A/N -Thanks for reading guys, please review :) even if its anonymous, even if its advise, constructive criticism... whatever. The next two chapters will be up soon, definitely by Monday!
Peeta's talking to me, but I can't hear him. Then something blows up behind me and we're back in the first games; I'm holding rue's limp motionless body. It's too late to save her, but before I can do anything, anything that will help, blood and roses drip onto her face. I look up to find the source of the blood; President Snow's jacket pocket. He reaches down and picks up rue's doll like body and squeezes her, crushing her under his fingers.
I wake up screaming. Peeta puts his hand on my arm. "Shhhh. Katniss. It's ok. I'm here" Peeta's still in his suit, but my satin dress has been replaced by a plain hospital nightgown. I'm lying in a bed in a small room, it looks like one of the rooms from 12's only hospital – The Primrose Everdeen General hospital.
"Peeta?"
"Katniss it's ok… go back to sleep"
"What about you?" I say – he's clearly not had any sleep tonight.
"I'm staying right here" Normally, I would argue, but tonight, I'm clearly beaten.
I close my eyes for what seems to be a few seconds but when I wake up, Peeta is gone. I think about getting up, but hear footsteps; so shut my eyes and pretend to sleep. I hear the door click open.
"So what exactly are you saying" Peeta's voice is almost unrecognisable, not soft and sweet, but worried and harsh.
"Mr Mellark. Katniss' mental health is deteriorating; her years in the games are coming back to bite her in the neck, and it won't be fun for her. You need to be there for her at all costs." I'm struggling to keep my eyes shut.
"Are you suggesting I'm not there for her already?" his tone turns from worry to anger "And what do you mean "her mental health is deteriorating"?" he starts to raise his voice.
"Mr Mellark, please. I'm not suggesting that you are doing anything wrong on your part, I'm sorry if you took it the wrong way" The other voice- I'm guessing a doctor- starts. "What I meant was, Katniss will find herself having worse nightmares, hallucinations, trouble sleeping, and will often snap into a past reality, she could find herself in the games again – for example. I'm very sorry to tell you this, but it could get very bad" There's a long pause.
"What do you mean…'bad'" he says.
"Mr Mellark, I'm not saying that anything will happen too rapidly but the effects on her brain could start to create a snowball effect. I guess what I'm saying is eventually…" he trails off. "Eventually, we could lose her" I can sense that Peeta is about to get angry, so I decide to speak up. I sit up straight and stare at the two of them.
"Thank you doc; could Peeta and I have a minute" I snap. They both look a little startled.
"Uhhh…. Yeah sure" he says and leaves the room. I try and manoeuvre up, but soon become aware that my ankle is in serious pain, and Peeta rushes to the chair at my side to help me up.
"You wanna explain?" I say as he puts one arm around me and kisses my head. He sighs.
"You were hallucinating last night, after the wedding. You didn't actually hear anything, no buzzes, nothing. When you collapsed, I panicked, so I brought you here, where they basically told me that- well to cut a long story short- you are mad and going to die." He says. "But I promise I won't let that happen." He holds my hands. His eyes have reverted from blue to grey.
"…I meant about my foot" I tell him. He laughs.
"You twisted your ankle when you collapsed." He sniffs. I hurts me to see him sad, to see his eyes glazed over with tears. If I go, he'll have no-one. His parents died in the bombing in 12, the only people he'll have are Delly and Thom. I put my head on his chest.
"Peeta, Remember what you said to me that time we were in the cave, in our first games. I asked you what you would give the world for and you said-"
"A family… and you" he says, getting quieter, throughout the sentence. I look at him brush the hair out of his face.
"Well" I start. I take a deep breath in. "You've already got me. what if we try and…" my voice trails off "What if we try and do the first one?" I say. Peeta's eyes brighten, but quickly dull down.
"Katniss – if you're only saying that for me, you don-"
"No, I… I want to" I say. There it was again, his eyes brighten and sparkle, like they did the second time he asked me to marry him. The time it wasn't televised, the time we weren't being threatened by snow.
"Ok, yes. Let's try it" his voice goes up. I kiss him, his lips are warm and soft and he holds me in his arms. I feel safe. But then I feel tears. I've let myself think about what is actually being said.
"Peeta…" I whisper
"Yeah?"
"I am really going to die" He hugs me tighter.
"Not on my watch sweetheart. Let's face it – if you did Gale would kill me, if Haymitch didn't get to me first." He jokes. "And how could I let anything happen to you now? Now that we're gonna have a child!"
We've been trying to conceive for 6 months now; to be honest I'm starting to lose hope. I sit on the end of our bed. It seems stupid, considering he just left for work, but I miss Peeta. He's been taking more time off work recently, so he can look after me. But today was different. Today, I made him go to work, because I'm fine. I haven't had a nightmare in months, and haven't had any more hallucinations since the wedding. I've been awake for hours but I still feel overly tired. I should probably get some sleep, but I'm also hungry so I get up and get dressed, I put on a green shirt (which feels a little tight, but I have had it for ages) and black trousers.
In the kitchen, Peeta's left me some fresh bread and rabbit; one of my favourites! I grab a piece of bread but before I put it in my mouth, I decide I don't want it. What I do fancy though, is something fresh – so I decide to pay Peeta a visit.
When I get to the bakery, I'm greeted by Thom, who helps Peeta out on weekends.
"Hey Kat" he says, It seems everyone has a different name for me in 12.
"Hey Thom, is Peeta around?" I ask.
"Yeah, I think he's in the kitchen" he says. I give him a look that says 'thanks' and walk round to the kitchen. I find Peeta icing some cakes to make them look like lady birds. "Yum" I say – startling him a little. He sighs with relief when he sees me.
"Are you ok?" he asks, I can tell he's worried that I'm here.
"Yes, actually I'm great. But I didn't really fancy rabbit – so I thought I'd come and get some food and then pay Sae a visit." I tell him. "I guess I could do with some fresh air."
"good idea" he says. "so what can I get you? Cheese buns?" normally this would be my answer but not today.
"Actually I was thinking of something more sweet.." I tell him
"Really? You don't usually turn down cheese buns, are you ok?"
"Yes." I lie – today the thought of cheese buns make me feel sick, which worries me slightly too, but I've only just got Peeta back to work, and don't want to worry him again. "so what sweet stuff have you got?" I ask.
"Well, let's see. We've got Jam tarts, Cupcakes, Brioche, cookies, mini apple pies—" I don't let him finish.
"Mini apple pie please" I sound like a child whose been given some money for sweets.
"Ok, here." He says putting two in a bag. "Could you take some bread if you're going to see sae please?"
"Yeah sure." I say and take the loaf of bread that he hands me as well.
"By honey." He says giving me a quick kiss, aware that there are people waiting for bread and cupcakes.
There are two routes to sae's one through the meadow and the other along our road. I decide against going through the meadow, as last time I was there I hallucinated about tracker jackers and ended up in hospital. Whilst I walk, I decide to eat one of the pies. It's so good, better than anything I've ever tasted. As I walk past his house, Haymitch is feeding his geese, and seems somewhat sober. I mean, obviously he's been drinking, just not as much as usual.
"Morning sweetheart" he calls.
"Hey… Haymitch" I say, taken back by his almost sobriety.
"Hate to say it sweetheart, but I think you need to ease of the pies. You look a bit… well rounder than usual" he tells me.
"Thanks for that, Haymitch" I say sarcastically and finish the rest of the pie, just to show that I don't care about what he just said.
I continue to walk toward sae's; eating the other apple pie on the way. When I get there I knock on the door, to find it's already open.
"Sae?" I call, shutting the door behind me. "In the kitchen" she shouts. Sae's house it identical to ours; after all she does live in victor's village now. Once everything was back to normal, all the remaining residents of 12 moved in to victor's village, seeing as there were a small enough amount of us to fit. I walk through to the kitchen; only to find sae making a massive duck casserole. It smells delicious, which is also odd, because I usually hate duck.
"Wow, smells good sae" I tell her
"I know! So what brings you here?" she asks.
"Peeta asked me to bring you this" I say, handing her the bread.
"Thank you. Now. Why have you really come to see me?" she asks, very matter-of-factly.
"To… to see how you're doing, and catch up… you know" she stares at me.
"Katniss…"
"Fine." I sigh "I've been feeling really weird lately. Eating food I don't usually like, feeling sick in the morning, missed a-"
"I get it. My eyesight may not be the best but I can still see that your shirt clearly doesn't fit like it used to. You're either pregnant or eating way too much. Come on, I'll take you to Peeta and then get yo-"
"No, I don't want to tell Peeta yet, just in case it's not. I don't want him to get his hopes up too soon." I tell her.
"Fine, come on then – I'll get you to hospital; they'll be able to carry out a test there." She says.
