the Koopa tyranny. Not that he and Luigi weren't glad to be of help, but they all seemed content to sit back and wait for their heroic off-worlders to do all the rescuing and Troopa-stomping while they hid in the root cellar. What was up with that?
"My suit should be dry, and I'm cold. If you're still hungry, help yourself."
Mario didn't say anything as she left. He wanted to ask more questions about where they were going, but somehow he didn't think she would respond too kindly so he followed her lead and put the "dishes" in a strange round hatch below the sink. There was a whirring, and he wondered if it led to a trash compactor.
A few minutes later she re-emerged wearing a close-fitting blue flight suit that matched her eyes. It was made of sturdy ribbed material that looked like it would provide some padding and could seal out the elements with the addition of a helmet, while still being fairly light. Her hair was also dry and pulled back into a ponytail. Noticing him watching, she raised an eyebrow.
"You have more outfits than a runway model," he remarked.
Probably too weary of him to even ask what that was, she gave a curt nod and plunked herself down in the cockpit. "We should be landing in about twenty minutes."
"Great. Then all I have to worry about is the cops throwing me in jail for impersonating a Space Plumber."
Wendus smiled. Then she turned in her chair and said, "Out of curiosity, how do you stave off the black shadow of my family? What's the weapon of choice in your kingdom? Swords, axes, paintball guns?"
"Mostly my feet."
"Martial artist? I've studied. Mostly Koop-Fu, a little Cheep-Kune-Do… but I tend to mix and match and lead with my arm cannon anyway, so I'd probably lose to any low-grade black belt in a formal tournament." She allowed herself an evil smirk. "But in an informal bout…"
"Actually," Mario went on with some embarrassment, "I meant that… I mostly jump on top of them."
Wendus gave him a blank look. "You don't."
"Yep. Seems to work the best. Of course, we do have some weapons, but they're pretty, uh… unconventional."
"Try me." When he pulled out a Fire Flower, it was readily obvious she was trying not to laugh directly into his face. "I see."
"It's magical," he snapped. "I mean, the 'shrooms aren't big on instruments of war – or even instruments that involve anything more complicated than a lever and fulcrum – so magic is our best bet."
She was already shaking her head as she checked one readout or another, smiling to herself. "Magic is a fairy tale told to small children. I've seen lots of amazing things in this sky of ours, but nothing that made me believe in wands and wizards."
"But it shoots fireballs!"
"So do I – and science made it happen. Advanced science of a now-extinct culture, but science nonetheless. Which I'd take over something unexplainable and uncontrollable any day."
"You're pretty cold-hearted, you know that, Wendy?"
"WENDUS. ORAN." The steely gaze softened after a few more seconds. "Please, just stop it. I know this hometown girl-next-door of yours had my face, but I am not her. Understand?"
"Crystal clear." They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Mario said, "You know, I really can't get over the fact that you don't even have a shell. Other than that, you're so Koopa-like."
At first she didn't answer, and Mario worried that he'd gone too far and alienated the only being in this solar system he knew. Then, in a quiet voice, she said, "That's because I'm not like the rest of the Koopans. After my parents died, I ended up being raised on that planet we just evacuated by the Yozo."
"The who?"
"They're… they were an ancient race of reptilian beings, who descended from the dinosaurs much like the Koopans. Their evolution took a different path, and they developed advanced higher learning functions but lost certain innate defenses – like the shell you keep referring to." Her eyes turned down into her lap when she lost the will to keep feigning interest in the control panel. "Which I once had, as did my father and mother. Before I was changed."
Mario leaned against the doorframe and folded his arms. "Changed? Into what?"
"Into nothing. Oh, they meant well, the Yozo – they wanted to improve my cognitive reasoning skills and my physical reflexes, help me not just survive but thrive in their atmosphere now that it was to be my home… but they didn't realize they robbed me of something when they spliced my DNA with some of theirs. My sense of belonging. I was never going to be a Yozo, even though in a way I am the last of their kind. At the same time, now I can no longer claim to be fully Koopan. So what does that make me? Nothing."
They both fell silent until an instrument on the panel bleeped. Then Mario whispered, "Wendy, I-" The pistol pointed at his throat halted his speech. Gulping, he forced himself to breathe and then went on. "Sorry. Miss Oran."
"Didn't I say you had to address me as 'officer', too?" she growled, still furious.
"Forget it; I'm not part of your law enforcement group – and neither are you, for that matter. But if you don't want me to call you by that nickname, I guess I should respect that, at least."
They both held still for a minute, sweat beading on Mario's forehead. Was she ever going to drop the gun? When she did, he swept his hat off and ran a hand through his hair, letting out a gust of relief.
"I'm sorry, plumber. We both know the real reason I drew on you was because you were going to say something consoling. And I do not wish to be consoled; not by a total stranger who thinks daffodils are comparable to the Wave Beam." Then she looked up at him seriously. "Not by anyone. It's nobody's responsibility to cheer me up, and I wouldn't ask it of anybody. Stow it."
"Really? Then what do your friends usually do when you're down, just avoid you like the plague for a few days until it all blows over?"
At that, she flashed a rueful smile. "They probably would, if I had any. Good thing I don't, huh?"
Mario felt his face falling. "No friends? Not even one?"
"Who needs 'em? Just a big headache." Then she rolled her eyes as she tapped at the controls. "And don't you start feeling sorry for me about that, too; I like it that way. No attachments, no strained emotions when the going gets tough, no heartache when they turn on you. Simplifies things, doesn't it?"
"Uh… I guess."
On that uplifting note, she then told him, "Approaching Mushroombus Five now. Figured I'd bring you to their main HQ on the capital planet, give you the best shot at some real answers. Besides, I've got to see a man about an engine upgrade; thought I felt some shuddering when we were pulling out of Planet Delfebes's atmosphere."
But Wendus Oran's bleak outlook on life was still lingering in the corners of his mind as he watch the red-and-white planet begin to loom larger through the viewscreen. Even among the Koopas and their Troopas, it was commonly understood that you at least needed some type of companionship. How did anyone get to be so hopelessly jaded?
*To Be Continued!*
NOTES: Okay, so here's how it's gonna go: the first two chapters were setting up our two heroes as a foundation. Next comes a little fleshing out of the universe they inhabit. AFTER that is the action. I swear, there will be some action, because there kinda has to be action in a Metroid fic, right?
See you soon!
