The next morning, England visited Diagon Alley for money, an owl, and floo powder as he had intended yesterday, then flooed to the Ministry of Magic directly following.
Once again, no one took much note of him. He once saw Arthur Weasley, but they ignored each other for cover's sake and continued with their business.
England stepped into the lift and waited to reach the floor on which the Minister resided, and was joined briefly by a number of interesting characters on the way—there had been a witch holding a smoking hat at arm's length while it tried to bite her fingers off, and also a man whose hair couldn't seem to decide whether it should stick up or lie flat. By the time the man left it was sticking out straight sideways.
At last England was back in the dreaded hallway and making his way to where the secretary—wasn't he also a Weasley?—was still scratching away at some papers. He cleared his throat and smiled politely when the boy looked up.
"Ah, back again, are you?" he asked.
"Yes."
Weasley rose to his feet and opened Fudge's door. "Minister, that Arthur Kirkland is here for you again."
There was a shuffling of parchment. "Let him in."
Weasley stepped aside and Arthur passed him, once again waiting for the door to close.
Cornelius sighed. "Please, sit, Britain."
He did so, and Fudge gazed at him longsufferingly.
"What are you here for today?"
England pasted on a congenial smile that was almost physically painful due to who it was directed at. "I'm afraid we got off on the wrong foot yesterday. I was a bit… out of it, I must say, and I may have been slightly delusional."
Fudge raised his eyebrows. "Indeed. Is that all?"
England shook his head. "Actually, I've been thinking of strengthening my bond with the Ministry. I've become rather disconnected recently, and that leans toward the unhealthy side for one such as myself. My approach yesterday was somewhat spur of the moment, I hope you can forgive me for that." His headache was getting worse with every word he spoke.
Fudge nodded slowly. "Yes, yes of course. So you've finally decided to rejoin us, eh? Glad to hear it, the Ministry has missed you. Do you plan to, ah—reconnect with Hogwarts as well?"
England furrowed his brow. "What happens at Hogwarts is none of my concern—as long as it's not breaking any laws, anyway."
"Of course, naturally," his tone was taking on an excited edge. "Am I to presume you are not, er, on speaking terms with Albus Dumbledore, then?"
"Oh, definitely." England nodded. "I have nothing to say to him. He has attempted contact with me, it seems, but now that I am properly rested and have had a little tea, it's clear that he's delusional."
"Yes…" Fudge agreed. "Actually, I have been considering removing him from the school. I fear he poses a threat to the safety of the children, and even the Ministry, for that matter. It may be best to have him retire."
Arthur shook his head. "Be that as it may, he's still brilliant—there would be backlash from the general public if we were to remove him, and I dread to think what he might do if we left him to his own devices."
"That… would be a problem, yes…"
"I suggest a slower approach," Arthur said. "We must dethrone him gradually, and ensure that the public is in agreement with us. What you've been doing in the papers is excellent so far, but I believe we may need a little push."
The corners Fudge's lips twitched. "I think I have the perfect solution. Due to Dumbledore's seeming inability to find a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, we have been trying to pass an educational decree that would allow us to plant my Senior Undersecretary, Dolores Umbridge, in the school as Defense teacher. We're nearly there."
Oh butter biscuits, not the toad woman. He'd read about her in the papers.
On the outside England just grinned. "That's wonderful news! It seems you're doing an excellent job without me. Do you even need my help?" he joked. Oh, they needed help, all right…
Fudge let out a fake laugh. "Now Britain, there are still many areas in which we could use your expertise!"
From there they discussed other duties England could fulfill, what he had time for, and how they could manipulate the public to their advantage. This was going to be exhausting…
'-'
The next couple of days continued in a similarly torturous fashion, though England only visited the Ministry in the evenings when he'd had a couple hours to rest after attending to his Muggle government all day.
The day before the next meeting of the Order of the Phoenix, Arthur informed Fudge that he had a dinner to attend the next evening with some Muggle politicians, saying that this happened often and he would be warned ahead of time. And so it was with great relief that on Thursday afternoon he made his way to number twelve Grimmauld Place rather than the Minister of Magic's office.
When he arrived, he found a few other Order members were there—Molly and Arthur Weasley, the latter of whom had answered the door for him, and Sirius Black, and he was almost certain they all lived there for the moment. A bunch of red-haired teenagers were hanging around in the kitchen accompanied by another brown-haired one, who he recognized from the articles surrounding the Triwizard Tournament as Hermione Granger, a friend of Harry Potter's.
They all stopped what they were talking about to stare at him when he entered. He waved awkwardly, upon which Molly Weasley noticed his presence.
"Oh, hello, um…" She fumbled with his name for a moment before settling on, "Arthur! Lovely to see you—Ron, Fred, George, Ginny, Hermione, I think it's about time you five went upstairs before the meeting begins."
There was a chorus of sullen, "Yes, Mum,"s, accompanied by a single, "Yes, Mrs. Weasley," and the teenagers tramped out of the room.
Arthur Weasley and Black came in just after they left and claimed seats at the table, and Molly sat with them. Black gestured to him invitingly. "Come sit down, Mr. England."
England gave a small smile and took a spot across from Sirius. "Just England, if you will. I won't ask you to call me Arthur—you already have one."
Arthur Weasley hummed in agreement and adjusted his glasses. "Say, how does that work, exactly? You having both a normal name and being called, um, England?"
"Oh, well," England started, "it is sometimes easier to go by a human name, especially nowadays when there are fewer people who are aware of the existence of Nations such as myself. It also feels a little more personal."
Sirius looked interested. "'Nowadays', you said? How old are you, exactly?"
England shrugged. "As old as this country. Somewhere over a thousand years. Didn't I mention that before?"
The three humans gaped in astonishment.
"That's incredible!" Arthur exclaimed. "What is it like?"
"It has its ups and downs," England waved a hand. "Bit of a down right now, having to deal with the Minister and everything else that's going on. But if there's anything I've learned over the years, it's that things will get better." He frowned. "Probably. Sometimes they just get worse."
"I'll drink to that," Sirius said dryly.
At that moment the doorbell rang, and a horrendous screeching echoed from the hall before being joined by... even more screeching.
England clapped his hands over his ears. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" he yelled over the din.
The other three had leapt to their feet and were making their way to the door. "MY DEAR OLD MUM!" Sirius shouted back.
England darted after them into the hallway, where paintings all along the hall were screaming their lungs out. Arthur started stunning them, while Sirius ran for a larger painting of a yellow-skinned woman (or perhaps she was a hag?) framed by moth-eaten curtains and Molly went to answer the door.
Sirius shouted a few shameless obscenities at the painting as he attempted to pull the curtains shut, and England rushed to help him. (Though not with the obscenities.) Several tugs later the curtains were hanging limply in front of the now-silent painting.
They turned to the door, where a raggedy wizard, Mundungus Fletcher, if England remembered right, was apologizing profusely to Molly.
"Try not to do it again," she growled. "I've had it up to here with all this…"
They all shambled back to the kitchen with their new addition, Molly shooing the kids back to their rooms again on the way, and resumed their seats at the table, except Molly who went to make tea.
England slumped in his chair. "You said something about your mum?"
Sirius slumped even further than England. "Yeah, lovely woman, all sunshine and daisies. Been immortalized as a painting and melded to the wall with a permanent sticking charm. Quite fortunate, aren't we?"
England chuckled. "Couldn't be luckier if there were a real hag hanging from the wall."
"I might prefer that, actually," Sirius muttered. "At least then she wouldn't be bellowing on about how ashamed she is to have me for a son—not that I care, I'm ashamed that she's my mother."
England had a sudden thought. "Oh, Arthur." He turned to the man. "You wouldn't happen to be related to the Minister's secretary, would you?"
Arthur's face darkened. Sirius and Mundungus both winced, and the clattering of teacups and saucers behind them stopped.
Whoops. "I've… hit a nerve, haven't I? I apologize."
Arthur let out a shuddering breath. "No, no, it's fine—you didn't know."
It didn't look fine, but England decided to drop the subject.
"So…" Mundungus began. "You 'ear that rumor about the Weird Sisters breakin' up?"
Sirius jumped on the opportunity for a distraction. "No, but I don't believe it."
"I dunno, I 'eard somethin' about an argument between the lead singer and the drummer…"
More Order members trickled in as the next thirty minutes ticked by, those who had chosen to go pick up Harry Potter being noticeably absent. England hoped things were going well with them. Molly began to set out wine bottles and goblets for the meeting.
Soon even Dumbledore had arrived, adding a comment to Sirius and Mundungus' heating debate on the likelihood of the Weird Sisters splitting up. The old man took his seat at the end of the table nearest them, between Sirius and Arthur, who had struck up a conversation with his son Bill. The room slowly quieted as everyone began to turn their gazes to Dumbledore, until eventually it was silent.
"I hope you are all doing well," he began. "I would wait for our remaining members to arrive, however, I am pressed for time tonight. Severus—"
The door could faintly be heard opening above, followed by soft footsteps and hushed voices.
Dumbledore smiled. "It seems I spoke too soon. Molly, if you would?"
She stood, "Of course!" and hurried away up the steps.
People resumed their conversations while they waited, though a few remained silent. Sirius and Mundungus started their argument again, but they hadn't gotten far before the missing Order members joined them.
Once Molly had reclaimed her seat a couple minutes later, Dumbledore called the meeting to order. Again. Though a little different this time. "Alastor, how did the retrieval go?"
"I don't think we were tailed," Alastor said gruffly, "but you can never be too careful. Aside from the potential risk, it went well. We collected Potter on time and only had to make five detours."
Dumbledore nodded. "Very good. Severus, please begin your report."
Severus stood up. "The Dark Lord seems unaware of Potter's retrieval. His other plans are unclear to me, however…"
The meeting continued as before, various scrolls of parchment with a number of different things on them being pulled out as people discussed plans and options, but this time when they came to England, he was also asked to report.
He stood and cleared his throat. "I am fairly confident that I have gained the Minister's trust—he's quite gullible. However, I'm sure he still has some buried suspicion. Lately we have most unfortunately been discussing how best to dethrone Albus and replace him with Fudge's Undersecretary, Umbridge."
Some people began muttering amongst themselves at the mention of her name, but were silenced with a look.
"I try not to suggest the best or worst ideas," he continued. "So far, Fudge has made plans to plant Umbridge at Hogwarts by making her Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, and he is just passing an educational decree that will allow the Ministry to assign someone to a teaching role if the school is having trouble finding a professor for any position. They plan to go further with this in the future. That is all I have to report." He sat back down again.
Concerned murmurs began to rise through the group. Sirius took a swig of wine, Arthur began protesting loudly, and Severus' eyebrows were furrowed so hard they almost concealed his eyes. England could almost feel the anger boiling beneath the calm facade of Albus' face.
The old man raised his voice, "Silence!" and the room quieted down. "This is a… disturbing development," he said carefully, "but we shall face it when we come to it. Mr. England, please continue to thwart Cornelius' efforts."
He managed to get the meeting flowing like normal after that, though everyone was drinking more wine than before.
Guarding shifts did not need to be discussed this time, though Dumbledore once again asked England whether he could fulfill that duty.
"I'm afraid not, Albus. I have a full schedule, and I think I might collapse from exhaustion if I had to do anything more than I am already."
"Very well. Meeting adjourned! Please meet back here Tuesday evening at half past seven or your earliest convenience. Good night."
With that, near everyone began to rise, finishing off goblets of wine and grabbing their coats off the back of their chairs. The notable exceptions, aside from those who were living there, were Bill Weasley, who was talking to his father, and Mundungus Fletcher, who appeared to have fallen asleep after his pipe went out.
England was just getting up himself when Molly approached him. "Um—why don't you stay for dinner, England? It's always nice to have more company—and you're looking awfully pale and thin, if you don't mind me saying."
He stopped for a moment, considering, and then settled back into his chair again. "That sounds lovely, Molly." He would love to go home, but he'd heard from Arthur that Molly's cooking was delicious, and he didn't want to be moving around much anyway—he was quite tired. It would be nice to eat a home-cooked meal for once instead of takeout, which he got often because he didn't feel like cooking and not because his food tasted bland, which it didn't.
Molly beamed at him, then filed out with the rest of the Order members.
England joined Arthur and Bill's discussion on precisely where within the Prophecy Room Potter's prophecy might be. He was just indicating a central area of the floor plan when there was a thump in the hallway and the same blood-curdling scream from Thursday erupted.
Sirius dashed from the room, and could be heard screaming back at his mother's portrait again. The screeching of the other portraits slowly died away, and at last there was silence.
Arthur turned back to the parchment. "So, what were you saying, England?"
"Ah, yes." He returned his attention to their discussion. "I think the prophecy may be about here," he circled a spot on the map, "considering what it's about and when it was foretold. The Department of Mysteries does have a bit of a skewed organization system, though."
Arthur frowned. "You may be right. What do you think, Bill?"
"Well—"
"Ahem."
The three of them looked up to see Molly giving them a pointed glare, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, the Weasley children, Harry Potter, and Granger standing behind her with curious faces.
England quickly sat back in his chair, Arthur jumped up to greet Potter, and Bill began frantically gathering up the parchments around the table. England decided to help with that when he remembered how much of this they didn't want the young ones to see. Tonks tried to help, but she knocked over a candle and was stopped after that.
Bill then had the sense to clear the table with a spell, Mundungus was woken up, and they all settled down to talk, except Fred, George, and Tonks, who all went to help Molly with the cooking.
They began discussing lighter topics instead, and Mundungus contemplated the worth of Sirius' family goblets, which he didn't seem to mind at all.
Then Molly gave a great shriek at Fred and George, cutting off all conversation, and everyone looked up to see a cauldron, an iron flagon of butterbeer, and a cutting board with knife sailing onto the table, where they began speeding toward the end. Near everyone dove from their chairs, Mundungus fell over backward, and England jerked his arms back just in time to avoid a set of broken bones and second-degree burns as the cauldron slid to a halt at the table's end.
There was a moment of shocked silence, and then the twins started apologizing while Sirius and Potter laughed on the floor and Molly and Arthur reprimanded their children.
England let out a sigh of relief, seeing that his arms were both intact, then drew his wand and levitated the cauldron more to the center of the table.
Dinner was served in a fashion no more chaotic than he would expect of wizards, and they all ate for a few minutes before conversation started again.
"This stew is delicious, Molly!" England complimented.
Molly smiled. "Thank you, I'm glad you like it."
"Who are you, anyway?" one of the twins interrupted. "We haven't seen you around."
"Don't be rude, George," Molly scolded.
The eyes of all who didn't know who he was—and all who did—had turned to him by now. "It's quite all right, Molly. It was rude of me not to introduce myself." He looked at the twins. "It's only natural you haven't seen me, I only joined the Order Thursday. I am called the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, England for short. Please don't call me Britain, the only person who has called me that lately is the Minister, and I don't want to think about him. Alternatively, I am also Arthur Kirkland."
The kids all exchanged confused looks, and the other twin spoke up. "...What does that mean, exactly?"
"Of course I have to explain this…" England sighed. "Basically I'm the entire personality and history of England squashed into one body which has been around for as long as the country itself. I also have a human identity for convenience. Is that sufficient explanation for you?"
The twins nodded dumbly, though England was sure they still didn't quite understand. That was fine, they'd get it in time.
"You said the Minister calls you Britain, sir," Granger began, a tinge of amazement in her voice. "Does that mean you work for the government?"
England nodded. "Naturally. I am very influential and integral to the Muggle government, and I have fought in many wars. I've only recently reintegrated myself with the magical Ministry, which I had abandoned for a time. Fudge is quite happy to have me back, though I can't honestly say the same. Most of the authorities in the Ministry right now are insufferable and corrupt—I'm not letting them out of my sight again."
"How many battles have you fought?" the Weasley girl asked.
England stuck a spoonful of stew in his mouth and chewed, contemplating. He continued after he had swallowed. "I've lost count. Just read some history, I've been in nearly every significant battle fought by English troops as well as some of the lesser-known ones. Some are unrecorded as they were fought during my pirate days."
"You were a pirate?" the twins exclaimed.
"Certainly." England smirked. "Ah, those were the days. I was a bit barbaric, really, but the freedom was worth it."
Molly shot him a mild glare. "Don't go giving them ideas."
"I'll try my best."
Conversation turned away from him as the evening went by. Soon Arthur, Bill, and Lupin were entrenched in a discussion about goblins and Tonks was demonstrating different nose shapes. If England thought he'd seen every nose, he was quickly proven wrong.
He himself ended up in an exchange of baking tips with Molly. Her smile grew a little strained at a few of his, for some reason.
He found his headache growing worse throughout the evening, as it was prone to. He did his best not to show it, though he rubbed his temples whenever he thought no one was looking.
By the end of dinner everyone was stuffed and sleepy, the conversation slowing down with more yawns interspersed.
England rose to his feet as soon as was polite. "Thank you for the meal, Molly, it was delicious. I'll be taking my leave now."
She bounced to her feet. "You're very welcome, England. Please, let me show you out. And kids—" she turned back to the table. "I think it's about time you lot got to bed."
"Just a moment, Molly," Sirius said. He looked at Harry. "You know, I'm surprised at you. I thought the first thing you'd do when you got here would be asking questions about Voldemort."
The room tensed, and there began an argument about the divulgence of information to the kids.
Arthur took a step back and broke in as soon as he found an opening. "Shall I see myself out, then?"
Molly stopped short. "Oh—oh, I'm sorry England. I'll show you to the door."
"Thank you. Oh, and by the way—" He glanced at the room at large. "I believe it would be wise to disclose at least minimal information to Potter, for his own sake."
Molly looked crestfallen, but composed herself enough to lead him to the door and undo its many locks. "I'm sorry you had to get in the middle of that," she whispered.
"Not at all," he replied, lowering his voice to a similar volume. "Harry Potter is very important to this country right now, and therefore he's important to me. I thought I might give my piece, just to ensure he doesn't do anything reckless, so there's no need to apologize." He stepped out the door. "Good night, Molly."
"Good night."
As soon as the door closed, he Apparated back to his bedroom.
'-'
England stumbled as he appeared next to his bed, then collapsed on it with a groan, pressing his palm to his forehead.
His condition was worsening by the day. The conflict between those who believed in Voldemort's return and those who didn't was intensifying while the Muggles remained oblivious, and his current role as a double agent wasn't helping matters.
He could practically feel Voldemort's animosity just lying here, and there was little he could do about that. All he could do for now was hope that his efforts paid off.
Yo! Chapter two is out! You probably know that since you're here. Don't really have much to say right now, so... next update is Thursday. :)
-Quiet Leaf
