You want this too- chapter two.

The lines in Bathilda Bagshot's heavy book blurred and Lupin rubbed his eyes tiredly. It was easily past midnight and whilst madam price had allowed him to remain in the library alone (the hardworking, studious prefect was hardly going to cause havoc) his history of magic essay was the last thing on the young werewolf's mind. His mind was on his friend Sirius, well more accurately the screaming fit they'd had a few hours before.

It was unheard of in marauder history: they didn't fight. Sure they teased, insulted and jokingly belittled each other, but that was as far as it went. It had certainly never resulted in a smashed up dorm room and Lupin hiding in the library pretending to give a crap about the giant wars.

It had been a week. A week since they had slept together. A week since hot, sweaty sex. The bites were fading, the hickeys nearly gone. A week since he had realised what an arsehole the boy he loved was.

It had started the morning after. James had been amazingly cool about it, a shrug, a "whatever man, none of my business as long as its kept off my BED!" and obviously it went without saying no one mentioned this to wormtail. He could be very prejudiced sometimes as well as having a vicious streak: sometimes it scared Lupin a little bit. Not that he'd ever admit that.

Sirius had gotten up, showered, and ignored Lupin. By the time they went down to the great hall for dinner, he was as friendly too him as he was to others, but nothing more. No mention of it, no physical contact. Just as if it had never happened, despite the rather obvious bruising on lupins neck and wrists.

It meant nothing to him. Lupins heart broke into a million pieces as he realised he was as disposable to Black as all the other girls who had come before him, a quick fuck, and then never to be thought of again.

I can't lose them as friends. I just can't be alone again. No, he couldn't. No matter how devastated and used and cheap he felt, his friends accepted him. He wasn't going to throw that away because of his feelings for Sirius. So with strength that astounded him he even possessed, he slapped a smile on his face and started actually listening to the conversation.

"I mean come on she's so up herself, it'll so be worth it. " Prongs lent back, his manner as always confidence, arrogance and swagger.

"What are you guys doing again?" he was surprised at how normal his voice sounded. He felt more reassured. If Sirius could act like it was no big deal, so could he.

Ha, no you can't. His brain mockingly stated the obvious.

Sirius leaned forward, the smile on his face that made Lupins knees weak.

"Well moony, Bellatrix has been offending our delicate ears –Wormtail snorted- all week with her talk of blood purity and blood traitors, blah de blah." Blacks dislike for his removed cousins who he almost never interacted with unless it was aggressively, was etched into his handsome face.

"so, what are you going to do to her? Are you sure you want to mess with your family?" He couldn't keep concern out of his voice. The blacks were pureblood and powerful, and insane.

"I couldn't give a fuck, they're all batshit anyway. I hate the lot of them." His grin turned dark and dangerous and Lupin shifted uncomfortably, his school pants considerably tighter now. "We're going to make her bald."

Lupin threw back his head and laughed out loud, and was sure that he saw Sirius gulp at the sight. Hope simmered.

They continued like this for a few days, plans for the "Bald Bella" trick were underway and Lupin was steadfastly ignoring the part of his brain that whimpered every time Sirius touched him or smiled at him.

It was a one off, it meant nothing. Lupin's new mantra was repeated in his head so many times it was like a tape playing on a loop. However the hurt didn't diminish with familiarity.

However, he couldn't stop thinking about the sex. The pleasure, the sheer rawness of it. The moans and groans and hisses of breath, the kissing and licking and suc-

No, stop it. Don't think about it. It was as if he had been blind his whole life, and in one day his best friend had given him 20:20 vision, and then plunged him back into darkness without a second thought. More than anything, he felt alone. When he was with Sirius he had felt – like he had someone.

That's what you need, a relationship. Doesn't have to be Sirius, it could be anyone. He clung to this thought like a drowning man clings to a life vest, and went out to find the first person he could get, determined that a meaningless relationship would cure his feelings for Sirius black. For a smart boy, Remus Lupin was really dumb.

"Your dating Kristen Parkinson!?" the incredulous splutter managed to be an outburst of horror, rage, betrayal, astonishment, concern and a little amusement. Lupin was impressed with Prongs' emotional range to be perfectly frank.

"Yes I am, I was talking to her this morning and it just kind of happened." He knew the flat, depressed voice wasn't exactly selling his affection for the vile slytherin girl, but she'd been so overly flirty it was ridiculously easy to get her to go out with him. She had black hair, pureblood features, a slight, almost masculine body, oh and she was arrogant as hell along with it. It wasn't a far stretch of imagination for James Potter what was going on.

"But, you can't…. You just can't. She's awful Remy- and besides I know what you're doing!"

"And what am I doing exactly James?"

"You're trying to pretend like you aren't in love with Sirius because he made you feel used!" there are very few friends that can seemingly take the most devastating truths out of your head and put it into words. James potter was one of them. It made Lupin angry and humiliated that the taller boy could look into his very soul with such ease.

"Im not! It happened once and it didn't mean anything!" he didn't know if he was pleading for himself to believe it or James.

The quiddictch captain would have responded however the crashing of the door to the dormitory halted the proceeding dialect.

Sirius black stood, panting, pale and furious looking as he surveyed his best friends. Grey eyes met Lupin's gold-browns ones. And just stayed there. The werewolf and the Animagus stared at each other silently. The tension grew. James gratefully slipped out, placing a silencing charm on the lock. Neither boy had even noticed he was gone, but he was sure they'd appreciate the entire Gryffindor common room not hearing this particular conversation. He just had to make sure Wormtail and Frank Longbottom didn't go up. Shouldn't be too hard, Frank was always with Alice anyway and Peter would understand they needed time to work it out.

Black broke the tension first, reacting instinctively and landing a jaw-breaker of a punch on Lupins nose, who, just as angry at the world today, fought back hard. They wrestled to the floor, punches and kicks going everywhere, until they landed with Lupin pinned underneath a panting black.

Exactly what got you in trouble in the first place? He didn't like the voice in his head so much right now.

Unable, despite his best efforts, to free himself, the seething werewolf then launched a verbal attack

"What the FUCK was that for?" even he wasn't sure what he meant. The seduction, the brush off, the punch, any of it. All of it.

Sirius black had an eye that was swelling shut and a sickly yellowing colour courtesy of Lupin's fists, and if the metallic taste and dull throbbing pain was anything to go by, Lupin had been on the receiving end of a split lip.

The reprieve that had fell from the violence seemed to break at that moment, and Lupin found himself being hauled by the front of his robes, too shocked too resist, as with a growl that was downright animalistic growl (even in the shock of the sudden movement a little part of Lupins brain whimpered to hear that sound again) Sirius Black threw Remus Lupin Against the wall and kissed him as if his life depended on it.

Time stood still as their tongues waged a ferocious war, hot and demanding and all consuming. Until Sirius black pulled his lips away and started to kiss down Lupins neck, whilst removing his robes off his shoulders to the white shirt underneath.

"Did you miss this?" the breathy growl and hot breath tingling against Lupin's ear and he nearly climaxed from the sound of it.

"god- god yes" his words were groans as the black haired boy ripped his shirt from his body, buttons and material falling off as hands and a oh-so-talented mouth attacked the suddenly bare flesh.

"Hmm, really? so why- at this Sirius grabbed Lupins chin, forcing it back to look at him as Sirius body pressed down onto his own semi naked physique, one hand keeping his face immobilised, the other pressed down on the werewolf's very prominent crotch- are you apparently fucking that blood snob slytherin bitch Parkinson ?" the question was said aggressively, possessively.

Lupin was trying hard to think beyond the blood rushing to his lower extremities and the hand that was now stroking him through his school pants.

"erm, I, " all the outrage he felt, the pain of the past week, the heartbreak came back to him, tearing him out of the lustful daze he'd been in just a second before.

"NO! Get off me! this isn't right!" he was shouting it before he even knew he was, pushing his best friend away, who fell back, a confused look on his face.

"You can't use me like your toy padfoot, to play with and then throw away! It's not; it's not fair for fucks sake! It's not the same for me, im not you….. "He was rambling, crying and shouting all at once.

"…and then you come in here because I've found someone, and yeah she's a bitch but at least she doesn't play with my feelings, make me fall in love and then ignore me!" it was out of his mouth before he knew what he had said.

"You what? You, you love me? Me?" His voice caught, Sirius looked painful vulnerable, breathtakingly handsome and yes, gods preserve us, he was crying, silently.

"Yes. Always." The words were chocked out, felt more deeply than Lupin ever knew he could feel.

"I, I don't know what…. Remy, I ….." Sirius looked on the verge of saying so much more, but just sank to the floor, silent tears streaming.

So that was that. With a sob that tore at Sirius very soul, Lupin slammed out of the room, leaving a destroyed dormitory and a sobbing boy.

So there he found himself, in the library, crying, heartbroken. In the dark library.

From under his invisibility cloak, James potter watched his friend cry, knowing he wouldn't appreciate company, wondering if in his wildest dreams Lupin guessed the truth, that in their room, a heartbroken Sirius was lying in his bed crying, saying over and over:

"I love him too. Always. "