"Calliope, I made a mistake. What happened that night...there is no excuse for my actions. What I said during our fight was unexcuseable, too. I know you lost a lot, too, and it was wrong for me to take out all my pent up anger on you. I'm so sorry, God Calliope I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. I..have some serious PSTD issues I need to work on, but I want you by my side. I don't deserve it, Calliope, but I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. I miss you, I hate being apart from you and our child.I love you, please let me come home."

Was she seriously begging me? She really expects me to just let her come home, sleep in my bed or on my couch and pretend nothing happened? Her hand was still resting on my arm, and every emotion from wanting to kiss her to wanting to punch her in her face filled my mind. Instead, I just remained there frozen solid, turning my head a bit to finally speak while I choked back tears. "I said don't...call me Calliope. You lost that right when you...you kissed Laure..." I couldn't even get her name out before I let out one quiet sob, sniffling my tears up quickly because I didn't want Sofia seeing me cry; she's seen enough of that since Mark died. "Take Sofia and go, I know..you work tomorrow and you wanna spend time with her, don't you?" I know it sounded cold, and I didn't want to be so cold to the woman who was still my wife, but I couldn't look at her right now. I couldn't let her see me sitting here crying, she doesn't deserve to see me break down, she doesn't deserve anything from me anymore.

"I love you, Calliope. I always ha.."

"Get out" I whispered, choking back on my tears as I jerked my arm away from her, wiping my eyes before bending down and giving Sofia one last quick kiss. "I'll come visit you tomorrow in the daycare, Mija. I love you" Standing up, I looked away from Arizona while just pointing to the door. "I said get out" I repeated, the hurt coming out in my voice, it cracking as I held back tears; moving my head to her direction as her and Sofia walked out of the door, my little toddler stopping as she looked behind her as Arizona opened the door, her little words making me happy and making me cry harder at the same time.

"I love yew, Mommy. Stop sad" Managing a smile on my face as Sofia turned back around to walk out with Arizona, I looked away because I knew Arizona would be trying to look at me to say something. Staring at a random teddy bear until I heard the door close, I felt my knees start to shake before I fell to them in the middle of Sofia's room, the sobs echoing the whole apartment as I just started punching the floor. I hadn't shown true emotion for months, Arizona swore the little tears I had that night were bad? I never really mourned Mark's death because I was so worried about being strong for her and Sofia and Derek and everyone else and I had to worry about fixing my marriage. I never had a second to just let everything hit and let it sink it, and I never had a chance to until I saw her scrub top on Lauren's body and everything just hit me like a ton of bricks. She will swear to the day she dies that I didn't lose anything because I wasn't on the damn plane; I lost everything. Laying on Sofia's floor wasn't going to do anything, I had to get things ready for work tomorrow. I hated going there anymore, the hospital just reminded me what happened with every second I was there. It used to be my safe haven, the one place I always felt at home in. Anymore it's just a constant reminder on how my life fell apart.

Pushing myself back up to my feet after my outburst, the tears still were fully falling from my eyes as I managed to wipe them enough times to make the short trip from Sofia's room to my own. I hated it in here, the memories that fill this room eat me alive every single day. Hell, the memories in this apartment eat me alive every single day. I feel like no matter where I go or what I do...everything reminds me of a memory I want to forget. As I gathered my things for work tomorrow and placed them on the dresser, my eyes caught a glimsp of a picture of myself with Arizona, Sofia and Mark. Shaking my head again as the tears fell down my face even harder, I grabbed the picture and tossed it at the wall across the room, falling down on the bed before punching a pillow. "Why did you have to be on that damn plane? This would be so much easier if you didn't leave me!" I don't know who I was yelling to, no one was home and if the neighbors could hear me they would probably think I was nuts. Honestly, I didn't care anymore. Sobbing into the pillow, I curled up in a ball and just let all the emotions out. Everything that had been building up for months since the plane crash just was coming out. All the pain and the hurt and the betaryal and and I couldn't stop. No matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn't stop crying.

I don't remember falling asleep, I just remember laying in bed crying, but I don't remember falling asleep. Rubbing my eyes, blinking them a few times I looked over at the clock while a yawn escaped my lips. "5:20" Groaning, I roll out of bed and head to the bathroom to take a quick shower before work. "I knew I should've set a damn alarm" speaking outloud, I shook my head after speaking as I reached in the shower to turn on the water. I wasn't sure if I was losing my mind, or if I was just falling into a real deep depression, but I do know that I had to hurry to get to work on time. Standing in the shower, I closed my eyes for a split second just to have my mind flash back to the night Arizona and I got into it so bad because of a simple thing and I had to literally put her in the shower with clothes and everything on just to get her clean. Everything I did for that woman and she repays me by kissing her. Turning the water off, I try to think about something to get my mind off this - well the best I could get my mind off something this big. Getting out of the shower and walking into the bedroom, I see the broken glass on the floor from the picture I threw last night. Bending down to pick it up, I shake the extra glass off the frame as I look at the picture, sniffling before setting it on the table where my television was. "I miss you everyday, Mark" I whispered to again a empty room before I decided to get ready for work. Today was going to be filled of doing every possible thing to avoid Arizona. Why can't she just go back to Africa or something? Then, with her being half way across the world it would maybe make the fact she fully broke me, the first person to actually be able to fully break me, sting a bit less because I wouldn't have to se her anymore.

"5:58" I checked the time quickly before shutting off my car in the parking lot of the hospital, opening the door before gathering my things out of the passanger's seat and getting ready to head inside. Taking my hip and hitting my door shut, I somehow managed to hit the automatic lock on the keys as I heard someone call my name. Turning my head, I sniffle and force a small smile across my lips as I watched Miranda Bailey, hands full and barely being able to see, walking quickly towards me. Ever since the Richard's accident when the superstorm happened, Bailey has been handling his workload and hers. Ben flew home for a few months to help her with Tucker and everything; she was more of a workaholic like I was. At the same time, Bailey was the closest thing I had to a friend here since what happened with Mark and Addison being in California.

"You alright? You look like you were either up all night or you've been crying" The one thing I really hated about Bailey is that she always knew when something was wrong. She was also the one person, despite not liking to get involved in people's personal lives, always asked me if I was okay. The honest truth was that I was a wreck and when Sofia wasn't home I barely could find the energy and courage to get out of bed, and it scares me to think what my mindframe would be if Sofia wasn't around, but I can't tell Bailey that, so I just lie like I do to everyone else I ask.

"Yeah, I'm just tired. I got into this show on television last night and was up late" Deep down, I think Bailey always knew I was lying and she knew I wasn't okay, but at least she wasn't the one to pressure me into talking about my feelings. As we reacted the doors to the hospital, I managed to move things around in my arms to open the door for Bailey, her nodding her head as she walked by while speaking.

"You're alright? Whatever you say, Torres" Letting out a heavy sigh as I walked into the hospital, I rolled my eyes while walking towards the elevator. I knew she knew I was lying, but at least she doesn't pester. Forcing a smile on my face as some random stranger, I guess someone who is just here, hit the elevator button for me as I just nodded my thanks. I don't talk much these days when I'm at work, it's odd because I used to talk so much to everyone and about just about everything. But these days, I have nothing to say, I think I'm honestly too broken to hold a general conversation with someone unless it's anything about Ortho. I don't want to hear about people's happy lives and how they have their whole families and their best friend and their lives didn't fall apart. Don't get me wrong, I never want anyone to go through what I've had to endure the last few months, but I also don't want to hear about your happy little lives. The elevator door opened as my eyes laid on someone else who is always asking if I was okay - Derek Shepard. Derek and I have a unique bond because of Mark and Zola and Sofia have playdates and things, but he's not someone I would talk to something personal about..well except that night when I thought Arizona and I would have sex after Bailey's wedding; but that was a one time situation. I wouldn't talk to him about personal things otherwise, and I really don't want to talk to him about this. Giving a soft smile to him as I walked into the elevator the door shut and it left just him and I as it started moving - just my damn luck.

"How are you doing, Torres? How is Sofia?"

"She's great, Arizona picked her up last night for a couple days. And I'm just tired. How's Zola and the baby?"

"They are wonderful, thank you for asking. Arizona picked her up from your apartment? Are you alright?" As the words escaped his lips, the elevator door opened as I quickly rushed out of the elevator without answering his question. Was it rude? Probably, but I just don't want everyone asking how I am, because I feel like if I honestly go off on my true feelings and how I truly feel someone may try to commit me into the psych ward, and I have a job to work and a toddler to take care of. Walking as quick as my heels could to my office, I juggled my files and everything in my hand to open the door, hitting it with my knee to open the door wider as I walked in and ploped everything in my hands down on my desk. Walking around, I saw a cup of coffee and a piece of poundcake sitting on my desk with a little note, my hands balling up into fists as I wasn't sure just to cry or go and throw everything in her face. Grabbing the note off my desk, I read it quickly while shaking my head.

"Figured you would need some after last night. - Ari"

Grabbing the coffee and the piece of poundcake, I stormed out of my office and walked down the hallway, my heels loudly clicking in the hallway as I quickly reached where I was going. Not even knocking, because what else could I see behind this door that I already don't know about, I opened the door to see her sitting at her desk working on some papers. I wanted to throw the coffee in her face, but at the same time I just want to kiss her. Why can't I hate her?

"I don't want your coffee or your cake, Arizona, so you can keep it or whatever. I don't want anything from you if it's not for Sofia, okay?" Setting it down on the desk, I turned to walk away as I heard her whisper that damn name off her lips. Stopping dead in my tracks, the name ran through me and tore at my heart strings. Turning around slowly, my eyes filling with tears as I looked at her while trying to hold my composure. "I told you, stop calling me Calliope. You lost that right"

"Calliope let me.."

"I SAID STOP" I didn't even realize I screamed until Arizona's eyes grew wide. My hands were shaking because I was so mad and upset and defeated and just...tired. "Stop calling me Calliope. We don't have to do this...we don't..have to toture ourselves anymore. If you don't want me anymore..just..say it. I...I'm a big girl I've...been through this before." Sobbing as I spoke, I watched Arizona slowly get up from her desk and walk around it, grabbing some tissues from her desk as she handed them to me. Pushing her hand away, I sniffled and let out a small gasp, trying not to fall to my knees sobbing.

"Callio..Callie. What I did was wrong. Everything I've done has been a huge mistake and for that I'm sorry. If you need me to say I'm sorry everyday I will, because I truly am. I can't sleep, I can't look at myself in the mirror because I hurt you in a way I promised I never would. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. I never should've screamed at you that night and I never should've taken out all my ange..."

"You never even told me why. You yelled at me to the point we were both sobbing, you went so low as to say I should get you a bonesaw and you could cut off my leg. You kept saying I didn't lose anything, but you never told me why. Was I not enough for you anymore?" If I don't deserve anything else from Arizona, I deserve to know why she did this to me. Everything we've been through - Africa, the car accident, my parents when it came to us getting married, the plane crash and everything in between. After everything we been through I deserved to know that.

"It's not that, Callie. It was someone besides my wife finding me attractive even with my leg" Them words riped my heart apart. "Someone besides my wife" She really said that, she really had the guts to say that to my face? Letting out a loud sob as I just started crying loudly, the sound of the sobs echoing in her office as I reached behind my neck and under my hair, unhooking the one thing I still wore of hers. The necklace we had got each other for Valentine's Day a few years ago, the one thing I couldn't take off because it meant the world to me suddenly became so easy with that comment. My hands were sweaty, my knees were shaking as I unhooked the necklace and had it in my hand. Looking down at it, my tears fell down in my hand as I looked at Arizona, leaning over to place it in the pocket of her scrub top and spoke softly, crying so hard I could barely breathe.

"Then give this to her since your wife's opinion isn't good enough for you anymore - since I'm not good enough for you anymore" I have never felt so low in my life as I did in that moment. I just wanted to disappear and never come back. Turning to walk away, I knew I was going to have to basically run to my office to avoid people asking me what was wrong; even then it would be hard. As I turned to walk away, I felt her hand gently grab my wrist as I gasped for air, sniffling as I turned around to demand she let me go and just leave me alone. Turning around I got lost in her eyes like I did that night in the bar, her beautiful blue eyes that sparkle like the sky on a star filled night.

I got lost in them until I felt her lips against mine.