Phoebe: The pain became immense as I struggled to get up my mind told me to run and lock myself in my room away from everything meanwhile my heart told me to stay close to her. What if my mother turns around and rejects me I can't handle being rejected by 3 parents what did I do to deserve any of this? damn it. Finding myself in tears clinging to the door "I'm going to change into a clean shirt I can handle it myself" "Be careful" was all she said. Walking to my room I left the door open a crack I opened my pajama drawer pulling out a cheap tank top I don't want to get anymore good clothing bloody.

Slowly changing my top feeling almost as if I'm about to crawl out of my own skin for a second I curl up into a tiny ball hysterical trying to cry quietly. Here I am lying in bed the target of a phychotic killer with my mother non the less in the other room probably putting herself at risk by being here right now. I hadn't told her the details they're hard for me to even stomach thinking about if she knew shed probably think I was wothless and discusting. Trying to control my breathing I feel my head starting to spin each tear shards of prickly glass. My hands clinging to the blanket I want her so badly it hurts my heart, I don't mean to keep pushing her away.

Stairing at the window I start to wonder what it would be like to jump out it within the two minutes I've been alone in my room the thought of ending it all right now is on my mind. Too weak to get up I lie here trying to yell for help but nothing seems to come out. "Are you okay Phoebe?" she opens the door running sitting down next to me "Sweetie, oh god what happened to you" she says seeing how bruised up my arms are. Tears fall off her face before I can respond she pulls me into a protective hug practically squeezing me for a minute I feel lost in her arms hugging her just as tightly. All the years of not having a mother seeped out of my overloaded mental bottle I sat there holding onto her in silence.

After a few seconds I start to speak "I feel so worthless and discusting" I say letting out my inner feelings. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you before but I'm trying to be here for you now, I can't speak for anyone else but to me you're very precious and worth more than anything in the universe you're not worthless or discusting" she says I cry even harder. "Why do you suddenly want to be a part of my life after all of these years?. If you care so much about me then where were you when I was parentless living on these city streets homeless and starving. do you have any idea what its like when you are so alone in the world you don't even have yourself? Look I've been through enough pain for one lifetime so if you dont plan on being a consistant part of my life do us both a favor and get out now" I say ptsd is going full blast I thought it had improved I hadn't noticed it much within the past few years but it just caused me to go off on my mom.

I had pulled away from her now sitting at the other edge of the bed by the window staring at it. "If you want me to leave I understand but you should know that after I found out how unstable Lily was I tried to get you back from her. She went under the radar, I've been worried sick about you ever since and still am. When I found out she had died I went looking for you I wanted you to come live with me but you had already run away I was left with no choice other than to hope that one day we would find eachother. I've always wanted to be a part of your life right there with you as your mother, I always will want that. However, Your also a person with feelings as well and the last thing I want to do is hurt you in any way. If my being here is causing you pain than I'll go and not have anything more to do with you if thats what you want, Just know I really do love you Phoebe nothing can ever change that ".

Finding my fingers on the window I don't know what to do, After hearing that I feel even worse about what I just said she really does want me. "I love you too mom I'm sorry" I say starting to inch myself towards the window she seems to read my mind . My hands are trying to open the window "No I'm not going to let you!" she says pulling me back into a motherly hug instantly before I can move . I find myself clinging to her scared out of my mind "I don't want to die" the words stutter out. "Sweetie please try to calm down" she says trying to ease my state of mind I feel so panicked but I try to calm down for her sake. "If I tell you what happened earlier can you promise not to over react?" I ask wanting to be honest with her "I can try not to" she says looking into my eyes.

Gathering my thoughts together I try to tell her about getting attacked "It was 1:54 in the morning I was walking home and took a shortcut through an alley. Suddenly I heard trying to scream but he covered my mouth and cornered me. He had a mask on and a sharp knife up against my neck there was a gun in his pocket, he had me in a position I couldn't move. I found myself getting beat up punched all over my body repiditly unable to move in a state of shock. Somehow he knew my name and threatened to kill me if I went to the authorities he said his name was 'the cook'. Footsteps echoed and suddenly he bolted leaving me lying on the ground I got up weak stumbling to the nearest payphone I called you not knowing what else to do. The way you sounded when you picked up the phone scared me you know how the short conversation went, I hung up feeling confused out of my mind. I stumbled my way home it took me 25 minutes when I got here I turned on the lights locking and checking the apartment. Changing my clothes I went and curled up on the couch bruised up in shock and then you came." I could tell she was trying not to freak out on me.

She pulled me even closer "I'm not going to leave you Pheobe, This guy that attacked you I've seen him on the news what he does is sick your not going to die like the rest not if I can help it. Oh sweetie I'm so sorry this happened to you, I'm not going to let you out of my sight until I know your safe". "Why is this happening to me? Why am I being targeted by an insane killer? I didn't do anything to deserve this" I cried hard. "I don't know ether but I know you didn't do anything I look into your eyes and don't understand how anyone could want to hurt you theres so much love in your heart" she says I sink into her arms.

"Please don't let go of me right now I'm so scared mom" I whisper "I'm not going anywhere Sweetie" She says giving me a squeeze I continue to cling to her still in shock. Nothing seems to make sense right now my head continues to spin "Hes going to get me" I whisper. "Phoebe maybe this isn't the safest place for you to be right now he probably knows where you live" she says that doesn't make me feel any better. "Well where am I suppose to go? He'll kill me if I go to the cops if I go to the er they'll probably call the cops which will get me killed I can't go to my friends apartments because that would be just as dangerous as being here so you tell me where am I suppose to go.. Oh geez mom I'm sorry" I didn't mean to go off on her.

"I'm sorry too sweetie, You know I'm only trying to help.. Maybe you should consider going to the cops they could place you somewhere temporairly" she says. "Yeah and then if he didn't kill me I'd be alone in a strange place" I say confused. "I'm not going to leave you, whatever happens I'll be right there with you if anyone wants to hurt you they're going to have to go through me" She says. "No ones ever really said anything like that to me before I don't know what to say other than thank you" I say.