Two.
He calls me.
It's 2am.
I'm not asleep.
I should be but the thoughts of him leaving the way he did this afternoon are still fresh in my mind.
I know it's my fault he left like that.
"Hello." I answer, hoping my voice isn't as shaky as I feel.
"You left." I say even though I know I drove him away.
I was hoping he would have stayed.
"I know." He says.
Two words he said to me and I feel like he can make everything okay in the world again.
I'm pathetic.
I know he didn't hang the moon and the starts.
I know better.
I shouldn't give in to this pathetic part of me that depends on him so much.
Yes he left.
But I needed him anyway.
I tell him so.
"I needed you and you left. I told you to leave and you left anyway. Without even a goodbye."
Now, my voice starts shaking as I think to the future.
To our final goodbye.
"I know," He repeats.
I don't get an apology.
I don't need one.
Yet I wanted one.
I wanted him to know what he does to me.
I wanted him to know that he isn't just my best friend.
He's so much more.
Yet, at the same time I don't wish any of that.
I'm not naïve enough to believe that it would solve all of our problems if I told him how I felt.
I hang up the phone.
He calls again a few minutes later.
I don't answer.
He doesn't deserve it.
We were good before he sprung this on me.
I idiotically thought he was going to stay in town for college.
I thought he would be going to Washington University with every other kid in this town.
I was hoping.
I don't feel resentment towards him.
I can't.
This small town was always too small for him.
Cliché.
I roll my eyes.
I try to fall asleep but I cant.
I wont.
We have such little time together before he leaves for college and he acts like an asshole.
Or maybe it's me.
Maybe I'm the asshole.
I get up from my bed.
I'm angry now.
I know I shouldn't shut him out.
Not when he's leaving.
We need to figure this out.
With so little time left between us I feel as though there isn't any time to think.
Yet, we have to… get out heads out of our asses.
I won't let this become toxic.
I can't.
I sigh as my back hits the hard mattress of my baby blue bedding.
I remember when Edward used to tease me.
"Baby blue? Really?" He asked me the day I picked it out.
He doesn't stop there. "I think I like that. Baby Blue Bella. Hm. Nice ring to it, don't you think?"
He calls me that in rare moments that I will cherish forever.
The sparkle in his eyes.
The sweet laugh he gives me when I wrinkle my nose at that hideous name-calling.
In those moments I would almost believe he was mine and that those laughs were only for me.
Almost.
My eyes slowly lead up to the ceiling as I sigh again.
Beige has never looked so interesting.
Edward isn't bad.
We aren't bad.
But I fear this short time between us could break me.
Or worse. Us.
It's 3am now.
I pick up my phone and flip through the contacts for the number I know by heart.
It rings once before he answers.
(MAKE SURE YOU GO BACK AND RE-READ CHAPTER ONE!)
Some might find Bella to be a little weak-minded and confused about all things Edward. Yes WE know she drove Edward away. She doesn't understand that yet. Edward doesn't know anything about how Bella is feeing. At 17 I barely knew anything when it came to boys. She needs to learn that Edward can't read her mind. She needs to come to terms with things and mature before we see the end to this "difficult" Bella. Let me know what you think!
