I need you guys to keep me on my toes. Yes, it was a purposefully lame mission, no, I had no idea who was making the horrible noise in that level, and never, NEVER take any advice I give.


EPISODE 6-2

"THIS IS THE LAMEST MISSION I HAVE EVER BEEN ON, COUNT!" Mimi screeched as the wind rushed past her head. She was in free-fall right next to the Count, with the rest of the gang right behind them. "I'M QUITTING AND GOING BACK TO MERLEE'S MANSION! I TOTALLY MEAN IT, COUNT!"

"BE MY GUEST!" The Count replied, loud enough to be heard, but not shouting in comparison to the background noise he was fighting. "IF WE SURVIVE THIS, YOU'D HAVE MY BLESSING!"

But I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Kept you interested, though, didn't it? Thought I was loosing it?

Anyway, where did we leave off? Mr. L had just captured the penguin and was bringing it back to Count Bleck. But he wasn't there yet, and Count Bleck was doing some other things. Right now, he was using his staff to draw a diagram in the snow. Nastasia was watching him with interest, although she didn't quite understand what he was doing. Tippi was fluttering nearby, chattering happily.

"I'm so glad you did this for me, Blumiere," she said. "I really appreciate it. I was just so sad, you know?"

"I'd do anything for you," said Count Bleck, although it was more a reflex than anything- he was deeply involved in what he was doing.

"It's so lovely here," continued Tippi. "Maybe we can think up some more missions that will keep us in nice, peaceful places like this. But if they're already peaceful, then I guess they wouldn't actually need us, would they? Oh, but maybe after we make them peaceful, we can stick around for a while. Say, what are you doing there, anyway?"

"Drawing a diagram," said Count Bleck. "Nastasia, what's north of Toad Town?"

Nastasia looked down at his diagram. "Um, is that Toad Town?" she asked.

"It's a rough sketch," said Count Bleck curtly.

"Shooting Star Summet," said Nastasia "The Shiver Region. Uh, Shiver City. Starboarn Valley. The Crystal Palace. That whole area."

"All right," said Count Bleck.

"So, what are you drawing there?" asked Nastasia.

"I'm planning our next move," said Count Bleck. "I'm finished with this simple stuff. I want to tackle a big project again, like we did in the beginning. I'm certain my minions are ready now… I'm just thinking of where to send them. There's so much evil in the world, it saddens Count Bleck… but it does give him lots of options," he added with a grin.

He pointed to areas on the map with his staff as he spoke, and Nastasia and Tippi leaned over and looked. "Look at this," said Count Bleck. "This is Forever Forest, home of the Boos. They've been causing trouble for as long as I've known them. Ghastly creatures, the Boos, that need to be brought into line. And over here… Vanilla Dome, which used to be where Toads would mine for vanilla, until it was overrun with monsters. And over here… I could go on, but I won't."

"You've been thinking a lot about this, haven't you?" Timpani fluttered close to her love.

Count Bleck covered a yawn, and began to erase part of his diagram with the crystal end of his staff. "I'm not used to this," he said. "Doing good. What if I do wrong?"

"You won't," said Tippi. "You won't because you're my Blumiere, and I know you're good."

Nastasia took the opportunity to excuse herself from the moment. She wasn't spending her days pining over the Count, but she still didn't like to hang around when Count Bleck and Tippi got all lovey-dovey. She went over to the far end of the plateau and leaned against a pine tree. When the Count noticed she was missing, she'd go back.

Just then, Mr. L, Mimi, O'Chunks, and Dimentio rounded the corner, all of them holding onto the baby penguin together. Félicie was hot on their heels, yapping up a storm.

"Yeah, uh, we found it," said Mr. L.

"I can see that," said Nastasia, looking them up and down. "What are you going to do with it?"

Tippi saw them round the corner right away and fluttered up to them. "Oh, you found him! Wonderful! The mother is right down at the base of the cliff in a pool of ice-cold water. Let's all go down together."

Dimentio gritted his teeth. "Lovely," he said in a strained voice. "This penguin's almost impossible to hold onto and navigate with when we've all got it like this. Would it be at all possible to hurry this along?"

Count Bleck, by this time, had noticed where the girls had gone and joined them. "Wonderful," said Count Bleck. "Now, just head down that pass and you'll be at the bottom in no time. But be careful," he added as they turned to leave. "It's a bit icy."

O'Chunks was the first to slip. He put his foot down on the first bit of ground on the downward slope, and it went out from under him. It was pretty much downhill from there. Since almost everyone was connected to each other by the penguin, that meant they all lost their balance, and with such chaos it was pretty much impossible to not start sliding all the way down the path at top speed.

Nastasia, of course, tried to follow them to help but in her urgency, she forgot to keep her feet planted firmly and she, too, slipped. Count Bleck had to keep his head cool. He sized up the distance of the slide, to the leveled out bottom, and calculated his next move carefully. "Follow me, Timpani," he said. "It would be best not to misjudge the hazards of this mountain."

At the bottom, the sliders slowly lost their momentum. The iced surface gave way to soft snow, and O'Chunks, Mimi, Dimentio, Mr. L, and Nastasia all found themselves flat on the ground, sprawled out and soaked to the skin. The penguin child was more or less unfazed; he got up, shook his feathers off, and continued to waddle around as he had before. Penguins were used to sliding around on the slopes of the mountain, and while this one was wilder than the planned slides, it wasn't a big deal to him.

Count Bleck appeared with Tippi at the base of the mountain, looking over his minions. "Was it fun?" he inquired innocently.

"Yyyyeah," Mimi groaned. "Super duper."

"Well, your goal has been accomplished," said the Count. He gestured in front of himself, and they all looked. The mother penguin was in a pool not far by, and the baby penguin had found it's way home. There was a cheerful reunion.

"Thank you so much!" Tippi gushed to the minions. "I know you don't like this sort of thing but I'm so glad you did it anyway! I'm so happy!"

O'Chunks got up first and brushed the snow off of himself. The others followed suit after.

"Is everybody all right?" asked Count Bleck. "Any blood or broken bones?"

"No," said Nastasia.

"Nope," said Mr. L.

"Nah," said O'Chunks.

"Uh-uh," said Mimi.

"I actually feel better," said Dimentio.

Félicie popped her head out from in the snow and barked.

"Very well," said Count Bleck. "Then let us continue through the snowy mountain."

The group had a tendency to clump together when they walked together. Perhaps you've noticed it too, if you have friends and you've ever walked somewhere together. People tend to clump together when they walk, as a general statement. Because of this, it was able to happen again- that is, someone (it's impossible to say who) lost their footing on a slope almost right away, and because they were all close together they all went sliding down the slope again.

This time, though, there was no leveling out of the ground at the bottom. Instead, the slope ended at the end of the cliff, and below that was nothing but abyss. Screaming into the unforgiving sky, the group went plummeting.

And that's where you came in.

"THIS IS THE LAMEST MISSION I HAVE EVER BEEN ON, COUNT!" Mimi screeched as the wind rushed past her head. She was in free-fall right next to the Count, with the rest of the gang right behind them. "I'M QUITTING AND GOING BACK TO MERLEE'S MANSION! I TOTALLY MEAN IT, COUNT!"

"BE MY GUEST!" The Count replied, loud enough to be heard, but not shouting in comparison to the background noise he was fighting. "IF WE SURVIVE THIS, YOU'D HAVE MY BLESSING! NOW LET ME THINK!"

Count Bleck was smart, and if his life depended on it he probably could think of a plan to save at the very least his own skin, and he wouldn't settle for anything less than the lives of them all. If he'd had a few more seconds, he probably could have managed to teleport them all to safety. As it was, he closed his eyes tight and waited for brilliance to strike him.

Then, all of a sudden, he wasn't falling down anymore. He was being flung, sideways, with much less velocity than he'd been falling with. Then he hit the ground facedown, hard enough to knock the wind out of him but not hard enough to really do anything.

He stayed on his stomach for a moment, waiting for his mind to catch up with his body- he was certain that right about now his mind was still in free-fall outside the mountain. Quick survey. Tile floor. Smells like lemon. Stuffy air, light circulation. Warm, not hot. Sound of footsteps, nearby, through a wall or maybe a door. Quick check of self. Hat, check. Staff, check. Monocle, check. No blood, no broken bones.

He got up. He was inside, in what appeared to be a beautiful palace. The floor was white and blue tiled. The walls were white bricked. There was pink trim everywhere. Very familiar- he had been here maybe once before. On the wall, from the direction he'd first felt himself flung from, were three paintings of a snowy scene. Count Bleck recognized the mountain they'd just been on, in the painting.

One by one, the other minions rose, gathered themselves, and looked around. Each of them seemed as baffled as he was. The Count reminded himself that, as their leader he had to look infallible. Even though he didn't have the faintest clue what was going on, he had to appear in charge.

Tippi came out of the painting quickly.

"I saw it all!" she squealed. "You fell, and then disappeared! That's it!"

"I figured as much," said Count Bleck. "Again, I ask, is everyone all right?"

"So," said Mimi. "What do you think happened?"

"Something horrible," said Dimentio.

The door opened, and two Toad castle guards rushed into the room.

"I told you I heard something," said the first one.

The second one held out his spear. "Who goes there… and how?"

"It is I, Count Bleck," said Count Bleck. "We were simply traveling through dimensions, and there seems to be one in yonder painting. We'll just be on our way—"

"Count Bleck? Is that you?"

Count Bleck looked up and saw Princess Peach standing in the doorway. Adventurous as she was, she probably didn't want to wait for her Toad guards to tell her what the strange commotion in the painting room was. Peach was the kind of girl who just had to see for herself. She looked surprised, but then she smiled widely.

"I haven't seen you since… um… yeah." She crossed the room and stood face-to-face with him, although still behind her guards. "Tippi! How have you been?"

"Just wonderful," said Tippi. "I want to thank you for everything, Princess."

"So, it's true what I've heard then?" Peach asked. "You're the good guys now?"

"Essentially," said Count Bleck. "We still have a few stragglers."

"I just like usin' me chunks!" O'Chunks barked. "Don't care who, don't care when!"

"I also enjoy stirring up mischief and plotting world domination more than I like helping people," Dimentio added. The others pretended not to hear him.

Count Bleck shook his head.

"You're just in time, then!" Peach clapped her hands. "We're just about to start my tea party, and it would just be lovely if you could come! Just think- former enemies breaking bread as friends… only the bread is tea cookies and scones, and there's also sugar and milk. We got Tayce T. to make the food for us. What do you say?"

"Wai-wai-wai-wai-wait," Mimi waved her hands quickly. "Did you say tea party?

"Yes," said Peach.

"Like, with lace and doilies?"

"Yes."

"And elegant pastries with fancy fillings?"

"Yes."

"And a new pink dress with matching shoes, and how-do-you-dos, and frilly frou-frous?"

"Yes."

Mimi looked up at Count Bleck. "Don't make me beg," she said tersely.

"Very well, said Count Bleck. If you would like to go, then we shall go."

"Yeh can count me out," O'Chunks cut in. "I ain't wearin' no frilly pink frou-frous on me warrior's armor. Think o' me reputation! It'd be squashed teh bog mush!"

"I'll have my guards take you on a tour of my castle," said Princess Peach. "I'm sure there's something here to keep you occupied."

"I shall join him," said Dimentio, jerking a thumb at O'Chunks. "I have no interest in frivolous sharing of pastries and boiled leaves and acting like a female."

At that, everyone else in the group coughed and quickly turned away.

"The party is just outside in the main hall," said Peach. "We're milling while my servants set the table, and then we'll go into the dining hall."

Mimi gracefully ducked out for a costume change, and Mr. L followed. The Toad guards lead the rest of the party- Count Bleck, Nastasia, Tippi, Dimentio, and O'Chunks for those of you keeping score at home- into the main hall.

"The rest of the guests are already here," said Peach. "Not everybody invited was able to show up… let me introduce you. You know Mario, of course."

Mario, who was deep in conversation with another guest, turned and waved.

"Hi, Mario,' said Tippi, and Count Bleck could swear that if she had cheeks they would be flushed.

"And he's talking with Prince Mallow from Nimbus Land," added Peach. "We went on an adventure together a long time ago. This is the Honorable Star Spirit Misstar, and my personal friend Twink. Over there is, another friend of mine, and Merlee. This is Bub-Ulber, from Flower Fields, and Lady Bow and Bootler."

Peach looked around. "Well, that's everybody. Feel free to enjoy yourselves."

"I certainly will," assured Count Bleck. "Come, Timpani. Let us, as they say, 'work the room.'"

Just then, Mimi and Mr. L (as his alter ego Luigi) appeared behind Count Bleck. Mimi was dressed like a china doll in frills and lace, with a large sun hat and a big bow on it. She was wearing bloomers and carrying a parasol, with black slip-on buckled shoes. She also had a matching handbag that Félicie was currently sitting in.

"What'd we miss?" she asked.

"Introductions," said Count Bleck. "Why don't you go and meet everybody?"

"I believe I shall be staying," said Dimentio, eyeing the crowd. "I feel that this crowd might prove to be most interesting."

"You don't need my permission," said Count Bleck. "I myself have some business to take care of here."


It's taking me too long to get to the point… I'd better start doing some more serious pre-writing or this story's going to go on forever.

By the way, the Merlee in this story is the one from Super Paper Mario, which is apparently different from the one is Paper Mario and TTYD. I don't understand it, I just write fanfic about it.