Chapter 2 - Hello Village
Okay, so it turns out that trying to sleep walk through the night was a bad idea. I eventually had to stumble off the road and get some sleep under a different tree. I'd gambled with my life, again, by doing that, but I was too tired to carry on. What little sleep I got was wracked by nightmares, thirst and hunger. First time I've ever gone to sleep without eating or drinking anything.
It was worth it though, I woke up near sunrise feeling slightly refreshed. Enough that I could get walking without the threat of collapsing again. During the night I tried to remember what I knew about this setting. The major characters, factions, and the general outline of the plot. Surprisingly I think I remembered a lot from the game.
I didn't want to assume too much about where I was just based on meeting a slime girl, but some of the things she had said were very explicit as to where I was.
"This is because of Ilias isn't it?! It's not intercourse if it's slime!"
"How did you find me?!"
"Your delicious scent darling!"
"Leave me alone! Don't you have anything better to do?!"
"Nothing is better than you darling! If you want I can change for you! I'm a slime, we're remoldable!"
"How desperate are you?!"
"Very!"
The path I was on had started to widen into a proper dirt road, and I saw a sign that read "Ilias Village". That's a good sign.
Hehehe.
So I was nearly at the village now, close to good old civilization! The path looked increasingly well-traveled, and through the trees and leaves, I could make out the tips of buildings and farmland in the distance.
As I moved closer to the forest's edge I wondered what I was planning to do. I know I need to speak to Luka. He's the key figure to stopping Ilias and ultimately saving the world. No pressure.
So, what the fuck am I going to say to him? Oh hi I fell through a portal and know your entire life story, now listen to me if you want to live! Are you a bad enough dude to romance the Monster Lord?! Yeah! That will go over well.
Maybe play up the religious angle?
Yeah that could work. I'll just claim I got a vision from Ilias, standard "seek out this hero and help him defeat the Monster Lord" stuff. He'd believe that since he's got visions from her himself and then bam. I'm in!… God that feels manipulative saying that.
Thinking about trying to insert myself into his life to better pull the puppet strings as it were, just feels like I'm being a stalker… Eh it's for his good, the worlds good, but most importantly my own good. I can't leave it up to chance that he's going to save the world. I mean if I know that the world is being threatened I should do something about it. Even if that's pawning off all responsibility onto Luka.
I was passing by a fence post when I noticed a farmer tending to the field not too far away. I shouted to gain his attention and waved at him "Hello! Ah, over here!"
He looked up from his field and waved back.
I walked off the road to get closer to him.
I hoped my clothing wasn't too unusual. I don't want to draw any unnecessary attention to myself. What if the townsfolk start mocking me behind my back! Unusual? More like ridiculous! They're going see the slime stains! The rumors!
Wait, stop that train of thought, it's just going to throw me off.
"Sorry to be a bother, but I've been lost for the last couple days and need some directions. Could you offer me some assistance?" I asked him.
"Sure, no problem. What are you looking for?"
"Ah well, I was just wondering if this is indeed Ilias Village. I'd gotten all mixed up on the way over here, so I don't know which way is which."
He nodded. "Eyup, happens to the best of us. Probably some monster working her vile magic to get ya lost in them woods. Good thing you ran into my though, been living here my whole life. Know these woods like the back of my hand." To demonstrate he lifted up his hand.
And it was then speared by an arrow.
"Jesus Christ! The fuck?!"
The farmer for his part was calm. "Sweet Ilias, those elves are attacking again. Best start running boy, lest they catch ya." With that he ran off with an arrow in his hand, blood trailing on the ground behind him.
"Again! What?!"
Now a smart person would have ran off with the farmer, maybe followed him to the safety of other people. I on the other hand, looked around like an idiot, too confused to process what was going on.
A few arrows shot into the ground near my feet, making me jump is surprise.
"Don't move!" A woman's voice called out.
I turned to see where it was coming from. At the edge of the farmers field was a broken down fence separating the field from the forest I had just wandered out of.
Jumping the fence was two dark elves with bows. I could tell they were dark elves because of the bright, platinum hair, and well, their dark brown skin. It's a dead give away, really.
"You shot the wrong one!" One elf berated the other.
"It doesn't matter we scared him off! Now get the fat one!"
Shit! Are they talking about me?! Of course they are! Who else is here!
They were half jogging, half running towards me. Closing the distance between us too quickly for my liking. I turned away from them and finally started running, going in the same direction I saw the farmer go. I felt a pairs of hands tried and fail to grasp the back of my jacket.
Too close!
"The fuck is going on?!" I yelled out in confused frustration. Really shouldn't have done that though, man I was out of shape. Running for only ten seconds and I'm already getting out of breath.
This was going end pathetically for me, I just know it.
"A marriage proposal! Sunny, bring him down!"
"The arm or leg?"
"The arm! I don't want to carry him!"
As I kept going the sound of the elves boots on the ground stopped. For a brief moment I fooled myself into thinking they had given up, and then I realized what they had just said. They aren't really going to shoot me-
They shot me!
"The hell?!"
And now I'm one the ground, clutching the arrow sticking out of my left arm!
Ow that hurts! Seriously, you would not believe the pain I'm in! I don't think I would have been able to keep running like that crazy farmer. The pain and shock was too distracting for me. Did I mention I'm kind of a pussy, never been in a fight before and I bruise like a ripe orange.
I noticed two shadows on the ground next to me and felt a boot press down on my back.
I glanced up to get a look at them. They looked… just like normal women, save for those big anime, pointed elf ears. You know the ones that stick out to the side. Clothing was a green tunic and skirt. The only difference between them was the one that had her boot on my back had green eyes and the other one holding her bow had golden, yellowish eyes.
Through clenched teeth I said. "Lovely weather we're having. Think I might bother you to get this arrow out of my arm? Seeing as you put it there in the first place!"
"Quit crying, it doesn't hurt that much." Green eyes said. "Sunny tie him up." Oh the golden eye one is Sunny, that's cute.
"Uh sure, but should I remove the arrow first?"
"Well obviously… no, maybe? We removed it when we shot those deer."
"Yeah, and without the arrow blocking the wound they bleed out. We want him alive after all."
"Huh, yeah but you remember that Mom said not to leave the arrow in, it can cause long term damage to the body. A crippled man would be worthless."
"Okay," Sunny looked down at me. "This is going to hurt, so uh, sorry."
Oh please say she isn't going to? I was just joking about that!
Fuck!
She did!
She pulled the arrow clean out, and now I'm listing off every swear I know.
They gave me a few moments to calm down, before my arms were roughly grabbed and pulled behind my back. I felt my wrist being loosely bound together by rope. Great, been here two days and already caught by monster girls. "Is this really necessary?! Aren't we are all rational people here?!"
I was pulled up by my shoulders to a standing position by the two elves. They were stronger than they looked, and short than I thought. They didn't come up to my shoulders.
"We were being 'rational'. We told you not to move."
"Why, did you run? Scared by two pretty girls running at you~?" Sunny asked.
"You startled me."
"We startled you?"
"Yes. You, startled me."
"Aw, we're sorry, but don't worry. We've got all the time in the world to make up for it~." Green eyes said sarcastically.
"Or, or, hear me out. You let me go, and…"
"And?" She motioned for me to continue.
"… Give me a moment. I'm still trying to get my wits about. You did just shoot me."
She gave me a flat look. "Get walking." With that both of them started to shove me towards the forest.
Whelp, I'm a goner.
It was a good run. A short run, but…. No, I suck. Caught by elves, the most boring monster girls ever, and I still have a gaping wound in my arm. I should have taken that slime up on her offers, at least that would have been a unique experience. But elves, all they had were those ears.
With all the possibilities in the world, why elves?
"We did it, we did it, we did it! Sis we finally caught one!" Sunny excitedly exclaimed.
"Yes! We can hopefully pay off that bounty… "
"What are you two talking about?" I asked them. Man, whatever this is about really has them excited… Why can't I feel my arm?
"N-nothing! Foolish man! We've got you ensnared in our trap. Right Sunny?"
"Yeah-h, yes!"
"That's great but, my arm has gone numb… I think I need serious medical attention."
There's a hole in my arm, my shirt, and my hoodie. All of three of which are being stained by fresh blood, my own blood might I add, and I'm feeling more and more lightheaded. Taking a second to process that.
"It's not like the Harpy Queen put a bounty on us for trying to steal her village's men."
"That man was rightfully ours! We stole him from the bees first!" Sunny interjected.
"And it's not like we're taking you her as tribute in the vain hope that she won't imprison us."
My whole body was going numb now. That was not a good sign. I slurred out a mumble for help.
"Good, that toxin is working now."
I fell over, face first into the ground.
"Sunny, you used the knockout one right?" Sis asked. Yes that's what I'm calling her. In no position to ask for her real name at the moment.
"Of course, it's the one from the red bottle."
"No… that's the heart stopping one. The knockout is in the maroon bottle."
"Quick feed him the antidote!"
My face was roughly grabbed and bottle was shoved into my mouth. A vile tasting liquid was poured in, which I promptly threw up.
"Sis! I think we screwed up! We should've just served the jail time with the harpies."
"Sunny!"
"They have those soft down feathers,"
"Sunny!"
"And those little baby chicks loved us,"
"Sunny!"
"And now he's going to die!"
"Sunny! Shut up!" I heard a loud slap. "Everything is going to be fine! He is fine." She pulled me up from the ground, again. "See! Standing up right!"
It was at that moment the metaphorical cavalry arrived. We heard the wild shouting first, and I was turned to see who was coming to get me out of here.
On the dirt road I could make out a small figure waving a sword wildly over his head with a big red cloak billowing in the wind. And I think I could see his hair color, it was… purple.
It was Luka, and only Luka- Oh wait, there's an angry mob of farmers armed with pitchforks trailing behind him. Vision blacked out there for a moment. Couldn't see them.
Great! I'm recused!
"The humans are onto us Sis! What do we do?"
"Cut loose the bastard and run Sunny! Run!"
"Are you sure?! Can't we carry him-"
"Yes!"
They panicked and acted in a way I had really hoped they wouldn't. They stabbed me in the back… multiple times, and left the dagger in there.
Killed by the most amateurish kidnappers ever.
On the plus side though I think Sunny was against that, I saw golden eyes looking worried for me… or that was worried about the angry mob.
So there I was, back to being face down on the ground. Again. I wish I had blacked out from blood loss or from the poison, but I was still conscious. I even heard Luka ask me something, he shook me a little to see if I was alive. So I yelled in pain some more.
The welcome to this place sucks.
Omake: Last Sweetroll
It has come to this.
I must fight the Monster Lord. We could have stopped this madness at any point. We could have walked away from each other. Let cooler heads prevail. We could have tried giving diplomacy a chance. But in the end we both knew it would come to this.
From the day we meet in that forest outside Ilias Village all the way to now. All the adventures and good times and hardships we've suffered together, forgotten in this very moment.
I was going to face Alipheese Fateburn the Sixteenth in one on one combat for the ultimate prize.
The last sweetroll.
Don't laugh!
This is a very serious manner! I haven't had a proper sweet in weeks!
I haven't braved to try anything new since the first honey incident. After that I let Luka try everything first, or took my chances when alone with Alice… hence why there are other honey incidents that shall not be named or ever spoken of unless I get really drunk and tell Luka, but he'd be too ashamed to tell anyone else.
I was staring her down from across the table, poised with my fork. Ready to skewer that sweetroll for myself! It tasted like a cinnamon bun, but better! I think that was the sugar deprivation I was going through, I needed my fix! I know Alice was holding out on me, so there was no way I was letting her get that sweetroll.
Sure I had like four or five maybe six, seven at most, but it was the principle of the matter. The principle being hazy and unclear at the moment, but it was a principle none the less!
I glanced at her face and our eyes met. Her gaze hardened while she nudged her head towards that wonderful sweetroll.
My arm tensed. Should I make the first move or her?
I stabbed down on the sweetroll before she could react! Yes! It is mine!
As I brought my fork up to enjoy the well-earned victory my hand stopped. Intercepted by… her tongue? Clever girl.
She was leaning over the table and had shot out her tongue to grab the fork. That thing has to have been stretched out over a foot long! Luka was staring at her in shock and surprise.
"Alice, let go of my fork."
"You release my sweetroll."
"How are speaking with your tongue like that? You should be slurring all your words and making a fool out of yourself." Luka pointed out to her.
"With plenty of practice." She started to reel in her tongue.
Well two can play at that game.
I grabbed my wrist with my other hand, planted my feet and pulled with all my might. I think I stood a chance there!
And was then promptly dragged onto the table. Note to self, monster girls are really strong. I kept forgetting that.
"I will repeat myself. Release my sweetroll or I add you to my dessert for making work for what is rightfully mine."
"Fine!" I release my grip on my fork. She began smiling triumphantly, thinking she had won or "put me in my place". Well I had one more ace up my sleeve. In hindsight this was a stupid idea, but totally not worth it.
I pushed myself up and dove at her! Grabbing her tongue with my hands and wrenched the sweetroll from it! I quickly took a bite of it and dropped the tiny flake that was left on the table.
"You, my, you… you." She glared at me.
Yes that was unbelievably stupid.
"Ahhaha! I got it! Mine! All mine" I shouted, basking in my short lived and suicidal victory.
What happened next a blur, but the last coherent thing I remember seeing was Luka's terrified face and then the hard wooden edge of the table slamming into mine.
***
Bethesda warned him not to do it, but he failed to hear their lessons. Never touch another person's sweetroll.
