Cristina opened the door to the O/B wing hoping that Meredith was still waiting for her. After her best friend had begged her to make sure Owen and Kepner would not tell a living soul about this horrible incident in the OR. She had seen the fear in Meredith's eyes that someone would accidentally spill the news to Derek and so she hadn't hesitated and had made sure that her secret wouldn't be revealed. As she pulled the doors open she wondered if Meredith even wanted her to come back and support her. She knew that the procedure was already done. She had a feeling that in some way Meredith was glad that she had to do it alone. Of course Meredith needed the comfort of her person, but she knew that Cristina knew that she had to grieve alone. With that, she opened the door to the waiting room and found Meredith sitting there and staring at the floor as if doing that was an aspect of life that one shouldn't miss. Silently Cristina sat next to her friend, unsure of what to say next. Instead, she just took her hand and squeezed it gently a couple of times. Meredith nodded to accept the gesture.
Surprisingly, Meredith was the first one to speak, "I wish he already knew. I mean I don't want to tell him, but I wish he would be the one to comfort me. But unfortunately I am alone." She swallowed hard, because she fought back her tears and as Cristina wanted to interfere, she waved her off, "I know you want to be there for me and I appreciate it. But sometimes I just want him." She was finally looking at Cristina with a look full of grief and regret. Then she suddenly pulled Cristina into her arms and held onto her with a firm grip.
"Thank you for saving him," she whimpered and pulled her person even tighter to her. Cristina, most of the time capable of keeping her emotions in check, let out a sigh and closed her eyes out of relief. The day was over and although it has almost cost them everything to survive, they were still alive.
"I thought we didn't do hugs," answered Cristina in a mocking tone. She could hear Meredith letting out a laugh.
"Nobody of us has ever thought we'd do love either."
A wave of uncertainty washed over Cristina's face. She knew Meredith's dislike of Owen, she had never hidden her intentions. It was not that Cristina didn't understand Meredith, maybe she would have reacted similarly if Derek had strangled Meredith in the middle of a nightmare or if he had questioned his love for her. But the point that Meredith didn't want to see was that despite Owen's PTSD, his love for Cristina has never been needed to be questioned. Owen's love was so profound that it was sweeping her off her feet. Cristina was Owen's everything and any idiot could see that, but for Meredith she only remembered the horrible marks on Cristina's neck that fateful night so many days ago.
How would her best friend react to her and Owen's reunion? Were they even reunited? Cristina didn't know. God, those questions gave her a headache.
"Earth to Cristina, are you still there?" Meredith seemed to be genuinely interested in what her best friend had been thinking. But Cristina just shook her head and smiled. "Sorry."
Meredith suddenly turned serious again. "I think I'm gonna go and see Derek now. Are you okay on your own?"
"Sure. Please go, I don't want to waste your time." Cristina squeezed her hand one last time and then rose to leave. She decided she would tell Meredith about Owen later. There were more important things on Meredith's mind, anyway.
As Cristina walked the hallways, an uneasy feeling overcame her. She wanted to grab Owen and get out of here as fast as possible, but she knew there was one last thing she had to do: she had to find Teddy.
She didn't need to look for long. She saw Teddy standing with Arizona and Dr. Webber talking about the amount of injured people and about those that hadn't made it out alive. Immediately the three doctors turned around and looked at the girl who saved the Chief Surgery.
"Yang… for what you did and for what you suffered, there are no words," Dr. Webber said, "but I can simply say that you are a hero and that Derek Shepherd wouldn't be alive without you."
"Thank you, Sir." Cristina looked at him, terrified. That was not what she wanted to hear. She didn't want to hear about how brave she was and how much of a hero she was, she just wanted to talk to Teddy.
Teddy sensed that Cristina felt uncomfortable and took her by the elbow to guide her somewhere, where they would get a little bit more privacy. She looked at her student for a long moment and sighed, "Cristina, don't you realize the amount of pressure you have beared?"
Cristina looked at her feet, unsure how to answer. "I-I know, Teddy. Trust me, no one else is more aware of that than I am. I just don't like to be called a hero," she quietly added.
Teddy nodded showing her understanding.
"I want you to stay," Cristina blurted out. She didn't know where that came from, but she knew that she couldn't lose such a great teacher.
"I love Owen, I really do," she proceeded, "but I need you too. I need you to stay and help me become the best cardiothoracic surgeon of my generation. I want to learn from you, you are the best teacher I've ever had."
Silence passed on between the two of them. Was she still contemplating to stay or not? Cristina knew that her pleadings most likely wouldn't be heard, but she also knew that Teddy liked her and wanted to teach her. Actually it all came down to how much the older surgeon would be able to bear. Would she be able to bear seeing Cristina and Owen together? Because she once thought she would, but that didn't turn out so well.
"I know you want me to stay and I would like to be the one who brings out the best in you. It's just not that easy. I know about his feelings and I still have to accept them. I have to reflect on everything and make my decision without you." Teddy's answer was better than Cristina had expected and so the younger surgeon nodded and started to walk away, but got soon held up by Teddy's voice, "besides Cristina: you are a hero, no matter what you say."
Suddenly Cristina felt a familiar hand touching lightly her shoulder and turning her around. Owen was standing in front of her and smiled. His arm was in a sling, his scrubs were bloody and so was his hair and he looked like he hadn't slept in a long time and he looked wonderful. She sighed and just leaned her head on Owen's good shoulder and he immediately wrapped an arm around her slim waist. "Ready to go home?" he whispered in her ear softly. She nodded against his neck. "Yeah, I just have to change first. Meet me outside the hospital?"
After changing into her ordinary street clothes she took her bag from her locker door and turned to finally get out of here. She took Owen's hand who was already waiting for her and held onto it. But Owen released her hand and slung his arm around her waist and she held onto his waist, carefully avoiding his bad side. Her head rested on his shoulder and finally she could allow herself to let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Owen rubbed her arm reassuringly but he couldn't prevent the tears that were falling onto his jacket. He stopped and turned around to look at Cristina. Her eyes were red and she had trouble finding her breath, but overall she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He took her face in his hands and kissed her to show her all his love, since neither of them could talk.
At home Cristina instinctively curled up on the couch and closed her eyes. She wasn't able to do small talk now and although she was so relieved that Owen was alive and still with her, right now she just wanted to be alone. She wasn't sure if Owen was prepared to see her like this. She knew how people at the hospital talked about her. She was the robot, the ice princess and because of her cold attitude nobody really believed in her and Owen's relationship. That's the reason why Teddy hadn't given up on Owen and that's the reason why Cristina had been the first one to know about Izzie's cancer. They all thought she could bear it and she wouldn't get in between. But the truth was that it was just easier to keep it all in. Cristina felt things so deeply and cared so much for the people she loved that she couldn't express her emotions to anyone. She wasn't big on talking about her feelings, because she was afraid of what would happen to her if she actually said them out loud. Cristina was a professional on the outside and everyone knew that. But on the inside there was nothing professional left anymore.
"Do you want something to drink?"
Owen asked from the kitchen. When he didn't get an answer, he turned around and found Cristina curled up on the sofa. He sighed and kneeled down beside her. Owen knew how Cristina felt. She felt numb and worn out. She couldn't imagine how to just live again. After that day it seemed that life would never be the same. Back when they had met, Owen had been similarly damaged and because he knew how horrible this experience was, he was afraid of what that would do to Cristina. He tucked a curl behind her ear that was loosely hanging over her face, and just admired her beauty. Even after such a terrible day she still took his breath away and it pained Owen to see how afraid she was. She didn't deserve this kind of pain in any way. Unsure of how to comfort her any further he climbed over and just took her into his arms. He nuzzled his face into her neck and buried his face in her curls. With his good arm he held her tight to ensure that nobody would take her away from him.
"Owen?"
"Yes?" Owen's eyes were heavy because of the lack of sleep and because he was already drifting off to sleep.
"Thank you for not dying." Cristina's voice was only a whisper and Owen knew that it was hard for her to keep her emotions in check. She turned around and looked at him for a moment before she snuggled back into him.
"I would have never left you alone. I am not going anywhere. I will always be with you because I love you." Those words were the only ones she wanted to hear and not a bunch of crap about she was a hero and how grateful anybody else was. She wanted to be loved – by Owen. A smile crept onto her face and leaned up to kiss him softly because she couldn't express her love for him with words.
"I'm so sorry for hurting you, Cristina. I love only you. I know that now."
Cristina couldn't see his face expression, but she didn't doubt him for a second. She knew that Owen didn't play with her, he never wanted to cause her any pain. She got that it had been a very confusing time for him when he had to face his past and she knew how he reacted to his past.
So she immediately sat up and put her fingers over mouth, earning a surprised look from him, "I know. Believe me, Owen, I know. You have issues. But I would not lie here with you if I didn't want that."
"I can't believe what a woman God gave me." Cristina rolled her eyes at that comment, but actually she loved his sappiness and his need to express his love for her every day. She leaned down to kiss him and she knew that this time he would be hers forever.
A/N: I'd like to believe that Owen and Cristina don't have a long conversation about why he couldn't answer her if he loved her or Teddy. I think in her state she needs someone and right now Owen is that someone. Of course she doesn't want to be the second girl to him, but I'd like to believe that she can forgive him so easily because she is so in love with him. Have a good day/night whenever you are reading this! Reviews are always welcome:D
