A/N: Thanks for all the reads, likes, follows, and, especially, reviews. :)
A little more background before we get into putting arrows into eyes and blowing things to smithereens.
The day seemed long and arduous to Steve. Helping with reparations was definitely something he could deal with, but people's animosity toward him for something he had no control over had always bothered him. Worse, though, was what he had heard from Tony about Maria's meetings with local government officials.
Stark had easily hacked the city's communication lines and had just as easily placed listening devices into offices and meeting rooms. It was hard for Steve to argue against the violations with Maria getting nowhere with the locals, according to Tony. They weren't just giving her the run around, they were openly hostile. Steve wasn't sure if they were aware Maria had been over-seeing the operation, but she was certainly bearing the brunt of their castigation.
And, so far, they had nothing. Either no one on the local level had known about the Hydra cell, not entirely implausible, or they were keeping a tight lid on it. Steve left Tony, Clint, and Natasha to that, while he and Bruce dealt with the civilian population. This was definitely the easier job for Bruce and himself. Even with some hostility from the locals, they'd both rather deal one-on-one with people, and neither wanted to deal with politicians at all.
At the end of the day Steve and Bruce headed to Maria's quarters. Despite her actions that morning, Steve suddenly found himself nervous about facing Maria. He hadn't realized he'd slowed his steps, then stopped entirely, until Bruce stood before him with a questioning look on his face.
Steve shook off his fears then stepped around Bruce to continue to the room.
Knocking, he heard Maria tell them to enter. Inside they found Tony had already arrived. He was seated on the edge of the bed but stood when Steve walked in.
"I suppose this is your spot," Tony told him with a smirk.
Steve rolled his eyes, then looked over at Maria who was seated in the room's only chair, scrolling through information on her tablet. She hadn't looked up when he came in and Steve tried not to read anything into her actions. They were working and there were others on the team present, he couldn't expect her to allow herself to be distracted. Still, Steve didn't walk over and stand beside her as he used to before their break-up, choosing instead to lean against the wall on the other side of the room.
There was another knock and Maria responded without taking her eyes from her pad. Clint stepped in and the dark look in the archer's eyes told Steve that Natasha wouldn't be joining them. Barton glanced up at him, furrowed his eyebrows, then turned his eyes to Maria and back to Steve. The hard look he gave Steve confused him until the archer stepped over beside Maria and Steve realized that he, Tony, and Bruce were all on the opposite side of the room.
Steve chastised himself inwardly. Maria would have noticed that immediately. She was always aware of her surroundings. Feeling the weight of his guilt, Steve pushed off the wall then walked over to the bed and sat down facing her. He could see her face clearly now that he was on her level and the stress in her eyes reminded him that she had far more at stake here.
"Stark," she said, not raising her eyes, but indicating she wanted his report.
Tony told her basically the same as he'd told Steve earlier, there was essentially nothing, but he was running backgrounds and financials on a few people who might be suspect.
"Dirk Beringer?" Clint asked.
The team looked at Clint, and Maria turned away from her tablet, finally.
"Natasha got a tip," he explained, and the look Steve caught briefly in the archer's eyes told the super soldier he didn't want to know how the Black Widow got that information.
Tony pulled out his phone and Maria returned to her tablet to type the name in, while Clint continued.
"He owns a steelworks plant on the other side of town," he said. "Natasha heard his trucks had been seen making deliveries to the base. Whether or not he knew it was HYDRA remains to be seen."
"Is that where Natasha is now?" Maria asked, looking back up at Clint.
He gave a brief nod and Steve felt a deep sympathy for his friend because he doubted Natasha planned on beating it out of the man.
"Well, I'll get on that," Tony interrupted Steve's thoughts.
Maria dismissed the team and turned back to her work. Steve rose and followed the other men to the door, then shut it behind them. He locked it then turned back to her. She kept her eyes focused on the tablet but Steve could see the tension in her shoulders. It was then he noticed her eyes were not moving at all. She was not reading the screen, only using it as an excuse not to look up at him.
Softly he walked over then knelt before her. He reached up and pried her fingers from the pad. She still didn't move as he set it on the bedside table. Steve really wasn't sure what to say so he tugged at her hands until she allowed herself to be pulled onto the floor and into his lap. As she leaned into him, Steve felt himself relax for the first time since he'd left her this morning. Smiling, he placed a kiss on the top of her head then he gave into his almost constant urge and started to pull the pins out of her bun. It had been so long since he'd had the pleasure that it was difficult to fight his reaction, but this moment had to be about Maria, about helping her through her guilt and grief.
Finally, all the pins were removed and Maria's hair fell down and into his hand. She sighed as he ran his fingers through her hair and Steve thought he could feel the pressure of the ring he'd kept in his pocket for the past six months increase. She'd sounded that morning as if she was definitely open to the idea of getting engaged, but Steve knew now was not the time to ask. Now was the time to comfort her, to remind her that she never had to be alone again.
She pulled away to look at him and he took the opportunity to gently kiss her lips. It was such a thrill to feel her return it, but he resisted his desire to deepen the kiss. Slowly he pulled back and she rested her forehead to his.
"I love you so much," he whispered.
Maria placed a hand on his chest then slid it up to his collar, causing him to shudder. But her hand rested there and she began to fiddle with it, which Steve knew indicated she was nervous about what she would say next.
"I'm sorry," she finally said.
Steve reached his hand to hers and pulled it up to kiss.
"I think there's enough blame to go around right now," he told her, but she shook her head.
"I shouldn't have run," she told him. "I should have told you."
She stopped and Steve waited for her to get enough control of her emotions to go on.
"I just didn't think you could still," she paused again.
Steve had never seen her struggle to communicate something before. He pulled her back into his embrace and rested his cheek on the top of her head.
"You don't have to tell me tonight," he said.
He felt her shake her head.
"I owe you an explanation," she said softly, and Steve could tell by the tone of her voice that she was close to tears.
It was a testament to how hard the past several days had been that she'd broken down in front of him so often and that she had reached that point again.
She removed herself from his arms and stood then turned away from him. He knew it was not easy for her to show her emotions even to him so he waited as she pulled herself together out of respect for her. They would have a lifetime together during which Steve would help her learn to feel comfortable sharing everything with him.
"I want to tell you," she said, breaking the silence and turning back to him. "I just don't know how. I've never talked about it before."
"Then maybe we should wait until we get back to New York and have more time," Steve suggested as he stood.
"You're sure?" she asked, and her voice seemed so small to Steve, so lacking in the confidence he loved.
He walked over to her and took her hands in his.
"There's a lot going on right now," he said. "When we get back we can take more time to talk."
She looked up at him and allowed herself a flash of a smile in thanks. Then Steve took her in his arms again.
"I love you," she said.
A sense of happiness came over Steve then like he'd never known. He leaned back and looked at her and this time she gave him a real smile.
He took her hand and pulled her to the bed. She cocked a surprised eyebrow at him.
"Oh, don't you go thinking like Stark, now," he chuckled at her. "I just want to hold you and this is the only comfortable place. I think my legs were going to fall asleep on the floor earlier."
"I think my whole body might fall asleep," Maria said, and she yawned as if for emphasis.
"Sounds very good to me," he told her, as he pulled her down onto the bed with him. "I'll stay with you until you do."
As she lay down next to him, Steve reached up and began to run his fingers through her hair again. Maria used to call it his hair fetish and he supposed it was true. He had always had a need to pull her hair down, to bury his fingers deep inside, to feel her relax against him as he seemingly soothed the tension out of her as he pulled the knots from her hair. And the fact that she had reacted the first time exactly the way he had imagined only encouraged him. It wasn't until he'd let his curiosity get the best of him one time and read a romance novel he'd found on a break room bookshelf at SHIELD one day, that he'd learned how intimate an act this was. By then, however, he couldn't stop himself, but he'd never allowed it to go further.
Tonight, though, with the pressure of the ring in his pocket, and his hope for their future renewed, he found it to be more of a struggle. He felt her hand splayed across his chest and it seemed heavier than usual. His other arm was wrapped around her back and resting on her hip and he started to feel an urge to slip it lower, to feel what the rest of her body felt like. Part of his mind, the part he kept under tight control 99% of the time, reminded him that it wasn't as if it would be her first time, and that he probably wouldn't be forcing her into anything thing she didn't want herself.
Fortunately the rest of his mind took over, reminding him of her fears that she had shared with him the previous night. And Steve realized that it was more than just his morals that had to force him to delay his gratification, Maria had to be entirely secure in their relationship. He couldn't just take what he wanted, what society now dictated to practically be his right, without giving her everything she needed first.
And to that end, he had some unfinished business to attend to.
"There is something I need to deal with," he said.
"It's OK," she said. "You don't have to right now."
"Yes, I do," Steve told her, and he took a deep breath to steel himself.
He was still so repulsed at himself for his behavior the other night in her apartment. He knew Maria made him crazy, but it had always been directed toward other people, people who had hurt her or threatened her.
"I should have given you the choice, not taken it from you," he said. "I was so afraid he was hurting you and I couldn't handle the thought anymore."
He stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath to calm himself.
"I should have found another way," he confessed. "I'm sorry."
He felt Maria put her arm around his chest and pull herself even closer to him. He honestly couldn't remember when anything had felt so good to him. He moved his hand from her hair and began to rub her arm as it lay across his chest.
"I've missed you," he whispered, before his emotions shut off any ability to speak.
They lay together, and Steve relaxed, and before he knew it, he had drifted off to sleep.
After what seemed minutes, Steve's eyes fluttered open. He was on his side, with Maria wrapped in his arms. She smiled at him.
"You know," she said, as she leaned in to kiss him. "I could get used to this."
He returned her kiss as he slid his hand up her back and into her hair. He used his other hand to pull her more closely to him as he deepened the kiss. Maria moaned against his lips and Steve tried to control his reaction. He slowed the kiss, then pulled back to look at her again. After a moment, her words registered with him.
"Get used to what?" he asked.
"Waking in your arms every morning," she smiled.
Steve was suddenly aware that the light in Maria's room was not from the lamp, but from the sun. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing coherent came to mind. Instead he shook his head.
She laughed at him and he couldn't help but smile.
Finally, he said, "Yeah, I could get used to this, too."
He looked at her for a moment, took in every feature of her smiling face. This was definitely what he wanted every morning for the rest of his life.
Steve sat up and thought about putting his hand into his pocket to pull out the ring when a knock on the door intruded on his thoughts.
They both stared at the door for a moment, neither wanting to end things here.
The person knocked again and this time called out.
"Maria, are you in there," a soft voice came through the door.
Maria jumped up and walked quickly to the door, opening it to reveal Natasha. Both Natasha and Steve openly gaped at each other, though for completely different reasons. And Natasha recovered first. Maria ushered her to the bed, then grabbed the first aid kit next to the sink.
"What happened to you?" Steve asked.
Natasha had obviously had a rough go of it. She had cuts and abrasions on her knees and hands, as if she had fallen, but the bruise on her face was recognizable to Steve as from a fist.
"Let's just say the mark and his friends like to play a little rougher than I'm used to these days," Natasha told them with an unaffected look.
"Ambush?" Maria asked as she cleaned the cuts on Natasha's legs with antiseptic wipes.
Natasha shook her head.
"More like skulking," she said.
Maria gave her a questioning look.
"I think they had cameras on him," Natasha told them. "I had him in the bedroom."
Steve felt his face grow warm and cleared his throat.
"Maybe I should step outside," he interrupted.
"Nothing happened, Steve," Natasha said. "I pulled out a tranq and was about to tap him when three guys burst into the room."
"Where'd they come from?" asked Maria.
"Tranq?" Steve asked at the same time.
"Yes," Natasha told him. "It's less messy than outright torture."
She gave him an amused look.
"Why? How did you think I got my information?"
Then she smirked as Steve blushed all the way to his collar.
"Can we get back to the matter at hand?" Maria said, all business.
And Steve was glad she was there, it helped him maintain his composure.
"I don't know where they were from," she said. "But I'm fairly certain they were HYDRA. They were too good to be organized crime."
Steve let out a slow breath. HYDRA would know SHIELD was on to them now. He wondered if they would clean house or just cut their losses.
"Three guys did this to you?" Maria asked, moving on to the cut on Natasha's arm.
"No," she said. "I left them in the bedroom, but there was a unit waiting for me when I jumped out the window."
"No time to open it, I suppose?" Maria asked, dryly.
Natasha shook her head, then smirked.
"Closed window is more dramatic," she told them.
Steve laughed lightly.
"I'm going to get Barton," he told them.
"No," they said in unison.
Steve paused.
"Why not?" he asked slowly.
"I don't want him to see me like this," Natasha said, and Steve was almost certain the assassin's cheeks took on a pink tinge.
"OK," he said. "We'll just leave from his place. He won't have to see you. I'll relay the information."
"Stark?" Maria asked.
"Have him on standby," Steve said. "I just want to observe right now. No need to pull in everyone unless we have to engage."
He stared at her for a moment, suddenly wishing he'd had time to tell her more before they'd been interrupted. But she raised a questioning eyebrow and he shook himself out of his thoughts.
"Debrief Romanoff and have Banner and Stark ready in case Barton and I need back up," he said. "Then follow the rest of the day's plans as you had scheduled. Maybe you'll catch something today."
She nodded, all business, and Steve tried not to regret not being able to do more than return the nod.
Steve walked across to Clint's quarters and rapped on the door. When Clint opened it he looked Steve over then smiled a huge grin that surprised Steve.
"You might want to have Maria get an iron and keep it in her quarters so you can at least not look like you slept in your clothes," he said.
Steve felt himself turning slightly red as he glanced down and took in his own appearance.
"Yeah, um, well, I *did* sleep in them," he said, and looked back at Clint.
The man had an unreadable look on his face as he said. "Yeah, I know."
And Steve realized that he did know, and that he understood. Since Steve had awoken in this new world he had wondered if there was anyone left who know what self-restraint even was, what it was to force oneself to delay gratification. It seemed to him that everyone was running around demanding all their needs and wants be met in an instant, no one wanted to work for anything anymore, no one could tolerate waiting for anything.
But now Steve knew that Clint was nothing if not self-controlled. As Clint ushered him into his room, Steve couldn't help but wonder exactly how long the man had been forced to watch as the woman he loved did things like she'd done last night. If it was Steve, he didn't think he could take that.
"Natasha's back," Steve said, but Clint was guarded and betrayed no reaction, only nodded.
"She ran into a bit of resistance last night or early this morning," he continued.
"She OK?" Barton asked, and Steve nodded.
"I wanted to go take a look and could use some good eyes," he said.
Clint simply nodded and Steve left to change.
They met up outside Steve's quarters then set off on foot to the location Natasha gave him. Steve preferred to do this sort of reconnaissance with Clint because Tony's inane chatter, while amusing at other times, could get distracting. He didn't need any outside distractions today, he had enough on his mind. He wondered how Clint was going to react to Natasha's injuries, not something he had thought too much about previously. And he wondered how he'd missed Clint's feelings for her. Of course, Steve wasn't much of a spy, he preferred his fight right in his face. He thought now that this was why he'd missed all the cues from Maria leading up to their breakup. As he considered that time he thought he noticed a slight change a year earlier. He couldn't figure out exactly what it was that triggered it, but around Christmas she had started to act slightly different. And, he realized now, she would sometimes come to work and he'd notice she hadn't had much sleep. She would shrug it off as stress and he'd try to help her later, but, in hindsight, he could see she had started to put distance between them.
He felt Hawkeye's hand pull out to stop him and Steve paused their trek through the woods to listen, but Clint stopped and looked up at him.
"How bad was it?" he asked. "Really."
"Natasha's wounds?" Steve clarified, and Barton nodded.
Steve hesitated. They were headed to the man's house now, he wasn't sure what Barton would do once they arrived.
"Nothing life threatening, I don't think," Steve said.
"Then why'd it take her so long to come back?" Clint asked.
Steve shook his head, he hadn't asked. He left that to Maria.
"Maria's debriefing her," he told Clint. "I wanted to get moving on this before everything went cold."
Clint nodded in understanding, then turned to start back on their hike.
"Barton," Steve called to him. "You're not going to do anything, right?"
Clint turned and cocked his head in question.
"This is just recon," Steve reminded him. "We're not going there to draw blood."
Clint chuckled quietly and shook his head.
"Don't worry, Cap," he assured him. "I won't put an arrow in his eye unless I'm ordered."
Then he turned away and mumbled, though, with his serum-enhanced hearing, Steve could hear him as if he was saying it right to him.
"I'm not some young hot-head."
A/N: OK, so I'm trying an idea I read on a writing blog last week about writing your action story backwards. So far it's going much better than trying to write it forward. It caught my eye because I already knew how I wanted to story to end, I was just having trouble figuring out how to get there from here. Now I have the last two chapters mostly done, and the epilogue completely done. I still have no idea exactly how many chapters it will be.
Also, I will be posting a different story this weekend and will be taking writing prompts for it. So if you are an Avengers and How I Met Your Mother fan (or if you were a HIWYM fan before the series finale ;)) watch for it. I would say "wait for it" but I'm not really sure how legendary it will be. :)
