I Forgive You

No shame, no blame, 'cause the damage is done

When I got home I immediately went to the fridge, feeling hungry since I hadn't eaten anything at the restaurant. There was some food in containers and I realised Scott must have made dinner for us. I felt a twinge of guilt that I hadn't been there to eat it with him, but then again, I had texted him so really it was his own fault. Where was he anyway? It was only half past nine, surely he hadn't gone to bed already?

I put one of the containers in the microwave then wandered into the bedroom to find him lying in bed with his back to me. It was clear he'd gone to bed annoyed as he was still in his clothes, plus the fact that it wasn't even ten o'clock yet. I wasn't sure if he was actually asleep or just pretending so that he didn't have to talk to me, but either way I decided to leave him alone. I'd apologise in the morning. Tomorrow was Saturday, and though I often when into the office on the weekend (alone, of course. No one else had my dedication) I decided to stay home with Scott to make it up to him. Meanwhile, I ate the leftover food and went to bed, trying to keep my mind from Duncan.


I got up early the next day and made breakfast for Scott, something I barely ever did since I was so busy and honestly didn't really enjoy cooking very much. Not that I wasn't good at it, of course, I've always been an excellent cook, but cooking is such a waste of time.

I beamed at Scott as he walked into the kitchen with a confused look on his face.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Cooking, obviously," I replied, scooping the bacon and eggs onto a plate for him.

"But you don't cook," Scott pointed out as he took the plate from me.

"Sure I do. Sometimes…" Scott looked at me sceptically and I sighed, serving myself some bacon and eggs and joining him at the table. "Okay, I just feel bad about last night. I didn't know you were making dinner."

"I told you," Scott informed me. Had he told me? If so I didn't remember. Scott must have seen the blank look on my face because he frowned and stabbed his eggs with a fork. "You never listen to me," he mumbled sulkily. He was such a child honestly. One time I happened to miss an important piece of information and he makes out like I'm a completely horrible person who doesn't care about him at all.

"I'm sorry, okay?" I said. "We can have dinner together tonight. I'll cook." Scott bit into his eggs and screwed up his face.

"Please don't," he said. I huffed in annoyance, offended that he didn't like my cooking. "Anyway, it's not just the dinner thing! Do you remember anything I said from last night?" he questioned. Once again I thought back to last night, and immediately found that it was a bad idea. All I could remember from last night was running into Duncan and agreeing to have lunch with him… or had that been a dream?

"I asked you if you want to finally meet my parents next weekend. I thought maybe we could take a trip to the farm, you know… and I could show you around an stuff…" Scott proposed. He sighed as he trailed off. "Forget it. It's stupid. You obviously don't want to." He grabbed his plate and went to take it over to the sink, though he'd eaten only a couple of bites. I quickly got up and followed him, putting my arms around him.

"It's not stupid! I want to do that. I'd love to meet your parents," I told him. It was the truth, I really did want to meet his parents. I wasn't so keen on the farm thing, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices I guess.

"You would?" Scott whispered into my hair, almost disbelievingly. I nodded and pulled back slightly so I could give him a kiss. "Great! I'll call them now and let them know we're coming!" Scott grabbed his phone and immediately dialled his mother. At that very moment my own phone began to ring so I grabbed it and went into the bedroom. The number was unknown but I had a sinking feeling I knew exactly who it was.

"Courtney speaking," I answered.

"It's Duncan," the voice on the other end said.

"Great." I muttered sarcastically.

"Let's go have lunch today," Duncan said.

"Today?" I groaned.

"Yeah. You said you would," Duncan reminded me.

"I didn't say today," I pointed out.

"You said call you when I had a time and place… and I do," Duncan chuckled.

"Today's not good for me," I asserted, refusing to give in to his demands.

"It's now or never, babe," Duncan said nonchalantly.

"Okay, well I choose never," I snorted. "And DON'T call me babe."

"Aw, don't be like that. I was just kidding. Come on, please?" Duncan pleaded. Was he really begging? From the other room I could hear Scott finishing the call with his mother and coming towards the bedroom. The last thing I wanted was for Scott to know I was on the phone to Duncan.

"Fine! Fine," I agreed hurriedly. "I have to go. Where do I meet you?"

"I'll text you the details," Duncan said and hung up. I made a noise of protest. I wanted to be the one to hang up first.

"Hmph," I said to myself as Scott entered the room.

"Who was that?" he asked, coming to sit beside me on the bed and putting his arm around me.

"Just… a client. I have to go and meet him at lunch time, you don't mind right?" I lied.

"Nah, it's fine. Maw's happy to have us on the weekend. She can't wait to meet you!" Scott grinned. He kissed me on the forehead and went back out to the living room.

"That's great," I said with a smile. Scott shut the door behind him and my phone buzzed with a message from Duncan. I read the message which was just an address, then hesitated a moment before saving his number to my phone, hoping I wouldn't regret this later.


The address Duncan had given me was in some shady alley and I just knew I was going to get murdered, despite the fact that it was broad daylight. Duncan was nowhere in sight, but then again he had told me to meet him inside. I screwed up my nose as I opened the door into an empty hallway. I walked inside and the door slammed behind me as I looked around for some sign of the man I was supposed to be meeting.

"Duncan?" I called. There was no answer. I huffed and stamped my foot impatiently. This was so typical of him. Of course he would beg me to go out with him, make me meet him in some dingy old building and then show up late. Why did I even bother? I was about to leave when a hand clamped over my mouth and an arm snaked around my waist. Great, I knew someone would try to murder me. They weren't about to get away with it that easily though. I elbowed my attacker in the stomach as hard as I could which promptly made him let go and I quickly spun around ready to kick him where it hurt, when I saw that it was none other than Duncan.

"What the hell Duncan?" I snapped.

"More like what the hell Courtney!" Duncan groaned, clutching his stomach. "I forgot how hard you can hit."

"You snuck up behind me and grabbed me, what did you expect?" I rolled my eyes at his pathetic display.

"I thought you'd recognise me…" he stopped clutching his stomach and just stood bend over with his hands on his knees.

"How? By your scent? The shape of your hand?" I scoffed. Duncan just shrugged as he stood up straight again. "We aren't having lunch here are we?" I asked, changing the subject. Duncan nodded.

"You said you wanted it to be out of the way," he reminded me.

"Yeah but…" I gestured to nothing in particular, just pointing out the general grottiness of the hallway we were standing in.

"Just follow me," Duncan said and led the way up a spiral staircase that eventually lead to the rooftop, where I was amazed to find a beautiful garden. I stood in the doorway open mouthed at how spectacular it was. It was lush and green with coloured flowers everywhere, and a magnificent view of the sky and the city.

"What is this place?" I breathed, still trying to take it all in.

"It's Harold's rooftop garden," Duncan informed me. I looked at him quizzically.

"Harold? But you and Harold hate each other…" I remembered.

"People change, Courtney," Duncan declared. I raised an eyebrow and he just grinned and let me over to a table with two chairs, even pulling my chair out for me. I continued to be suspicious of him, because it still wasn't clear to me why he had asked me here.

Duncan made a picnic basket appear from somewhere and poured me a glass of wine and began putting food on the table.

"Duncan…" I started, suddenly concerned as to where this was going.

"Mmm?" he responded vaguely as he pulled some cheese out of the basket.

"This isn't a date, right?" I asked. He stopped pulling food out and looked up at me. "I mean, I told you… I'm with Scott… and…"

"Relax, princess. I know. And I'm with Gwen, remember? We're just two friends catching up on old times," Duncan assured me.

"I wouldn't say we were friends," I snorted. He just smirked and shook his head. "So… Ariel's with Gwen today I guess?"

"Yep," Duncan nodded.

"She looks just like you," I mused.

"Yeah, thank god she doesn't look like Gwen!" Duncan laughed. I kind of frowned and smiled at the same time, unsure if Duncan should be insulting his fiancé to his ex-girlfriend. Duncan didn't seem to find it weird though, he just started eating food so I followed suit.

"So how's life with Scott?" Duncan asked.

"It's great. He's great," I replied.

"How'd you get him to take you back?" Duncan laughed. I gave him a dirty look but it didn't wipe the smirk of his face.

"It was easy, I just told him the truth: that I was the best thing to ever happen to him," I said. "What about Gwen? Last I remember she dumped you," I reminded him.

"Yeah but then she found out she was pregnant so…" Duncan shrugged.

"She came to visit you in prison?" I asked.

"Nah I wasn't in prison very long. It was Harold who bailed me out actually… and then because of all the illegal shit Chris has pulled over the years he didn't have a leg to stand on in court and I got off," Duncan laughed. "I fucking hate Chris," he shook his head. I nodded in agreement.

"Why did Harold bail you out?" I wondered.

"It's kind of a long story," Duncan shrugged.

"Well, it's not like we've got anything else to talk about. Unless I can leave now?" I said pointedly.

"Fine…" Duncan sighed. "When I got thrown in jail they said I could call someone… and I realised… I didn't have anyone to call. I didn't want my parents to know I'd landed in real jail this time, Gwen had just broken up with me and was still on the show anyway, and I hadn't really kept any other friends. I figured I couldn't afford a lawyer so I decided to save the call for later," Duncan explained as I listened intently.

"I spent a couple of nights in there, just thinking. It was actually good you know? It was kinda like when your mom sends you to your room to think about what you've done, only I actually did think about what I'd done… and I realised I was 20 years old and I'd achieved nothing, as well as being a total dick most of my life. That's when I decided I should make amends with people… and I decided to start with Harold," Duncan gave a shrug. "I called him to apologise and he accepted and said he'd come into some money and would I like him to bail me out… so I said yeah, and now we're friends I guess," he finished. I stared at him as understanding dawned on me. "It sounds lame I know, but that's what happened…" Duncan said, misreading my expression.

"It's not that, it's just I finally understand why I'm here," I said.

"You do?" Duncan frowned.

"You want to make amends with me so you can cross me off your dumb list and you can feel better about yourself, right?" I guessed.

"Well… I mean… that's not exactly…" Duncan stammered. I stood up and grabbed my bag.

"It's your lucky day. Though you've yet to give me an apology, I forgive you. You can rest easy at night now without having me on your conscience. Have a nice life." I spat, maybe a little harshly, and immediately sauntered away, back to the door and down the staircase with Duncan calling after me.

I was thankful that torturous meal was over, and even more thankful it ended with me walking away. When I got back onto the street I looked up at the roof but the garden was hidden from view. As I walked back to my car I realised… the meal wasn't torturous at all… I hadn't sat there seething at him, filled with resentment. Duncan had been perfectly polite and civil and we'd even had a nice conversation. Then I reminded myself that he'd only been nice because he wanted some kind of closure, to make sure I was fine so he didn't have to feel guilty anymore.

But wait, what was so wrong with that really? Didn't I want closure too? Wasn't it a nice gesture that he'd bothered to set up a lunch date for us in a pretty garden when he could have simply called me and asked if he could cross me off his list? So why was I so mad? I think I really did forgive him. I mean it was so long ago, and we were so young, there was no real point hanging on to old wounds. Even if some part of me (my pride, probably) said I should hate him forever.

I slowed my walking pace as I neared my car, glancing behind me to see if Duncan had followed. He hadn't of course. I sighed and unlocked my car. Could it be possible that I was so mad at him because he didn't want anything more than a dumb lunch and the chance to make amends? I shook my head and climbed into my car. Of course not, that was just stupid. I was with Scott, I didn't want Duncan in any way. I was done with that man for good.