A/n: Ch.2
She was going to marry him. That heartless boy couldn't have him. He was hers.
Two Sides of the Same Coin 02
Heartless
To her I am Lea; to him I am Axel. To myself, I am two sides of the same coin. I loved her first; I loved him second. She means a lot and is to be my wife; He is my lover and the one I want to stick by. Axel. Lea. Who am I really? Do I really care for him? Why does he keep running off anyways? Doesn't he love me…or…does he just want me to be happy because he believes he is still nothing but a Nobody? AkuRoku.
Roxas Pov:
I stand there with Kurina as she tells me things I wish not to hear. I don't like it, I actually hate it. It hurts me. "You can never love him. He will never love you! He loves me...and he always will... Lea is never Axel... Axel is no one just like you."
I watched Axel and another interact, he apparently knew Axel...well Lea anyways. I didn't take kindly to the name you know, because he wasn't his somebody...he was my Axel. Or I hoped anyways. He went by Axel and Lea, which...bugged me you know? I loved him, but he had the tendency to make me mad easily lately. He had a heart. I didn't...and...he still...felt emotions I could not feel and told me about them. How many times have I thought about him being with someone that felt his love? Too many times...
"Roxy~" I jumped as I found his face right in front of mine. He chuckled then leaned in and kissed me on the lips softly. I blushed and smiled, kissing back. Emotions. How I wished I could really feel this, like he did. "Hmn, you really need to stop spacing out or someone else will come by and pluck you up~" He was so cheerful, not the Axel I knew. This was Lea... It was not the person I loved by far, this was another person that looked like him.
"...yeah..." I looked down and I felt a hand on my face. I didn't want to react at all, because...because...well...I don't know. I just don't feel that Axel is really there anymore, and that...with Axel going away...so is his love of me. Then again, I'm a shell...a doll sitting on a shelf. I have no heart, and I have no...well I just have no way to make this feel right...because I am heartless. Yet, I can feel the steady beat of his heart against my body. I cringe, not wanting to think about it because...it makes me feel so heartless. Why...why does this have to happen to me?
"Roxy..." His touch is soft and he leans in to kiss me before he stops. He is gazing into my eyes. "Roxas...do you love me?" He murmured and I flinched, a feeling. He wanted me to tell him exactly how he felt...and Axel knew my words were empty from feeling. So now... I closed my eyes slowly. I didn't know what to do or to say to him. What was I supposed to do or say? I mean...really. "Roxas...can you...really love me?" I flinched.
"I...I don't know..."
"Then I don't want to be with you."
I jerked up and covered my eyes, panting softly. A dream, a firkin dream. Thank god. I was worried there for a long moment that it was real and Axel didn't want me...want to be near me. It hurt, and I didn't understand why it happened to hurt when I was heartless. I was so confused...and honestly, I didn't know what to think about it at all anymore. I glanced over at Axel who was sleeping next to me in the bedroom we had together. I smiled weakly and laid down next to him. He was warm as I snuggled into him. Good...I could sleep then. Hopefully there were going to be no bad dreams again...
"Axel...I love you so much..."
Axel Pov:
I don't know why, but I just have a sinking feeling about everything. I hold my love close and sighed softly. I don't know what to think about it, but I know he feels like something is wrong as well. I don't know what could cause it, but I had the bad feeling that my supposed fiancé had something to do. I don't like her at all, but my Mother and Father have pretty much sold me off to her. Of course, I refuse to marry her, because I love...I really love Roxas. Even if he can't feel his love...well no maybe he does. After all... I mean he used to feel things when we were together before... It worries me…
"Axel...I love you so much..."
He thinks I'm asleep but I'm good with that. I love him as well. He lays next to me and holds me tight. I know he is seeking warmth by the way he holds me like he used to. I smile, and roll over to look at him. He is so sweet and innocent, he knows not much about this whole thing. I don't want him to worry about anything and I just want to hold him close to me and not think about a thing that could go wrong.
"Lea honey, time for us to get up." My mother's voice rang through my ears and I sighed. Great…just great… I didn't want to get up much less wake Roxas up who was still sleeping in my arms. I held him close and ran a hand through his hair as my mother walked in. She sighed and shook her head. "Really, Lea, you have to get up sometime. It's eleven am!" She complained and I frowned. "Besides your Father has made lunch and it's ready."
"Fine-" I was stopped when Kurina peaked in and smiled at me.
"Lea dear~" The way she said that made me cringe and I also growled a little bit. I hated that, she was just getting on my nerves. How did I ever love her? I don't know anymore, but I know now that it's all over. "Lea come on~ We still have a wedding to plan you know~." She murmured and I growled at her.
"How. Many. Times. Do. I. Have. To. Tell. You. That. I. Am. Not. Marrying. You." Each word, a pause between because he was trying his best not to yell at her. It was a deep growled reply though because he hated it, just hated it. She frowned at me and then shook her head some.
"Lea come on. You promised when we were young children that you would and you are supposed to!" She pouted and I rolled my eyes, sighing. "Lea…why did you vanish and now act like…this? You loved me not that heartless little jerk!" She cried and I growled for that. My grip tightened around Roxas.
"I don't like you!" I hissed at her. "Roxas isn't heartless no matter what you say, at least not to me. I love him and that is pretty much enough for me! I don't care if he is heartless or not! I still love him more than I love you, than I will ever love you!" She was hurt, but I could care less honestly. I kissed Roxas then to just really tick her off, thinking he was asleep. I didn't know how wrong I was…
Roxas Pov:
Axel didn't know I was awake and I know that. I was hurt though, aching inside as I heard the words that came from Kurina's mouth. She could care less and I know it, she wanted me gone. Maybe Axel didn't think I was heartless...but I did. I took a deep breath once he sat up, still arguing before he walked of after her, they were still arguing as they left. I sat up and noticed Axel's mom was still there. She sighed and patted my head before following them. She didn't approve, she never would, and neither did her husband. They wanted Axel to be with that girl... Not with me… Because I was a nothing but a Nobody… Heartless.
"We have no hearts, thus we cannot feel…"
No hearts. Heartless. No feeling… No love.
I get up and get dressed back in my cloak. "I'm sorry...Axel...maybe you are better off without me...nothing but a Heartless person...a Nobody..." I clench my fists as a single tear leaves my eyes. "She keeps hurting me like this...and you...you can't help me... Why am I saying this? He isn't Axel anymore... He's Lea...but he doesn't see it... She's right. He is someone now and not...no one like Axel was..."
There is a looking pond where I look into and I honestly don't know what to do.
I see two versions of myself.
Axel.
Lea.
I am both, but I'm not.
I'm two sides of the same coin.
One loves Kurina.
One loves Roxas.
One is a Somebody.
One is a Nobody.
One has a heart.
One does not have a heart.
One can feel.
One cannot.
One is a normal person.
One kills...
One has family.
One has no family.
I'm two sides of the same coin...and I don't know what to do about it anymore.
