A/N: Ok so I re-wrote this chapter 4 times because I wanted to show Margaret's side of the story but without getting rid of the 'my mother is so annoying' view. I have never been involved in any of the issues in this story so I find it hard to empathise with the characters but I try to make them realistic. So everything in here is just from what I've read (or watched on the TV). Oh and I don't really know anything about cancer either other than from what I've read so I'm sorry if doesn't really make sense. I think I should tell you that I've raised the rating T because of mentions of domestic abuse in this chapter, but you're supposed to be 13 or over if you're on this site anyway. I also realised that I've been spelling Katherine's name with a C instead of a K (I blame it on my friend because I'm so used to writing her name with a C) anyway I've changed it in the summary but I'm not going to change all of chapter 1 sorry :p In reply to Dntgkad - Don't worry I'm not going to turn this into a Dylan and Lily story, I honestly don't really like them together anyway, but I am going to keep Catherine alive for a little while so I'll just see where the story goes. You did sort of give me the idea for this though so thanks :D. Enjoy :)
Later that day, Margaret had come back into the house and stormed upstairs without saying a word. Benjamin had thought this was extremely rude considering that it was their house she was staying in but Katherine hadn't said anything so he thought he'd let it go. He knew she was under a lot of stress and he didn't want to make the problem worse.
Katherine was sitting on her bed in her room contemplating what to do when she heard her mother arrive. She ignored her not even wanting to look at her, she didn't deserve the right to know what was going on from the way she had behaved Katherine's entire life, but Rosie did. Her daughter was only just 6 and she couldn't leave her. She needed a mum. But if she was to have her mum taken away from her, she at least deserved to know why and what was happening even if she wouldn't fully understand everything.
Benjamin walked into the room. Katherine could see he was trying to keep calm for her but really it was killing him to see her like this. However, Benjamin honestly didn't know how much longer he could last. It had only been one day since he found out about the cancer and the idea had been slowly eating him up. It didn't make the matter better that Margaret was here either. He knew that Katherine loved her deep down, she just tried to hide it and however hard he tried to get her to admit it she never would. "Do you think we should tell her?" he asked
"Rosie?"
"No, I meant your mother."
"Are you serious?" she said turning to look at him
"Well she's going to find out eventually, maybe you should just tell her. Then she won't be acting like this and…" he hesitated before he continued "…you'll probably feel less guilty if you tell her."
"Guilty. You think I feel guilty!" she said raising her voice as she stood up "I will never feel guilty for anything to do with that woman! She is the one who should feel guilty, not me. She doesn't have the right to know anything about my life and especially not this."
"You don't mean that" he said calmly.
"Oh don't I?"
"Why do you always seem to isolate yourself whenever she's around?" he cried "It wouldn't be so bad but you distance yourself from me, Dylan and Rosie as well. It's like you don't want to let any of us in!"
"Maybe I don't" she said coolly
"They're your children" he muttered turning away
"And considering that you're my husband you should know by now that I tell you everything! So don't you dare say that I don't"
"I'm not doing, you just seem to bottle things up whenever your mother's here. If she wasn't here neither of us would be so stressed, and that would be much better for you considering the circumstances"
"Oh I'm sorry, do you want to tell her to leave or shall I."
"I'm not saying it's your fault that she's here it's just really bad timing. I just think you should open up to her"
"Just because she gave birth to me doesn't give her the right to know this. She gave that role away years ago and she hasn't earnt it back. She isn't my mother! She didn't want to know me at birth so why should she want to know me now! What is so different about this time in my life?"
"Well in case you haven't noticed there might not be chance to change things if…" he faltered
"You did not just say that" she said hurt flashing across her face and he realised that was just what she didn't want him to say.
"Look I'm sorry," he said lowering his voice again with a lot of willpower "But it could happen and you know it. You're probably closer to believing it than me anyway."
Katherine looked as though she wanted to say something but changed her mind.
"Look all I'm asking you to do, is give her another chance. You owe it to yourself and she might have changed."
If anything that angered Katherine even more "She didn't want me then and she still doesn't want me now! People don't change!" she stormed out of the room and into the bathroom where she locked the door and sat down on the cold hard floor, letting the tears that had been threatening to fall all day finally come crashing down.
Unfortunately for Katherine during the argument her voice had carried and although nobody downstairs had heard the yelling, for the people on the second floor it was a whole different story. Dylan had come upstairs after breakfast and he had not been downstairs since, he was sitting at his desk trying to clear his mind by drawing, when he heard his mum and dad's voices. However Dylan was not the only person who was upstairs at the current time. The women who had been the cause of the argument had heard everything and was now sitting down on her bed feeling extremely uncomfortable. She did want her daughter and she thought Katherine knew that but things had just been so difficult back then.
Benjamin knocked on the bathroom door "Katherine, I'm sorry. Are you okay?" he asked. There was no answer so he tried again "Look I'm sorry, I just got fed up with her and I know you're tired of the way she's been acting." Still nothing "We don't have to tell her."
Then unexpectedly came the sound of Katherine's voice from the other side of the door "I know" she said "I'm not bothered about that"
Benjamin sighed "I know and I'm sorry for what I said, I really didn't mean it like that, but it's all going to be ok in the end" he said quietly, unsure of what else to say.
"Not that, it's weird that doesn't seem to be bother me that much at the moment. It'll probably hit me when it all starts happening for real." Then in answer to his unasked question she said "It's just my stupid mother again"
The door lock clicked to signal Katherine had opened it. He pushed it open and saw her sitting there against the wall facing the door; tears streaming down her face.
"Come here" he said sitting down next to her and pulling her into a hug. They sat like that for a few moments, with her crying into his shoulder, until she pulled back.
"I'm sorry" she said wiping her eyes.
"Don't be silly" he said stroking her hair.
"I just wish that she would tell me why. I mean she kept Rebecca and I know she's four years younger than me but… I don't know. When she took me back in when I was twelve she always used it against me. Whenever I did anything wrong she said she was glad that she got rid of me and that she was stupid for even considering letting me live with her again. It was only because of my dad…"
Benjamin just sat there quietly letting her rant and rave about her mother. Next minute they heard footsteps coming down the landing to the bathroom. The door was still open so Margaret saw them straight away. "Katherine can I talk to you for a moment please" she said.
Katherine just nodded and Benjamin kissed her on the forehead before standing up and leaving the bathroom. Katherine made no move to speak so Margaret pulled a hankie out of her pocket.
"Here" she said holding the hankie out for Katherine to take.
"What do you want?" she asked refusing to take it.
Margaret sighed "I..I wanted to apologise"
"Yeah well it's a bit late for that"
"Well I want to chance to try"
"I don't think you deserve the chance"
"No I probably don't"
"How do you even know what we were talking about anyway?"
Margaret did have the grace to look uncomfortable "I heard you and Ben arguing"
"His name's Benjamin, and if you involved yourself in my life more without tab hanging, you would know that."
"I wasn't tab hanging" Katherine just gave her a look that said 'clearly you were' so she quickly changed the subject. "Look, I wanted to tell you why I didn't keep you."
"I already know why; you've told me. You were really young and I was, and would have been, a hindrance"
"That's not the real reason and you know it" Katherine didn't say anything so Margaret continued "It's really hard to love a child when you hate the man who got you pregnant in the first place"
"What?" Katherine questioned, shock taking over from her stubbornness.
Margaret turned her back to Katherine and pulled her top up. Beneath the t-shirt was a huge scar running from her shoulder blade down to her opposite hip. "Oh my God" gasped Katherine "Dad did that to you" she said her eyes wide.
"Sort of" Margaret said turning back round "Peter didn't do this to me if that's what you mean but yes your dad did"
"What are you saying?"
"I left your father when I found out I was pregnant with you. We weren't married, so one day I just left without one look back. I couldn't let him hurt you."
Katherine just sat there trying to take it all in. "I was only 17 and I didn't know what to do" Margaret continued "So yes my mother, your grandma, encouraged me to give you up. She knew that most of the caring would fall onto her shoulders and she didn't want that responsibility at her age.
"You have to know that I wanted to keep you, I really did. But the pain and hardships of the pregnancy just kept weighing down on my shoulders. I had no support and I knew it wasn't fair to you to raise you without a father. I just I didn't seem to feel anything for you and I'm…I'm so sorry" Her voice cracked and tears streamed down her face.
"I thought it might change when you were born. You know that first time when you hold your child and the whole pregnancy and hardships and heartache is all worth it, but it never came" she lowered her voice to a whisper "I felt nothing, I just felt emotionless. Well nothing good I mean, you look so much like your dad it scared me and I…"
"I was just a child"
"I know, I know and I'm so sorry"
"And you only took me back in because Peter wanted you to."
"Yes. I mean you know how I treated you and you didn't deserve any of it but I made it clear that if I'd had the choice I would have left you where you were. Partly because I knew you'd hate me and I was a coward; I didn't want to face that. But partly because after 12 years I'd built a new and happy life for myself and I didn't want to be reminded of the demons from my past."
Katherine nodded "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"You were happy to have a dad, Peter I mean. I told you that he had no say when I gave you up for adoption and you didn't see him as evil like you saw me."
"I never thought you were evil."
"Maybe not but I was always the bad guy. I didn't like it, no but you'd just been given a family, even if it was just a father and a sister, it was more than you'd had before. I couldn't take that away from you."
They sat in silence for a moment before Katherine spoke "Thank you"
"What for?"
"For actually caring, I never realised."
"Oh darling I'm sorry. I always cared about you really. I couldn't not, you're my daughter." She pulled Katherine into a long awaited hug.
"Mum?"
"Yeah"
"Why…why did Tom do what he did?"
"He just got angry at me for things"
"Like what?" then seeing her mother's reluctance she said "I'm sorry you don't have to tell me, it doesn't matter"
"You're right it doesn't matter, which means I should be able to talk about it. He had a lot of other encounters, shall we say, with other women. I noticed and I confronted him about it. He said I was too nosy for my own good and then it went on from there. I only confronted him that once of course, but when he realised what he could do to me, he didn't seem to want to stop."
"I'm sorry"
"It's alright, I should have kept my nose out of others people's business"
"Well it was your business as well; I mean he cheated on you. If Benjamin ever did anything like that to me I would do more than confront him."
"Oh I heard the way you yelled at him just then, poor bloke" Margaret laughed lightening the sullen atmosphere.
"Tom was right about one thing though" Katherine said
"What?"
"You are too nosy for you own good" Katherine smiled
"Hey"
"Oh come on, would we be having this conversation if you weren't?"
"I wasn't tab hanging you just shout very loud." Margaret said "So am I forgiven?"
The happiness vanished from Katherine's face "Mum…"
"No I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything. Me and my big mouth again."
"No it's not that. It's just…"
"I've broke past the first barrier but I still need to work on the other ninety-nine."
Katherine looked at her "You felt like you had no one who cared as a child" Margaret explained "Benjamin's right you do block people out, especially those who should have been close to you. Can we just at least try to be a family?"
Katherine shook her head not knowing how to say or do anything else. "I already have my family; it takes longer than half an hour to add a new member." She stood up then a look of realisation crossed her face "Oh my God" she said "you're unbelievable."
Margaret looked at her with an innocent expression on her face "Oh come on don't look like that," said Katherine "You said all that just to get some gossip on what's going on in your daughter's life - it probably wasn't even true. All that just to find out exactly why Benjamin wanted me to talk to you and to have that conversation that I 'owe to myself'."
"It was true Katherine, you have to believe that"
"Yeah, well I hate to break it to you but you don't just get the title of 'mother'. You have to earn it."
With that she walked out of the bathroom leaving Margaret behind alone looking dazed. Katherine was right she did have her family and her family deserved to know the truth. Rosie was sitting in a chair in the living room reading whilst Benjamin was on the settee on his laptop.
"Rosie can me and dad talk to you a minute please" she said looking at her husband
"Yeah" she said closing her book
"We'll go into the sun room. No one can hear us in there"
"Okay" she said slowly and uneasily
"It's alright you've not done anything wrong"
A look of relief flashed across her face "Or have you and you don't want us to know?" asked Benjamin
"No" Rosie said a little too quickly. Benjamin rolled his eyes thinking was his mischievous daughter could possibly have done this time, but decided to let it slide. He could do with a good laugh anyway.
They walked into the sun room and they sat down on the settee, Katherine pulling Rosie onto her lap. She was about to say something but then she froze, not sure how to start. So Benjamin started the conversation.
"Rosie you know we both love you, don't you" Rosie nodded "Well you have to know that no matter what happens we will always be with you. Even if we have to go far away we will always love you and we will always be with you in here" he said pointing at her heart.
"Far away…you're getting a divorce aren't you?" she said turning her head to her mother's chest
"No, no Rosie we aren't getting a divorce. What gave you that idea anyway?"
"Chloe at school said her mum and dad got a divorce because they were arguing all the time"
"Well your mum and I don't argue all the time"
"Dylan said you were arguing earlier"
"Did he now?" said Benjamin frustratingly.
"Well we weren't really arguing, I was just a bit annoyed with grandma that's all" said Katherine
"Ok" Rosie frowned "So why are you going far away?"
"Well your mum has got a horrible bug inside of her and it might send her away for a while"
"Like a poorly bug"
"Yes"
"But mum's not poorly" she said "When I'm poorly I have to lie down because I feel faint when I walk around"
Katherine laughed "Yeah you're right, I'm not very poorly now, but I might get really ill eventually"
"But then you'll get better" said Rosie, her parents hesitated "Won't you?" she added close to tears
"Yeah she will Rosie" he said.
"Good" said Rosie jumping off her mother's lap and giving her a hug "I'm sorry you're poorly. Is this why Dylan was upset?"
"Yeah it is"
"Oh ok, but you'll get better. I think he was just making a big deal out of nothing." She declared skipping off.
Benjamin laughed humourlessly "What a sensitive little girl"
Katherine just put her head in her hands "I hate lying to her"
"Well we weren't really lying to her. You are going to make a full recovery" he said putting his arm around her, as if trying to convince himself.
"But if I don't…"
"Katherine you will. I know what I said earlier but I was being stupid, I mean you can't…not" he said not wanting to think about any other possibilities.
"You were right with what you said earlier and with those figures and statistics-" she stopped suddenly, realising she'd gone too far.
"What do you mean?"
"My chances of recovery"
"Yeah but, you told me they were high. Katherine? When you say statistics…the recovery rate is high isn't it?"
"Well my chances of survival aren't exactly low compared to others but … 16% of people survive" she whispered.
"And you're going to be one of them. It's probably because most people who get it are old and they've been smoking all their lives" he felt like he was telling himself these lies to cover up the truth.
"Benjamin don't be ridiculous and stop trying to ignore that facts. It's a fairly new branch of cancer and they're still in experimental stages" she said.
Benjamin shook his head "It doesn't matter; you are going to recover despite the figures and statistics and everything else. You're strong and healthy; you're going to be fine."
Katherine looked at her husband directly in the eye. She grasped his hand and said what should have been said from the start "Benjamin, I'm going to die."
A/N: Hope you enjoyed it, do you think my chapters are too long?
