Fox: Aaaaaaand we are back ladies and gents.
Wolf: Yep, and it seems like we have next to no viewers tonight. Seriously….where are all the people at?
Fox: Who knows. I hear World Idol's on at the moment. That might explain it.
Wolf: Ah…that it would. Maybe we could get more ratings if we could get somebody up to sing?
Fox: Are you volunteering?
Wolf: ….no…
Fox: Moving on then. Who's in the next match?
Wolf: We have Donkey Kong vs. Sonic the Hedgehog.
Fox: I see, this ought to be good. Newcomer Sonic has provided some seriously stiff competition throughout this series.
Wolf: True. And while most have travelled interplanetary, Sonic has come from a totally different universe, all the way from Sega to Nintendo, wowing the crowds with his lightning fast reflexes and super quick moves.
Fox: It looks like we're pitching Speed against Strength, with Kong being one of the strongest competitors. As I said, this should be good.
Wolf: Let's go down to the ring.
Crazy Hand: On my right, standing at 4'11'' , weighing in at 55 pounds, it's the lean, mean, speed-machine, Sonic the Hedgehog.
[Crowd cheer]
Sonic: Sonics' the name, speed's my game.
Crazy Hand: Aaaaaaaaaaaand on my left, standing at 6'2 weighing in at 800 pounds, It's the King of the Jungle Swingers himself...Donkey Kong!
[More cheering from the crowd as Kong thumps his chest]
Fox: I can hardly wait for this match, this is gonna be SO FRIGGIN COOL!
Wolf: Well we'll have to see about that...And the Ref signals the start of the match!
Fox: And Donkey Kong moves in with a heavy roundhouse pun-...WHAT THE HECK?
Wolf: Wha...what just happened?
Fox: Ladies and Gentleman...uh, we are not exactly sure what is going on but Sonic is currently standing on the head of a very dazed Donkey Kong, in fact the Ref has declared Kong out for the count? What happened?
Wolf: I guess Sonic was just too fast. We'd better go to a slo-mo replay.
[Crosses over to the large screen where match is shown, slowed down by 75%. Sonic is seen dashing around his adversary, performing a spin attack to his calves before leg-sweeping him. The Hedgehog jumps up and down on Kongs chest repeatedly, grabs a newspaper from an audience member, before sitting down to read it while eating several chilli dogs before moving over to stand on DK's head, ending the match]
Fox: ...Well that was… bitterly disappointing
Wolf:...Yeah. Now what? Do we cut to an ad break
Fox: We just got back from one. Let's just go to the next round.
[Cross to the ring]
Crazy: Alllllllrighty then. In the Plaid corner; he's rough, tough and good looking enough, Ladies and gennleman, All the way from Mute City, Captaaaaaaaaaain Falcooooooooooon!
[BIG cheer]
Falcon: (weakly) C'mon...
Crazy: And in the Tartan Corner, uh...am I reading this right? Slippy the Toad?
[An old female amphibian in the crowd claps]
Slippy: WHOOHOO! YEAH LOOK AT ME EVERYBODY! I'M BACK! WHEEE!
Wolf: What the hell? Fox, what's the meaning of this? Slippy was the first one to get eliminated Why is that toad down there?
Fox: You see this cast on my leg?
Wolf: Yeah...what about it?
Fox: Weeeeeeelll...I was cleaning my Landmaster...
Wolf: ..As usual..
Fox:...when that skinny little idiot down there- who was buffing the leather seats when he somehow managed to roll it over my damn leg! So I pulled a few strings to let him compete instead of me. If he loses, that's no skin off my nose because he doesn't represent me but if by some cruel twist of fate he does win, I'll get the winnings.
Wolf: You do know the mic's on right? And that everybody out there can hear you?
Fox: Oh...er...can we edit that out later?
Wolf: This is a live broadcast.
Fox: Ah. Hey...the match has already started!
Wolf: Yes it has. By the way, is it just me or does Captain Falcon look kinda out of it?
Fox: I'll say. He's wobbling more than Mario's belly after all-you-can-eat Friday's at Kid Koopa's Pizzeria; now offering half price for family meals on Saturday…
Wolf: Product plugging much?
Fox: Shaddup!
Wolf: Getting back to the match now and it seems that Slippy is literally running circles around the Captain, who can only throw a feeble punch or two in retaliation.
Fox: Slippy rains down slap upon slap onto the Captain.
Wolf: Not really doing much is it though? Kinda seems to be at a stalemate.
Fox: I don't think this is going anywhere soon.
Wolf:…
Fox:…
Wolf:…
Fox:…..
Wolf:….
Slippy: WOOHOO YEAH HEY LOOK AT ME EVERYBODY! HE CAN'T TOUCH ME! I'M WAY TOO FAST, I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO COOL, YEAH!
Fox: This would be so much better if it were Zelda and Samus.
Wolf: Zero Suit Samus right?
Fox: Of course…
Wolf: Wait, it appears that something else is about to happen. Slippy is climbing up onto the corner post. I looks like he' is going for a slam. He's trying to psych up the crowd, look at those scrawny little arms waving around up there.
Fox: Eyuch….where's a French Chef when you need one?
Wolf: And he's launched himself up into the air. And up…and up…and up some more. Wow, his tiny legs are quite powerful, he must be about nine feet up in the air!
Fox: He's reached the peak of his arc and with all that momentum, he's coming down fast!
Wolf: This might actually finish Captain Falcon!
Fox: AND WE HAVE IMPACT!
Wolf: Now that was unexpected. At the last moment, the Captain's leg s gave out under him and he fell to his knees, ending up safely out of the way of his opponent's attack! Slippy's nine foot bellyflop has knocked him out cold!
Fox: But it's become too much for Falcon, he's finally collapsed, landing across Ol' Toadface and pinning him down.
Wolf: Hand makes the count! The Captain Falcon wins!
Fox: But only by a hare's breadth!
Peppy: Hey!
Wolf: Shaddap you Barrel Rolling Cabbage Muncher!
Fox: Well that was an interesting and surprisingly evenly matched fight.
Wolf: I'll say. Shall we go to an ad break?
Fox: Can't think of anything better to do.
Wolf: We'll be right back after these messages folks.
Fox: I'm gonna go taunt a toad….
