Don't know where this came from...but I guess I'll give it a name...

Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush or anything that is related to the show or anything that is related to real life.


Chapter 2: Because of You...I...

"James! Did you hear? I did it! I did it!" my boyfriend screamed as he ran towards me. I laughed as I opened my arms, allowing my adorable boyfriend to run into my arms, and allowing me to squeeze him tight.

"Congratulations Logie! Not to burst your bubble, but what exactly did you do?" I chuckled as I pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"James~! Don't you remember? The science fair! THE SCIENCE FAIR! I won the science fair!" Logan whined, pouting as he pushed me away.

"Oh right! The science fair where you displayed your solar energy project… you won? Amazing Logie," I replied as I pull him into a hug again. He grinned as he snaked his arms around my neck.

"I'm amazing?" He chuckled before pulling me down into a kiss.

"Very…very amazing," I mumble as I returned his kiss.

"I love you James Diamond, YOU'RE amazing," Logan chuckled as he leaned his forehead on mine.

"I love you too, Logan Mitchell. I love you so very much."


"James? James!"

"Huh? Oh sorry Allison. What is it that you were saying?" I ask as I take a sip of water.

Right now I am sitting in a fancy restaurant somewhere in downtown Minnesota. The girl across from me is Allison - my current but soon to be ex, girlfriend.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one….

"I think we should break up," the girl across from me says, her hands clutching her water glass. I stare at her for a moment before my eyes looking down at my hands. I'm not sure what to say so I twirl my thumbs.

"I'm sorry James, but I think it's best if we end things now," she continues before taking a sip of water. I can see her hands are shaking as she drinks, her lips trembling as she glances at me, waiting to see what I will say. I inhale a deep breath, lifting my head to look her in the eye.

"I understand," I reply as I relax my hands. I smile and reach for my glass of water. I causally take a sip of water before placing the glass down. I wipe my mouth with a napkin as I take my utensils and start to cut my dinner.

"That's all you are going to say?" She asks; bewilderment on her face. I nod my head once again before placing a piece of beef into my mouth. I chew in silence as Allison stands up.

"Well then, I guess this is goodbye James."

I swallow my food before replying a simple good bye. She sighs before walking to my side of the table and giving me a hug.

"I didn't think we will end like this. I had hope that you will say no please don't go, but I guess not," she whispers into my ear. I shift in my sit to return her hug, I don't know why but I just can't say what she hoped for me to say.

"Still friends?" She asks as she releases me.

"Yeah," I reply with a weak smile.

She looks at me for a minute studying my face. Silence falls between us once again, and I can't help it but look away.

"Did you ever love me?" She suddenly asks, and I shuffle in my seat, my body suddenly tensing up. My eyes dart around the table, looking at my dinner, my water glass, the candle in the middle, suddenly all these things become more and more interesting. She notices my nervousness, and decides to forget about knowing the answer.

"I'll see you around then," she says as she grabs her purse and walking out of the restaurant.

"Yeah, I'll see you around," I reply as my body relaxes and I return to my dinner. It is when I finish my dinner that I finally found the answer to that question.

"I'm sorry."


"LOGAN! LOGAN? WHERE ARE YOU?" I shouted as I ran through the neighbourhood. I look to my right and then to my left, stopping occasionally to turn corners.

"Logan please! Please come out!" I screamed as I ran into the park. I skidded to the playground, bending to catch my breath. I heard a muffle cry and instantly I knew he was here. I slowly walk towards the slide, thinking that he would be in there.

"Logan!" I said as I peeked inside, only to find it empty. I scratched my head as I stood there, waiting for the sound of his crying. I listened carefully, following the sound. I walk for a few minutes towards a tree.

"Logan?" I ask as I look around. I start to circle around the tree looking for the boy. After one full circle, I stop to hear if there is a response. I hear the crying start to subside, so I called him again.

"Logan?" I called, and a muffled cough was heard above me.

"Are you up in the tree?" I ask, but no response came back. I sigh as I look at the height up. It seemed so high up, and I was afraid of heights.

"Logan if you are up there please come down!" I ask, and again there was no response. I shook my head, unable to believe that I was about to what I am afraid to do for years.

I climbed up the tree.

I braced myself on the trunk of the tree and started climbing. It took a couple of tries to get myself up there, but I eventually reached a branch and heaved myself on it.

"Logan?" I called as I look around. I started to panic when I saw no one. Not only am I several feet off the ground, my boyfriend is also nowhere to be seen. A dizzy feeling overcame me when I looked at the ground. My arms started shaking and my legs seemed to turn into goo with each shift that I made.

"James?" I heard a giggle underneath me. I tried not to look down, but I recognized the voice, so I forced myself to look down.

"Logie?" I said, my hands gripping the tree branch, so I wouldn't fall down.

"James! What are you doing up in the tree?" Logan called, a slight shock showing on his face.

"I was looking for you, and I heard you cry at this tree, so I thought you were up here, and and," I started rambling, my nerves shaking like crazy.

"And you climbed a tree for me?" Logan said before laughing. I pouted at the sound of his laughter. I started to twist and turn, trying to angle myself so I could climb down.

"James! Careful!" Logan shouts once he stopped laughing. I turned to flash a reassuring smile to him, but instead of giving him my smile, my body started to go numb because I caught sight of how high I am. Before I could do anything to save myself, I fell down. My nails dragged on the bark and I hissed at the pain.

"JAMES!" Logan screamed as he ran in front of me. I groaned when I landed on my bottom, my backside burning from the pain.

"James! Are you ok?" Logan said as he ran his hands all over me trying to locate any broken bones. I quickly pulled him into a hug.

"Don't you ever leave me Logan Mitchell. No matter what the problem, situation, person, thing comes between us, you are never allowed to leave me," I screamed, hugging him tightly as tears fell from my eyes. I sobbed in his chest as he ran a hand up and down my back.

"James, I'm not going anywhere. I just needed time alone," he said as he lifted my chin to look into my eyes.

"I love you too much to leave you. Remember that," Logan whispered before he locked lips with mine.

"I love you too," I mumbled into the kiss, smiling as I deepened it.


"James? James!"

"Ah what? What is it Vicky?" I respond as I look up from my book.

"You didn't hear a single word I said? James Diamond we're through!" Vicky shouts at me. I stare at her with a blank expression. I nod my head in approval before returning to my book.

"Hey!" I whine when my book left my hands and I turn to see Vicky staring at me in bewilderment.

"Give me my book back Vicky," I calm states as I reach for the book. She laughs before flipping the book back at me.

"So this is how it ends with us, is it James Diamond? You choose a book over me. Me. The girlfriend," she rants as she stands up and paces the living room. I peer over my book to see if she is heading out the door. Instead of seeing her walking out, she grabs my shirt and pulls me up. I protest as the book falls to the ground, but before I can finish my shout, I receive a slap right across the face. My eyes pop out when my brain registers the pain, and my hand reaches up to touch the pulsing cheek. I want to yell at her for the slap, but when I look at her eyes, her big tearing eyes, I sigh and look to the ground.

She starts to hit me, punching me in the chest, kicking my legs, biting my arms. I bite my lower lip as I take in the pain, not willing to show a sign of weakness, as she cries her pain out; her arms ceasing to a stop, clinging to my shirt. She tries to punch me again, but I grab her hand.

"I'm sorry."


"What are you saying Carlos? You said Logan left?" I asked my grip on the Latino tightening with every word.

"James, you're hurting me," Carlos whined as shook his body to indicate the pain.

"Sorry," I apologized as I released him, "It's just…Logan said he will never leave me."

I turn to walk away, my mind racing as I thought about what Carlos said. I mindlessly walked out of school, not caring if school is still in session, letting my legs walk me to wherever it wanted to go. I stopped when my legs refused to walk another step, and I lifted my eyes to see where I was. I gasped when I saw that I'm standing outside Logan's house.

I looked around as I opened the gate, stepping onto the gravel pathway leading towards his house. My fingers linger on the flowers that are planted beside the pathway, memories of us running and playing around in the yard, coming to mind. I stepped onto the porch, my hand running up the white posts that hold the house up, the image of Logan leaning on them as he waited for me each day after school.

I lifted the doormat, smiling when I found the spare house key was still there. It was placed there because Logan always forgets to bring a key with him when we went on our dates. I placed the key into the lock, and allowed myself in. I smiled, a bittersweet smile, as I tried to hold in all the tears. The house was empty. The furniture, the accessories, the memories, everything was gone. I quickly ran upstairs to Logan's room, hoping this was all a joke, only to find that it was empty too. All except a letter taped to the wall.

A single white letter.

I quickly rush towards it, peeling it off and ripping it open. I looked inside to find a picture portraying the two of us, and a white piece of paper.

Dear James,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I left without telling you. I'm sorry that I promise that I will never leave you but unable to keep that promise. I'm sorry that we have to end this way. I'm sorry my dear sweet sweet James. I love you and will forever do. Don't forget that. I love you. Goodbye my love.

Logan.

I stare at the letter. Shock went through me like lightning as I stared at the letter. Just a few words and the love of life left me.

He left me.

He walked away.

He deserted me.

And that's when all the tears I kept inside came crashing down. I clutched the white paper in my fist as my knees gave in and I knelt on the ground. I slammed my fist on the ground as I tried to refrain myself from tearing the letter into pieces. I sobbed, crying out in pain and hurt. It seemed like hours when someone walked into the room.

"James?" the person asked as he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Carlos, he left. He left me," I sniffed as I turned to the Latino's shoulder, sobbing again.

"I know," Carlos said as he patted my back.

"I love him so much, and he left."


"James? James!"

"Yeah Carlos?" I ask as I turn away from the mirror.

"It's almost time for your date," he replies, as he walks into my room.

"Thanks for the reminder buddy," I smile as I look at myself in the mirror one more time. I shift in my black suit, tightening my blue tie before shifting in my feet to see if they are shiny.

"No problem," Carlos responds as he glances at me, biting his lower lip. He looks away when our eyes meet.

"Is there something you want to say?" I ask as I turn around and walking towards him.

"N-no, it's nothing. Go have fun," Carlos says giving me a radiating smile. But I know better.

"Carlos what's wrong? You don't smile like that unless you are hiding something," I say as I pull him towards me and we both settle down on my bed. He shifts in his seat, his thumbs twirling, his eyes looking away. I notice a piece of white paper sticking out of his pocket, so I snatch it out, waving it in the air when Carlos tries to grab it back.

"Wait! James, no, give it back!" Carlos yells as he jumps up to grab the paper. I jump up to put distance between us, and Carlos bounces around trying to reach it. I smile as I watch him bounce around me for a while before looking up to see that the paper is actually a letter, and it is addressed to me.

My arm comes down to open the letter with both hands until I had to use one arm to hold back Carlos. Carlos shrieks and pounces at me, desperate to grab the letter, but stop when he realises that I've open it. We both slack back onto my bed, my hands trembling as I read the letter.

My dear sweet James,

How have you been lately? Happy? Sad? Angry? Frustrated? I can imagine you having a wonderful life without me now. I'm sorry that you are receiving this letter after so many years, but I couldn't stop myself. I miss you Jamie. I miss my big teddy bear, my hero, my saviour, my love. I miss you. I know it's too late to say all this, but I can't stop thinking about you, I can't stop loving you. Each day it increases with so much intensity, I'm scared. I'm sorry I'm telling you all this. Goodbye my love.

Logan.

I stare at the letter, my eyes threatening to pop out. Tears start to form as I look at Carlos.

"How did you get this?" I ask, my hand clutching the letter as I wave it in his face.

"At the front door," he replies, and I bolt out the door. I run like crazy, not sure where I'm going, why I'm running, and what I'm hoping to see. I just keep running. Eventually I stop at my old high school. I walk into the parking lot as if I know what I'm doing. I stroll all the way to the playground and sits down at one of the lunch tables. I trail my fingers over the seat beside me, leaning my head on the table.

The exact table where I first met Logan Mitchell.

The exact seat where he sits uncomfortably because he is the new kid.

"James," a voice says behind me, and I lift my head. My insides start to tangle into knots as I fight with myself whether to turn around or walk away.

"James!" the person calls before tackling me, wrapping me in a hug from behind. Tears streak down as my hands reach up to hold onto the person's arm. I choke when I try to say his name. I sob like the day he left me. I cry as every single wall that I build up cracks down.

All because of him.

My love.

My only.

Logan.