I tried to sleep that night, but the fact Lance never made it back to the room had me concerned. Why was I concerned? He was gone almost every weekend, and I never worried before.

I must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing I remember was my phone ringing several hours later. It was Lance.

"Keith? Can you pick me up?"

"Yeah, where are you," I sighed. It wasn't the first time he called early in the morning for a ride home.

I made sure to bring his hoodie and sunglasses—the necessary garb for a hangover and a walk of shame. I pulled up to the corner and watched him stagger to the car. He immediately tossed on the hoodie and sunglasses as he settled in. The hood was pulled over his eyes as far as it could go.

"Rough night?" I asked sardonically.

"Just take me home," he mumbled.

He passed out on his bed as soon as we entered our dorm room.

x~x~X~x~x

"What the hell were you thinking letting me go off with a man? Are you nuts?" Lance shouted, pacing around the room

"I asked you if you were okay with it. You didn't seem to mind at the time."

"Shit, Keith…he had sex with me!"

"I gathered that would happen."

"What the fuck? And you didn't stop me? You know I don't go that way!"

"There's a first time for everything," I replied dryly.

"Fuck! My ass kills! No one can know about this, got it?"

"I won't say anything. That doesn't mean everyone else who was at the bar last night won't."

"Shit. What am I going to do?"

"Take a warm bath?"

"Go to hell!"

He flopped down on his bed and screamed into his pillow. My attitude softened seeing him so vulnerable. I sat down next to him and placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you'd be so…traumatized."

"My parents are going to disown me for this. What am I going to do without my family?"

"They won't find out, Lance."

"Bullshit! As soon as they visit campus someone is going to tell them. I'm ruined!"

"Listen, I'll make some calls. My friends aren't the vengeful type anyway. I'll help clear this up for you, okay?"

"You'd really do that? Even after all the shit I put you through?"

"You're my best friend, Lance. I'm supposed to put up with all your shit."

Lance sniffled and smiled at me. "Thanks, Keith. You really are a great friend."

I patted his back. "Why don't you go take a warm shower to relax. It'll help with the pain. And use some Vaseline for a few days."

Lance smirked. "I love you, bro."

"I love you, too, Lance." I really meant it.

"Oh, and Keith? NEVER let me do that again."

Lance must have healed emotionally and physically pretty quickly because, by the next day, he was running around and acting like nothing happened. Boy, he was in denial.

x~x~X~x~x

That lovely incident happened around midterm of our final semester.

Two weeks later I was starting to prepare for finals. Another reason I was called a prude: I liked to study on the weekends. It was the one time the library was decently quiet enough to focus without the annoying sounds blasting from "sound proof" headphones.

I was seated at my desk in our room reviewing battle formations. It would be a quiet for once since Lance would be out doing God-knows-what-or-who. I turned to look something up on the computer when Lance, bubbly as always, came back to the room for final evening preparations. In other words, he forgot his condoms.

"Come out with us tonight, Keith. We only have a few more weeks before we're shipped off to some kind of training. Enjoy the freedom while you can," he coaxed.

"I'm good. Thanks anyway."

"You're loss. Have fun…studying."

"Hey, why do you ask me to go out every weekend when you know that ninety-nine percent of the time I say no?"

He shrugged. "Cause you'd be upset if I didn't ask? Plus there's always that one percent chance you'll say yes."

He made me smile. "How about we go out after finals. One last night on the town before it all ends."

"It's a date," he replied. "Catch ya later!"

"Yeah, have fun. You know my number."

x~x~X~x~x

I crammed all night and eventually passed out at my desk. (Hey, trying to learn through osmosis never hurt anyone.) My phone sounded with Lance's ring tone, and I was up grabbing his sunglasses and hoodie before I even answered the call. "What's the address," I answered, knowing why he was calling.

I stopped in my tracks with my mouth wide open when he provided me with the location of Todd's place again. "I'll be right there," I grumbled.

What the hell was he doing with Todd again, especially after his breakdown two weeks earlier?

I picked him up, but remained cold the entire time. He spoke first, a shocker since he never noticed much of anything the morning after. "Keith? You okay?"

I bit my tongue and continued to scowl. There was no need to duke it out with him this early in the morning.

When we returned to campus, I was too infuriated to fall back asleep, so I packed my T'ai Chi uniform, tossed on my sweats, and went for a long run.

My destination was a secluded spot in a park on the bay. It was early enough that the sea breeze still steadily blew inland. I changed clothes and focused on my exercises, especially my breathing. Tension transformed into tranquility, and I sat comfortably on the ground for meditation. I inhaled the fresh, cleansing air and exhaled my frustrations away. Well, I tried to.

During my T'ai Chi practice I was mentally occupied with the movements that my thoughts stayed in check. Now that I tried to focus on nothing but my breathing, my brain was flooded with annoyance, jealousy, and anger towards Lance. I was also feeling guilty and ashamed for being so upset with him. He was a good friend, and whatever he wanted to do with his sexual life I didn't care. He was smart enough to wear protection and get regular screenings. Plus, like I said before, at least half the time nothing actually happened.

I never cared much when he went off with women. So why was him seeing Todd, a man, bothering me? Didn't I always know he was gay? Hadn't I tried to convince him of it, even try to set him up once or twice? Isn't the fact that he's exploring his feelings with a man a good thing? Except the man is not me—the man who loves him. I stared out at the lake, wondering how this all would turn out.

x~x~X~x~x

By the time I returned to the dorm, Lance was awake nursing his hangover by alternately drinking ice cold water and hot, black coffee. Don't ask; I just figured if it worked for him, great. He was studying flight mechanics in bed, wearing only a pair of sweatpants. I averted my eyes from his toned form in order to make a cohesive sentence. "How was last night?" I asked listlessly.

"Fine, I think," he said softly. "I don't remember much."

I glanced at him briefly, noticing the twisted confusion on his face. I looked away again, gathering my shower supplies. "So, you and Todd an item now?"

Bad question. I heard a sob behind me and turned to see Lance holding his head with one hand and the cup of coffee shaking in the other hand. "What the hell is wrong with me, Keith?"

Shit. Here we go again. Did I mention he never had these breakdowns until Todd came into the picture? Lance was about as happy-go-lucky—cocky more like it—as you could get, even if he royally screwed something up. I never had to deal with this side of him before. I sat down next to him and took the coffee away, setting it aside. I moved the book off his lap and placed my hand on his knee. Not sure exactly how to begin (hell, I'm not a psychologist), I just said the first thing that came to mind. "Did he hurt you?"

"Fuck, no. I knew what I was doing. So why they hell would I do this again? This isn't me. This isn't normal!"

I was livid. He had no idea what he just said. "Not normal?" I stressed the last word with as much anger as I could.

"Shit, that's not what I meant. It's not normal for me. What the hell was I thinking?"

"Fifty bucks says you weren't."

"Go to hell!" It seemed to be his expression of choice recently.

"Look, maybe you should start cutting back on the alcohol. It's obviously not helping the situation."

"I'm usually so much more in control when I drink. I don't get it."

"You've been drinking a lot more than usual, you know."

"That explains the low bank account. Alright, cut back on the booze."

"And if you need one, there's a free counselor on campus."

"Why would I need to see a counselor?" He sounded perturbed.

"It's just a suggestion. You're the one complaining about how something's wrong with you. The counselor can help you figure that out."

"Thanks, but no thanks. Shrinks freak me out."

I threw my arms up in frustration. I figured seeing a counselor might actually help him come to terms with his feelings. "Have it your way." I grabbed my bathroom kit and stormed out to the showers. By the time I returned, Lance was gone.

x~x~X~x~x

He didn't cut back on his drinking. Every time I met him for lunch on campus during the week I could weakly smell alcohol on his breath. It was subtle, but it was there. He acted as his usual self. He was quick to answer questions correctly in class, even pointing out a critical mistake in one of the instructor's logic. He flew as gracefully as ever, and he dominated in hand-to-hand combat exercises. Nothing seemed different except for the flask I'd occasionally see him pull out of his uniform. I didn't get it. I had to confront him about it.

When I saw him take a swig during lunch, I finally brought it up. "I thought you were going to cut back on your drinking."

He tried to change the subject. "Did you see the look on Colonel Hoffman's face when I corrected him in class today? I mean, really, did he want us to skip off the planet's atmosphere on our return trajectories?"

"Lance, don't change the subject."

"How about you let me take care of my own problems, Kogane," he snapped back before grabbing his tray to sit somewhere else.

"Lance, don't. Where are you going?"

"Obviously away from you, Dr. Kogane, therapist at large."

He stormed off before I could say another word. I felt defeated. I picked at my food a bit before my lack of appetite got the better of me and left for my next class.

x~x~X~x~x

Finals week arrived. From what I could gather, Lance had seen Todd at least two more times since our lunch argument. But that was by word of mouth. We hadn't spoken much since then, other than going over the material for the exams.

He often kept to himself, brooding for hours on end. His friends became concerned and would ask me what was going on. I just lied and said someone he was close to in his family recently died, and he was taking it especially hard. He never did question me as to why he started receiving sympathy cards.

I noticed his liquor collection was growing. It seemed like every day there was a new bottle added to the pile. Most were half empty as it was. At one point I became so sickened by it that when he was out, I poured each one out into the sink and recycled the empty bottles. Big mistake.

"What the fuck, Kogane? Where the hell did you put my liquor?"

"I threw it out. I can't sit here and watch you do this to yourself! What the hell is going on with you? Where's the Lance I used to know?"

He grabbed me by the shirt and pushed me into the wall. My head cried in pain after it hit particularly hard. "I told you to let me deal with my problems on my own. Next time I catch you interfering, you're a dead man. Got it?"

His breath reeked. "Okay, I promise I won't do this again," I choked out.

I would have said anything at that point to have him release me.

His nostrils flared and his eyes bore into mine. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. He finally let go and headed out. "I'm going to the store."

That was the last straw. I called a friend that lived off campus and asked if I could stay with him for the remaining few days of class. The next thing I knew, I was packing my bags and leaving. At least I'd have a few days of peace before it was all over.

I really should have reported the incident, but what good would it have done? Graduation was a week away, and the last thing I wanted was for Lance to have a harassment report on his record so close to the end. I just couldn't do that to him.