The Chill
Of The Night Air
Sitting in his room
and staring out of the window without seeing anything, Akihiko
considered his relationship to Shinji for the first time.
It was
sometime very early in the morning, about five AM, Akihiko assumed.
He had spent the night at Shinji's room, like nearly every other
night throughout September.
It was beginning to become cold outside and the chill seemed to seep through the wall and into his room. Akihiko shivered. He desired a warm bed but he could impossibly go back to the only one available to him right now.
Because that one was inside Shinji's room.
They had made some kind
of an unsigned contract: They would spend the night together, meeting
in Shinji's room after the Dark Hour and parting before sunrise; or
rather before everyone else got up. It was the only possible solution
to meet, because this way there was no chance to be seen or even get
caught by another SEES member.
Akihiko
loved the nights and hated the mornings. There was no time to sleep,
to just lie in bed with Shinji and enjoy their time together.
It
was always the same and he hated it.
But at the same time Akihiko
knew that he would never get anything else from Shinji.
Every
night when they returned from Tartarus exhausted and beat up he would
tell himself to talk to Shinji about it, to tell him he just wanted
to relax together with him, that he didn't want to sleep with him
tonight. But the moment the door closed behind them there was no
chance for Akihiko to say anything at all.
There was and always
would only be that kind of relationship between the two of them,
Akihiko was certain of it. He accepted it, telling himself over and
over that it was better than having nothing and somehow he knew that
Shinji didn't only desire him on a physical basis.
The next night Shinji stayed at the dorm, because is
coughing had gotten worse. When they were fighting a very strong
shadow on one of the countless floors of Tartarus, Akihiko realized
how much Shinji's absence weakened the group. The challenge to
become so strong that it didn't matter anymore if some of the
members were missing the practice in Tartarus only made Akihiko fight
harder, so he allowed himself to take more damage in as well.
When
he returned in the dead of night he didn't even bother to check up
on Shinji; there was no possibility Akihiko would do anything but
sleeping that night anyway.
Only
when he lay in his bed staring up at the ceiling he realized how much
his body hurt. Trying to ignore it he turned to the side, but putting
weight on his arm only made him wince in pain. He turned on the
lights just to find the edges of the sheets stained red.
"Damn…",
he muttered under his breath. Fussing through his room and creating a
total disorder in search of his medikit, he realized that it wasn't
inside his room.
Well that's even
better…
Cursing himself he left
his room to get his medikit back.
He entered the door and there it
was again: the angry stare.
Akihiko felt some kind
of a déja-vu.
"You're late."
"Yeah sorry, I'm just
here to get something I seem to have left in here."
Akihiko
scanned the room with his eyes to find what he was searching for, but
it was so damn hard to see in the darkness. On the other hand it was
impossible for him to turn on the light, because the last thing he
wanted Shinji to see were his bruises and especially his bleeding,
slashed up arms. He didn't even want to think about Shinji's
comments about him being hurt that badly by a "cute little"
shadow.
So he searched the room with his back constantly turned
to the other.
"What are you searching for?", Shinji asked
sounding bored.
"Nothing."
"Well, for 'nothing' you
seem to be fucking desperate." Akihiko could here the smug smile in
his friend's voice.
Then the room was illuminated all of
sudden.
Akihiko cringed as Shinji had abruptly turned on the
light.
"Damn, Shinji…!" Akihiko turned around, again showing
his friend only his back.
"So it's nothing, huh?", Shinjiro
said seeing the bloodied, torn fabric that had once been Akihiko's
sleeves.
"You don't have to be worrying about that you know?
I just came here to get that damned medikit. Seem to have left it in
your room when we last needed it."
Shinjiro still stood behind
Akihiko, now leaning in closer and smiling into his ear: "You mean
that thing here?"
Akihiko made some kind of an half annoyed half
surprised noise as Shinji held the box in front of his eyes.
"Give
that to me."
"Sit down on the chair.", Shinji stated and
retreated to his bed to rummage through his drawer.
"What are you still
standing there? Are you deaf or what?"
"Just give me the
medikit and let me handle this myself. The wounds are not that
severe."
"You sulking, little Aki?", Shinji smirked at him.
"Tch." Akihiko was mercilessly pushed down on chair and
Shinji took another one to sit behind him.
Reluctantly, Akihiko
let Shinjiro rip off the rags that had once been his shirt, just
concentrating on not showing any signs of pain. Never had he been
happier that Shinji couldn't see his face.
Shinjiro got some
water from the sink to wash the wounds free of any dirt and cloth.
When he finished he began to bandage his arms up.
Throughout
the whole procedure, Akihiko couldn't make sense of his friend's
behavior. He had expected nasty comments and a careless treatment of
his wounds.
But in contrast, Shinji didn't say a word while
cleaning the gashes and stopped every time he saw any signs of pain
on his friend. There was an unfamiliar gentleness in Shinji's
movements. It made Akihiko wonder what had caused the sudden change
in attitude.
"Don't you think you can come crying to me every
time you cut your finger.", Shinji announced as he
finished.
Akihiko only smiled at that. Shinji simply couldn't be
just nice.
As
he sat there some of the water still coating his naked torso, he
began to feel the cold really get to him. It was by no means warmer
in Shinji's room than it had been inside his and the water on his
skin didn't make it any better.
When he couldn't suppress
another violent shiver, he suddenly felt a warm hand on his back,
then two hands on his chest and then Shinji's body pressing to his
back and his hot breath striking the crook of his neck. Akihiko
leaned into the sudden warmth.
"You cold?"
Well, at least
the shivering had stopped. And Akihiko couldn't quite say that he
disliked this position. He just had the slight feeling that this was
not to last long…
"You know, I could make you wa—"
"Oh,
just shut up!" Great, and there he
goes again.
Shinji turned his head
down as for encouragement and began to kiss the skin of Akihiko's
shoulder. He bit his lip.
Sitting there in an embrace with Shinji,
Akihiko wondered if his friend would let him off the hook because he
seemed to be in such a gentle mood today, so that Akihiko would
finally be able to get what he wished for.
"C'mon" Akihiko
stood up, walked up to the bed and slid under the covers as fast as
possible to avoid a clash with the chilly night air.
He turned
around facing the wall as he heard Shinji follow him. The mattress
creaked as the other slid down next to him. Akihiko turned around
before Shinji could start anything. He laid his hand on the other
man's neck and kissed him on the lips, quickly pulling away.
Shinji
had a puzzled yet demanding look on his face as Akihiko opened his
eyes again.
He pretended not to notice and rested his head on the
pillow, smiling.
Then there was that damned hand on him again. It
wandered up and down his back, along his collarbone, over his chest,
across his ribcage and at last over his bellybutton down to the
waistband of his pants, staying there, gliding over the skin. Biting
at his neck was added to the fumbling. It finally became quite hard
for Akihiko to keep a straight face with all that. Shinji really did
his best to coax him.
Akihiko just tried to keep his composure and
ignore everything he tried.
"As if you would fucking get away
with that…", Akihiko heard Shinji hiss after some time.
He
sighed inwardly. There would be no getting away, not even by trying
to pretend to be tired or that his arms hurt unbearably. He would
have to surrender.
Shinji bit his neck again because he still
didn't respond.
"Now get off my shoulder and take off your
fucking pants!"
