"Today, I will kiss you." I wrote the words in my sacred notebook, in a fetal position in the alley by the hotel, where no one could find me. "Today, I will be fucking brave. I won't lose my mind when everyone has dinner. I'll hold your hand after I kiss you, too." My pen was running out of ink, but that didn't stop me from writing it over and over. "I will kiss you. I will."

I had some kind of anxiety attack every time we ate dinner - "we" meaning Leon, Cid, Yuffie, Aerith, and myself. There was nothing wrong with dinner; no one hated each other, not really. We teased, we poked fun, but generally, we were pretty fond of one another. But every single time, I would be ten minutes into a conversation about gummi ship engines with Cid, and wham - anxiety all over the place. My chest got tight, I couldn't sit still, and I was so certain that something was going to go horribly, horribly wrong. It didn't help that my crush on Leon had to be horribly apparent, at this point. It'd been months since Nana died and Leon entered the scene, and I had very little feelings of security, anymore. What had once been my sleepy hometown was now a potential battleground, thanks to the heartless. It didn't exactly set the mood for a friendly dinner in my old house, which was now a kind of foster home for planet-orphans.

Presently, I heard something scurrying along the roof and bolted upright, notebook falling page-first onto the ground. My cards were in my backpack, laying behind me; but I couldn't turn around. I had been hiding out here from everyone - I couldn't cope with dinner - but now I realized that could be a really stupid mistake. Alone? In an alley? Curled up like a baby with a notebook in her face, writing about her feelings? May as well have put a bright red target on my forehead.

In the dim lighting, I couldn't see anything; but that meant very little, seeing as how heartless are shadows. It was the sound that I was awaiting - that god-awful sound of liquid boiling, and wind rushing by your ears, and darkness begging for a victim - and all I heard was my own pulse in my ears.

I couldn't move. If I moved, I might make myself vulnerable. If I was vulnerable, I'd end up like Nana. This wasn't something I consciously decided - this was a reaction I couldn't control. I was suffocating from the fear.

But slowly… in miniscule amounts… I began to realize that there was only me. I was the sole occupant of this alley. And if I hadn't been the sole occupant, I'd probably have looked pretty ridiculous to the other person.

I turned around towards my backpack and a shadow threw itself into my face, hands around my throat. Falling backwards, shrieking for help, I hit my head on a loose cobblestone, and things went fuzzy. But as the shadow covered my face with its scaled, freezing hands, I could hear its breathy voice clearly:

"She wants to see you."

I felt the hair on my neck stand up, and goosebumps raise on my arms. "Get off!" I croaked, breath cut off by its grip. I scratched at it, kicked it in the knees - the thing was slightly smaller than me, but heavier than anything I'd ever tried to pick up. It let go of my neck and I swung my fist at its head - it swayed a bit, and I managed to roll it over, pinning it down by the arms.

Everything was still a blur - there was fog where there should have been shapes - and there was a ringing in my ears as I steadied myself on all fours, lording over the creature.

My voice was barely my own as I screamed at it. "You took her! You did this. You…" I was trembling, and afraid that I'd be killed at any minute - but for now, this monster was mine. "Why did you do this?" In a crimson haze, I found myself slamming its head against the ground, crushing the scales with the heel of my hand. Thud. Thud. "Why?" Thud. Thud.

I felt my throat quiver, voice cracking as I screeched one last time. "Tell me why!"

It was then that my sight came back to me - then, as the shadow vanished in a mixture of black and red and green flame. I was left kneeling in the alley, with no one but myself. Blood seeped out of the wounds it left on my throat; the back of my head throbbed; my arms and legs had road rash; my breath was broken and shallow.

"Mona?"

The voice was soft, in retrospect, but at the time, I thought the volume of it would blast me out of my skin. I scrambled forward and onto my feet, turning to see Leon. I was so overwhelmed with relief, tears burned my eyes.

"It's gone," I said. I cleared my throat, wincing, and stared at the ground, folding my arms. "Don't worry."

A long pause hung between us, heavy and cold. I finally met his gaze again.

He licked his lips, brow furrowing. "You were glowing red," he said carefully.

"You… You were watching?"

He shook his head, though looking more thoughtful than apologetic. With a huff in his voice, he asked: "Are you like them?"

I thought my heart would break. I thought it would physically tear in two, inside my chest. The only boy I'd ever met, who was my age, handsome, intelligent - he thought I was like those monsters. The tears in my eyes were pouring onto the brick, now.

"I fucking hate you, Leon."

I walked down the alley, turning the corner that led towards the Accessory Shop, shaking with emotions so heavy I could feel them rattling my bones.