Watching Edward Elric stalk around the office reminded Roy of a captured wolf he had seen once in a zoo. The animal paced, head down, brilliant golden eyes flashing as it measured the length and breadth of its cage. The creature moved with a sinewy, lethal grace; a predator certain of its environment. To ascribe the same traits to Edward seemed to do a great injustice to the alchemist – a wolf had nothing on the predatory spark that had only recently appeared in Edward's unnatural eyes.
He had matured greatly in the past few years. No longer a child, he had grown taller – blond hair still worn long, swept back now into a ponytail and not the heavy plaited braid he had favored in his youth – and the general klutziness of an awkward teenager had transformed into a staggering, silky grace. Having him in the office afforded Roy a great distraction from his own work; just watching Edward move from desk to desk to pick up reports at Lieutenant Hawkeye's behest was enthralling. It was a great shame that he had fallen out of the habit of wearing those sinfully tight black leather pants that left nothing to the imagination, but then Roy would really not get anything of merit accomplished on the clock.
Edward lifted his head, as if sensing Roy's gaze on him, and Roy could not bring himself to look away in time. A single gold eye, narrowed slightly in amusement – or was that irritation? - glanced back at him through a sheet of blond bangs. Despite all his years of practice, Roy could not help the smirk that settled on his features. Edward's eye flickered back to the report that Lieutenant Havoc was speaking to him about and Roy felt satisfied by the expression he had glimpsed crossing Edward's face.
Roy glanced to the side and caught that Riza was staring at him. It was all that he could do to keep his face from flushing at the intensity of her gaze; her brown eyes were narrowed thoughtfully at him. She knew – he KNEW that she knee, even if they had never spoken of it, there was no way that this escaped the legendary Hawk's eye – but she kept quiet. There was no disgust, no disapproval – just a silent, intense look that reminded Roy that they were at the office, there were other people present, and it was not just Roy's career that he was putting on the line. Roy nodded his head, accepting her chastisement, and focused his attention on the arrest reports that sat on his desk. Edward was now a common fixture in this office, there would be plenty of opportunity to ogle in the future.
It had been two years ago now that their torrid affair had started; Edward still so much smaller than Roy, his chin tilted in defiance even as he exposed his neck to Roy's mouth. It had taken years, honestly, of dancing around the issue – Roy had refused to acknowledge any attraction or even any attachment to the much younger alchemist. Edward was stunning even then, brilliant golden hair and bright eyes staring him down and unafraid of the consequences. He could not have understood those same consequences, he was far too young – but then again Roy was dismissing the fact that Edward surprised him at every turn. Even then he met and matched Roy at every turn – clumsily, granted, graced with the inexperience of youth – but unafraid of what he was asking for, what he knew Roy to be capable of.
The amount of trust that Edward put into Roy staggered him with the sheer weight of its responsibility. Roy kept telling himself that it was not a relationship, they were not a couple – this was just sex, a mutual attraction, and a stand-in for a real relationship (whenever Edward noticed the world around him outside the military) and moved on from whatever this weirdness was that the two of them had. It was only a matter of time until Edward discovered himself in that fashion – he could not be blind to the looks that the young women in the typing pool gave him.
All the same, their not-relationship kept … progressing. It was supposed to just be this thing, this physical release to keep them from staring at each other like this where people could see them. Edward was in desperate need of such a release, and Roy could not begrudge him this. It meant that Roy was allowed to worship his body, put mouth and hands on him with the express purpose of relaxation. It was not a purely selfless act, of course – but they both acknowledged it. Edward never spent the night in Roy's bed. In fact, they rarely used the bed at all.
Edward turned from seventeen to eighteen; vanishing for several heart-wrenching months in which Roy though that his entire world had crumbled around him. However, one sunny spring day Edward returned, half a head taller with a brand-new set of automail; a bedraggled, blond-haired boy in tow and he very smugly introduced the office to his younger brother. Despite intense and rather unorthodox interrogation from Roy, Edward somehow kept quiet on the exact nature of the transmutation that had to occur to free Alphonse from the steel cage of armor. Truthfully, it did not really matter – Roy was just intensely glad to have Edward returned to his arms.
And then from eighteen to nineteen, Edward graduated from fiery reds and ass-hugging black leather to calmer blues and silver in the form of the familiar military uniform. He was a fixture around the office now – Roy would still give him the occasional mission, but with his brother restored Edward tended to dither. He hung around; he helped Riza sort paperwork and shot the shit with Jean. He could be found crouched over Kain's desk, watching with intensity as the communications specialist fiddled with the innards of a radio. Somehow, he acquired duties – mostly relating to delivering paperwork to the right hands. It was a startling change from the loud, violent nomad of the past who graced the office with his presence only begrudgingly.
Roy attempted to keep the yawn bottled up as he scanned the arrest reports. It was warm in the office, the full force of the morning sun amplified by the wall of windows behind him. Arrest reports were dry and dull, even reading about the injuries sustained by the brigands was boring. Roy did not look up when the shadow fell across his desk, instead tapping the bottom of one of the pages with his finger. "Do you simply enjoy breaking the teeth out of people's heads, or was this another accident, Fullmetal?"
Edward frowned at Roy. "You make it sound like I have a fetish."
"It is somewhat concerning that you singlehandedly keep the dentist in business in this town," Roy said lightly, finally taking the time to look up at Edward and raising an eyebrow. "Do you have an off-the-books agreement with someone I should know about?"
"Huh, never thought of that," Edward said. "Leave it to you to sniff out a conspiracy where there isn't one. Besides, it's their own fault if they run into my hand with their face."
"It appears that they ran their face into your fist multiple times," Roy murmured, trying to keep the amusement out of his voice and mostly failing. Edward rarely punched people with his automail. While he still got into frequent scrapes, if he led with his prosthetic Roy had no doubt that the offending party had DEEPLY deserved it. He looked back down at the arrest report, and then up at Edward, who was very clearly waiting on him. "Did you require something, Fullmetal?"
Edward was still frowning. "It's lunchtime. Are you going to sleep at your desk again today, or do you need me to get sandwiches again?"
Jean tittered in amusement and Roy shot him a sharp look. "I do not sleep at my desk."
This pronouncement caused Jean to stifle a snort, and Roy's expression got darker. Edward had not budged an inch. "You drool all over your paperwork. If you're not sleeping, then I don't want to know why you drool so much."
"I don't sleep at my desk, and I don't drool!" Roy said. Jean had risen from his seat and wisely fled the room, chortling the entire way. Edward shrugged, tapping the files in his hand against the corner of Roy's desk.
"Doesn't matter to me if you're sitting back there sleeping, eatin', or jacking off, thou' I wager Hawkeye would cut your dick off if she caught you with it in your hand. Sandwiches, then?"
Roy put his head in his hand and sighed. "Ed, we have got to work on your professionalism."
"Fuck professionalism," Edward said sagely. "I have work to do."
Alphonse Elric sat in the canteen, also wearing the Amestrian military dress blues. He had his head in his hand and a notebook open at his elbow, a mostly-untouched tray of food sitting before him. Most soldiers gave the tow-headed alchemist a wide berth, as Alphonse had an expression on his face that warned people he was busy.
Edward had been strongly against his little brother officially joining the military. He was stuck, it was not like once they restored Alphonse to flesh Edward would able to easily sever the leach that the military had on him. Strangely enough though, Edward did not seem to mind. With the Fuhrer ousted and the homunculi dealt with – corruption had not ceased entirely, but the military had finally started to make strides in the right direction, attempting to make up for its crimes. Edward apparently figured that he could do more good from inside the military than he would from the outside.
Alphonse was the same way. It was idealistic and very, very naïve – he knew it down to his bones, he had seen the very ugly side of the military just like Edward had. However, he had also seen all the good that this military could be capable of under the right leadership, and he had to believe that there was a way to fix the military from the inside. Especially if they could get the right person into power.
So Alphonse had sat for the State Alchemist's examinations without Edward's knowledge – Edward had, predictably, thrown a fit, but he had since come to accept that his brother was now his own autonomous person and he had his own life to live. (He had perhaps also been helped along with this discovery by Alphonse's fists.)
None of that, of course, stopped his brother from plopping down opposite him at the table and promptly stealing half his lunch. Alphonse looked down at his plate, and then up at his brother accusingly as half a sandwich disappeared down Edward's insatiable gullet. "That was my lunch."
"Coulda fooled me," Edward said, licking the fingers of his left hand. "What are you still doing down here, I thought you were on your way back to East City today."
"Departure got moved back a week," Alphonse said glumly, tapping the pencil against his notebook. "Winry's gonna kill me."
"Good," Edward did not sound sympathetic to his brother's plight. "I don't like you goin' to East City to work for that Collins guy."
"Colonel Collins," Alphonse said idly, stopping to scratch out a few more notes.
"Whatever. I don't trust him." Edward flicked some crumbs across the table, and then set his chin in his hand. "You should stay here."
"I can't get assigned to Colonel Mustang's unit, brother, we've already had this discussion. Not only is it frowned on to have siblings in the same unit, that would make for a disproportionate amount of State Alchemists in one garrison." Alphonse looked up in time to see the remainder of his sandwich disappear down Edward's gob. "BROTHER!"
Edward shrugged. "Snooze you lose," he said.
"What are you doing down here anyway?" Alphonse asked with a sigh, looking forlornly at his now empty lunch tray. "Aside from sniping my lunch."
"Mustang's pretending to work through lunch again, so I'm on delivery duty," Edward tugged at the collar of the stiff blue military jacket and sighed heavily. "Everyone else has gone out to lunch, so the idiot'll be asleep by the time I've gotten the food. Figured I would dawdle a bit and let him sleep as long as possible."
Alphonse smiled. "You're considerate."
"Considerate, hell," Edward said. "The moment I bring him the food he'll start mucking up his reports, sprayin' crumbs and shit everywhere. Figure I might as well hold off as long as possible so we get to witness a Riza Hawkeye dressing-down." Edward rested his chin in his hand. "Sometimes it's like taking care of a small child."
His brother chuckled in amusement, and Edward looked at him. "I don't like it when you laugh at me like that, Al."
"Brother, you and Colonel Mustang are like an old married couple. I really thought Winry was kidding, but she's completely right."
Edward opened his mouth to fire off a sharp (and fairly rude) retort, but then closed it sullenly. "Winry said that?"
"It's cute," Alphonse said, taking a sip of his water. "You two."
"I am NOT cute," Edward said, his eyes glinting dangerously. Alphonse noted the danger, and then promptly chose to ignore it. "We're also not a couple."
"Sure, you're not," Alphonse nodded to himself, and then tucked the pencil away behind his ear and raised an eyebrow at his brother as he closed his notebook. "Everyone knows about you two, it's the worst-kept secret in the entire base."
Edward's face flushed red, right across his nose. "Yah, you're lying through your teeth. The only people who know about it is you, Winry, and prolly Hawkeye, because nothing escapes her ever. Besides, we're not a couple. We're just friends."
Alphonse chuckled. "You forget, I've seen the way he looks at you; AND I've seen the way you moon over the thought of him whenever we go visit Winry and Granny Pinako. The only person you're fooling, brother, is yourself."
Edward huffed angrily as Alphonse stood and lifted his tray from the table. "Ah, go an' boil your stupid head!"
This only caused further merriment from Alphonse, who prontly winked at his brother and strode off toward the dishwasher to drop off his empty tray. Edward stewed a little longer, staring at the stained wooden table, before shifting himself up to hunt for food. Alphonse's sandwich, after all, had barely sated him.
Roy slept light whenever he napped at work. He had been trained, like all soldiers, to catch some shuteye whenever he got a moment's respite and had no trouble dropping off in an eyeblink. However, with Riza lurking about he knew he had to sleep carefully, because she did not look kindly on his narcoleptic tendencies.
The click of the door to the outer office made him raise his head, blinking away the muzziness that came with a quick nap as quickly as possible. He was in the process of swiping his sleeve across his mouth to check for any drool (he did NOT drool, dammit, but now Fullmetal had him paranoid) when the man himself walked into the office. Edward was grinning, and that put Roy on edge.
It had warmed up considerably during the day, and somewhere Edward had shed his stiff blue outer jacket. The rest of the military uniform Edward did not seem to mind, but the first excuse to remove it and the jacket vanished (at least twice, without a trace). Underneath, he wore a white button-down, long sleeved, with matching white gloves. It was startling how much older the military uniform made him look, even when he was grinning like that.
"You okay, Mustang?"
Roy made his gaze as frosty as possible. "When we are in the office, Fullmetal, I expect the proper respect paid to my rank."
"As opposed to what?" Edward dropped a wrapped sandwich on the desk and smirked at Roy. He had that look in his eye, the tilt to his chin of aggression and Roy shook his head. "What did your brother say to you this time?"
Edward was doing a lot better at keeping his emotions in check, but even still he let the flutter of surprise dance across his features. "How did you know I talked to Al?"
"Because you two are constantly conspiring in corners. If I was not certain you were wholly on my side I would be watching my back." Roy unwrapped his sandwich slowly.
Edward's grin turned sharp. "What makes you think you shouldn't be?"
"I would hear your coup de tat coming three weeks prior to the event," Roy said, watching with some amusement as Edward's smirk rearranged into a tremendous scowl. "Alphonse, on the other hand, is the one I need to watch out for."
Edward huffed in annoyance, crossing his arms and regarding Roy skeptically. "You realize now, that if you get into a position of power that I am duty-bound to overthrow you."
Roy actually laughed at that, which only irritated Edward further. He stood from his desk and Edward snorted, refusing to present Roy with his back, his shoulders hunched forward slightly. Roy walked around the long line of desks and opened the door to the hallway. He glanced left and right, before closing the door and locking it.
Edward's shoulders relaxed. "No."
Roy glanced up at him and arched his eyebrow. "No?" He repeated the syllable, completely nonplussed.
"Not until you agree I could overthrow your regime."
"Lesser men quake at the thought," Roy murmured smoothly, fingers trailing along the outside edge of Falman's meticulously clean desk as he walked. Edward sniffed.
"You're being sarcastic."
"Am I?" Edward was watching him intently and he loved it. If Roy kept Edward's attention on him, he also did not have to worry about Edward thinking too much about them and how fragile their strange little arrangement truly was. "I don't think I am, love."
Edward's shoulders hunched again, defensive. "Don't call me that."
Roy reached for Edward, and Edward at least did not flinch away from his touch. The rough pads of Roy's glove slowly ran slowly ran down Edward's jaw. Edward's eyes were wide, gold, and utterly defiant. "Then what should I call you?" he asked quietly.
Edward looked away. "I don't know. I don't care. Just don't call me that."
Roy sighed deeply, and that drew Edward's attention back to his face. "I don't know if I can keep doing this, Ed."
Edward's eyes flashed, he was hurt by that. He took a step back, Roy's hand falling from his face. They were almost eye to eye, as adults – Roy missed that small advantage of height he had over the younger alchemist. "I knew you'd get tired of me," Edward said, and although his expression was angry his tone was resigned.
There was a pause, and a long moment of sheer confusion for Roy. "Tired of you?" he repeated dumbly. "I'm not tired of you, you thickheaded moron, I'm in love with you."
Now it was Edward's turn for honest confusion. His shoulders had hunched in protectively – presumably to help lessen the blow of whatever barbed words he had anticipated from Roy – and now he straightened again, puzzled. "You … what?"
Roy sighed. "I love you, you dumbass. I think I have for a while, but it's only just recently I've come to realize it."
Edward's head cocked, first one way, then the other. Roy was reminded in a brief flash again of that wolf, before Edward blinked and actually laughed. Roy did not flinch, but the laugh clearly stung. "I hardly see what could be so funny in this matter, Fullmetal."
Edward, on the other hand, clearly found the entire situation hilarious. He had clasped his hands around his middle and leaned back, into the desk that butted up against Roy's, laughing so hard he could no longer stand straight. Roy waited impatiently for Edward to regain some semblance of control, and Edward wiped his hand across his eyes. "Idiot," he managed finally, and Roy straightened, his mouth pressed into a hard line.
"I don't take kindly to being ridiculed," he said shortly.
Edward sighed a deeply satisfied sigh. "You are such an idiot," he said reflectively. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Roy stared at him, cold-eyed and impassive, and Edward sighed again. "Idiot," he repeated, shaking his head. "Alphonse has more sense in his head than the two of us put together." When Roy arched an eyebrow, Edward spread his hands. "Truth is I've been in love with you for so long I don't even remember what it's like not to be," he said finally. "I've been trying to ignore it, because I figured you were only dicking around with a kid like me out of convenience."
Now it was again Roy's turn for puzzled confusion. "Wait, so you're in love with me?"
Edward placed the palms of both hands against the edge of the desk he was leaning against, cocking his head slightly. "Did I not just say that?"
Roy took a step toward Edward. "So you are in love with me."
"Seems like." Edward nodded his head, golden eyes sharp and drawn to Roy's.
Another step forward. "And I'm in love with you."
"That's what you said." The ghost of a smile was still hovering on Edward's face as Roy drew closer.
"And we've been having sex for how long?"
"Two years and seven months on Tuesday," Edward said.
Roy was standing in Edward's personal space now. "How are we so blind to each other?"
"I don't know, but I bet Hawkeye does," Edward said as Roy captured his wrist and tugged him straight. Roy brushed the bangs from Edward's face, before tilting his head just right and kissing him.
They walked home hand in hand. Edward had been the one to balk at that initially, with a concerned glance to the PFCs on guard duty. "Let them talk," Roy said softly, slipping Edward's left hand into his right. "This is more important to me."
Twilight came early, grey and heavy with the promise of rain. The weather was just unseasonably warm for this time of the year. Edward glanced down between them, the warmth of Roy's hand in his comforting and reassuring. They had touched so many times, in far more intimate ways, but this simple, public gesture felt far more scandalous than anything they had done before. Roy caught Edward's eye when he lifted his head and smiled softly. Cautiously, Edward smiled back.
It had been so sudden, so impromptu, that the enormity of their conversation had barely registered at the time. So many thoughts swirled around in his head, surprised at how easily the words had come tumbling out. He had lost sleep over this, spent nights wondering if he really felt like this or if it was some kind of leftover affection, the chemicals still rebounding around his brain after mind-blowing sex. He could not trust this to Roy; Roy who could shutter his mind and his emotions from Edward's gaze in the blink of an eye, Roy who manipulated him as a child and even as an adult (no matter his intentions), Roy who had purred soothingly in his ear as Edward screwed his eyes shut, accepting the brief spike of pain in the promise of greater pleasure.
But Roy had been dearly earnest. He knew. Edward could not fathom how he understood this, but he knew it in his heart and in his soul. Roy meant every word and then the words had spilled from Edward in relief and here they were, walking along the busy early evening streets, two men in military uniforms and heavy black greatcoats, hand in hand.
He HATED it when Alphonse was right.
Edward stopped walking, his hand slipping from Roy's. Roy stopped then as well, half-turning on the sidewalk and for the first time the fear finally surfaced in his voice. "Is this right?" Edward said, as the street lights glowed warm amber above them.
Roy looked at him, silent and considering. The twilight made his eyes darker than normal, washing out all hints of color. "Only if you want it to be," he said, and then extended his hand again to Edward. Edward looked at his proffered hand, and then met Roy's eyes again before taking it.
Roy's house was familiar territory for them both. Edward clearly felt safer here, behind the closed doors and the drawn curtains. Roy watched as Edward tugged at the tie that restrained his ponytail, his blond hair falling loose over his shoulders. With his hair undone Edward scrubbed both of his gloved hands over his scalp, tangling the locks as he headed to his favorite room in Roy's house – the kitchen.
The warm fluorescent lighting reflected harshly off of the white counters and the fixtures. Roy shooed Edward gently away from the icebox, closing the door and instead turning on the percolator. "So this is it?" Edward said. "One grand revelation of love and things are back to normal?"
Roy smiled as he filled the pot. "What were you expecting?"
Edward leaned back against the small table that Roy usually ate breakfast at as he thought. Finally he crossed his arms and sighed. "I don't know. I expected something to change, not for things to feel exactly the same."
"Well, something's changed," Roy said, glancing over his shoulder at Edward.
Edward cocked his head, clearly curious.
Roy's smirk was lethal. "This time, you're staying for breakfast."
Edward hesitated a moment, and the returned the sharp-toothed smirk. "I'll make you regret that," he said, standing straight. Roy's eyes moved over him, slowly up and down and Edward's grin only grew.
It WAS different, Edward realized later, as Roy gently kissed the palm of his hand before twining their fingers together. The emotion that had been stifled for so long carried through so clearly, so cleanly, that each touch was made electric. Even on his back, Roy above him, his dark hair spiked mad with sweat but a playful grin on his face as he tucked his face between Edward's chin and shoulder, nipping at his throat playfully, Edward could feel it all in the air. He shuddered as Roy's teeth scraped his flesh, and he could not help the noise that tore from his throat.
He was surrounded by Roy, consumed completely by him. Roy's bed, warm with their heat and his scent, Roy inside him, Roy above him – Edward opened his mouth and tilted his head back, barely able to breathe. This wasn't a quickie in the supply closet, or blowing Roy under his desk at work, or even an enjoyable evening of fucking on the couch downstairs. This was everything that he needed and wanted, and he would never be satisfied with anything less.
Roy lifted his head and licked up Edward's jaw, their bodies pressed together, before he shifted, freeing his hand from Edward's to wipe the tears from Edward's face. "Ed?" he asked, his voice strained and concerned, one syllable containing a multitude of verses.
Edward shook his head, biting his lip so hard that blood shone on it. "Don't stop," he said, trying to contain the whimper and failing. "Please, Roy-"
Roy moved them both, bringing their bodies even closer together so that he could kiss the tears away. "Don't worry, love," Roy murmured. "I won't."
When they lay together in the aftermath, sheets tangled across their bodies and Roy's breathing evened out in slumber, Edward brushed the hair plastered to Roy's forehead with sweat. He could not sleep, he was far too keyed up to sleep, nerves and adrenaline and endorphins all racing around in his bloodstream. So instead he just looked at Roy sleeping peacefully as he lay in his arms. Edward smiled, satisfied, as he realized that nothing would ever really be the same again.
after living through those wild years
and coming out alive
I just want to lay my head here
and stop running for a while
