Author Note: Because of such a good response, Whew two reviews!! I am updating early. (Also because I'm working all day tomorrow[stupid induction])
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Chapter One - Tall, Dark and Handsome Seeks Companion
Pip sat hunched over on his bed, his head resting in his hands. He couldn't believe what was happening, that in an hour he was meeting his challenge. Pip breathed in deeply then sighed; he couldn't believe that he agreed to go out on a blind date with a complete stranger.
He stood up slowly and walked over to his cupboard. He opened the door to reveal a nearly empty clothes rack and a small mirror. He looked into the mirror, at his reflection. He didn't look like himself, he looked… richer.
A flutter went through his stomach and Pip realised that he was doing the opposite of what he had been told to do his whole life. By answering this ad, he was showing the boys in his year that he was going to stand up for himself.
'Oh god,' He thought, as the day began to replay. 'What have I gotten myself into?'
-
Earlier That Day
It was last period, and once again the teacher had failed in getting most of the boys to work. They were reading the personnel's, laughing at what had been deemed the 'love ads'. Pip on the other hand had decided to begin his English assignment; it was on his least favourite subject, poetry.
"Hey listen to this one," Kyle Broflovski sniggered, putting on a high pitched whiny voice. "Attractive Blonde lady seeks polite, eligible bachelor. Enjoys long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners."
"Sounds like Pip's kind of girl," Kenny McCormick sneered. "Too bad he's too chicken to answer the ad."
"Too bad you've already fucked her," Pip muttered, tapping his pencil gently against the desk.
"What did you say?" Stan Marsh asked, overhearing the shy boy.
"Too bad you've already fucked her," Pip said loudly, causing everyone to stare.
"I never knew you had it in ya Pip," Kenny said, grinning wildly. "Do you feel brave?"
Pip slowly nodded his head, not licking where the conversation was going. Kenny had moved so he was standing over Pip, glaring down on him. Pip raised his eyes too meet Kenny's, ignoring the feeling that he was going to hate whatever had been planned.
"Well then Pip," Kenny said, sitting on top of Pip's desk, crushing his work. "Answer one of these ads."
"Answer an ad?" Pip whispered, tearing his eyes away from Kenny's. "You want me to answer an ad?" He licked his lips then looked directly into Kenny's eyes. "Which one?"
"Hmmmn…" Kenny began, looking through the ads. "How about this one." He pointed to a small add with a deep red font. "Tall, dark and handsome seeks companion, male or female. Must be lenient of differences in others, and should be able to enjoy a wide range of activities. Pain tolerance is a plus. (78)8427 2826 - Respond Via Satan."
"R-reapond Via Satan?" Pip stuttered, running a hand through his feathery-blonde hair. "I'm not-"
"Scared Pip?" Kenny hissed into the smaller boy's ear.
"No!"
"Here," Stan said, pushing his mobile towards Pip. "Call the number and organise a date."
"Fine," Pip said, snatching the phone off Stan and dialling the number. "Well," he gulped. "Here goes nothing."
-
The phone rang loudly, causing the lord of the underworld to groan in his sleep. He really hated what had been deemed 'earth appliances', mainly because they woke him up at the worst moments. And it didn't help that he had a hangover from the previous evening, drinking after having an argument with your son; not recommended.
Satan blindly made his way towards the phone, he was too tired to try and turn on the light. He grasped the phone in his large red hand, and in a croaky voice, began the conversation.
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"Hello?"
"Hello, this is Philip Pirrup. I'm calling in regard to the ad in the paper."
"Huh?"
"Pardon sir, but this is (78) 8427 2826 isn't it?"
"Yes."
"There was an ad in the paper; Tall, dark and handsome seeks companion, male or female. Must be lenient of differences in others, and should be able to enjoy a wide range of activities. Pain tolerance is a plus. (78)8427 2826 - Respond Via Satan."
"That ad, I didn't expect a response"
"…"
"Why do you think you'll be a good match for my son."
"Wha?"
"Are you lenient of others? Do you enjoy a wide range of activities? Are you pain tolerant?"
"I've always respected others sir. I have a wide range of interests, larger than most boys my age. And I've been picked on most of my life, so I suppose I have a high pain tolerance."
"Age?"
"Pardon?"
"How old are you? Where do you live?"
"Sixteen sir. I live in South Park Colorado."
"Are you available tonight?"
"Yes sir."
"Meet my son at Starks Pond, around 7pm."
"Yes Sir, thank you."
-
Pip ended the call and handed the mobile back to Stan. He then turned to face Kenny, meeting the other boys eye's with a triumphant gaze. Pip felt a rush of energy surge through him, he was finally proving that he was one of them.
"Anything else you want me to do Kenny?" Pip asked, a small smile forming.
"Yeah Pip," Kenny began, moving towards Pip. "That was too easy, and you want to prove yourself to us don't you?" Pip nodded in response. "Make the guy fall in love with you, invite him to the prom and dump him in front of everyone. Then you'll be considered one of us."
"Hey Kenny," Kyle muttered, placing a hand on his friends shoulder. "Isn't that a bit harsh?"
"Will you do it?" Kenny smirked, brushing his friend off. "Or are you too chicken?"
