Whispers from a Diary

Summary: When Kendall comes across James's Diary what big secret does he find? And how will they both deal with the aftermath?

Pairings: James/Kendall


2.

Carlos decided that he was going to spring into actions once everyone was asleep. It would be an easy task. James sleeps like the dead, an earthquake could hit and he wouldn't feel it. It was around 3 in the morning when he decided to make his move.

James, as he had excepted, was snoring logs when slowly crept out of bed towards James side of the room. He carefully as he could, open his nightstand. He checked the top shelf. He jumped when he thought he had been caught, only to let out a sigh of relief when James's only turned over in his sleep.

He wasn't finding what he was hoping to look for. So he moved down to the bottom. He moved things about. James really did need to clean out most of this crap. It was taking up space.

He kept looking. Carlos came to the conclusion that James must have move the diary, but where? He looked towards the bed. It was a stupid place, but it wouldn't hurt to look. He first checked behind the pillows, slowly moving James, making sure not to wait the sleeping boy. Nothing. He then, tried to look between the bed, but that wasn't going to be easy. Hmm, he didn't check under the bed.

It was dark and he was going to need a flashlight for this one. Quickly crawling back to his side, he grabbed his bag and fished out his flashlight his father made him pack just in case of emergency.

He went back to James's side, nearly running right into the bed frame. He clicked it on and began looking under the bed. He found something in the corner, it look like a box. He pulled it out, sitting on his knees. It was of medium size. It wasn't wooden, but instead a dark grey metal box. He prided it open, papers spilled out onto his lap and the floor. They must have been from James's diary. He picked one up, he recognized the handwriting anywhere. Clearly it had been folded and refolded and read over more than once. He gather the papers, placing them back inside. He then closed everything up, shoved the box under his shirt, and disappeared out of the room.

He rushed to Kendall's and Logan's room, not bothering to knock. He jumped on Kendall's bed, scaring Kendall out of his sleep. He nearly screamed if it weren't for Carlos's hand covering his mouth.

"Shush! We don't you waking the others up." said Carlos lowly.

Kendall glared at him in the darkness. He sat up, yanking Carlos's hand off his mouth. "You're the one that comes running in here at…" he looks at the time. "3:25 in the morning waking me up!"

Kendall had the right mind to knock Carlos right on his butt. "Enough about your sleeping habits, I got the stuff." He pulled the box out from under his shirt. He hand it to Kendall, who was now completely awake. "And what is this?"

"Hello! There from James's diary. Well, the things inside are from his diary."

Kendall looked down at them, his mouth forming an O shape. "You took this out of his room?"

"Well, how else are we going to find out what he's keeping from us. It was the only way."

Kendall sighed. He should have never looked for his I-pod today. He should have just taken a nap. "Now enjoy those…" Carlos started to get off Kendall's bed and head towards the door, when Kendall grabbed his arm. "Where are you going?"

"Bed. Dude, its fucking 3:30 in the morning, I'm ready to sleep."

Kendall shifted in bed, grabbing the box and trying to give them back to Carlos. "Well, then take this with you."

"No way. I got that because you wanted to know what was going on with James."

Kendall shook his head. "Noooo, you took it because you wanted to know what was going on with James."

Kendall looked down at the box again. "Well, what's inside?"

Carlos shrugged his shoulders. "A bunch of papers, but I didn't really read anything."

"But--" Kendall was cut off once Carlos was out the room and the door had been closed.

Kendall slumped back in bed. He opened his nightstand, pulling out a flashlight that he got from Carlos's dad, he then open the box to find a bunch of folded papers inside. He pulled those out, looking them over. He then spotted some other things, he was surprise to find an old bracelet that he had lost three years ago in here, along with his retainer case, ok gross, and two pictures inside. He pulled those out. The first one was of Kendall, it was an old school photo when he was in the fifth grade, then the second one was of him and James, three years ago when they were 13, it was actually a group shot, but it looked like someone had ripped it apart and only kept the part that him and James where in.

That set off small alarms in Kendall's head. His attention was then back on the folded papers. He knew he shouldn't be reading them, but he had to say, he was slightly curious just to see what James had been writing about.

February 17, 2010

I had thought I had beaten this, its been nearly three years and I thought that I had completely gotten over my obsession, but that proved to be an utter failure. Its getting harder and harder each day to ignore these gnawing feelings. Every time he looks at me, or places his hand on my shoulder, or the way he says my name just sends shivers down my spine. I keep having the same dreams where he comes to me at night, wow I just made him sound like some kind of vampire or something. But he's way better then a fucking vampire. Though I wouldn't mind him sucking on my neck.

Kendall was completely thrown off once he saw the worlds 'he' in there and the sucking of the neck. He moved on to another entry.

March 2, 2010

A new girl moved here to Palm Woods today. I don't like her, all the guys were drooling over her and I had to pretend that I was into her too. Stupid bitch. Her name is suppose to be Joe, dumb name for a girl if you ask me. But what I hate the most is how Kendall was so determine to talk to her. Why? Her eyes are too close together, her eyebrow color doesn't even match the top of her head and she's got the body of a ten year old boy. She has nothing to offer him. Kendall why are you so…so…so…argh, stupid!! No, I take that back, he's not stupid, he's sweet, caring, funny, smart, and he gives the best hugs….I really do have a problem don't I. Of course I do, don't answer that. But what can I say, I fucking love the guy. No really, I really do love him, a lot, like a lot, a lot. Its pretty much an unhealthy obsession. But I can't help it, I love everything about him. His smile, his hair, his eyebrows, his nose, everything. I would do anything just to know what it would be like to just feel his lips against mine, what it would be like to have him. I want him to look at me the way he looks at other girls, I want him to know, I want to tell him, I need him with me always. I know it sounds cheesy, but I can't help it.

Kendall stopped reading, he pushed the papers away from him, causing the photo of him and James to flip over. On the back it read Mr. and Mr. Diamond Knight. He shouldn't had read that, he shouldn't have, Damnit! He put them back in the box, not caring that they weren't the way that James had them original. He closed the box, pushing it away. He let it drop to the fall, slightly wincing at the sound.

He laid back down in bed. This was a mistake, a big huge giant mistake. He had no right, no right at all.


The saying 'you'll be angry with yourself in the morning' would best describe what Kendall was feeling the moment he woke up. He was angry at himself for finding James's diary. He was angry at himself for telling the others about James's diary. He was angry at Carlos for stealing this and giving it to him. He was angry at James's for having these feelings for him. It wasn't right, it wasn't suppose to be like this, not like this at all.

How was he even going to face James? Hell, how was he going to be able to face himself, knowing that he completely disregarded a friends privacy? He was scum, pure adulterated scum.

He showered and dressed quickly, he placed the box inside his closet, hiding it in one of his bags that he brought with him from Minnesota. He wasn't a foot out his door before Carlos accosted him, asking quietly with eyes full of anticipation, "So did you check out what was inside?"

Kendall bit down on his lip. He shook his head. "No." Kendall wasn't a terrible lying at all. He was actually pretty damn good at it. He could lie to other people. But he couldn't lie to his friends.

"Yes you did, you totally peaked." And that was why, they could read him like a book.

Sighing, he scratched the back of his neck. "Ok, so I look. I read one page." It was actually two but Carlos didn't need to know that. "And there was a picture, but nothing else to really go nuts over."

"What the page say?"

"I can't tell you."

Carlos frowned. "Why not? Is it that bad? Is James ok?"

"Yeah, its not bad…." I really do love him, a lot, like a lot, a lot. Its pretty much an unhealthy obsession.

"…he's fine. Don't worry about him." ….I love everything about him. His smile, his hair, his eyebrows, his nose, everything.

"Just drop it Carlos…" I want him to know, I want to tell him, I need him with me always.

The words from James's diary started to fill Kendall's head. He shook his head, pushing passed Carlos.

He was hoping that Carlos would drop it and go about his own business, but this was Carlos and he really wasn't the type to drop anything. No matter what it was.

"Kendall, I don't believe you, you look pale. Ok, what's going on?"

"Damnit Carlos, nothing is wrong with James." he was getting really frustrated. He ran his hands over his face. "Look, we have to put back everything you found, before Logan or James find out."

Kendall could tell that Carlos wanted to press the issue more, but the look he gave him was one that told him that the discussion was over. He pushed passed Carlos heading towards the kitchen, there he saw Logan seating on a stool, eating a bowl of cereal while reading the paper. He said a muttered 'good morning' and began to make himself something to eat.

Just as he was about to sit down James came out, he was freshly showered, his hair was neatly combed and he smelled of body Axe spray. "Morning guys."

"Hey James." said Logan as he pushed a huge spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

James moved pasted Kendall, completely unaware at Kendall's awkwardness towards him. He pulled out a bowl and grabbed the same cereal that Logan was eating. "Man, I had the best sleep last night. Its been a while since I've slept like a baby."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." said Logan. "It took me a while too. I think it's the fact that our bodies weren't use to the new beds and the new atmosphere."

James laughed a little. "Yeah, maybe that's it."

Carlos then joined the small group, not really saying much. He would glance over at James every now and then. Which was starting to get on Kendall's nerves. If he kept that up then James would know that something was going on. "Hey Kendall is that all your going to eat?"

"What?"

"I said is that all your going to eat? Just toast, nothing else?" asked James.

Kendall looked down on his plate. He was so concern about James that he hadn't realize that he had made his own breakfast. "Um, yeah, this will do just fine."

He couldn't do this, how can he just sit there having a semi-normal conversation, with James.

He pushed his plate away and got up. He needed air, he needed air now. "Hey Kendall? Where are you going?" asked Carlos.

"To the pool. I need some fresh air, I'll be back." He was just about to leave when he heard James. "Cool, I'll come with you."

He stopped, turning quickly around. "No! No, I want to be alone, ok. I need to be alone, just don't follow me. I'll be back." He ignore the hurt look that appeared on James's face.

Was he a little too harsh? Yes.

Does he regret it? Maybe a little.

Will he admit that to the others? Not a fat chance in hell.

TO BE CONTINUED....