[Disclaimer and A/Ns on my profile page]


[Previously, On The Nimrod Curse....]

Yep, he thought to himself, nothing here has changed. Back to 'life as normal' with the Dursleys.

Harry Potter forgot - nothing in his life is normal.


The car ride from King's Cross to Privet Drive passed much the same as every other year. As Vernon drove, he grumbled under his breath about the other drivers on the road. Petunia sat beside him, gripping the over-the-door handle. Every once in a while she would squeeze her eyes shut and grip the handle even tighter. Harry was sure that if he could see over the seat, he would see her slamming her foot to the floor-board, as if trying to use the breaks. Dudley was looking out the window, but every once in a while he would ask his parents a question in a whining voice. By the time they reached Privet Drive, Dudley was promised dinner and a movie out that night.

After pulling into the driveway of number 4, Vernon killed the engine and popped open the boot of the car. Petunia and Dudley were out of the car and racing towards the front door before Harry even got out of the car. Harry first removed Hedwig's empty cage from the boot and set it on the ground. As he turned to pull his trunk out of the boot, he saw Vernon hoisting it out and placing it on the ground. Harry had barely pulled his hands away from the car in time, as Vernon slammed the boot shut. A wide-eyed Harry stammered out thanks to his equally wide-eyed uncle.

Vernon glanced between the boy in front of him and the trunk he had just removed from the car. "Just... get this stuff up to your room. And no funny business," He blustered, waving his arms wildly. Vernon rushed off towards the house, leaving a confused Harry staring after him.


Harry struggled his trunk and empty bird cage up the stairs. The first thing he noticed was the door to his room. All of the locks and bolts had been removed from around the door. His room seemed the same as he had left it. The small bed against the wall across from the door. Between the bed and the door was a small, two drawer night table. On the night table was a small lamp, with no lampshade. On the same wall as the door was a rickety desk and its matching wobbly chair. Past the desk, on the same wall, was a small wardrobe. On the final wall of the room was the window. He entered the room and placed the empty bird cage on the desk, which left only enough room on the desk for a standard notebook. He then went to open the window - as he had promised Hedwig he would. That is when he noticed the magazines. by the foot of his bed, where he normally kept his trunk, there were piles of glossy, colourful, women's magazines.

He was still gaping like a fish at the magazines when he heard a tapping at his door. His aunt was standing in the doorway, unable to enter the room because his trunk was blocking the entrance.

"Help me with this," She said, pointing down at the trunk. Harry pulled the trunk into the room as Petunia pushed it. They settled it along-side his bed. There was just enough room for the door to open without hitting the trunk. Harry would have to climb over the trunk to get into and out of bed everyday.

"I'm getting rid of all of my old magazines. These are just the most recent ones and I haven't been able to get through them yet," Petunia explained. "I don't want them cluttering up the house so I put them here. I should be able to finish going through them in about 2 weeks."

Harry just shrugged. It did not really matter to him one way or another, except for the inconvenience of having to climb over his trunk to get to his bed.

"We are going out for a bit," His aunt informed him. "If you are hungry, there is some leftover meatloaf in the refrigerator." Petunia paused and looked around the room. "Just clean up after yourself."

Harry could do nothing but blink at her. I can take food, he thought to himself.

Harry realized his aunt was fidgeting nervously, and avoiding looking at him."If you go out take a key.... we should be home by 11."

"Uh, OK. Thanks. Have a good time." Harry said lamely as his aunt left the room.

That was very odd, he decided.

The sound of the front door closing snapped Harry out of his daze. He quickly pulled his invisibility cloak, photo album and some food out of his trunk. He had to move the trunk out of the way to get to the loose floorboard under his bed. He decided it was too difficult for him to have the trunk next to his bed. He spent the next 10 minutes moving the piles of magazines next to his bed, and his trunk to the foot of the bed. When he was done he flopped down in the bed and threw his arm over his eyes.

Hs thoughts once again returned to Sirius, the prophecy and what a joke his life was. He could not get over that fact that he was supposed to defeat Voldemort. Him, a scrawny, knock-kneed, undersized, average intelligence, near-sighted, not-even-16-year-old boy - was supposed to vanquish a fully trained, highly learned, 60+ year old man. Ha, yeah, right!

Harry's growling stomach snapped him out of his thoughts. Deciding that since Aunt Petunia told him about the meatloaf, that he really was allowed to eat it, Harry went downstairs to the kitchen. He made himself a cold-meatloaf sandwich and had some juice to drink. After cleaning up the mess he made he returned to his room, and his stormy thoughts.

He fell asleep worrying about how to live up to the expectations of the prophecy. And three hours later he woke up from a nightmare - Draco Malfoy and Dudley were laughing at him, telling him he couldn't save time - so how could he save the world.... It was not his worst nightmare, but he knew that once he was awake there would be no falling back asleep. In an effort to keep his mind from spiraling into depressing thoughts, Harry grabbed the top magazine and started flipping through it.

Four magazines later, and after a huge number of really dumb articles

... hot lipstick colours for the fall...

...10 fashion no-nos (who would wear something that reveals their bra straps??) ...

and a few articles that might be worth a second look

... 10 things you don't know about kissing...

...10 equipment free exercises ...

Harry decided women were totally bizarre creatures. What is the obsession with lists of 10? Strangely enough, he had enough weird thoughts running thru his head that he was able to fall asleep again.

He dreamed of Tonks - who was wearing a mini skirt with western boots (fashion no-no #4) - trying to give him a makeover (The pale blue streaks in your hair will bring out the colour of your eyes!) while Hermione - clutching a hot pink copy of Hogwarts, A History - was giving him the 'How Large is Your Emotional Range' quiz (If you had answered A. instead of C. then you would be up to a tablespoon instead of a teaspoon). Harry's odd dreams continued the whole night.