Things pick up a bit here, relationship wise. Let me know if this is too verbose, and especially if Matt and Tai's interactions seem forced, unnatural, or out of character. This chapter takes place after 'Iron Vegiemon'.
"Damn it." Matt winced and dropped the knife, his finger already crimson to the knuckle. He turned the faucet on and washed his wound out until the water flowing in the sink turned clear again.
"And it's deep, too. Terrific." Matt gritted his teeth and walked to the bathroom. Thankfully, his mother and TK had taken his advice and were sitting in the living room, watching the news. Unfortunately, there were no band aids or rubbing alcohol in the cabinet above the sink.
"Well, that's." Matt slammed the cabinet shut.
"Matt? Is everything all right?" His mother's voice sounded dimly through the closed door.
"Fine." Matt dropped his voice to a whisper. "I just gave myself a worse injury cutting vegetables than that black ring prick gave me with his enslaved digimon. It's great." He opened the door with enough control to keep it from hitting the wall, turned, and came face to face with his brother.
"Matt..."
"Where do you keep the band-aids in this place? Who doesn't have band aids in the bathroom?" Matt dug the nail of his thumb just under the cut, numbing the pain and stemming anymore blood flow.
TK remained silent and passive for a few seconds before he said,
"I'll get you one." He left Matt standing in the hall. Matt shifted his weight from one foot to the other, cleared his throat when it dried moments later. For the first time since arriving, he examined the place. It was sterile. White. Even the wooden floor looked like someone had painted it onto a canvas, and if he would just rub his foot against the boards hard enough, he'd scrape through to the white surface.
Matt shook his head. What the hell was he even thinking about? He was tired. That was the problem. Tired. And a stranger in his own mother's house.
Thanks, Tai, for the great idea. Should have known better than to take that kind of advice from someone who lets Davis call him 'senpai.'
Matt paused his train of thought. Tai. This was his fault, really. So why shouldn't he be here to enjoy the fruits of his idea?
TK returned just as Matt was about to start looking for the phone.
"Here. Just in case you need another, we keep these in the cupboard above the washer and dryer." TK smiled as he spoke, and Matt relaxed. At least they weren't both going stir crazy.
"Thanks," Matt said. His finger felt better seconds after the band aid went on.
"Seems like band-aids are becoming a regular thing with you. And Tai." Matt sighed. TK hadn't really gotten the full story of the incident a few weeks ago, and Matt wasn't in the mood to tell him. After today, Tai's declaration of all out war against the Digimon Emperor struck a far too pleasant cord in Matt's mind and body, a hum that passed through his muscles, like he'd just immersed himself in hot water.
"Things always get a little out of control when Tai's around." Matt wouldn't have been able to pull a smile, so he settled for calm eye contact. TK looked skeptical, but didn't press.
"Are you going to be able to finish by yourself?"
"Yeah, no problem. Could I use your phone?"
TK frowned. "Sure. There's one in the study, and I think I left the cordless in the kitchen."
"I haven't seen it," Matt said quickly.
"OK...well. Help yourself to the one in the study, I guess." TK stepped closer. "Matt are you OK? With what happened to Gabumon?"
His brother spoke, calmly, knowingly. Of course he would. With Padamon. He knows, at least.
"Yeah. I'm good. Tired, but good."
"Are you going to call Tai?"
For his part, Matt only let his eyes widen a fraction. Then he relaxed.
"I'm a little out of my element right now."
"What? With us?" TK didn't hide the surprise and hurt in his voice.
"No. You know what I mean."
"I don't. I thought things were good between you and mom."
"They're fine. It's just...awkward when we're together. Look, she still thinks I'm wasting my life with the band. She's not in my face about it, but I can tell she doesn't like all the time I spend." Matt sniffed the air before TK could respond.
"Crap." He ran to the kitchen where a pot of boiling eggs had started to froth onto the hot stove top. He gingerly took the copper pot by the handle and moved it to the side. The spilled water sizzled and hissed against the coils.
"TK? Matt? Is everything all right?" Their mother called from the other room.
"Fine," Matt called back. "So much for a quiet, clean dinner." Matt lifted the lid of the other large pot. The kombu and fish cakes were still moving along nicely in the soy broth. He drained the egg pot and filled it with cold water, stirred the broth pot, replaced its lid, and lowered the heat.
TK was still close by, no less focused than moments before.
Matt sighed. "TK, it's fine. I'll get through this dinner and then. I'll move on with the band, and mom will keep having her doubts. That's just how things go."
"Great, but why do you need Tai over here?"
"I don't need him over here. I just want to talk to him. In person." Matt brought the broth to a simmer, and continued to stir.
"About what happened today?" TK moved closer again, as though he thought proximity would lend him more insight into Matt's thoughts.
"Sure," Matt replied tersely. The pot went off the burner.
TK stood there as Matt started cracking the eggs against the counter. He stepped back when Matt was half way through peeling all of them.
"All right. Go call Tai if you need to." TK was resigned. Matt tilted his head away from his work. TK clenched and unclenched his hands, took deep breaths. Finally, he seemed to return to normal. "Just remember, we're here too. Me and mom."
Matt stilled. His chest tightened and his throat dried. He should have known that TK wouldn't just brush his aloofness off. Ever since coming back from the Digital World three years ago, they'd agreed to treat each other as equals, to make sure that they were a family, both parents included. And he'd done a fantastic job of that keeping up that bargain, hadn't he? But this Digital World situation was different; it was more profound than letting TK be on his own. TK's integrity, his humanity was at stake. Matt had shouldered a dark burden before, and he could do it again. He wasn't alone. He smiled, made eye contact with TK.
"I know."
TK returned the expression, though it looked weak to Matt. That couldn't be helped.
After TK left the kitchen, and Matt had finished peeling the eggs, he dropped them into the broth and walked to the study. Matt picked up the phone and hesitated. TK was right there. Even his mother...Matt rolled his eyes.
Yeah, he could just picture how that conversation would go. 'So there's this psychotic freak who's enslaving Digimon, and me and Tai and Sora might just have to kill him. Got any advice?'
Matt dialed. The phone rang twice.
"Kamiya residence. May I ask who's calling?"
"Hi, Mrs. Kamiya. It's Matt. Is Tai there?"
"Yes he is. Hold on." He heard muffled voices, then a scratching sound.
"Hey Matt. What's up?"
Matt's chest tightened briefly again, then immediately relaxed, leaving an odd warmth behind. Tai's voice was firm and assuring, even in its levity. If ever a smile could be heard, it was Tai's.
"Uh." And suddenly Matt didn't know what to say. I need to talk to you? That seemed trivial. But why not? None of this was trivial, or forgettable.
"Matt?"
He hated when people said his name like that, like a reflex, as though he were always one step from the edge of a fall, was flailing wildly and needed someone to pull him back.
Matt schooled his tone.
"I'm at my mom's. With TK. Would you mind coming over in about twenty minutes?" Matt left it at that. Tai could infer a reason, a need.
"Sure. No problem."
And that was that. Matt would have laughed if Tai weren't still on the line.
"Great. See you then." The line went dead, and Matt returned to the kitchen. The broth was still hot, so Matt lifted the pot and carried it to the table, where he'd already set out bowls and cups.
"All right guys. Come and get it." Matt made a face after he'd called out. Usually he and his father just sat down without preamble, and dinner went from there. But if TK or their mother thought Matt's invitation awkward, they didn't show it.
"It looks delicious, Matt."
"Thanks, mom. We'll see, though." Matt sat last, and took his share in the same order. For some reason the compliments that followed moments later surprised him, even if he thought it was next to impossible to ruin oden.
They ate in silence for a few minutes, and Matt thought he'd be able to get through with a few brief comments about his day.
"How are things going with the band, Matt?"
Matt paused in chewing a piece of fish. He swallowed, took a drink of water and tentatively answered,
"Pretty well. We're going to have a concert in a few months, so we're getting ready for that bit by bit. There's still a lot of sh- stuff, stuff to work out." He rushed over the mistake, and his mother didn't seem to notice, or care.
"That's good. It's...well it means you're getting experience with organization and meeting deadlines. It's important."
Matt frowned. She chose her words slowly and carefully. He eyed TK.
"And I hear you're also working at a music store some days."
Matt gave TK a longer appraisal before responding. His brother looked back with prefect innocence. "Yeah. I work in the strings section. Guitars. Lots of kids want to learn to play, but they don't realize how much time and discipline it takes." He paused. "That's another important thing music teaches you, you know?"
His mother nodded, quickly. "Of course. When I was your age, my parents forced me to take violin lessons, and I fought them every step of the way. Now..." His mother trailed off, seemed to reconsider.
Matt spoke quietly. "Mom, you don't really wish you'd kept playing the violin, do you?"
She looked, maybe for a flash, embarrassed, then quashed the expression and replaced it with a small smile.
"No, I don't suppose I do. I just wasn't talented that way. But really, Matt. It's wonderful that you've found something you love, and that you're good at." She laughed, genuinely. "You don't really realize until later how rare that is."
Matt couldn't hide his surprise. "Uh. Right. I mean, I guess I'll be shocked if the band really makes it big, you know. To the point where we're on national TV or high on the charts. But I'll keep trying." He lowered his voice. "No matter what."
His mother nodded. "It's still important to have other options, of course. Maybe you could go into engineering, or even accounting as a backup."
TK made a face. "Oh come on, mom. Accounting's the most boring thing in the world. You don't even have to think to do it. Matt's a great musician. Even if he doesn't make it big, he can still go into instrument making, or teaching."
"TK, you're uncle from Kyoto is an accountant, and he's a very intelligent man. Sometimes you just have to choose the job you have to do in order to survive, over the one you really want to do. You can always do what you really love on the side."
"Well, yeah, but..."
Matt effectively left the sphere of conversation at that point, and he didn't really mind. Matt just wondered what TK had said to their mother while they were in the living room together. 'Please make Matt feel like he isn't wasting his life away?' No. TK wouldn't belittle him like that. More likely he'd come up with an actually convincing argument. Go figure.
Matt finished draining his bowl just as the doorbell buzzed. He felt the same relief he had after making the phone call.
"Hm. I wasn't expecting anyone at this time." Their mother frowned, looking briefly confused. TK just sighed.
"It's Tai," Matt said quickly. "I invited him over because I need to ask him something in person. And it'll be easier to talk to him on the way back."
"You're leaving that soon?"
The door buzzed again. Matt stood.
"No, no. I'll clean up, and then stick around for a bit. Hold on." He went to the door, hoping he didn't look as agitated as he felt.
Tai appeared as relaxed as ever on the opposite side of the frame. He smiled.
"Hey. Something smells good."
"I didn't invite you over to feed you."
"No," Tai said as stepped in. "But you will anyway."
"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." Matt shut the door, and really expected to see TK staring at them when he turned, but instead saw only the empty hall. Tai was already talking, having greeted everyone.
"Sorry about dropping by on such short notice, Ms. Takaishi. I just forgot about this project Matt and I have been working on, and he had to call and get me back in gear."
It wasn't an outright lie, but the ease with which Tai executed his omission still left Matt with a sense of unease, more so when he couldn't think up of anything close to the truth that he'd want to share.
"It's all right, Tai. I just wish you'd showed up sooner, so we could have all sat down for dinner together."
Tai laughed. Deeply. Warmly. "No problem. I'll just scoop up the leftovers."
"Matt didn't mention anything about a project," TK said suddenly. Matt had to actively restrain himself from glaring at him. Tai had no such trouble.
"Eh, it's just something for school. We have to come up with points and counterpoints for engaging in preemptive strikes during times of peace. Then we're gonna research the effectiveness of carrying out strategic, precise attacks. Military targets. Political assassinations. That sort of thing."
"Sounds fascinating." Matt's mother had nodded along during Tai's summary, thought he wasn't even giving her the brunt of his attention. TK just sat, transfixed and silent, his brow furrowed as he tried to puzzle out the implications of Tai's words.
Matt's voice was higher than he'd intended. "Tai. How about you help me clean up? You can get rid of those leftovers too."
Tai stood and started gather plates. "Just lead the way and I'll follow."
"Yeah, like that's ever going to happen."
"Hm?"
"Nothing." He addressed TK. "We'll take care of everything in the kitchen, and we'll be back in a few minutes."
"Fine." Was the curt reply he received.
Matt wanted to stay, to try to explain away TK's mounting suspicions, but he didn't know what to say. Another reason he needed to see Tai. Matt relented, and followed his friend.
Tai set down the large cooking pot, and was ready to set into it, but Matt stopped him. He turned on the faucet, and struggling to keep his face neutral, drew Tai away from the counter.
"What the hell were you doing in there? Trying to tell TK what we're planning?" Matt thought his voice was calm and low, all things considered.
Tai was nonplussed. Of course.
"We're not planning anything. It's just something we talked about. Something we might have to do. And what was I supposed to say? That you called me over here because you didn't want to talk to your family about what happened?"
Matt flinched, but kept his tone. "I can't talk to my mom about the Digital World. And I don't want TK having to deal with anymore than he already has to."
Tai sighed. "What about what you told him before? That you were done treating him like a kid?"
"Oh yeah, like you're one to talk. What about Kari? Have you told her that we might," Matt lowered his voice further, "that we might have to kill someone?" The word and the idea associated with it still curled against Matt's spine like a jagged ball of ice, and he couldn't repress a shiver.
Tai stepped closer, and Matt could even feel the extra heat of having another body next to him.
"I'm not talking about that. I haven't told Kari, for the same reason you haven't told TK. But you can still talk to him about Gabumon. Do you know how pissed off I was on that first day, when Agumon needed my help against that creep, and I couldn't do anything?"
"No." Matt cut off the water with sharp jerk of his wrist. "It's not that. I was pissed, at first, but when I saw how hurt Gabumon was, I." Matt stopped, realized how hard his grip on the edge of the counter was. "I wanted to end him, Tai. The Digimon Emperor. I didn't just wanna beat him, or humiliate him, or lock him away. I wanted him gone. And I wanted it to hurt."
Matt finished, and he couldn't look at Tai, didnd't want to, even though he knew it had been Tai who'd proposed the idea, it was Matt who had offered his calm, calculated approval. Back then it had all been abstract, when none of them had felt directly threatened. Or maybe. Maybe Tai had already gone through the same motions, fantasized about the same release. Or maybe Matt wasn't at all ready to take on something of this magnitude. Sora was right. If they went into this without thinking, they would never be able to take it back, and Matt was acting out of reflexive, animal rage.
"You're not the first one, Matt. What do you think I wanted to do to Myotismon when he was threatening Kari?" Matt saw Tai's face as a collection of hard lines, offset by his eye, which still glittered with defiant energy.
"That's different. Myotismon wasn't human."
Tai scowled. "That's a shitty excuse and you know it. This guy doesn't care about humans or digimon. And that's not even the point. You're beating yourself up for something you thought of doing, in the heat of a bad moment. Not something you did. Big difference."
Matt shut his eyes. He was tired. School, practice, digimon, dinner. It was like he'd layered extra lives onto his already hectic existence, and right now, all he really wanted to do was sleep.
"Let's just clean the dishes." Without waiting for Tai's response, Matt turned the faucet back on, and brought the soiled bowls under the stream of warm water. Tai stepped next to him, and accepted the clean dishes for drying. They worked without comment until the last bowl had been scrubbed and wiped, and by then, the band-aid on Matt's finger was soggy and heavy, and the cut beneath burned.
"You should have let me wash," Tai said.
Matt shrugged. What was done was done.
"What happened to your finger anyway?"
"I cut myself. No big deal."
"With the knife I gave you?" Tai sounded...too concerned for Matt's liking.
"Yeah." Matt bit his lip against the pain of the cut. "What of it?"
"Just wondering."
Matt swallowed. Tai spoke so softly. Not even like he was trying to keep from being overheard. It was as though he was afraid that if he raised his voice, something connecting them would crack and crumble.
"Oh," Matt said, his mouth dry. "It's fine." He cleared his throat. "I was just being clumsy." He snorted. "It's Gabumon, and TK and what we talked about a few weeks ago. Even my mom. And it all just sort of shit on me today."
"Matt," Tai said.
Matt turned, just in time to see Tai's face loom in front of him, then blur as Tai's lips touched his, briefly but fully. The contact was hot and Matt could smell something sharp and sweet. Some conditioner or shampoo, mixed with sweat.
Matt backed away, eyes wide and heart thumping; his breathing was hard and fast, and when he spoke, his voice was deep and guarded.
"Why did you do that?"
Tai was smiling, kindly and without energy or enthusiasm. There was an undiluted joy to the expression, one which Matt had never had directed at him, and couldn't comprehend or place.
"It was nicer than punching you."
Matt's voice rose in volume and pitch. "What?"
Tai's smile faltered, then returned, this time more ordinary, and Matt couldn't help but feel a dull ache at the realization.
"I wanted to. And I thought you'd want me to." He stopped smiling. "If you didn't, I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
The ache sharpened, and shortened Matt's breath.
"No. It's fine." He couldn't stop staring at Tai, couldn't relax his eyes or legs or back. On pure instinct, he would have reached out, towards Tai's warmth, his hands, his smile. And his voice. His reassuring voice, suffused with memory and kindness.
"If you want me to go, I'll go." Tai didn't move.
"No. I asked you over, and. You didn't do anything wrong." Matt strained to sound conversational, but he was already looking everywhere except Tai, and felt his hands start to sweat. "Come on. Let's. Why don't you grab whatever you want from the leftovers, and we can go join my mom and TK?"
"OK." Tai didn't sound certain, but scooped the remaining broth, fish and vegetables into a bowl and followed Matt into the living room.
TK and his mother sat on the couch, a cushion apart. The TV was turned to a documentary about an author that Matt had never heard of. Tai's lack of commentary, or any facial expression besides indifference grated on Matt. He paused as Tai occupied the chair adjacent to the couch, and started eating, slowly.
"You two took a while cleaning the plates. Is everything all right?" His mother meant it in jest, but Matt was so sick of the question, he grunted in response and took a seat in the vacant chair across from Tai. He shifted, then stared at the TV screen, and wondered just how long Tai had wanted to kiss him. His cheeks flushed. Crap. And he just knew TK was giving him that wondering look, a non-verbal 'what's wrong, Matt?'
Tai chewed noisily. "This is really great, Matt. Wish I could cook like this."
Matt shook his head, and muttered, "It's easy." What was he supposed to say?
"You could consider becoming a chef, Matt. There's a lot of demand for that sort of skill right now."
"Ah. Thanks, mom. But cooking is more of a...stress relief." One that wasn't working, but who was even asking, besides Tai? And he didn't ask, he just. God. Matt's face heated all over again. Matt heard the sound of ceramic against glass. So Tai had abandoned food in favor of him. Matt didn't think he could handle seeing that bare, simple expression of sympathy on Tai's face, just another...just another way of cajoling him out of a mood. Was that why Tai had kissed him? He wanted to, he said, but there had to be more to it than that.
Matt 'hrrmed', and drew the attention of everyone in the room. He risked a glance at TK, and his brother had gone from 'is everything all right' to 'what the hell is wrong with you right now?'
I don't know, Matt thought. Maybe you can tell me, TK.
TK would reassure him, tell him he was doing the best he could do, juggling everything, and that things would be all right, they'd fight through. That was Hope. Plain and simple. Except sometimes you could only retreat, inward or away, and Matt knew that was just what TK would never do. Shining Hope.
Matt rubbed his hands together. And Tai. Tai would just kiss him, apparent.
Unbidden, he smiled, and didn't care if his mother and brother saw. He hoped Tai saw. The moment of joy was snuffed out, and Matt returned to the possibility that the only reason Tai had done so in the first place was to distract him, because he just didn't know how else to deal with him anymore. Matt sighed, self deprecating. This was the time in the forest, all over again. He just wanted to sleep.
"I should actually get going," said Tai. He stood, and Matt's gaze followed his rising eyes. Matt didn't need the hints Tai was giving to know to follow.
"Yeah," he said, slowly, tiredly. I'll walk you down."
Tai gave his thanks, said his goodbyes, and left with Matt.
As the door closed behind them, Matt put his hands in his pockets, even though it wasn't very cold. He tilted his head up and breathed the evening air in deeply. Fall. He could smell it, the summer heat tapering off and plateauing into a fresh, cool aroma as the trees started to turn and shed their leaves.
They walked to the stairs. Tai always preferred them to the elevator, said they'd have plenty of time to stand around listening to shitty music when they were half deaf and blind. The case was wide enough for them to walk side by side, and they did, their shoulders bumping lightly with every few steps.
Maybe it was just wishful imaging, but Matt thought he could still pick out Tai's scent, even when diluted by everything else in the air. Had he always picked up on it, without knowing, or had the kiss awakened sharper perceptions in him, when he was around Tai? The possibility shouldn't have surprised him. Gabumon could pick of Matt's scent out of thousands of others, across he didn't know how many spans of forest and rock and water. Still Gabumon had never needed a declaration of romantic intention from Matt to be able to do that.
Matt stopped at the foot of the third floor case. Tai walked another two steps before he too stopped. He did a full turn, and looked up, as though he'd been expecting their positions all along.
"Tai, what are we now?"
"What we've always been." He was infuriatingly calm.
"Yeah? That's it then? Nothing's changed?" There was that ache again, that Matt now hated, coupled with a fresh current of anger.
"I didn't say that. We're two guys who like each other. Even before today. After. Well, I guess if you want, we can be two guys who like each other a little more."
If I want. So it's all on me now. But Matt couldn't say anything to that. Or wouldn't. It was all the same in the end.
"Why did you kiss me?"
Tai stayed silent, and for that space, Matt swore he'd broken down a barrier, somehow caught his friend in a lie, and now there would be an indelible chasm between them, so they could move next to each other, parallel, and without contact.
"I wanted to." Tai dropped his voice, and it was breathy and filled with need, need to convince and, to be believed.
"And when you told me." Matt swallowed. "That it was easier than punching me..."
Tai stepped forward. "That was true too. I wanted to make you feel better. I didn't think I could say anything, so I...acted."
"Just like always," Matt mused.
Tai laughed. "You got me." Then he looked uncomfortable, as though at a loss for the first time. "And I am sorry, if that's not what you wanted."
"You don't have to say that."
Tai regarded him for a moment. "OK." He moved up, so they were only a step apart, and even then, Matt thought that the feedback from their combined body heat would burn their skin.
"We don't have to change. If you want me to kiss you again, I'll do it. If you don't, I won't."
Matt wet his lips. "That simple, huh?"
Tai smiled. "Yeah."
"All right."
"All right what?"
"I get it. And if you want, we can. Maybe when some of this clears up." Yes, these were the brilliant oratory skills of someone who aspired to make his way by writing song lyrics.
But Tai wasn't one to agonize over words and their faceted meanings. He acceded to Matt's request, stepped back, and retained his smile.
"I'll see you around then. Tomorrow, obviously." Matt rushed to speak, and felt stupid afterward, but it didn't matter, because Tai just nodded.
"Mhm. Try to relax until then. And talk to TK."
"Anything else while you're at it?" Matt felt at ease again, trading lazy quips with his friend.
"Yeah. The plan, what he talked about? Don't worry about it too much. We'll handle it. You said so yourself." And with that, Tai gave Matt's shoulder a squeeze, turned, and walked down the stairs, leaving Matt with the now distant ache in his chest, and the slow, rising undercurrent of fear that he'd again started something he'd never be able to control.
