AN: Wow. I'd like to apologize profusely for taking so long on this. I had studying and midterms and writer's block and it wasn't going too smoothly. Now everything is dying down, so future chapters should be up sooner than this. I'd like to thank my beta, enigma731 for some great feedback that helped boost my confidence a bit :) And of course, my readers and reviewers, who are wonderful, as usual. Enjoy!


Chapter 2: Alter

Feels like my touch only brings back the pain.
Someday those memories will fade away.

The chilling smell of frost hangs darkly in the air, a sinister sign that they should stay hope wrapped in self-pity and self-doubt until all the hurt goes away. But they both know that it never will, because time has never healed before and it sure as hell won't now.

Cameron shudders as the wind streaks past her cheeks on her way down the driveway, a few steps behind Chase. She slams the car door shut with a bit too much force, and he looks over, startled.

"Sorry," she mumbles. The day's hardly begun and all she wants to do is sleep it away. She can picture House's remarks on why they've shown up late and how he could twist it until she snaps, but then her stomach flops when she realizes that he won't even know.

"'S all right," Chase replies quietly, exhaustion seeping from his pores as he shifts into reverse. "Something wrong?"

She wants to say yes, but instead she shrugs it off, a tangle of love mingled with hate and hope mingled with despair trapped deep in her throat.

"So that's a yes, then."

"I'm fine. Let's just go." She glances over quickly, but he catches her wrist in his hand and holds on tightly.

"No. You're not." He puts the car back in park and shifts in his seat a bit. "What's wrong?"

There's something about him that sees beyond the lies, Cameron thinks as she bites her lip and stares behind his head at the branches threatening to snap in the wind. "I…miss it," she finally confesses.

He's seen it coming all along, from the moment she told him she'd resigned until the slamming of the car door. He unbuckles his seatbelt, vulnerable and raw, and leans over to wrap his arms around her shattered frame. At first she almost pulls away, because he's the broken one, but there's a sense of belonging in his arms that makes her cling desperately to his jacket while steadying the terror in her breath and her heart that threatens to punch through her chest.

"Cameron." It's not a question, not a statement, but instead something in between. "I miss it too."

-

It's a few hours later and she's fading quickly, even though everything's an emergency and everything's become a nuisance. And of course, to add to the chaos and confusion and clutter in her mind, one of the newbies is following her, questioning her, insulting her intelligence.

"False assumptions. You're good. You're trying to get me to think like him."

"And you're trying to kiss my ass." Cameron doesn't want to play from the sidelines anymore; it's all or nothing and she wants to quit the team that she's not even a part of right now. Cameron stops suddenly and focuses her gaze dead on, because a part of her, a small one that she denies the light of day, enjoys the power that she now has. "Why are you talking to me?" And she knows the answer, but she wants to manipulate the manipulator, to prove she's still a somebody, and a strong one at that.

"Because House is turning patient care into a game. It's dangerous. The patient is going to suffer- maybe die."

Cameron knows what's happening; she's known all along. But it's that caring thing again that never leaves and she can't turn this replacement her (something bitch?) away empty-handed. "What are they symptoms?"

-

"Hi," Chase says, caught unaware, like so many nights ago when they started this, when the future was unpredictable and the air was still warmed with hope.

"Hey." She's sitting in the surgeons' lounge, because there's nowhere else to escape to and no one else to search for. "Are you on break? We could get lunch."

But it's already three, and there's a sadness in his eyes that tells her too many people are dying today. "Sorry, no time. I just finished up a surgery and came in to get a sandwich real quick." A pause. "Want one?"

The way he now avoids her gaze, looks down at the worn, green carpeting, tells her that his day's been worse than hers and if Chase's patient didn't die in surgery, then he's going to soon anyway.

"Sure," she replies, because he needs someone too, and they're the only ones who've noticed the earth's been spinning faster than it should.

Chase spreads mustard over some bread as silence descends and turns their bones to ice. Because right now- the surgery and the ER--they're supposed to be temporary. Because House is supposed to need them back, to change, to gain one ounce of humility and make things return to the way they're meant to be. He's the only one who can. Because they really can't accept that he's not coming back this time, and neither is the rest of the world.

Chase hands her a sandwich, sliced cleanly down the middle, and joins her on the couch. "So how's today going?"

She sighs heavily; she hates how her goal is to just get through the day. How nothing at work is even exciting, much less bearable. How the hope she lives for is dwindling quickly, and she doesn't know who she'll be when nothing's left.

"Okay." She's about to return his question, but his piercing stare says that he knows there's more. "One of the new fellows stopped by." She waits for a reaction- jealousy, anger, anything- but there isn't one. "Trying to con me into telling her how to win House over." She waits again. "And I gave in."

He looks like he almost wants to smile, but holds back, as he usually does. "Why?"

"Because he's playing games again. He has the women against the men competing for diagnosing diagnosis. Whichever team loses is fired. He's gambling the patient's life. I was helping the patient. Not that blonde fellow." He looks unconvinced, a looks she's been receiving a lot from him lately. "And not for House."

He wants to say something, to defy her, she can tell, but thinks better of it. But then, something new comes. "You got something against blond doctors?"

And there's a daring spark in his eyes that rids the air of doubt and lies and fear, that makes her want to keep him forever, whole and all for herself.

"Not really." Her voice has shrunk to nearly a whisper, gentle as morning dew dripping from a brand new flower petal. "They're just a bit cocky."

He wants to pin her up against the wall and laugh into her mouth right now, but suddenly she's on top of him, kissing him fast and hard, and he can't even begin to absorb how much she's changed again. But then the door opens and shuts a little more loudly than usual and she's standing over him just as abruptly.

Chase feels his skin grow hot as the other surgeon fights to wipe the stupid grin off his face. Then Cameron gently pushes a longer lock of his golden hair out of his eyes, softly speaks "see you later", and slides out the door, quiet and beautiful.

"You guys are really something," the doctor says finally. But instead of turning away in embarrassment like he would have six months ago, Chase grins and nods, because things are starting to fall into place and he'd never expected Cameron to act this open. Because maybe there is hope, after all.

-

"Do you think House could be wrong?"

He's heard she's supposedly fired, but here she is nonetheless, digging again at the past he's trying so hard to bury.

"I thought he fired you."

"No. He fired the men."

He stares for a moment, seeing the drive that he once had, to prove himself to House as if nothing else mattered-.Nothing else had mattered. He finally gives in though, because maybe establishing House as wrong just once will do him some good in the end.

But of course, House is right; he's always right when it really matters. "Don't think he's wrong." The defeat still hovers, even when House doesn't.

"If he is, how would I prove it?"

Apparently short answers that aren't what she's looking for can't get her to go away, and Chase really, really wants to bury this.

"Just said I don't think he is."

"Well thinking isn't good enough."

Chase wants to roll his eyes or maybe bang his head against the wall, because she's almost as good as he is, and he's already graduated from his fucked-up fellowship under House.

"You'd have to run a blood test for anti-sentriamia antibodies."

"Would you mind running the tests?"

But she's not quite as good as he is yet, because the flicker of uncertainty in her eyes confirms what he's suspected all along.

"You can't."

"Well, I can, but…"

He turns to face her now because she's given him power and he suddenly needs to use it. "No, I was making a statement. You've been fired, so you no longer have lab privileges. You were coming here to con a favor to save your job. Sorry, I'm not working for him anymore, but he can still make my life miserable." He starts to leave now, because who he's become is not going to be manipulated any longer.

"You have a chance to make his life miserable."

He stops and considers; revenge has never been part of the plan but it's impossible to escape once the idea's been planted. He turns again, and then remembers manipulation, Cameron, and the rest of the world around him that doesn't need to involve House anymore.

"I'm insulted. You conned Cameron by appealing to her humanity." He almost feels pity for this Amber, because her reputation's made her a threat and she's a valuable loss to House, and whether House sees it or not, it's just too late.

"I told her what she wanted to hear."

"And you told me what you thought I wanted to hear." Now he's made out to be bitter, lost. But she's devoted, too- background checks on them and everything, and he feels exposed now as he wonders what else she's found out about the sting of the past.

"If it's any consolation, I think your motives are more interesting."

He's stunned and almost impressed at how far she's willing to go, how hard she's willing to work, just to get a job that changes every old view of people and truth and life. "I cannot believe he fired you. Go draw his blood. Meet me in the lab when you're done."

This time he really does leave, because he doesn't need to be caught, to be connected to the scene of the crime, because he still has lives to save and graves to visit.

-

Amber desperately wants to be there for the tests, as if his touch is tainted and he'll taint the blood too. But she knows not to push her luck off the edge until it falls and cracks, so she leaves him to work in the silence, the way he wanted but now almost can't bear.

The door opens and he turns sharply, positive that it's House, because he's always known and he always will. But it's Cameron, and though his heart's still pounding it's no longer about to burst.

"What are you doing in here? I've been looking all over and-"

"I gave in too," he cuts in, sparing her a fraction of a glance before hiding away again.

She smiles sadly, because neither one of them is ready to take flight quite yet and they've already been pushed over, but at least she's got someone to hold onto and fall with for eternity.

-

"I could have you fired!"

House's voice breaks cleanly through the air, inviting all to listen, to watch him shame another man today.

Chase turns around calmly though, innocent and clear. "You've already had me fired."

"Which just proves that I can."

Cameron takes a step back into the dimness; her battle has yet to come and she's not quite ready to fight. But something seems to pass through Chase then and there, like the ghost of change, and he's suddenly able to let go and fly.

"Were the men wrong?"

"No. That doesn't change the fact that-"

"Why are you yelling at me?" She sees his eyes narrow, not in retained anger, though, in curiosity, in defiance.

"Because performing tests for someone who is not a doctor in this hospital-"

"You're frustrated," Chase slides in again, and all House can do is listenas the table turns and Chase is now sitting at the head of it. "If you want help, I'm here. If you just need to vent," he pauses; the spotlight is still on him but the audiences' scrutinizing eyes have blurred away along with all of his fears and insecurities, "leave a message."

They all know House doesn't want help, and especially not from them. So Chase turns and heads towards the exit as she holds up her hand to tell him she's coming, just wait, please.

This chance is too good to pass, though; she never gets to beat House, never gets to win. "I like him better this way." Cameron can't help but grin because House is who created this way and who has to suffer the consequences, once, just once. "You?"

She gives him the same shadow of a wave, tentatively, but this one's not a 'wait for me' or an 'I'll miss you'. It's a final goodbye, unsteady and almost unreal, but the time has come to leave, and this is for real.

-

He hears her shoes clicking louder and louder, until she meets him near his car, cheeks reddening and breathing unsteady. "Chase."

Only his name makes him turn and swallow the bitter pain of growth and change that's overcome him. But she's done nothing to anger him, she's here for him now, he's just scared to know how long until she's gone too.

"Chase," she repeats, inches away and moving closer, because his gaze is off in the distance at a point she can't yet see.

"Hmm," he mumbles, expecting a lecture or a scolding or a refusal of touch.

"Chase, look at me."

He brings himself into focus, the dusky light from above sending a shot of warmth through him. He slides his eyes to hers, brilliantly green and sincere, yet laced with uncertainty.

"I love you."

His tongue is all of a sudden too dumb to move as his legs lock and his breathing stops altogether. But he maintains the connection and tries to show her what his mouth can't. This feels more real and true than anything in his life before, but he's never been one with words no matter how honest they are. He finds connection by touching her cheek before he can talk, but once their skin connects to prove she's really there, speaking seems unusually easy.

"I love you too."

He can feel the relief flood from cheek to hand as he brushes his fingers softly, carefully, across her delicate skin. They stand for a moment longer and then he brings his lips to hers and everything falls into a new place, the way God had always intended it to.

He drives them to his place and they can hardly make it to the bed; love and sorrow and revolutions are tangled up in the bed sheets, marking their new domain with cries and pleasure and anguish sewn between them. But this time there is love, and it seems to melt away at the shades of misery for one small moment, and it's this small, defining moment that weaves them together and carves their promises into stone.

-

"…electrocuted himself…"

"I have no idea why…"

"Did you hear about Dr. House?"

Curiosity gets the better of her; it always does. "What happened to House?" She's earned knowing this and they haven't, yet she always feels so out of the loop.

The nurse darts her eyes around, almost as if Cameron's not allowed to hear. "Last night he electrocuted himself… to prove something to a patient, I heard. I think he's in the ICU."

The nuse is hardly done speaking when Cameron takes off down the hall, blind with panic and aching with anger.

-

"What the hell happened?" She bursts through Cuddy's door; Wilson's nowhere to be found and the thought of seeing House right now makes her swell with revulsion. She left a part of herself behind in diagnostics, her innocent belief in good and people and truth, and she desperately wants it back from him.

Cuddy looks up slowly, tiredly, and almost seems to shrink under Cameron's scowl. "He stuck a knife into a socket. A damn pocket knife into an electrical socket…"

Cameron sinks into a chair across the desk and stares at her deep blue shoes. There's a long silence, full of ugly what-ifs and strangling doubts and unleashed infuriation at a man so stubborn, so wasted, so annoyingly right and contagiously lonely.

"He was trying to disprove the existence of the afterlife to some car crash victim. Honestly, he just doesn't know where to draw the line," Cuddy says finally to break the stillness.

Cameron nods, because she's got nothing new to contribute because nothing new's been offered; this is House and it's really no grand surprise. She flicks her eyes around and leaves a moment later, seeing that there's nothing left for her to do.

-

Chase sees her approaching from a distance, and the defeat in her strides confirms that she too knows.

They meet halfway, and he finds his fingers knotted in her hair and her arms clinging to his neck. She breathes loudly in his ear but she's not crying, just a little more broken than before.

"Did you see him?" Chase asks delicately so he doesn't cut himself on her fresh new shards.

"No," she snaps sharply into his ear. Then her voice returns to a soft, frightened tone. "Did you?"

He'd thought about it, briefly, but he knows that he can't bear to look at what House has done to himself again. It's almost a part of Cameron to go, but that part seems to have shattered too, along with all of her trust in House. "Nope. He doesn't need us."

She pulls back to gaze into his eyes, pleading for him to tell her it's okay. He smiles softly, and even though people are probably staring, he doesn't care in the least anymore. It's the right moment, he thinks, and knows they'll make it out of this together.

"I love you," he whispers again, as her head falls back on his shoulder and a little bit of the pain begins to drain away.


AN: I think I'm going to stick to this canon formula, but we'll see how it goes. I've started the third chapter already, and reviews will help motivate me: )