Chapter Two
Castle watched her as she surveyed the board. He didn't have to look at the monitor to know exactly what she was seeing. Every picture, every word on the screen, was burned into his memory. The light of the monitor reflected in her eyes, and he could see them darting everywhere as she took in all of the information in front of her. After what seemed like minutes, but was probably only seconds, she slowly turned to him. He could see the confusion written all over her face, her brow furrowed as she searched his eyes for answers.
"Castle? What...what is this?" Her voice sounded small. Lost. More than anything he wanted to grab her in his arms and pretend that what she saw on the screen was all there was. Because what was visible now were the same clues that she already had. In fact, the screen looked a lot like the homemade murder board at her place. What she didn't know, couldn't know, was that unlike hers, touching his board would open up a secondary screen. A screen full of names, pictures and clues that she had never seen. Clues from an investigation that she hadn't been a part of. Didn't know anything about.
Suddenly desperate to keep things from spiraling out of control, he was tempted to lead her away without revealing the rest of his secret. Finally, finally, she had begun to open up to him. He was just getting used to her sliding her soft hand into his in the elevator. Sweet, delicious kisses when no one was looking. Shy smiles when their fingers brushed as he handed her her morning coffee. He knew that if he showed her the extent of what was on that board he chanced losing all of that. He knew this secret had the potential to ruin everything. And he knew she would be hurt. Was he willing to risk losing her? Did he really have a choice?
In her eyes he already saw hurt and a little anger. In his heart, he already felt the loss. He trailed his finger down her soft cheek "I'm sorry," he said, his voice husky with emotion. Before he could reconsider, he moved his hand, letting his finger mimic the touch on her imagine on the monitor. The second the heat from his finger reached the screen, it responded, replacing the old images instantly with new. As she turned towards the screen, shocked at what she saw there, he slipped out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him, leaving her alone.
Kate stood frozen as the images appeared in front of her. Slowly, as if coming out of a fog, it started to sink in exactly what she was seeing. Castle had been working her mother's case! Not just reviewing the information she had shared with him, but really working the case. New clues, new leads, new witnesses. Her heart was racing so hard she could hear it pounding in her ears. She hadn't allowed herself to even think about her mother's case in months. The frustration of never getting anywhere proving to be too much. But now...now with these new leads, there were new possibilities, she thought excitedly! Questions started bouncing around in her mind, unchecked. How did he get this information? Where did he get it and when? Why didn't he tell me? It was that final question that stopped her in her mental tracks. Her eyes frantically searched the screen, checking each clue for dates. There was one from just a week ago, but most of them were much older, the first one leading all the way back to when she was shot. She unconsciously brought her hand to her chest as the significance set in. He's been investigating all this time? Behind my back?
The first emotion to pop into her head was pain. So strong and swift it robbed her of her breath and almost brought her to her knees. She shoved it aside just as quickly as it came, unwilling to let it take hold and cripple her. Instead, she let anger fill her. Familiar and safer than pain, it gave her the strength she needed to leave the office and confront the man who had betrayed her.
Castle winced at the sharp crack of his office door connecting with the wall as it was slammed open, his first tangible clue that she was pissed. He was surprised at the level of disappointment that he felt well up in his chest. He had known she was going to be upset, had braced for it, but a part of him had hoped that they had gotten to a point in their relationship that she would trust him enough to hear him out before reacting. Taking a deep breath, he raised his head, letting his eyes meet hers. What he saw there wiped away any sliver of hope that had remained.
He felt his own anger begin to rise to the surface in response to the rage he saw in her eyes, knowing that all he had done was try to protect her. But it quickly faded as he recognized the pain she was trying so desperately to hide. Rarely at a loss for words, he frantically searched for the right thing to say to make things better. But before he could begin to formulate a sentence, she spoke, her voice calm and controlled. He quickly decided that he would prefer her yelling to the strange, toneless words escaping a now expressionless face.
"How could you? I trusted you. You had to know what this would do to me. To us. This is my mother's case. My mother's case. You had no right to keep it from me."
"I didn't have a choice."
"Don't give me that. You always have a choice, Castle. Your choice was to go behind my back and keep this from me, with no regards for my feelings!"
"You don't understand, he said-"
"And I thought you were different," she said, cutting him off. "But you're not, you're just like everyone else!"
His anger resurfaced, stung by her unfair attack. "Don't forget, I wasn't the only one keeping secrets!"
"Come on, that's not fair. You can't compare my secret to this. They're completely different."
"You're right," he said quietly. "They are different. You kept your secret for you. To make you feel better. I kept mine to protect you."
"I didn't need protecting, Rick," she spat out, his name rolling off her lips sarcastically. "I needed you to have my back!"
"I did. I do!"
"You know what, forget it. I don't need your excuses." She snatched her coat off the back of his couch, ramming her arms forcefully into the sleeves. He watched helplessly as she fumbled with the buttons, her hands shaking too badly to accomplish even that simple task.
"Kate, wait. At least hear me out!"
They stared at each other. Don't walk away, he thought. Stay. Show me that what we have is worth at least hearing me out!
His shoulder's dropped in defeat as she turned abruptly and headed for the door. "Don't walk away," he implored, speaking his thoughts out loud. "Stay. Just let me explain! Please!"
She hesitated for several seconds, her hand on the doorknob and he thought maybe she would stay. "Just send me all of the files you have on my mother's case," she said quietly without turning around. And just like that she was gone.
The soft click of the door closing behind her was all it took to break her. She leaned her back heavily against the wall outside the door and slowly sunk to the floor. The pain and the tears she had so successfully held at bay in his presence flooding over her now that she was alone. Part of her knew she was being unreasonable. Knew she should at least hear him out. But her pain was too great, too raw... all she could focus on was the fact that he had lied to her just like so many other people had lied to her. She had let him into her life, her heart, and he had betrayed her. Pulling her legs up to her chest, she sat there, tears rolling, her chest on fire as she attempted to pull oxygen into lungs that refused to cooperate.
