A/N: Here is chapter two. Thank you to all who commented and added this story to their alerts, it means a lot. We get a bit more in depth regarding Wilson's guilt and his confusion over feelings that are surfacing. House, talks with his therapist about Wilson one last time. I feel this chapter was a bit easier to write than the 1st and I think it turned out a little better. I hope you enjoy, I love comments, but please be nice. Thank you!
Warnings: Possible spoilers for end of season 5 and beginning season 6, M/M pairing, pre-slash and slash (don't read if not your thing), rated T for language, possible change in rating to M for later chapters-not sure yet though.
Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!
CHAPTER 2
As Wilson expected, he didn't sleep much the night before, his mind hopelessly entangled with thoughts of House and the day that lay ahead. This will be the first time Wilson is seeing him since House learned of his diagnosis. The definitive reason for the hallucinations of Amber and Kutner that plagued his very existence, as well as the delusion regarding his imagined evening with Cuddy.
Wilson couldn't help but think about how distant and vague House had seemed on the phone the previous evening and wondered if House blamed him in part, for his breakdown. 'What if he does blame me, what if he can't forgive me?' Wilson wasn't sure if he was thinking rationally at this point. His mind continued further down his path of self blame…'Is this why House didn't come to me when he started seeing the psychiatrist before Kutner died?' ' Oh God…did my mocking stop him from getting the help he needed before he spiraled out of control? ' 'Would he have continued to see the psychiatrist if I didn't mention that I knew about it?' 'Why didn't I notice there was something wrong before he told me…before it was too late?'
Wilson couldn't help but continue to blame himself, it was in his nature after all to protect House, at least that's what he told himself. He truly feels that he has failed his friend on every level. ' I have to stop thinking about this, I need to get myself under control so I can make the drive safely to Mayfield', Wilson reasoned with himself. All Wilson could think about at this point was getting to his friend and trying to make amends before House gave him the same treatment that Wilson put forth to him a year ago. The day he vowed to push House out of his life for good.
Wilson was able to put his thoughts aside temporarily, busying himself with preparing for House's discharge from the place he called home for the past two months.
The first thing Wilson knew he needed to do was contact Cuddy regarding House's pending return to PPTH. Wilson needed to know what to obtain from Mayfield in order to make that transition as smooth as possible, 'it's the least I could do', he thought.
While Dialing Cuddy's number, Wilson's began to panic. He wasn't sure now, what to say to her about House coming back. They never really discussed the delusion that led to him being committed and what it meant to her, but now was not the time for it, he needed to get it together.
Cuddy's authoritative voice broke Wilson from his thoughts…
"Doctor Cuddy speaking.."
"Lisa….hey its Wilson"
" James , What can I do for you?" Cuddy did not miss the eerie silence she was greeted with...
"Wilson?"
"Yeah, I'm here…listen, I spoke with House last night and…" Wilson could hear the sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line.
"Lisa, are you alright?"
"Yes, you… you just took me by surprise that's all" in a much softer voice, Cuddy continued.."What did he say…how is he Wilson?"
He didn't know why, but the concern he heard in her voice seemed to irritate him to no end. Maybe it was adrenaline produced from his earlier thoughts, but he just couldn't stop thinking about her possible part in House's slide into madness. House went to her that night he saw Amber in the bar and told her he quit, he was reaching out to her. The only other time House had ever quit, was when Cuddy threatened about the methadone treatment. She should have seen the despair in him , she should have seen the quitting as a big red flag…but she didn't.
Wilson rationally knows that he shouldn't be so hard on Cuddy, House did insult her child, and he didn't offer any explanation for quitting. After all, Wilson missed the signs too. So why was he so agitated with her? He shouldn't be, he thought. She was, and most likely still is, the object of his best friend's affection. He should be happy that she is showing concern for House, maybe that means she still had feelings for the older doctor, that she still wanted to be with House. That just irritated Wilson even more, he suddenly felt possessive of his friend, dare he say, a bit jealous of Cuddy. 'Why the hell am I feeling like this, where is this coming from?', Wilson thought to himself, trying to shake himself of the ridiculous notion…before he could analyze any further…
"Wilson?....Wilson are you there?"
"Yeah..sorry, I guess I'm just a little preoccupied this morning.." Wilson spoke with a coolness, sounding a bit detached.. "Look, the reason I'm calling is to let you know that House is coming home today. I want to make his transition back to work as smooth as possible for him. I just need you to tell me what the hospital and the board will require from Mayfield to accomplish this."
Cuddy did not miss the change in tone.. "Is everything okay, Wilson? Is House okay? I need to know if there is something still…"
Wilson cut her off abruptly, he couldn't have this conversation anymore. "He's fine… at least, I think he is..I'll ask him to call you when we get home tonight, though I can't guarantee he will, you know how House is."
Sounding defeated, Cuddy spoke. "yeah…I know, I'll give Mayfield a call after I hang up with you and let them know what to provide to you for House's return…." Hesitantly she added.. "Wilson?"
"yeah"
"Please tell House…please just tell him I'm glad he's home."
Wilson answered, sounding resigned and feeling a bit guilty for is earlier ill thoughts.."I will Lisa, and…thanks"
"You're welcome James, I'll talk to you later."
After hanging up with Cuddy, Wilson took a moment to try and screw his head on straight. His thoughts had been all over the place this morning and he needed to calm down. Wilson thought to himself, 'maybe I'm just over reacting, maybe House doesn't blame me. Maybe that's not why he sounded the way he did last night on the phone. ' 'And what the hell was that all about with Cuddy?'…. 'You're losing it Jimmy boy, next it'll be your turn to take a vacation to the loony bin.' The last thought sounded like House's voice in Wilson's head, and at that he couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape his lips.
Wilson called Mayfield and informed them that he would be arriving to pick House up around 2pm. He felt that if he left after an early lunch, that would give him plenty of time to get there. He also wanted to make sure House had enough time to accomplish any tasks that Wilson felt House wouldn't want him present for. 11:30am rolled around, with a deep breath and one last thought of the panic rising in him regarding seeing his friend for the first time in two months, Wilson was off to Mayfield.
*****
House was in his room looking out the window overlooking the courtyard. It was late summer, the foliage would soon be starting to show the beauty of impending Autumn. House contemplated just how much time he had spent here. When he arrived, it was a dreary mid spring day, hardly any buds had blossomed on the trees due to a long hard winter. And now, on the day that he is to make his exit from this place, the leaves are about to begin the process of ending their natural life cycle. House doesn't buy into any of the bull shit of fate or karma, but the irony was not lost on him.
House has spent the morning packing his things, getting a physical, having blood tests done , and, House thought, any other crap that could possibly make him uncomfortable. This, to him, was just to reaffirm the hell that he went through while here trying to come to terms with his own screwed up mind.
The clock told him that Wilson should be there in an hour. House was trying desperately not to think about that, but leave it to his overzealous therapist, Doctor Maryann Payne. Or, as House preferred to call her, Doctor Pain in the Ass, to make him talk about it one last time for good measure. She made damn sure that House's last appointment with her was right before Wilson was to arrive. 'Thank you very much, Doctor Pain in the Ass!'
The session started just like all the others, House sat there with a scowl on his face while Doctor Payne looked hopeful…'When will she learn', House thought. Doctor Payne of course, was the first to break the silence…
"How are you feeling today Greg?"
"Just fantastic" said with as much sarcasm as he could muster.. "This is the day that I get to bid you adieu. I have to say though, I will miss your lovely breasts, they always managed to perk me up every day."
"How will I ever get through my day without your witty compliments" , Doctor Payne deadpanned.
"I know Doctor Wilson will be here soon, and when he gets here, I would like to go over a few things with him before you leave and…"
"What sort of things", House interrupted with a tinge of worry in his voice.
"Not what you think…Doctor Cuddy called regarding your status at PPTH and she wanted me to give information to Doctor Wilson that will help with your reintegration." Doctor Payne was silent for a moment before following with…
"What do you plan to do about Doctor Wilson Greg?
"I don't know what you're talking about" feigning ignorance.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about, we've spent a great deal of time on this very subject over the last two months, don't start shutting yourself down already, or I'll see you back here by Christmas."
"Ahhh, that's so sweet of you, I didn't know I meant that much to you that you would want to spend the holiday's with me. I'll have to check my schedule of course, with me being mister popular and all…."
"Greg, stop deflecting"
"Stop being a pain in the ass!…I don't know what I'm going to do, I thought I did until I heard his voice last night. I'm afraid to lose him altogether if I go and open my stupid. fucking. mouth.. happy now?"
"Greg, you know how you feel about him, you know that just hiding behind those feelings and suppressing them won't do you any good, please don't deny yourself happiness anymore. You need to start living!."
"What if he tells me to screw off, what if I lose what I do have with him…what if he just doesn't understand? Hell, I don't even know if I understand!" House was feeling way to vulnerable at the moment but he continued with his thought.."He's been the only person in my life to stick with me through almost everything.."
"Not after Amber died" Doctor Payne reminded him
Agitated, House responded.. "but he came back!"
"Yes, he did…maybe that should show you that he does care about you, maybe even in the same manner that you care about him." She paused for effect, "you don't know what he is going to say, maybe he will say he feels the same way, maybe he'll be mad, maybe he'll run away again, but I don't think, based on what you have told me, that he can stay away for good. I think no matter what he feels, even if it is not the same as your feelings, I don't think you'll lose your friend. Greg, you need to do this for you, you have just as much right as anyone else to be happy."
With an eye roll and a mouth full of sarcasm, House responded, "God, you are so sappy, does anyone buy the bullshit that your selling?" Secretly, he was hoping…wait, wait, wait, hope is for sissies…he was thinking that she might be right.
Doctor Payne and House spent the remainder of their session talking about going back to work, dealing with his team, and with other hospital staff. They spent time discussing how to face Cuddy knowing that she is aware of his delusion regarding her. Doctor Payne covered the medication he should be taking to help ward off a possible relapse and also setting him up with a therapist at PPTH. She is requiring that he see this therapist for at least the next six months in order to maintain his eligibility as a doctor.
House left Doctor Payne's office feeling a bit drained. He knew she was right, of course, though he would never admit that to her. Even though she would never know this, he is actually going to miss talking with her, House conceded that she was one hell of a sparring partner.
House had completed all the necessary requirements for discharge and all of his things were packed. All he had left to do at this point was wait for Wilson to show up. God, House thought, 'I'm scared shitless!'
TBC
A/N: Next chapter-our boys FINALLY see each other after two long months. Also, It was not my intention to make Cuddy look bad, I was trying to show Wilson's confusion regarding his new feelings surfacing for House. I like Cuddy, I really do, but House belongs to Wilson Thank you!
