What Was I Thinking
"Oh, I know what I was feeling, but what was I thinking?"
~Dierks Bentley
"They're off limits. Their mommas and daddies didn't send them to this expensive, private college for them to come home with the likes of you. No touching," Sam, the forty-something supervisor, told Jacob on his first day on the job. The no touching policy wasn't an official rule, but Sam had learned the hard way that fooling around with the students was bad news. No one in the shop knew the story, but the name Leah was never to be mentioned. But most of all, he didn't like for the guys he employed to break his rules.
Jacob enjoyed working with his hands, which made this job perfect for him. He worked on the grounds crew, who kept up with the yard work around the school. He also helped repair anything that needed to be fixed. It was a trait that just came naturally to him. Jacob was a quick study, and it made Sam glad he took a chance on the kid. Jacob never complained about the job: good benefits, better hours, and the best environment. He even got to work with Quil, who helped him get the job in the first place. It didn't hurt that all three hailed from the same reservation.
He heeded Sam's warning for an entire year. He made sure he only dated girls from the reservation; it made things easier that way. However, the problem with his system was that there were only so many girls available, and he really didn't click with any of them. Up until now, Jacob's life had been mostly about his father, his buddies at the reservation, and his job. Girls just weren't a big deal to him.
At work, he made sure he kept a safe distance from the students. Even though girls weren't his priority, he still enjoyed the view he had when he mowed the grounds by the female dorms. He made sure he did nothing more than smile politely at the passing girls who often stared a little too long at him. Needing the job to help out around the house, Jacob followed the rules to a "T" at work. Luckily, no one had ever really caught his eye.
No one had made him look twice until she entered the maintenance building on that fateful day.
She came with a small group of girls who were rushing for one of the sororities on campus. Apparently their big sisters—like any of the crew cared or knew what that meant—were making them volunteer for trash duty. Looking mortified, the young ladies wearing their matching sorority attire approached the shabby maintenance building that rested hidden behind the football field.
"Hi! We're from Delta Delta, and we have to, like, pick up trash in the broad daylight," a blonde said to Quil. He looked up from his duties and smiled at the good-looking girl standing in front of him. Quil always had girls on his mind, and he couldn't understand why Jacob didn't think the same way. The blonde girl looked at the tall, handsome boy in front of her and started to play with the ends of her hair.
"It's so embarrassing," another blonde complained to her friends.
"Yea, we, um, need the supplies for trash duty. We were told you would have them," the only brunette in the bunch said, rocking back and forth on her feet.
One of the blondes mouthed the words, "He's so hot!" to her friends while motioning to Quil. The three girls giggled together. They had a secret code the guys had no way of deciphering. To Jacob, the girls who entered the maintenance building were like most of the others on campus—too unnaturally tan, too made up, and too fake. Jacob knew that the only interest these girls would have in guys like Quil and himself would be a quick fling and a fast roll in the hay. Jacob didn't like the idea of sleeping with any random girl just to put a notch on his bedpost; Quil, on the other hand, would screw any girl who acted remotely interested.
Quil didn't have to worry about Sam's policy because his conquests never went past the first date, or the first lay. Jacob knew that he didn't need to bother with any of the girls here. He wanted a lasting relationship, so that ruled out anyone at this school.
He was just about to get the items the girls needed when he saw her—the one that caused him to drop the wrench on his toe. She had been hidden behind the three that were hovering around Quil. She didn't fit the stereotype he held in his head of the typical sorority girl. He watched, dumbfounded, as the same girl pulled a rubber band off her delicate wrist and tied her long, copper curls into a ponytail. It was the sexiest thing he'd ever witnessed a girl do, and that made him forget what the hell he was doing.
This girl said nothing as she waited patiently behind the others.
"Hey, Black!" he heard Quil say. "What's the matter with you? Go get the orange vests and trash sticks for the pretty ladies." He walked over to Jacob. "And put your eyes back in your head, for God's sake, will ya'?"
"You're one to talk, horn dog," Jacob said back to Quil in his best smart-ass tone.
He stopped what he was doing to go find the supplies. Shit! he thought as he tried to walk after smashing his toe. That's going to leave a mark. He tried to keep his focus on finding the items for the girls, but he kept her in his peripheral vision. Oblivious to the gawking stares of the other girls, he made his way to the storage room at the back of the building.
"It's so smelly back here. How do you stand it?" one of the blondes asked Jacob as they walked. The nasally tone of her voice unnerved him, and he tried not to let it show.
"Jessica, that's kind of rude," the brunette whispered and was met with glaring eyes from her friend.
"Would you just shut up, Lauren?" she taunted , and with a wave of her hand, she focused her attention back on Jacob.
"Uh, I guess you just get used to it. I'm outside most of the time anyway," he answered politely, not wanting to get in the middle of their bickering.
He found the box that the girls would need and handed it to the one who sounded like she hailed from The Valley in California. She stared up at Jacob, who towered over her with his six foot seven frame, her admiring eyes raking across his body slowly. "Wow, like, you're kind of cute," she said coyly and flipped her blonde extensions over her shoulder.
Jacob blushed as much as his russet skin would allow, but he let go of the box as soon as the girl had it in her grip. He ignored her lingering stare, and she sensed the snub. He didn't seem to pick up on the advances of this girl. Bothered that he didn't notice her, she started barking out orders.
"Okay, ladies, let's go be humiliated in front of, like, everyone," the Valley Girl Jessica said.
Then the girl who he couldn't take his eyes off of glanced his way, which, in turn, caused him to lose all sanity. She never said a word, but he was smitten immediately after one look from her brown eyes. She smiled a crooked smile at him, took her trash supplies, and left the building. He stared at her until she was out of sight. The memory of her smile and the short shorts, which exposed her perfect legs, were seared into his brain.
"Don't tell me one of those sorority girls is the future Mrs. Black," Quil joked.
"Shut up, dude. It's not like that. Besides, you're the one with his tongue hanging out of his mouth. Just for saying that, you're so dead," Jacob hollered at Quil. The smaller one tried to hide from Jacob, but it didn't last long. He was thrown in a tight head lock by the bigger one, and his grip only relented when Quil acknowledged Jacob as Supreme Motorcycle God.
For the rest of the afternoon, Jacob's thoughts went back to the copper-haired girl who had graced him with her presence. He had trouble focusing on the weed-eating that he was doing around a few of the buildings. He even found himself watching the passing people, hoping he could catch another glimpse of her. He would not be the same knowing that she would be walking around the campus where he worked… and knowing that she was off-limits. He would always want what he couldn't have.
~o~O~o~
"The alternator is out on the university's work truck again, Jake. I don't know what the hell to do with it," Sam said on a warm Friday morning. To Jacob, Sam almost felt like a second father, and Jacob reminded Sam of himself twenty years ago. He hoped Jacob would be smarter than he had been.
"I can take a look at it. I was supposed to mow the practice fields today, though," Jacob said. He hadn't met a vehicle he couldn't fix yet. When he was younger, his father taught him that a car was like a woman. Take care of it, and it will treat you right. If you drive it too hard and neglect the maintenance on it, it'll leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere. He often wondered how motorcycles fit into his father's philosophy. Jacob had always liked the possibility of danger.
"I'll get Quil to mow them for you. It's saved our department a lot of money having you around to fix these problems. Helps me keep my job, and it helps me keep you two fools employed. That's good news for me." Sam gave Jake a hard time, but he liked the kid because he never gave him any trouble.
"No problem, Sam. I'll get a look at it right now," he said and headed off to spend the day under the hood of a truck.
Jacob spent the morning trying to diagnose the problem of the truck. He figured it was just the alternator, but he wasn't sure. He always took his time fixing the engines, wanting to make sure he did everything right. Jacob could feel the afternoon heat emanate throughout the building. It had no air conditioning, so the large garage doors were open most of the time. There was barely a breeze today, and it made Jacob miserable inside the hot building.
I should have taken the mowing job. It would have been a lot cooler than in here, he thought to himself. The shirt that was drenched in sweat fell to floor, and he immediately felt better. He never minded being shirtless. He was proud of his toned body-he'd worked hard to get it. He then rolled himself under the truck to make sure there weren't any other surprise problems with the engine. He heard footsteps and saw a pair of legs he had no problem recognizing. It was her. He felt himself getting nervous, which rarely ever happened to him. He always exuded confidence… until that girl walked in.
"Um, hello?" the delicate voice said. She sounded a little nervous, but he didn't notice because the softness in her tone made him forget where he was. He tried to collect himself before he came out from under the truck. The way he felt right now, he could easily become a blubbering idiot.
"Hey, give me just second," he said. He put down the wrench he was holding, not wanting to repeat his clumsiness from the other day. Then he slowly slid out from under the truck to see the girl who'd completely jumbled up his brain. She was wearing short shorts again with a fitted, red t-shirt. He admired the perfect body that was attached to the most beautiful face. He knew a conversation would be difficult with her when he couldn't even concentrate around her.
"Hi," she said, smiling a nervous smile. He watched her eyes as he picked himself off the floor. Jacob had seen girls look at him, so he assumed that he was an attractive guy. He never realized just how attractive he was. The girl's eyes lingered on Jacob's chest, which he noticed, and he liked it—a lot. His nervousness eased slightly.
She was holding the box that she and her friends had borrowed the other day. "I came to return these." She met his gaze, and he stared back. He wondered if a girl like her could possibly be interested in a guy like him.
"Thanks," Jacob replied and took the box from her, feeling a shock the moment his hand touched hers in the exchange. If he could just keep touching her, he would hold the box forever. He tried not to be an idiot and took it from her. "Where's all your other friends?" he asked, setting the box on the floor.
"Oh, they had other things going on. They delegated the job to me," she said. She didn't sound or act like her friends. The girl in front of him seemed genuine, and that made her even sexier to him. "I wasn't busy," she added.
"You say it like it's a bad thing...um, coming here," Jacob pouted. He wanted to find out if she'd come hoping to see him or if she just drew the short straw. He wasn't sure if she felt the same attraction he did.
"No, don't take it the wrong way. I'm not upset at all about coming here. Forgive me if I sounded snobby or anything like that," she answered apologetically.
She wanted him to forgive her, and he laughed to himself. He's the one who needed forgiveness. If she knew the thoughts he had about her lately, she would probably slap him and leave. She didn't look like the kind of girl who would even do the things he had imagined – though he could always hope that looks were deceiving. She had the body of a woman that was hard to ignore. But underneath those curves, he sensed an innocence that both scared him and turned him on at the same time.
"No, I don't care why you're here. It's nice that you are. Usually it's just us guys working. It's nice to have a breath of fresh air in here."
She smiled at his comment, and it made him feel good. If Quil were here, Jacob would not hear the end of it. Quil was always quick to 'take away Jacob's man-card.' The way he spoke to this girl would certainly get it revoked.
"My friends call me Nessie," she said suddenly. She stuck out her hand in the customary way of introducing oneself to someone new.
"I'm Jacob. It's really nice to meet you." He took her hand in his and couldn't help but get a thrill from the softness of her skin. He pictured touching more of that skin with his hands, running them up and down her body. Get a grip, Jake! He tried to think of something to talk about, but his brain let him down. He had nothing.
Still speechless, he ran his thumb across hers, and she seemed to reluctantly release her grip. "Well, I guess I need to get going. It was really nice meeting you. Maybe I'll see you around?" she asked. Jacob couldn't say anything. He didn't want her to leave, but what in the world would possibly make her stay out here in this hot, smelly building? He obviously wasn't the best conversationalist.
He watched her and her beautiful legs walk out the door. "Nice to meet you, too," he said to her a little too late. He walked to the sink and splashed some cold water on his face. That girl is going to be the end of me, he thought to himself. As he dried his face, he heard her scream. He didn't think twice about what to do and immediately ran towards the sound of the scream, dropping the towel on the floor.
There she was, on the ground, holding her ankle. "I stepped in a stupid hole," she cried. Jacob could tell the injury hurt her badly and that she was trying to hold back tears. It didn't work; they came anyway.
"Here, let's get you up. I've got some ice in the garage." Instinctively, he helped her off the ground and gently walked her back into the building. He could easily have carried her in his arms, which he would have enjoyed, but he refrained, not wanting to over do it. He settled for enjoying the way she held on to his arms. He did like the way the contact felt.
Jacob sat Nessie down on a chair and propped her injured ankle on another one. He got an ice pack from the freezer in the break room.
"Could I be any more clumsy? That hole was huge! Of course, I didn't see it. My coach is going to kill me," she said, opening up to Jacob and grabbing her ankle at the same time.
"Your coach? I thought you were in a sorority?" he questioned.
"I run—I mean I ran cross country. Looks like I'll be out for a few weeks. I'm rushing a sorority because I kind of have to," she admitted.
Jacob realized her perfect legs were runner's legs, and he'd always liked athletic girls. "Why would you rush if you don't really want to?" he asked, puzzled.
"Oh, family stuff I don't need to bother you about. Talking about my two crazy aunts and legacies gets boring after a while," she answered. He didn't understand what she meant by legacies, but he knew about family duties. He could relate to that part. Most of his paycheck went to take care of his wheelchair-bound father. He would have loved to open his own repair shop, but he didn't have the money to do it. This job was his family duty.
"Which part did you hurt, the inside or outside?"
"Inside. It just buckled underneath me. It made a horrible popping noise," she moaned. She gave an involuntary sniffle brought on by her crying. Jacob placed the ice pack on her ankle bone and wrapped a clean towel around it. He sat in the chair across from her and held her small foot in his large hands.
"You might need to see the doctor on campus. It's getting pretty swollen," he told her.
"Ugh, do I have to? How am I going to explain this one?" she asked, pondering the idea in her head.
"I don't know; it's up to you," he answered. He liked seeing her vulnerable; it made him feel useful.
"I'm really so embarrassed that you're here to see this. You don't have to take care of me… unless you want to. I could always call one of my sorority sisters to come and get me."
He grimaced at the idea of Jessica or Lauren taking care of her. They would probably want to know what would be in it for them. "No, I don't mind at all. You're in good hands."
Nessie put her head in her hands. "Shit! I can't have this happen," she said getting mad at herself. "I have too much going on to be hurt. We're in the middle of rush, and we have a meet this weekend."
"I'm sorry about your meet; I would have liked to see you run. I can take you to the infirmary, but only if you want me to." Jacob looked at her with sympathetic eyes. He hated that she hurt herself, but at least it gave him a reason to touch her and be with her longer.
"That would be great." She stared at him, and he didn't want her to stop. "My friend was wrong, you know."
Jacob looked at her in confusion. He'd forgotten about Jessica's flirtatious comment on the day they'd met. He rubbed her ankle with his thumb unconsciously.
"You're not cute," she said, clearly a little embarrassed.
"I guess I should say thanks?" he answered sarcastically.
"No. You're not cute at all. You're...well, you're sort of beautiful." She broke his gaze. "I can't believe I just said that," she said to herself.
After hearing her words, he gained a little confidence and decided to use it to his advantage. "I think you're absolutely the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." He gazed at her, and she smiled back at him. He was sure she heard his heart pounding.
There had never been a more perfect moment for Jacob. Even if it happened in the back of the dirty, smelly garage, he would always remember Nessie in this moment. It was then that he knew he was in trouble because he started to think that Sam's rule was made to be broken.
"Jake!" Quil's voice reverberated throughout the metal building. "Are you ready for lunch? He stopped yelling when he saw Jacob sitting across from the girl who'd made his friend act sprung the past few days. "Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were busy." Quil tried to stifle his laughter, but it didn't work.
Jacob knew that Quil had him right where he wanted him. From this point forward, Quil would use Jacob's weakness—the girl sitting across from him—against him and show no mercy. He could expect constant kissing noises and inappropriate sexual comments from Quil. But Jacob could endure it because he knew that taking care of her was worth it.
"Quil, this is Nessie. She just twisted her ankle outside on the pothole you were supposed to fill in yesterday. So, I'm sure she'd like to thank you for her injury." Jacob glared at his friend.
"Nice to meet you, Nessie. Sorry about the pothole." Quil's arrogance had been taken down a notch.
"No worries. It's nice to meet you, too," she replied as she squinted her eyes in pain.
"Quil, I'm going to take Nessie to the infirmary; you'll have to find someone else to eat lunch with you," Jacob said. He stood up and gently set Nessie's foot on the chair. "I need to go get the Gator."
"And a shirt," yelled Quil. Jacob made a mental note to put on a shirt before taking her to the doctor. The infirmary probably wouldn't let him in without it.
"What's a Gator?" she asked. "We can just walk there, can't we?"
"Well, for one, with your ankle so sore, it would take us forever to get there. And two, the Gator is one of man's best machines ever. I can't believe you don't know what it is. I'm driving you to the doctor in it," Jacob explained. Getting to borrow the school's equipment for his personal use was another bonus of the job.
"I guess that sounds fine," she said, not exactly sure what to expect.
"Stay put, Jake. I'll go get it and bring it here. You stay here and make out and do whatever you were doing," Quil joked. Jacob knew the ragging had begun, though he did like the idea of kissing Nessie.
By the time Jacob had walked Nessie to the front of the building, Quil had made his way to them with the Gator. Quil jumped out. "All right, I'm starving. I'll see you later, Jake. Have fun," he yelled, and Jacob thought he had heard some kissing noises.
Jacob waved goodbye and helped Nessie up to the passenger seat. He made sure that his touches didn't linger too much or rest on the wrong spot. He had to be very careful with her. He had to try and rid his mind of its thoughts of being anywhere near her, touching her, or kissing her. Sam had made it clear. If he cared for his job, Nessie would have to be just another girl on campus to him.
They made it to the infirmary and checked her in at the front desk. It took a few minutes for the nurse to make a phone call, get the paperwork processed, and whatever else she had to do. Meanwhile, Jacob watched Nessie wince intermittently when the pain flared. She attempted to suffer silently, not wanting him to know how badly her injury hurt.
"You okay?" he asked. He sat beside her in the waiting area, making sure he wasn't touching her in any way. In not touching her, Jacob became very aware of how much he wanted to.
"Yeah, it'll be fine," she said, trying to act like it didn't bother her.
"Exam room one, please," the nurse finally called.
Jacob started to help her down the hall to the room but the nurse stopped him. "Are you family?" she asked.
"No. Just a friend," he answered.
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait in the waiting area until she's seen the doctor. Family only. It's school policy," said the nurse as she turned and walked away. She paused and looked back, clearly just remembering something. "Oh, Nessie, I called your grandfather. He's on his way from the hospital to check on you."
She looked at him and rolled her eyes after the nurse disappeared down the hallway. "Why'd she do that? It's just my ankle. It's not like I'm dying. Sometimes I hate being from a town where everyone knows me and my family. Nothing stays secret," she complained. She made her way into the exam room. Jacob stood at the doorway.
"I guess if he's coming then you won't need my assistance anymore," Jacob said, really wishing he had a reason to stay.
"I don't know how to thank you enough. I'm glad I met you...Um, will I see you again?" she asked with a hopeful gleam in her eye.
He couldn't figure out how to tell her he wasn't able to see her. He couldn't convey Sam's warning to her. How could he say he would probably get fired if he saw her again? Not to mention that seeing her again would only make him want to see her more and more. All he could say to her was, "We'll see."
Jacob hated the look of disappointment her face held after he spoke those words. He told her goodbye and shut the door. He could kick himself for being so insensitive. She obviously wanted to see him again, and he'd told her maybe. He couldn't believe he didn't jump at the chance to see the only girl he'd ever been so consumed by.
He started to open the front doors of the clinic but stopped abruptly. Jacob's mind couldn't let go of her. He slammed his fists on the glass of the door, and it shook from the force of his frustration. Fuck it, he told himself. He turned his head to make sure the nurse wasn't around. She had her back turned and was on the phone again. He made a 180-degree turn and headed straight for her room once again. He didn't knock when he got there—he just barged in.
Jacob looked at the surprised, beautiful face of Nessie. Being driven by a force that he couldn't control, he closed the gap that separated them from one another. He couldn't keep from touching her anymore.
Jacob made his way to her on the table and took her head in his hands. She opened her legs just enough to let him stand between them. He didn't see any hesitation in her eyes, so he bent his head down close to hers. Her head lifted to his, and he could smell her sweet breath. He placed his hand on her waist and gently rubbed her there which caused a small whimper to escape from Nessie's mouth. Jacob waited for her to close the distance between their mouths. He needed her to want him just as badly as he wanted her. She lifted a hand up to his cheek and finally brought her lips to his. When she kissed him, it gave him permission to kiss her back, and he did so with a desire he had never felt before. It went way beyond lust.
She sighed when his hands moved to each side of her face, making her feel his passion. He parted her lips with his tongue and couldn't imagine anything tasting better than her mouth. He ran his hands down her face, neck, and shoulders, not relenting in his kisses. Touching her became his focus. He could feel his pants becoming a little tighter after she took her hands and ran them down his back, sending chills throughout his body. The way she moved her lips made thought of anything but Nessie leave his head. All he wanted was her.
Finally, she pulled away. "My grandfather will be here soon." She kissed him softly on the lips. "So, will I see you again?" she asked one last time.
"You can count on it," he answered. This time there was no hesitation or overthinking.
He nipped at her upper lip and then gave her one last deep kiss, wanting to make sure she'd remember him. Afterward, he forced himself to leave the exam room. He shut the door and tried to adjust his pants before going out in public. Hopefully he would calm himself down before he left the building. Nothing was worse than walking around with a raging hard on that was difficult to hide.
As he made his way to the door, he noticed an older, gray-haired doctor making his way into the building.
"Dr. Cullen, your granddaughter is in exam room one. She hurt her ankle," the nurse said upon his arrival.
"Thanks, Jackie." And Dr. Cullen made his way to Nessie's room.
She's a Cullen, Jacob thought, surprised. Not only was Jacob disregarding Sam's warning about getting involved with the students, but he had to go find the one girl who belonged to the most influential and wealthy family in town.
The first thought he had after he left the infirmary was, What am I thinking? She's going to get me in so much trouble. But his next thought sealed his fate. And I don't give a damn.
