Chapter 2: Willy Wonka and the Health Inspector

Chapter 2: Willy Wonka and the Health Inspector

I went home after a grueling day of work, only to find that my roommate was still sitting on my couch watching television. Lissa smiled widely as I walked in. "Guess what!" She said excitedly. "I got some great job offers. You should be really proud of me!"

"I am" I replied smiling. Two days of working for Mr. Wonka and I was unable to focus on anything, including polite conversation. When Lissa said guess what, my mind raced back to a line in the Lion King. "I despise guessing games." I was glad that Lissa was going to get a job. I wasn't one to have a beast of burden on my shoulders, not that she was or anything. I was grateful for her friendship, but I didn't want to be her stepping-stone to being a burden on society. It was a similar story, with my father. If his roommate hadn't pushed him into a job, father never would have become as rich or as successful as he was. Of course, he probably wouldn't be as overbearing as he is, but the lifestyle it afforded my family was wonderful. It was a nice trade off in my opinion. I went into the kitchen and stared at the refrigerator. "Is there anything edible in there?" I asked staring at it timidly.

Lissa gave me a toothy smile and laughed. "Unless you want singing meat." I wrinkled my nose and made a sick face. "Yeah, that's what I thought." She laughed. We sat down and chatted for a while. There was nothing really major happening. I told her about Mr. Wonka and his shark tank. She thought I was lying, I'm sure, but still it made for a funny story. I showed her the splotches on my arms. They were a little faded now, but still very visible. I hoped they would come off soon. After a while, it got late and we went to sleep, or at least I did, I had to get up early in the morning. I had a health inspector to meet.

I got up early and got dressed for work. I left early and bought a plastic rain poncho, and a pair of rain booties. Ha, I had him beat now; I just know I did. He wouldn't be able to get anything on me until after the health inspector came. It wouldn't look that good if I was covered in goop. I hope that the inspector wouldn't want to see Mr. Wonka's office. No telling what sort of atrocities he had in there, the man was insane. I walked out of the store looked at my watch. "Oh, man, it's nine forty-five already?" I asked no one in particular. "Oh, this is just spectacular!" I growled. I started running across the street not paying attention to the on coming traffic, as there wasn't that much of it. I think that some where in the great scheme of things I signed a contracted stating I would do everything the stupid way, because an intelligent person would look for on coming traffic. As I was running across the street, a car swerved out of no where. I heard it trying to screech to a halt, but I just stood there with a deer in the headlights look. Of course it hit, just enough to knock me on to the ground. I just lay there thinking. "I've fallen and I can't get up, better yet, I'm not going to get up. And I pity the fool who tries to make me get up." I think I got a sinister little smile on my face, just because I felt my mouth curl upward.

"Oh, gosh, Miss, are you all right?" a masculine voice asked me. I assumed that it was the voice of the driver. I opened my eyes and craned my neck to look at him. "Here let me help you." He sat me up and started rambling about how sorry he was, he even handed me my purse. I sat there and I was nearly in tears. Ever since I had this job my life had been one big trial, and my boss was insane. It was all welling up and I need some one to take my anger out on, and this man was perfect for the job. "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, YOU STUIP JERK?!" I screamed. I snatched my purse from him and hit him with it. "Did you not see me?" I shouted. The man just looked at me strangely.

"I'm sorry." He said indignantly. I stared at him. Gosh, why did he have to be so stinking cute? He had a strong jaw line and the typical British features a sharp nose and a small mouth. His eyes were grey and his hair was dark brown. He was nicely dressed too, meaning he probably had a good job. Stinking junk, why does the world hate me so much? "Perhaps you shouldn't have crossed when there was traffic." He snapped back at me.

"Well, last I looked, pedestrians had the right of way!" I pulled my self to my feet and stalked off. I was angry, muddy, and late.

The thing about my life lately was that it seemed it going from bad to worse and just when I thought things couldn't get any worse they did. I opened the door to the office and found it covered in a sticky green material. I just stood there with my hand on the doorknob, thinking of all the ways, I was going to kill Wonka. I mean seriously, he was going to die a slow and painful death. No wait, I wasn't going to kill him yet; I was going to maim him first. I shut the door again to see if it would go away, but no such luck, when I opened it back up the waiting room was still a mess. I sighed and went to look for my soon to be dead employer. I opened his office door to find him laughing at something. I squinted my eyes to see what it was only to find it was a man dressed in a nice suit that was covered in green goop. "ARUGHAHHH!" was all I could manage. That was the health inspector. Mr. Wonka had just blasted the health inspector.

"Oh, Lady, hey" He chuckled. "This is," He looked to the other man standing there with grey eyes. "Well, I don't know who this is, but he says he has an appointment." I nodded at him dumbly. I didn't know if there was anything that could be done to salvage what was left of this. "Did you see my experiment?" He asked excitedly. I ignored him and walked over to the health inspector, but he continued. "It was supposed to be colored chocolate wall paint for kid's room, but it sort of exploded." He laughed, "but it still tastes good right?"

"I wouldn't know Mr. Wonka, I don't go around licking walls." I helped the man take off his jacket and handed him a Lysol sanitary wipe from my purse. As he wiped off his face, I could see more of his features coming though. They were extremely familiar. He turned to look at me and then I realized where I had seen those grey eyes before. I completely froze and started making little squeaking noises. I think this would qualify as my horrible day getting worse. It was the man that hit me with his car; the one that I was so rude to. He stared at me for a few minutes.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked, and then he narrowed his eyes at me. "Wait, didn't I hit you with my car this morning?" I was still dumbfounded and making a squeaking noise. He ended up staring at me for a few minutes while I tried to put some semblance of a thought process together.

"Gosh, girl, say something, he's talking to you" I thought ruefully. I some how managed a very small "Yes". After that my mouth just wouldn't stop running, I started rambling, or rather I spoke so fast that all my words ran together. "imsosorrythatiwasrudetoyouthismorningifihadknownthatyouweretheinspectoriwouldhaveneversaidallthosethingsi'msorry." Just as suddenly as my mouth opened, it snapped shut and I just stared at him. He stared back at me quizzically. I closed my eyes and heaved a breath trying to calm down. I opened my mouth to repeat myself, but he stopped me.

"Please, don't talk anymore, I don't understand you yanks anyway." He waved me off and rubbed his forehead. Health inspector or not, he could go jump in the lake, it was one thing to insult me and tell me to shut up, but don't you dare get America or Americans caught up in this. I was incensed.

"Excuse me," I snapped. "I know you could understand me this morning, so unless you have waxy build up in your British little ears, I suggest you hear this." I placed my hands on my waist and cocked my hips. "I know my apology was a little askew, but I still tried to apologize to you, and then you go and insult Americans. Last I checked we were the national superpower." I wanted to say a slue of mean things, but nothing came to mind. I wanted to say something about saving their sorry little tails in WW1 and WW2, or kicking said sorry little tails in the American Revolution. I didn't though. The health inspector's face scrunched up. "That said, I would like to get on with my miserable day and I need you to tell me what I need to do." I finished and crossed my arms. He opened his mouth several times to say something, but not that much could be said.

I sighed. "All right, I'm Julia Carpenter, Mr. Wonka's personal assistant." I put my hand out for him to shake it. I had forgotten about the green goop all over the man, so when he shook it, he covered my hand in the stuff. I sighed. Of course, that would be the way it went, I wouldn't be able to go home a day with out finding myself covered in one of Mr. Wonka's experiments.

"Very well then, hello Miss Carpenter, I am James McEwen." I nodded. "Shall we start this process with out your employer?" He asked me. I looked around for a crushed velvet coat and purple top hat, but I could find them anywhere.

"I guess so," I shrugged. I had a vague idea of where Mr. Wonka was. It was probably behind that curtain where he kept that infernal shark tank, but what exactly would I say to Mr. Mc-Stupid head- Ewen. "Oh yeah, my boss is behind this curtain here, let me make sure he's not swimming in the shark tank." It sounded stupid even to me, with everything that I had been through these past few days. I showed him through my office and down stairs. He started inspecting the place, rattling off a list of things that I need to make it completely safe. I wrote them down as we went, and before I knew it, we were laughing and joking like old friends. It was really strange considering this morning's events. He wasn't actually that bad of a man. I liked him, and he was cute.

"So, is your employer really insane?" He asked me, after a little while.

I wanted to say yes, but that wouldn't sound really great. "No, he's not, he just seems that way." I said as we looked over everything in the bathrooms. He laughed. "Actually, he's some what of an inventor, and as soon as the shop opens up, I'm sure he'll make wonderful money." I continued.

"Yes," Mr. McEwen said. "Well, with increase of jobs, there'll be an increase in money spent." I walked him back to the front door. "Well, you have a list of things you need, correct, Miss Carpenter." He asked as he got his over coat, and umbrella. (They were both still covered in green goop). I nodded and helped him get the things on with the least damage to his powder blue silken shirt.

"Is there anything else that you want from me?" I asked.

"Yes, actually, I need your telephone number and what time you want me to pick you up on Friday." He smirked at me. I know I raised my eyebrows with a small delight.

"Are you asking me out?" I pointed to myself dramatically. He nodded still smirking at me. "Well then, how does seven sound?"

"Wonderful" he smiled. I quickly wrote out my number and gave it to him. He kissed my hand and bid me goodbye. "Oh, and Miss Carpenter," I turned back to him. "Wear something nice." I nodded and waved goodbye.

After he left, I danced all the way back into my office. It was the happy dance. No not even, it was the extremely overjoyed awfully ecstatically happy dance. I was still dancing around my office when my phone rang. I sighed still smiling widely as I answered it. "Hello." It was Lissa. She invited me to meet her for a late lunch at a local café. I hung up and went to tell Mr. Wonka what I was doing. I went to his door and was about to open it when I thought better of it. I went over to my purse where I stuck my rain poncho, pulled it out, and proceeded to pull it on my body. Ha, if Mr. Wonka thought he was going to get me this time he had another thing coming. I smirked to myself and threw the door open. I steeled myself for an explosion, but there was none. Mr. Wonka was nowhere to be seen. I searched over the room a little bit, but I still couldn't find him. I shrugged and wrote him a little note on his desk. The pencil was funny. I was smudging all over the paper. I took it in my hands and examined it closely. As I was examining it, I poked my nail into it. It squished in and made an indent. I pulled the stuff from under my nail and smeared it from on my fingers. It was chocolate. He had invented a piece of chocolate look a like pencils. I sighed and searched in his desk for something to write with, but I didn't find anything. I sighed and decided that I was going to lunch anyway.

I walked to the little café where Lissa wanted to meet me. It was a quaint little place, called the Greystone Café. It wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worst place to eat. I walked in and saw her sitting there slurping up a drink. She smiled and waved me over to her spot. I sat down in the chair at her table. "Hey babe, how are you?" She asked me with a touch of excitement.

"Well, I'm alive, so…" I trailed off trying to think of something else to say, but nothing came to mind. "I'm alive, that's about it." Lissa laughed at me, and I shook my head.

"Yeah, well you trying to go for a boy bubble look?" She asked as she giggled into her straw. I knitted my brow and looked down at myself. After which I felt like an idiot, an idiotic idiot. When I left work, I was still wearing my plastic rain poncho to protect myself from my employer. I suppose I got so distracted by other things that I forgot to take the dumb thing off. Oh, did I feel officially stupid. I sighed and pulled the poncho off. Apparently, it was just small enough that as I pulled it up, my shirt came up with it. I could feel cold air on the small of my back. I stopped mid action and tried to push my shirt back down. I felt my eyes get wide as I realized I was stuck. Lissa looked at me questioningly for a moment before she burst out laughing. "Goodness, Jules, what's the matter?" She chortled. I glared at her evilly.

"Well, I'm so glad you find this funny." I snapped. Lissa just sat there and watched me writhe. She sucked up her drink and smiled at me the whole time. "Well, don't all rush to help me all at once." I growled. Lissa laughed at me, then her eyes darted to something behind me. From the giggly smile on her face, I assumed that this was going to benefit her humor. "Lissa, this isn't funny! Will you help me?" I whined with a small little stamp of my foot.

"No," She giggled. "But I'm sure this fine gentlemen will help you." She nodded to some one, I assumed a man, behind me. "Sir, will you help a damsel in distress?" She asked the mystery person. I felt some one pull my poncho over my head, and lose it from my arms. I immediately pushed my shirt down, blushing furiously. There were certain things that I didn't want the whole world to see. Things like the green blotchy fungal looking splotches on my back, for one. I stared down into my lap for a few minutes muttering words of gratitude, before I looked up at the man who helped me. I stopped mid sentence. My rescuer was none other than the firemen, Hugh Wolfson. Why on earth would I think it would be anyone else, because that would mean that something went right for me? "Thank you," I fidgeted in my seat wondering what to do. Thankfully, Lissa cut in and offered him a seat.

"No, actually, I have some costumers I need to get to." He smiled. "But, Miss Carpenter, next time you want to disrobe, please, do it some where like a bedroom."

Lissa took that statement to be the dirty Britt that she was and make an innuendo. "Yeah, well next time, maybe it'll be yours." She laughed. I felt my cheeks go bright red and I just stared down at my drink. Hugh bid us both good bye and walked off. "Well, that went all right."

"All right?" I cried. "You call that all right! I hate to see what you call bad." I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "Lissa that was the firemen that I told you about, the really cute one that gave me his number the other day." I moaned slumping down in my hair and laying my chin against the table.

She smirked widely at me. "Yes," She laughed. "I know." Lissa waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "I went to art school with him before I dropped out. I knew he owned the café and when you told me about it I thought it was the perfect time for you two to meet again." I just closed my eyes.

"Well, next time, do me a favor and don't think." I narrowed my eyes at her. She was wearing a black polo, a pair of khaki pants, and black shoes. "Shouldn't you be at work?" I asked her sharply.

Again, she smirked at me. "I am. This is the job I got." She continued to grin at me. My shoulders slumped and I placed my head in my arms. "That's why I asked you to come here." She beamed.

I wanted to tell her off, I wanted to say something callous and mean, but I didn't. I just offered her a blank look. "All right," I breathed, "as much fun as this had been, I have to get back to work to my insane employer who is slightly more sane than you are." I stood up and just as I was about to leave. Suddenly, a loud noise sounded from outside the window. I jumped with a loud squeak and stared at the person plastered against the wall. It was my employer! He apparently was trying to walk through glass. I sighed and ran out of the café. "Mr. Wonka!" I called as I ran over to help him up. "Are you all right?" He stood there rubbing his forehead for a minute then looked at me.

"You left" he whined. "I went to find you Lady and you left." His violet eyes were large and doe-like. I almost felt badly for him, but then he gave me an indignant little stamp of his foot. I felt like a mother arguing with her three year old child. "Why did you leave?" He demanded.

"Mr. Wonka, I left because I had to go to lunch. Please lets get back to Cherry Street and then we can discuss this like normal people." I tried to reason with him. In the back of my mind, I scoffed at the thought of him being normal. What ever had happened to this man had left him slightly more than insane. Suddenly he perked up.

"YEAH!" He shouted. I stiffened and stared at him pointedly. "We can go back and I can show you my latest creation- edible clothes." I wanted to cry in frustration.

Finally, I gave up. As I said in my youth, "Just nod your head and say yes." I sighed. "Yes, of course Mr. Wonka, let's go, please." The people passing by were giving us odd looks, which, after today I decided I wasn't going to let it bother me anymore. I had a seriously deep feeling that it was going to become a very common thing in the near future. We proceeded to go back to the store at Cherry Street. I still had a lot of work to do on the shop getting everything ready to pass the health inspection. After a little while of assuring Mr. Wonka that I would not leave with out telling him, we went back to our separate jobs. I started organizing a list of everything that had to be prepared, machinery, utensils, uniforms, sundry other things. I yanked out the phone book of its drawer and flopped it open. I began writing down names of companies and manufacturers. I was calling number after number when I heard Mr. Wonka over the loud speaker yelling for me. I jumped from my chair and burst into his room. "MR. WONKA WHAT'S THE MATTER?" I yelled breathlessly.

He smiled at me triumphantly and held up a syringe. "I perfected it! Lady!" I stared at him blankly. I had run in here utterly terrified that he had fallen in the shark tank and was bleeding badly. I wanted to say several things at once, but nothing came out. I just looked at him and turned on my heel and left. "Wait lady!" He shouted running after me failing his arms wildly. "WAIT!" He shouted; it was too late I had already shut the door. There was a loud bang on the other side. I shot a wondering glance up to the ceiling; wishing I knew what I had done to deserve this. My hand was still on the doorknob, so I opened it back up.

"Mr. Wonka- There was another loud smack and an even louder groan. I panicked and whipped the door shut behind me. "Oh, Mr. Wonka, Are you all right, that's what? The fourth time today?" I crouched down and took his face in the tips of my fingers. That's when I saw it in his eyes- I never was quite sure what it was, but it wasn't adult. It was a strange child like quality, one I had never seen before. I blinked at him and for a moment and thought I saw fire dancing in his eyes. He gave me a child like smile and I pulled away. "Are you all right, Mr. Wonka?" I asked again. He smirked.

"Come on, let's boogie!" He laughed and jumped to his feet and ran off.

The remainder of the afternoon I spent still organizing my papers getting everything ready for the people to start. I had a list of things that were important and phone numbers of things that I needed. I was terribly glad that the shop had it's own factory. Actually, it was really very amazing that a shop was in such an odd place and from the bills I saw at such a good price. The rent wasn't that much and it was so huge. I was bored with my office and began spinning around in my chair. Suddenly, I got he urge to walk around a little bit and explore the place. I hadn't really seen that much of it expect the actually factory. There was another layer up stairs that I had not seen. I wandered upstairs and opened the door and was faced with a stark white hallway. I furrowed my brow slightly and stared down the hallway. Each door looked the same, nothing but a nice brown panel; the only thing different about each was their lock. All the locks were special in some way. At the very end however, there was a little arched door made from plain wood, but very intricately decorated. I tried the door- I'm not really sure why, because I knew it was locked. I was right the door was locked. "Well this was quiet a useless adventure." I thought ruefully as I laid my hand flatly on the door. I looked down at my watch and realized that it was time to go.

"Mr. Wonka!" I called into the store as I grabbed my coat. There was no answer. "Oh, what is this man's problem?" I asked no in particular. "Every time I want to leave he always disappears." I muttered. I waited for a little while at my desk aimlessly drawing little circles on a piece of scrap paper. Thirty minutes later there was still no Mr. Wonka. "Oh, well, he has my numbers." With that I got up and left.

Friday came and I was severely excited. I had a date and he was going to pick me up at seven. I went to my closet and thumbed threw my wardrobe. "No, no, no, not even, ew that looks moldy." I threw each item out in its turn. "AH!!" I screamed in frustration and threw myself on the bed. Lissa ran into my room.

"What's the matter?" She asked breathlessly.

"I don't have anything to wear!" I wailed smothering my face with a nearby pillow. "Not a single thing" I knew I was being overdramatic, but this was one of the rare occasions when a man actually liked me. Lissa sighed and rolled her eyes. "Oh, what on earth am I going to do? That horrendous Wonka man has ruined every good suit I own." I continued in a silly anguish.

"Oh, stop whining." She scoffed. "Come on, you can wear something of mine." Lissa grabbed my hand and pulled me to the huge suitcases in the extra room. Why she wasn't unpacked was totally beyond me, but still. She pushed the largest suitcase on its back and unzipped it. "Were you actually planning to wear a suit to your date?" She asked me with a laugh.

"I was 'til I found out my boss ruined all of my good ones." I whined. She laughed and then suddenly clothes started flying at me. She was muttering various forms of the word "no" until she pulled out a black dress. It wasn't as long as my calf length suit skirt, or as high as my shirt shells, but before I could protest, Lissa had me stuffed into the dress. It barely reached my knees and every time I pulled the hem down, I had to pull the neck up. It defeated its own purpose. "I can't wear this!" I shrieked.

"Oh, yes you can" She tossed a pair of black strap heals at me. "Besides, you have to finish getting ready in- oh say ten minutes." She crossed her arms and smirked at me as I pulled on the elegant shoes. I quickly buckled the shoes and stared at my watch. "So I guess you'll just have to make due," She giggled.

"Oh CRAP!" I ran back to my room. Actually, it was more of a hop so I could buckle the other shoe. I didn't do much with my stick straight hair and only put a tiny bit of makeup on. Then was the mad dash to get everything I needed together. "I'm forgetting something I just know it." I said, as I searched my small black sequenced purse (another loan from Lissa's).

"Well, a wallet might be good." She laughed at me holding up my wallet. I sighed and took it from her. "It's cold out, and more than likely going to rain tonight." She handed me a nice velvet jacket and my umbrella.

"Lissa remind me to thank you when I get back." I chuckled. She gave me a quick hug and I ran out the door. He had just pulled up in his nice car, the one he ran into me with. I chuckled at the strange memory. This was going be one of the best nights I'd ever had. When I was young, I didn't have many dates, so this was a special treat for me. He got out and opened the car door for me.

"Good Evening," he smiled. "My, you do look so lovely tonight." He helped me into the car.

"Hello," I said. I could feel a girlish blush grace my cheeks. "Thank you." I replied to both the compliment and the help he was giving me. We drove off to the restaurant. It was an elegant place. The host led us a secluded little table in the back. He seated me and then disappeared to the front again. I made small talk with James. He was seriously smart and had study in several countries. It was so impressed by him my own degree in Business almost embarrassed me. Of course, then he spoke five languages fluently. I had to stop my heart from fluttering when he spoke French to me. I don't know why, I actually don't like the French, well maybe their food- but that's besides the point.

Our food came, I had let me order for me because I couldn't read the menu, but what ever it was looked really tasty. We were laughing when I heard some commotion in the front. "I wonder what that is." I said still laughing at whatever incredibly funny thing that he had said. He looked at too and then furrowed his gorgeous face.

"Isn't that your employer?" He asked. I stared at the door way a little more intently and sure enough there he was. MR. WONKA WAS HERE! I felt my eyes go huge as he began to argue with the waiters.

"She's here silly!" He laughed, glancing in my direction. I tried to hide my face as quickly as possible. "THERE!" I heard him shout in a childish voice. Never mind that plan, what to do just go about my business and pretend as if I didn't know him. That seemed the best plan right now. I heard several shrieks, the clatter and shatter of dishes, and a loud resounding, "LADY!" I groaned inwardly and turned to look at him with horror in my face. "Lady here you are!" He was still shouting like a petulant three-year-old. I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed his hands.

"Mr. Wonka!" I hissed. "Will you kindly SHUT UP!" I growled. He looked at me with wondering violet eyes. He nodded and I sighed. "Now, why are you here?" I asked.

"You gotta come see the factory!" He said excitedly.

"Why is something wrong?" I snapped, standing up. He just laughed and jerked me along. "Wait, Mr. Wonka, please tell me what's going on!" I demanded. He didn't say anything to me, but continued to drag me along. I dug my heels into the carpet. Of course, whenever that man got near me, my life would always belt me upside the head, hard. The heel snapped and the next thing I knew I was lying on my back in some food. It got on my- oh crap on Lissa's dress. James was at my side in an instant and Mr. Wonka took the opportunity to grab my hand and drag me along again. He pulled me down the street towards the store. Cherry street was far away and I was walking funny since I was missing a heel. At that moment in my life, I hated this man pulling me along talking nonsensically.