Jim woke the next morning to the soft sounds of Bones talking, presumably to Spock as he was the only other person who would enter his quarters without his express permission. He slowly rolled onto his side to find his friends sitting on his love seat deep in conversation, Bones drinking what he knew was coffee, Spock having a cup of Vulcan tea no doubt.
"'Morning," Jim finally said with a yawn, his head unusually foggy from the left over sleep.
"Hey," Bones responded, sipping from his cup.
"Captain," Spock said with a nod.
"I'm fine, thanks," Jim told them.
"No you aren't," Bones corrected. "Do you know how many times you woke me up last night?"
"None?" Jim guessed, trying not to feel guilty about it. In truth, he didn't remember waking up anyone, himself included.
"Try six," Bones said with a weary sigh.
"I'm sorry," Jim said, slowly sitting up and wondering if the bad dreams were the reason his head was pounding. "That why Spock's here?"
"Yes," Spock agreed. "Once he finally was able to sedate you, I remained to make sure you were both all right."
"You sedated me?" Jim asked, rubbing the side of his neck that had a familiar ache to it.
"I had no choice. It was that or let you beat the crap out of us both."
"I'm sorry," Jim repeated. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Luckily your sleeping punches are much less lethal than your awake ones," Bones assured him, sitting on the bed next to him. "Take it slow. You still have the sedative in your system."
"I noticed," Jim said, laying back on his pillow. "What time is it?"
"It doesn't matter. You're relieved of duty," Bones told him, laying his palm on Jim's forehead.
"Uhn," Jim groaned, swatting away Bones' hand. "I don't need to be relieved of duty."
"Don't start. It's already done. We'll be at VanHalen in four hours. You don't need to sit on the Bridge and brood."
"I don't brood," Jim denied with a distinct pout. "What was I dreaming?"
"As far as I could make out, you alternated between thinking I was Frank and Nero. But I'm not sure. You make even less sense than usual when you're having nightmares," Bones told him.
"Thanks," Jim said with a sigh. "So I can go back to sleep, right?"
"You should," Bones agreed. "I need to get to Medical Bay. But Spock is staying."
"You don't need to," Jim said to Spock who had been observing their conversation.
"I choose to," Spock assured him. "Would it be helpful if I was in your bed with you?"
"No. As long as you are near-by, I'll be okay," Jim told him. "I hate you. You know that, right?" he said, looking up at Bones with round, innocent eyes.
"Whatever. Go to sleep. Spock will let me know if you need me."
"'Kay. Thanks," Jim said, rolling onto his side. "You can use my computer," he told Spock sleepily.
"Thank you," Spock agreed, walking with Dr. McCoy to the door. He briefly stepped outside before returning to sit at the Captain's desk.
"Hey Spock," Jim said softly.
"Jim?"
"Do you think I'm a coward?" Jim asked in a low voice.
Spock rounded the divider and sat on the edge of Jim's bed, looking down at him with as much warmth as he ever had in his eyes. "I think that you are stronger than any human I know. It is not in any way cowardly to admit to needing help. Cowards hide behind bravado and bluster. When you need assistance from your friends, you ask for it so that we may provide it."
"Really?"
"Absolutely. We all have our secrets, Jim. Some are large and omnipresent. Some are easily dealt with or ignored. Yours have come to the surface through circumstances not of your making."
"You have secrets?" Jim asked him, studying him.
"We all do. Mine generally do not keep me awake at night or cause me to fight in my sleep. That does not make you weak for needing help to contain your demons."
"Does Vulcan theology include demons?" Jim asked.
"It does not. It is a useful term for describing chimerical ideas."
"I don't know that chimerical is entirely correct," Jim said with a shrug. "Although I guess thinking you and Bones were Frank or Nero is pretty fanciful."
"Your subconscious trying to work through all the disparate emotions caused by the death of your mother," Spock confirmed.
"Yeah," Jim had to agree, yawning. "Sorry."
"Return to sleep. I will be here if you require me," Spock assured him, going to Jim's desk.
"Thanks," Jim said quietly before giving in to the sleep he could not resist.
"You're welcome," Spock responded softly before turning all of his attention to the computer.
~o0o~
Three hours passed before Dr. McCoy contacted Spock to check on Jim. With Spock's assurance that he still slept soundly, McCoy reminded Spock to contact him if he needed him before signing off.
"He is such a worrywart," Jim's soft voice said from his bed.
"I do not believe that he can help himself," Spock said as he rounded the divider.
"I know. How long did I sleep?" Jim asked, unfocused eyes looking up at Spock.
"Three hours and fourteen minutes," Spock said. "How are you feeling?"
"Less like a meteor hit me in the head," Jim decided. "Is it lunch time?"
"It is. I will accompany you to Officers' Mess if you like," Spock said.
"I guess I should. I know the crew must be curious about my absence."
"I believe that they understand. No one has attempted to contact you all morning," Spock said.
"Oh. I guess I ought to be glad. But I thought I was a little less dispensable than that," Jim joked as he slowly stood, making sure his body was ready to cooperate.
"You are indispensible, Captain. You are also dealing with a personal loss."
"It doesn't feel much like a loss truthfully," he responded. "Not the way it would for most people."
"You are not 'most people'," Spock reminded him, making Jim laugh.
"There is that," Jim agreed. "I'll be ready once I shower and dress."
"I will return to my quarters to do the same," Spock agreed with a nod.
"Okay. And Spock, thanks," Jim said.
"No thanks are required, Jim," Spock assured him before leaving his quarters.
Jim went into his bathroom to shower, the water hot and refreshing. He was sure it helped to wash away any lingering cobwebs from McCoy's medical meddling. He felt badly that he had tried to attack Bones and Spock but knew from experience that they held no grudges for his actions.
Once he was dried and dressed, he automatically sat at his computer, pulling up his messages. The first one he opened was marked personal and was from Chris Pike. He read and re-read it and was still considering its content when Spock entered.
"Captain," Spock said in greeting.
"Hey," Jim returned. "I have a message from Chris. Turns out Starfleet wants to buy my mother's farm."
"I see," Spock said, crossing over to sit in the chair facing the Captain's desk. "May I inquire as to your thoughts on that?"
"I don't know," Jim admitted. "I get it but really. Does there need to be a 'James T. Kirk was born here' plaque on the house? I wasn't even born on Earth."
"It is not human tradition to commemorate the location of significant occurrences?" Spock asked.
"Yeah. It would make things a lot simpler. I wouldn't have to worry about selling it. I'd be willing to deed it over to Starfleet," Jim said.
"You do not want a place of your own on Earth?" Spock asked.
"Not the farm. Too many bad memories. I'll eventually buy a house in San Francisco."
"Or in the woods of Montana where it snows an inordinate amount all year long."
Jim laughed at Spock's description, shaking his head. "I know you hate snow. But I still love it."
"As is demonstrated by almost every shore leave you have taken."
Jim shrugged at that, standing behind his desk and pulling down his shirt. "I'm starving."
"An excellent sign," Spock agreed. "Dr. McCoy will meet us in Officers' Mess."
"Okay. We aren't at VanHalen yet, right?" Jim asked, feeling the vibrations of his ship beneath his feet as they went out and toward Officers' Mess.
"Another 13.2 minutes and we will dock."
"Oh. Do you want to wait and eat at the Spacestation?" Jim asked him.
"It will be another hour and half before we can disembark," Spock reminded him.
"Oh right. Apparently Bones' sedative is still in my system," Jim said, shaking his head.
"And you barely slept last night," Spock added.
"Yeah," Jim sighed. "Did you tell me when we'll take the transport to Lilliput IX?"
"Those arrangements have not yet been made. We will secure passage once we arrive," Spock said, nodding to two members of his Science staff as they passed by going the opposite way.
"Why is Collins so unhappy?" Jim asked when he was sure they were out of earshot.
"I have no idea. Nor do I care to find out," Spock informed him.
"Then transfer him already. I told you I would sign the paperwork."
"You did," Spock agreed.
"So why haven't you done it?" Jim asked in curiosity.
"It would necessitate also transferring Mystly. I am reluctant to be without her assistance on the theoretical astrophysics research we are undertaking."
"They aren't joined at the hip. Collins has no reason to expect to be permanently assigned with her," Jim reminded him.
"Except that Mystly is currently the only crewmember who can communicate with Collins," Spock said.
"Uhura hasn't finished the translator yet?"
"She is having some difficulty with the necessary interfaces. Mr. Scott has promised that he and Keenser will assist her while Enterprise is docked."
"Uhura isn't taking leave?" Jim asked as they entered Officers' Mess to find it mostly deserted.
"For part of the time. She would prefer to remain on board and then use her accumulated leave to visit Earth."
"That makes sense. Did she tell you this or did you learn it second-hand?" Jim asked with a laugh.
"Our relationship is cordial, sir," Spock told him stiffly.
"Cordial?" Jim repeated.
Spock's only response was one raised eyebrow and Jim knew to leave it lay. There was some low murmuring as they went to the food replicators which continued while they went to the Captain's table. Spread across the surface was a sheet of paper that had on it sentiments in many different handwritings.
"What's this?" Jim asked, putting his food carefully to one side so as not to soil the white paper with his cheeseburger and fries.
"It's from the crew," McCoy said from the opposite side of his table. "They didn't think you'd want 460 cards so they did it this way."
"Oh," Jim said, looking at the kind words the crew had written. "They didn't want to use their computers?"
"They wanted something more personal. More you," Bones said with a smile.
"It's very kind," Jim agreed, reading more of the messages. "I'll need to put it up somewhere."
"Put it on the wall outside your quarters," Bones suggested. "So they can add to it. The ones who haven't signed it yet."
"Okay. I'll have my yeoman take care of it," Jim agreed, carefully moving it to an empty table next to his.
"Good idea," Bones agreed. "Know when you're leaving for Earth yet?"
"Those arrangements have not yet been made," Spock said. "Once we are on VanHalen, I will find appropriate transport."
"When are you leaving for your convention?" Jim asked Bones.
"Conference. There is a difference, you know," Bones huffed.
"Whatever. When are you going?"
"Day after tomorrow."
"Bring us some cool samples," Jim teased.
"I am going to find new and better ways to make you miserable and to keep the rest of your crew healthy. There will be no samples that would be on any interest to you," Bones said.
"Chill, dude," Jim laughed. "I was kidding."
"You are hopeless," Bones told him.
"Yeah, I know. But I am your Captain. A little respect would be appropriate."
McCoy's only response was a dismissive snort before he turned his attention to Spock. "I'm really sorry you have to go to Earth with this infant."
"I will endeavor to return him unharmed," Spock said.
"Just don't lose track of him," Bones requested, making Jim laugh.
"I will use a GPS locator on him at all times," Spock promised.
"You can try," Jim said, turning his attention to Chekov and Sulu when they stopped by his table.
"Captain," Sulu said.
"Sulu, Chekov," Jim responded.
"We wanted to tell you how sorry we are, sir," Sulu said, Chekov nodding in agreement.
"Thank you both. Are you staying on VanHalen or taking leave?" he asked.
"We are going to Warewon for a few days, sir. Then we'll come back," Sulu said.
"Good. Be careful on Warewon. The snow should be prime but it will be crowded," Jim said.
"Ve'll be careful, sir," Chekov promised.
"That's all I ask," Jim agreed with a smile.
"Safe travels, sir," Sulu said as he and Chekov left, talking softly to each other.
"So are they sleeping together or not?" Jim asked.
"I'm a doctor not a gossip," Bones claimed.
"The sleeping arrangement of any of the crew is of no interest to me," Spock added.
"Y'all are hopeless," Jim said. "I'll ask Uhura. She'll know."
"But will she tell you?" Bones asked smugly.
"I'll play the sympathy card if I have to," Jim decided.
"You received no cards, sir," Spock pointed out.
"It's an … oh," Jim said. "You know exactly what I mean."
Spock only nodded once, refusing to elaborate. Jim had to laugh, knowing that the sound attracted an unnecessary amount of attention. But he wasn't going to act like he was devastated by the death of his mother just because that's what others might expect.
"Didn't you review the leave rosters?" Bones asked him casually.
"Yeah. But I didn't memorize them," Jim said. "I still feel a little uneasy about leaving the ship."
"It's natural, Jim. The crew will survive without you for three weeks. They'll be safely on VanHalen or on leave," Bones said.
"I know," Jim sighed.
"It is natural that you feel this way. Captains are responsible for the welfare of their crew. You do not stop feeling that responsibility because you are not with them," Spock said.
"Yeah," Jim agreed. "I know you feel it too, in your own way."
"I do," Spock said with a nod.
"And so do you," Jim said to McCoy.
"I feel no such thing. I leave this ship and I don't think about anybody until I get back."
"You are such a liar," Jim informed him.
McCoy just shrugged, watching as Scotty and Keenser entered the Mess. "They're staying here?"
"Yeah. Hope Scotty doesn't end up killing him while we're gone," Jim said, smiling up at Scotty as they approached the table.
"Mind if we sit with ye, sir?" Scotty asked.
"Of course not. Please do," Jim agreed as McCoy got an extra chair.
"I was sorry to hear of your mother's passing," Scotty said to Jim.
"Thank you. Will you two please try to behave yourselves while Spock and I are gone?" Jim requested.
"I will, sir. I'm makin' no promises for anyone else," Scotty said.
"You don't answer for me," Keenser informed him in typical fashion.
Scotty shook his head before focusing on Spock. "We will work on the translator for Collins, sir."
"That would be most helpful," Spock said. "Lt. Uhura will be here much of the time."
"She told me, sir," Scotty confirmed.
"I'm going to provide you with my authorization for the repairs and upgrades," Jim told Scotty. "If there are any that you aren't sure about, contact me and we'll discuss it."
"Aye sir. It'll be mostly routine. 'Bout time they allow us time in spaceport," Scotty said.
"I know you wanted to come much sooner," Jim said. "I'll try to request the next stop-over without so much time elapsing."
"'Preciate it sir," Scotty said, turning to argue with Keenser about…something that remained a mystery to the others. Jim had to leave the table when the wall intercom hailed him, requesting his presence on the Bridge.
Jim acknowledged the request and once Spock had joined him, they went together to the Bridge to take care of the docking requirements. It was all standard procedure but the Captain was required to sign and acknowledge and respond to all the processes involved.
"So," he said to Uhura when he was standing by her station with his most charming smile, his official requirements temporarily complete. "What do you know about Chekov and Sulu?"
"Why are you so nosey?" she responded.
"It's important that the Captain knows what's going on on his ship," he reminded her.
"Then ask them. Sir," she said, arching an eyebrow at him. He wondered briefly if she had learned it from Spock or if she had always been able to do it.
"I wouldn't want them to think I was…spying on them."
"You don't want them to know you want to know," she corrected. "You're just being nosey."
"You're just being nosey, sir," he emphasized.
"You don't deserve any respect while you're trying to get your crew to gossip, sir," she informed him with a great deal of sass.
"Seriously, Uhura. Are they sleeping together or not?"
"You'll have to ask them yourself, sir," she said, leaning around him to look over at Spock. "Your First Officer needs to speak with you."
Jim looked over his shoulder to find Spock studying his readouts and paying no attention to their conversation. "He doesn't care that I'm talking to you. He knows I'm not talking about him."
"I'm not talking about any of your crew," she informed him.
He sighed and shook his head at her. "You're going to miss me while I'm on Earth."
"Sure," she said. "I am sorry about your mother, sir."
"Thanks. Was the sheet of sympathy your idea?" he asked.
"No. McCoy."
"Oh," Jim said in some surprise.
"We really will miss you while you're gone," she said more quietly, sympathy in her dark and beautiful eyes.
"Thanks. All things being equal, I'd rather not go," he confessed.
"You have no choice. You know that," she reminded him kindly.
"Yeah. Contact me if anything unusual happens," he requested.
"Of course, sir," she agreed, watching him walk away, a secret smile on her face.
"What are you doing?" Jim asked Spock when he stood next to the science station.
"Attempting to ignore the conversation you were having with Uhura, sir," Spock claimed as he continued to study his terminal.
Jim shook his head at that, leaning against the console. "Really. What are you doing?"
"Making certain that the relief crew is in place. Finding transportation to Lilliput IX. Reviewing the list of upgrades submitted by the Chief Engineer."
"I haven't seen them," Jim said, leaning closer to look at the screen. "He submit them before he came to the Mess?"
"Yes, sir. They are what you would expect. Do you want to review the entire list before submitting your authorization?"
"Did you review them?" Jim asked, scrolling through the list.
"I did. There is nothing out of the ordinary included."
"It's fine, then," Jim said. He signed it electronically, submitting it to the Spacestation. "I'm going to pack. You'll let me know when we need to be on VanHalen?"
"Of course, sir," Spock agreed, watching him walk away and pause by each station to have a quiet word with every crewmember on the Bridge. He briefly wondered if they were telling the Captain good-bye, or expressing their sympathy for his loss. It was of no consequence, of course. He simply could not help but marvel at the Captain's ability to connect with each member of his crew in his own particularly human way.
Once Jim had said his quiet farewells to all those on the Bridge, he went to his quarters and packed for the trip to Earth. He included a couple of pair of jeans and several extra uniforms. He had no idea what other clothes he would end up needing but assumed he'd either be able to buy them or borrow them. He wondered if Spock would only wear his uniform while they were away but surely he knew that settling things at the house could be a little…messy. "Spock," he said into his intercom.
"Spock here, sir," came the response.
"You're going to take some casual clothes, right?"
"I had intended to," Spock agreed.
"Okay."
"I have secured our passage on a private ship at 1834," Spock said.
"Okay," Jim repeated. "When will we arrive at the planet?"
"Tomorrow morning. 0540 ship's time."
"Good," Jim said. "Do you want to go to the Spacestation in a little while? Check in with the administrators?"
"Yes sir," Spock agreed. "I would also like to see if we can find a miniature chess set that will be easy to transport."
"Good idea. I'll meet you at the crossover in 15 minutes. And bring your tote to my quarters. My yeoman will make sure it gets to VanHalen."
"Very good, sir," Spock agreed, signing off.
Jim made sure he had everything packed he could think of that he might need. He had to call Bones one last time, to tell him good-bye officially.
"It's not forever you know," Bones told him.
"I know. But…"
"Yeah, I know. You'll be fine. Don't forget for one minute that you are Captain James T. Kirk, of the Enterprise, and nothing from your past changes that."
"I will. Thanks," Jim said before disconnecting and trying to stop himself from wishing futilely that Bones was coming with them. He wasn't and that was that. He straightened and left his quarters, going to the crossover to wait for Spock.
TBC
