Author's Chapter Notes:

Journal entries (part 1)

HOW THE HELL DID I MISS THE SIGNS! (part 1)

September 19, 2008

Breaking up with someone is always painful.

Trust me. I know exactly what I am talking about.

But then you meet someone new and your heart heals.

And maybe just maybe this time it lasts forever.

I still can't believe how I could have missed all the signs.

And now I can only hope God won't snatch away his love.

He needs him like he needs oxygen to live.

Please God don't you dare do this to him.

They belong together.


November 2007

I never imagined that of all the people I knew Christian would be the one who'd turn out to be a homophobe.

Poor Olli. I definitely feel for him. Christian's behaviour towards Olli is so disgusting that it even makes me wanna knock his lights out. I wonder how Olli controls himself.

And I'm quite sure in a match between the two of them Olli would definitely come out on top. I'm positive that with his years of training in handling unruly guests aboard the liner he would take out Christian in a hurry.

Anyway hopefully things will get back to normal after Olli leaves.

February 2008

Olli didn't leave instead it looks like Christian is the one who's going to leave. He's not only leaving the flat share and Düsseldorf infact he's leaving Germany altogether.

It's understandable, he and Coco love each other, and they do say 'Your home is where your heart is.' Christian's heart belongs to Coco so it's obvious where she is that's exactly where his home will be.

Mid March 2008

In the end it was only Coco who left. Both Christian and Olli are right here. They aren't friends but at least they aren't enemies anymore so that's a step in the right direction.

End March 2008

Well he's been single long enough and I can't take his constant moping anymore.

I've noticed that Miriam is into him.

Her constant mooning over him is a blatant indication that she has a massive crush on him.

Guess a little nudge towards each other will cure both of them. I'll see to it that they get together. I'll even bribe Christian if I have to.

04-04-08

Poor Miriam why did I ever do this to her. It must been the shortest date she's ever been on but the brave girl kept smiling. Christian is such a dimwit. He let a golden opportunity and a golden girl like Miriam slip right thru his fingers.

And why did he suddenly become Olli's guardian. Stupid kid spoilt his own date and from Olivia I deduced he screwed up a sure thing that Olli had got going with some 'hot' guy at the club. Christian you are such a dunce.

05-04-08

Christian looked well laid, and after a long time well rested and genuinely happy. He even a had a silly smile on his face when he declined my invitation of going clubbing together.

But Miriam definitely isn't behind that glow that surrounds him now; because she looks like her usual self frazzled and agitated. She is still flirting with Christian which means SHE definitely isn't the girl behind Christian self satisfied smile and dreamy eyes.

14-04-08

Okay so now I'm genuinely confused.

When the hell did Christian and Olli become best buds?

I didn't expect Olli to land up at the boxing club after Christian's training session.

And Christian allowing Olli to touch him!

When I had just joked that I had been with men for pay he had jumped away from my touch and he's seen Olli with a man and even then...

My only guess is he's decided to take a break from women and Olli is safe as he'll be cruising for guys. In desperation he's decided to call a truce I guess.

24-04-08

I'm genuinely jealous of Olli now.

Christian has all but forgotten about me and the two of them spend all their free time together. Except for boxing training Christian doesn't want to do anything else with me.

If I didn't know any better I'd say he and Olli were in love spending all their time indulging in the horizontal mambo.

13-05-08

I'm quiet sure that Christian has finally gone crazy.

He just screwed up his chances at going pro.

My brother has officially lost his mind.

Otherwise why would he demand that I remain as his coach when Grandetski's coaches are trained professional who can genuinely help him.

06-06-08

Why is this world such a cruel place?

Why do homophobes exist?

I like Olli, he's such a sweet and gentle soul. I consider him in the same bracket as Christian. He's helped around in No Limits time and again when ever we have been short staffed and he doesn't even ask for compensation he just says that cryptic line, " An hour spent with Christian is an hour well spent." I have a feeling he's in love with Christian.

And seeing him hurt by Christian, hurts me as well.

I really thought Christian had got over his homophobia. But watching him crack dirty homophobic jokes with Grandetski made me wanna shake him until his teeth rattled. The look on Olli's face broke my heart. I think the cause behind Christian's re-emerged homophobia is Grandetski. But even though it's horrible to see Olli hurt, I can't do anything about Grandetski he holds my brother's future in the palm of his hand.

I'll talk to Olli and try to make him understand that though I hate Grandetski I can't throw him out as he can help my brother go pro. After that I've gotta blast Christian and make him apologize to Olli.

08-06-08

I made him apologize to Olli and he looked like he was going to burst into tears as he shook Olli's hand and then pulled him into a hug.

Well everything seems to be fine between the two of them again.

11-06-08 (early evening)

Grandetski is gone from our life for good.

Christian fired him and the reason behind it shocked me. That bald, oily, fat homophobic jerk wanted my brother to take steroids. Damn Bastard.

But I've gotta find a new promoter for Christian. He has the talent and I can't let it go to waste like this.

11-06-08 (late night)

I just came from Christian's flat and he...

I just don't know ...

Oh MY GOD!

My brother...

MY brother...

Oh bloody hell

Damn!

Some one is at the door I guess it's him

HE just blasted ME.

I think I've gotta sleep on it and let this new info sink in.

Olli you sly devil!

And Christian ?

No wonder...

I'm going to bed and I'm sure things will make a lot more sense in the morning.