Jack's POV - Chapter 2
The life of retirement sure is sweet.
I spend most of my days fishing, hunting, reading, stargazing, traveling. You name it, I do it. No obligations. No alarms. No SGC related emergencies. Just me, my cabin, the Minnesota wilderness, and my dog, Seymour. All a man really needs.
I'll admit that it was strange at first, waking up every day and not going through the stargate. It's still weird. It became such a large part of my life - hell, it was my life - and its never easy to leave a part of your life behind. Especially a part you loved so fondly. Especially when you leave your work and your team behind on not so good terms.
I just had to leave. I don't even think General Hammond understood when I gave that as my reason. I know he felt as if I were selfishly withholding my true intention of retiring, which I guess I was, but he never pressed the issue. He accepted my request for retirement and let me know before I left the SGC for the last time that he would be retiring soon as well for personal reasons. Not that that made it any better of a choice or made me feel any better.
I told SG-1 next. Teal'c didn't seem surprised. He definitely perceives a lot more than he lets on. Daniel and especially Sam, on the other hand, did not take it lightly. Sam was even too surprised to speak and Daniel continued to spew out incomprehensible nonsense in disbelief. I hugged each one of them and let them know that they knew where to find me if they needed me. Daniel asked if I was selling my house and I informed them that it was already on the market. I remember telling them Colorado Springs just wasn't for me anymore.
Tears were shed, mainly by Sam. I felt badly but I could not let them talk me out of this. I had my reasons and nothing would deter me. I told the three of them that they were more than welcome to visit seeing as my life of retirement sure would be exciting.
I saved the hardest trip for last. To the Infirmary. I knew this would be the hardest conversation I've ever had with a person, ten times harder than those I had when I was with Sara. I could already feel a tension headache beginning in my temple and when I walked into the Infirmary, I tried my damned hardest to keep my steely reserve in tact.
It was no real secret that Janet and I had been together for a while, approximately three years, so when I walked into the Infirmary, the head nurse pointed towards Janet's office. It was also no secret how much I hated the Infirmary and it was obvious that if I was walking into the place voluntarily, I was there to see Janet.
I'm pretty sure I stood outside of her office for around five minutes, trying in my head to think of a way to tell her what I was about to do. Giving up on the matter since there was no nice way to break this, I knocked on the door, which probably was a red flag for her already. I never knocked. Ever. I usually just strode into her office and took a seat at her desk if she wasn't already occupying the chair or sat across from her desk as she diligently tried to get actual work done with no help from me.
I heard her call me in and she was sitting at her desk, confusion written over every part of her face. I knew her so well that I noticed the slight frown of her lips, the squinting of her eyes, the furrow of her eyebrows, her hands held together in front of her on the desk. I kept my head down and avoided eye contact, shutting her heavy office door behind me.
"Jack? What's wrong?" She asked immediately, just like I knew she would. I sighed and remained standing near the door. Scratched the back of my head. Rubbed my hand over my eyes.
"Just came to talk to you about something." I glanced up at her face and she still looked confused but now worry has seeped into her face.
"Okay?" She said and motioned to the seat in front of her desk. I remained standing.
"I just wanted to let you know…" I said, my sentence trailing off. This is too damned hard. To her credit, she sat there patiently, waiting for me to spit out the awful words I was about to say.
"I'm leaving Colorado Springs tonight." I was afraid to look up at her. I was terrified to see her face, to see all the hurt I am about inflict on her. I sighed.
When she didn't say anything, I knew she waiting for me to look at her, so I did. "What." She said, her voice already hard with a thick edge to it. I looked back down. "Why." There was no questioning in her voice anymore. It was all demand.
"I.. Uh… Retired." I choked out, putting my hands behind my back so she couldn't see me wringing my hands anxiously. Her frown deepened and an eyebrow arched.
"Oh, did you?" She spat out, her voice taking on a very hard edge to it that I am not sure I've ever heard before. She looked down at her hands and when she looked back up, her eyes were full of tears. Angry tears. "And did you even stop to think about how nice it would of been to let me know you were doing this? Ever heard of a little thing called common courtesy? I'm assuming you've already had your things packed and sent to where ever it is that you are retiring to. Minnesota, I take it? All of those preparations would of taken around two weeks. So you went two weeks at least with these intentions in your head of just packing up and leaving? Leaving me? With no warning? Christ, Jack, we've been together three years and you don't even have the decency to at least warn me before you actually left?"
I honestly could do nothing but focus on her hands, the way they became white knuckled, the way her nails were digging into her palms. I said nothing so she kept on going. I felt sick.
"I'm assuming you are going to want your things that are at my house. What do you want me to do with those? Ship them? Toss them? Burn them?" I could tell by this point that she was about to cry, her voice was so thick with emotion. "What about Cassie? What about Seymour? You know what, you take Seymour. I got him for you." Her tirade ended and I could tell she was breathless. "Well? Aren't you going to say anything?"
I let her words make me angry. It was the only was I was going to get through this. "Toss my shit. I'll be by to pick up Seymour tonight." My voice sounded harsh, mean, angry. Good.
She glared daggers at me and slammed her hands very hard down onto her desk, knocking over her cup of pens, scattering them everywhere. Her face is very red and her eyes were brimming with tears."Do it while I'm not home, you bastard. You have the key. Now get the fuck out of my office."
As I said, my goodbye did not go so good. At all.
I know why I did it, though, even today. But it was still the biggest mistake of my life leaving Janet.
Once Sam and Daniel heard the way I ended things with her, they never visited me. I wasn't surprised. Janet was Sam's best friend, had been for many years, and Daniel was very close to her as well. Teal'c paid me a few visits that I can count on one hand but I could tell it was out of obligation, not because he actually wanted to. And I knew I was a huge asshole and it was something I have never been able to live with.
That is why it was very shocking when General Hammond called me out of the blue and invited me over to his home in Colorado Springs. I told him I wasn't sure how comfortable I felt returning there. He knew what had happened. He insisted that what he had to talk to me about was very important and that he would really like to see me, so of course I agreed. I could never tell the General no. Except for those few times when I actually had to but.. yeah, you know.
I convinced Teal'c to take Seymour to Chulak with him for a week or two so I could go visit. Packed up some stuff and left later that day when he called me. I was driving so it would take some time to get there. I told him I would be there by tomorrow morning.
When I pulled into his driveway, I could already feel all of the old memories washing over me. So many good times were had at his home by SG-1. Many good times were had here with Janet. I was still thinking of the painful memories when I knocked on his front door.
When George appeared, I immediately knew why he had asked me to come. I don't think I had ever seen him look worse.
"Jack. What a pleasure to see you." His voice sounds frail and thin. He is definitely sick. I let my eyes take in his appearance. It pulls at my heartstrings to see him look so old.
"Sir, you look… great." Sarcasm has always been my way out of dealing with serious situations. He chuckles and I realize he still looks the same when he smiles. That's slightly comforting.
"George, I could of answered the door-" I stand stock still when I hear her voice. Janet's voice. She walks out of the kitchen wearing bunny pajamas. George is still smiling at me. I know I probably look absolutely ridiculous as I am trying to take this situation in. What the hell?
Janet and I spend about an entire minute just staring at each other and I can feel myself begin to blush in embarrassment - Embarrassment for how I acted, for how I treated her, how I left her. I never thought I would see her again, honestly. I was completely sure I had absolutely messed up any form of relationship or contact that we would ever have. Just looking at her beautiful face, even when it's full of surprise, makes my heart feel extremely heavy and my skin prickle with yearning.
Luckily for both of us, George speaks since it is clear that we won't. Won't or can't, I'm not sure which. "Janet, I invited Jack over to visit." She looks at him, as do I, and he turns to me. "Dr. Fraiser has been my caregiver for the past two years. She provides in home care for me."
Oh, my brain thinks. Of course. Did I honestly even think that she was in a relationship with the General? The fact that I have to think about this makes me realize that I guess I did assume they were together. And I was jealous.
"Oh." Is all I can manage to say. I feel very uncomfortable standing here, standing wherever she is, and I know George knows it. I look back at Janet and we hold and maintain eye contact for at least another minute. I just can't pull myself to look away.
"Come on in, Jack. Hungry? Janet made pancakes." I feel George's hands on my shoulders, ushering me into the spacious living room. I look back at Janet over my shoulder and I notice that her expression softens and she looks positively beautiful.
"So Jack, how have you been?" General Hammond asks me, and tries to sit down in his recliner. I can tell he is having trouble and I hear Janet trotting over to help him into his seat. I stand up and each of us grab one of his arms and help lower him into his chair. He nods and smiles and thanks us and I look at Janet's face. She looks worried.
"George, please relax. Please. What do you want to drink?" I frown at Hammond, wondering just how sick he really is. He tells her that he wants some milk and she leaves for the kitchen.
He then turns his gaze to me expectantly. "I've been alright, I guess. Been better." I say, not too sure how I am going to ask him about his illness. Hammond smiles and tells me he's seen me better. I know he is referring to when I was with Janet and we were all still at the SGC. He knows I know it too, the bastard.
Janet returns with a glass of milk and a can of diet pepsi for me. I don't take it lightly that she remembers my favorite drink. Of the fact that she still knows what I want without me having to ask for it even though it's been two years since we've even seen each other.
I function enough to whisper thank you and she nods. "I'm sure you're wondering why I invited you here, Jack, but it's pretty obvious." He pauses and Janet sits in the recliner next to his and it reminds me of an old married couple. She takes his hand, her skin looking particularly tan against his sickly pale skin tone.
"Jack, I have cancer. Stomach cancer. It's terminal and I will not be living much longer."
I notice that he says this with acceptance. That's good, because if it is terminal, it helps no one, especially him, if he were to be in denial. One look at Janet tells me that he is speaking the truth. "Damn, George. How long have you had it?"
Janet answers for him. "Three years." She interlaces her fingers with his.
It slowly dawns on me that if he has been sick for three years, that means that he was sick in his whole last year at the SGC. "You could of told me, especially since you were sick when the SGC was still around."
"I didn't want to tell you all. I knew it would hinder your job performance." Janet looks at Hammond and then at me.
"Did you know?" I ask her, and she suddenly looks even more uncomfortable than before.
"Yes, I knew. I was the one to diagnose the cancer." I frown and feel my brows furrowing. I open my mouth, about to ask her why she didn't tell me.
"Jack, before you start a fight," he looks pointedly at me, "I told her not to tell anyone. Even you." I guess that's my hint to drop the subject. Janet's face looks pained.
"I would like you to stay here in my home, Jack, for as long as you'd like. Your company would be most enjoyable." I look out the window behind his head. "You don't have to decide now, but at least stay the night." He turns to Janet. "I'm feeling pretty tired."
Janet smiles. "Come on, I'll help you upstairs. We did get up pretty early this morning." He laughs and she laughs and I can't help but smile. "I'll be right back," she says to me and I watch them walk towards the staircase, Hammond leaning heavily on her little frame.
As I watch them walk away, I can't help but think about if I'm really going to stay here tonight, and for the next two weeks. My mind is already made up though. I'm staying. I can't help but wonder what I've gotten myself into.
