Bellamy was still sitting on the bed moments after Clarke had left his tent, thinking about their conversation, trying to find a way to tell her what he needed her to know. Was he being selfish? He couldn't betray Echo. He didn't intend to betray her but moments ago, he was pretty sure that if Clarke responded to him any differently, if she gave him any indication of her own feelings, he would pretty much just grab her and kiss her until the world ended.
Or... at least he could tell her how he felt. It didn't matter what happened to them. He just needed her to know.
So did that make him selfish?
They were trying very hard to avoid a war, he'd just poisoned his sister and all he wanted was to tell Clarke he was desperately, pathetically in love with her. And if she, in any way, wanted him, he'd be on his knees.
Fuck it, he thought.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Not the best timing, Bellamy.
He shook his head.
She doesn't want you. She doesn't need to hear this.
But what if she did? Hadn't she looked at him with that yearning in her eyes just moments ago? Wasn't that real?
He didn't trust himself to make healthy observations at the moment. So he tried not to trust what he thought he saw. He couldn't burden her with his feelings now, not when she was worried out of her mind about Madi. He only had to support her, to help her. That was what he needed to do, all he could do.
After telling Madi that Octavia had given the order for her execution, it was slightly less difficult for Clarke to convince her to let go of the heroic Octavia in her head.
Madi stood still. "She was going to have me go to war with her, and then tell me she had you murdered?"
"I don't really know what she had planned for you," Clarke said softly, holding Madi's arms. "But you're safe now. We'll go back home and then... once she sees that we can all live together, she might change her mind about the war."
"Can we?" Madi asked, "really live together with those criminals?"
Clarke forced herself to smile. "Me and my friends were also criminals when we were sent to earth."
"Yeah but they're not like you... they're different."
"I don't know about that..." Clarke said. "We have to try."
Madi nodded slowly, holding Clarke's hand.
"Bellamy poisoned Octavia?" she asked as they walked out of the bunker.
"Not for me," Clarke corrected. "To stop the war."
"Obviously for you," Madi said, raising her eyebrows. "You don't need to deny it."
"What are you talking about?"
"The Bellamy you told me about would never hurt his sister. But he did it... not to stop the war but to save you."
"All the same, I-"
"He loves you."
Clarke stopped walking.
"That's not-"
"And you love him. So what's the problem?"
Clarke opened her eyes wide, making shushing noises.
"You found her-" Bellamy said behind her.
"Shit." She jumped a little.
Madi smiled, amused despite their situation. "Hi, Bellamy."
Clarke closed her eyes, exhaling. "You startled me," she turned to him.
"I'm sorry," Bellamy put his hands in his pockets, standing beside her. "You okay, Madi?" he said, leaning to the side to see her face.
"Great now that Clarke's alive, thanks to you." Suddenly, she walked to him and hugged him.
Bellamy stood there, his arms still, not knowing what to do. Then he slowly hugged her back as Clarke watched.
Their eyes locked and there was something shared at that moment, they both knew but no one would speak it. Not now.
Bellamy cleared his throat as Madi let him go and looked up at him. "You're just as brave as she told me," she said.
Clarke closed her eyes with embarrassment. "Madi... now is not the-"
"She always said she was lucky to have you."
"Okay now...-" Clarke moved to stand in front of Madi, pulling her back from Bellamy's side.
Bellamy smiled.
"I'm the lucky one."
"You told her about me?" He asked when they were in his tent, Madi was sleeping on his bed and Clarke's face was slightly pinker than usual as she packed their bags.
"Yeah... I told her stories about us. I mean all of you."
Bellamy's smile grew bigger.
"Told her I was brave?"
Clarke dropped her head to the side. "..."
"And you were lucky to have me?"
She shook her head. "I don't really remember saying those things exactly."
He let out a small laugh. "So what else did you tell her that you didn't tell me?"
Clarke glanced at him. "We should really think about how we're going to stay alive-"
Bellamy nodded, "Right," he said still smiling, which annoyed her.
"Why are you so happy right now?" She asked, watching his face.
"Why shouldn't I be? We stopped a war," he said with a playful smile, making Clarke raise an eyebrow.
"Clarke, Indra needs to talk to you," Miller said stepping in Bellamy's tent. "It's important."
Clarke was startled, taken out of the bubble she felt safe in a second before.
"Why didn't she come herself?" said Bellamy, his mood completely changed.
"She said she needs to talk to Clarke privately," said Miller.
Clarke considered while Bellamy studied him,
"Wherever she's going, I'm coming with her."
Miller rolled his eyes. "Relax, I'm just gonna take her to Indra."
Clarke looked at Bellamy and then glanced at Madi's sleeping form, and nodded. "Don't worry. Just stay with her."
Bellamy exhaled a deep breath. "Alright, but if you don't come back in fifteen minutes, I'm coming for you."
Clarke gave him a warm smile, leaving the tent.
Miller turned to Bellamy, raising his eyebrows, "Such a dramaqueen," he scoffed.
"Shut up, Miller. Anything happens to her, you better shoot me this time."
Miller shook his head and left.
"Gaia has the flame..." Clarke whispered. "She wants to give it to Madi."
She'd returned just when Bellamy had enough of waiting and was ready to shoot up everybody in the bunker to get to her.
Bellamy stood with his hands on his hips. "We won't let her."
"Everything keeps getting worse," Clarke sat on the edge of the small table.
"Shh..." Bellamy came closer, "We. won't. let. her," he repeated. "No one's going to touch Madi. You trust me?"
Clarke looked up at his eyes, they were so intense, she didn't know how to look away.
She nodded, swallowing. "I do but it will be hard. Now I have to protect her against Gaia as well, without hurting her of course. Because then there's no way Indra would keep helping us."
"She's the one who told you about her daughter's plan."
"Because she wants me to avoid hurting her."
Bellamy stayed silent, watching Clarke.
"What is it?" She said, feeling restless.
"Madi woke up after you left," he shifted on his feet.
Clarke looked at Madi, she was deep in sleep.
"Don't worry, she didn't hear us." Bellamy watched her face, "She's tired."
"Did she-"
"She told me something."
Clarke felt her heart race.
He walked to her and she stopped breathing. He was standing close, staring at her as if he considered doing something... he wasn't really sure of.
She felt like she waited forever for him to take a step back but he wasn't moving.
"What are you-"
"I missed you too." Those words slipped out of his mouth like a kiss. They pulled Clarke's heart out of her chest, leaving a claw mark bigger than the one the panther left on her back years ago, burning her from head to toe.
"I..."
Bellamy stepped closer, suddenly looking bigger than ever, surrounding her everywhere. Leaving her nowhere to run.
"Clarke," he whispered softly. His face inches away from hers. She heard alarms going off in her mind but she couldn't really move.
"Madi said-."
Clarke could barely hear him over the sound of her heartbeat.
"What?"
He didn't care anymore, lifting his hand, he gently pushed her hair from her face, and felt her shiver.
"She said you radioed me every day."
Clarke swallowed. When exactly had that sneaky little-
"She said she listened to you sometimes, that you never gave up."
"I just, um... needed to talk to an adult," She tried to laugh it off but he was looking into her soul, watching her in that intense, heart-stopping way of his.
"I shouldn't have left you," he said softly, his hand cupping her cheek. She tried so hard not to lean into it.
Her eyes were wet and she knew she was going to cry now, she had to stop him.
"Bellamy we have no time for this."
"There is never enough time," with that he leaned in, kissing her softly. His lips covering hers in a gentle, tentative way, slowly parting them. He moved in closer, grabbing her by the waist, kissing her deeper, thrusting his tongue in her pretty little mouth.
She moaned, shocked at how hot his lips were, the intensity of the kiss making her shiver. She reached for his arms, her hands traveling to his neck, fingers slipping into his hair, as she dreamed of doing for so long.
He panted against her lips. "Clarke-"
"W-we shouldn't," she whispered.
Bellamy touched his forehead to hers, taking deep breaths. "I don't care anymore. I know how that sounds but I don't. I can't fight this. I need you."
Clarke felt her tears running down her cheeks, she was ashamed that she felt happier than she'd ever been, so much that her heart could burst.
She moved her fingers along his arms, gently tracing them, trying to catch her breath so she wouldn't faint because of his kiss.
He caressed her hair, gently moving it back from her face, touching her cheek, and cupped her face.
"I love you."
Clarke let herself go completely, drawing him closer and going for another kiss. She caught his mouth with hers and tasted him deeper.
To hell with it. We deserve this.
Bellamy's tongue was everything. She sucked on it, drawing a throaty moan from him, which spurred her on. "Kiss me," she said holding his face between her hands. "Keep kissing me."
"I am..." he sucked on her bottom lip, moaning against her mouth, pushing his body against her.
Clarke wanted to tear at him, getting him out of his clothes and-
"Fuck..."
Bellamy stroked her tongue with his, making her tremble.
"Madi..."
Bellamy jumped back as if he was struck from behind. "Dammit, I'm sorry. I completely-"
"Forgot about her, yeah." Clarke wiped her mouth, looking at Madi still sleeping on the bed and she felt like the worst mother ever.
She swallowed past the lump in her throat.
"We... um..."
Bellamy looked at her expectantly, his eyes completely dark as the night sky.
Clarke had to look away.
"We should talk about this... outside."
Bellamy nodded, awkwardly putting his hands in his pockets, which was so endearing to Clarke, she sighed with a smile.
