Chakotay paced around his hotel room wondering just exactly how he had gotten into this mess. He knew why it had started. It was his stupid attempt at trying to get something he had always had. After he and Seven had gotten to know each a little better after they crashed landed on that planet a friendship started up between them. He had started caring for her as he would any other member of Kathryn's and his crew. And then she had asked him out. He had thought it was sweet, a young women expressing her interested in pursuing a love interest, but he had said no. He thought, since they were going to be in the Delta Quadrant for another 30 to 60 years, he should take some time to teach her how to interact and protect herself from the opposite sex. He would mentor her as he had seen Kathryn do from day one.
A grim smile crossed his face as he thought about how quickly it had all gone to hell. First the Admiral had shown up with a wild, dangerous theory on how Voyager could make it back to the Alpha Quadrant, leaving him and Kathryn no time to talk about personal issues. Secondly the damn rumor mill had gotten wind that he and Seven were spending time together. Thirdly, Seven's school girl crush on him had been on display for all to see making it impossible to deny that she was interested in more than being friends. Finally, the dramatic entrance into the Alpha Quadrant had made it impossible for him to approach Kathryn.
From the moment they landed Kathryn had been pulled from one side to the other. Putting out fires, protecting her crew, while he spent his days milling around with the rest of the crew until they got their orders or were told what their future entailed. Seven always so self assured practically begged him to stay by her side the moment they burst into the Alpha Quadrant.
He started pacing at the thought of what a fool he had been. All had needed to do was find Kathryn and tell her that he loved her. Instead he had run into one crewmen after another telling him how incredibly selfish, insensitive, uncaring and foolish he was being. He had been angry but still thought if he just talked to Kathryn it would be fine. He had gone to her right after the ship landed. Immediately, he had started to tell her how Seven needed him at that moment but as soon as he made her feel safe he needed to talk to her. She had put an end to their discussion immediately telling him she was busy and didn't have time to discuss the issue with him. She had basically ushered him away and wished him all the happiness in the world with Seven. At that moment Chakotay's last drop of patient evaporated. The crew he could see believing him capable of moving on but Kathryn, how could she not know. He had stood so stiff when she dismissed him that he thought he might have pulled something. The "yes Ma'am" he had choked out was barely above a whisper and he left her ready room feeling despondent at the realization that he and Kathryn would never be together.
Chakotay had, and would tolerate anyone else thinking so little of him. The realization that Kathryn the women he loved, respected, honored and cherished above all others thought he was so easily taken by another women had made his blood boil. He had not given it a second the thought when Seven had asked him to disembark with her. Somehow it had snowballed from the there. Seven and he had attended the parties, dinners, meetings and debriefings together. Never had they acted like a romantic couple, The fact that they were always seen together and the rumors going around was enough to convict him.
When Seven had suggested marriage, Chakotay had choked on his drink, coughing until he had tears running down his eyes. He looked up at her thinking it was a joke since they hadn't done anything even remotely romantic. But he understood her fear, she had come to depend on him and she was scared to be alone.
His jealously helped him make the final decision. When he saw all those admirals around Kathryn and the way she smiled drove him to make one of the stupidest decisions he had ever made. Marry Seven.
Even now in his tuxedo he couldn't believe what he had been about to do. He had just come from Seven's hotel room and told her that what they had was a platonic relationship. That what they had was not enough to build a marriage and he finally admitted that the only women he loved was Kathryn. And though she had been scared and had admitted she was surprised. She had asked if Kathryn felt the same way. Chakotay had answered honestly and said he didn't know but he couldn't go on if he didn't find out. She admitted she was scared but since her aunt Eileen was with her she had said she understood. Chakotay assumed that now that she had someone else looking after her she no longer needed to latch on to him permanently. There had been no tears, angry words or calming platitudes, only a gentle kiss to her cheek as he left her room.
Now he paced worried that maybe Kathryn wouldn't take him back. She was so disappointed in him, if the looks she had been giving him was any indication. He had to talk to her and tell what she meant to him and let her know that nothing, not even a kiss, had happened between he and Seven.
He was determined never to be separated from Kathryn again. He didn't care what he had to do, though he assumed groveling was going to be a big part of his effort to get her back, he was not leaving San Francisco without her. Today he was going to tell her what he had known from the moment he saw her. She was his and he was hers, forever.
He took one last fortifying breath and left the safe haven of his hotel room. He took the stairs not wanting to run into anyone. It was really ironic that she was actually one floor directly on top of his hotel room. He looked around nervously running a hand through his dark hair. He had just gathered the courage to knock when a tiny whirl of green plowed into his chest.
Kathryn, in her desperation to get the first encounter with the bride and groom over, had run into him like Hades himself was after her. When she bumped into him Chakotay was again amazed at how slight Kathryn was when she wasn't cloaked in her Captains persona. She would have bounced off him, landing on her rear, if he hadn't reacted quickly and wrapped his arms around her waist. Her pulled her closer to him then was necessary and didn't let her go when she had regained her equilibrium.
Chakotay's heaven and hell was standing between his arms looking like a goddess in green. His hell because he was suppose to have been getting married in the next few hours. He was suppose to be in love with Seven and be excited about the prospect of a new life with her. But all he could think of, when he thought about marrying Seven, was of a little girl with red, long hair and big, bright, smiling, blue eyes that would have him wrapped around his finger the moment she was born just like her beautiful mother. And his heaven because the beauty in his arms still brought him a peace that he never felt with anyone else.
When he thought of the what he was gaining by marrying Seven he couldn't balance it out with what he was losing. He looked down at her and found her surprise at being in his arms. She looked so beautiful and vulnerable at that moment that he knew he would not be able to move from this spot without doing what he had always desired. Slowly, his eyes never leaving her lips, he bent his head towards her lips. He expected her to move or at least push him away, instead he saw the desire he was feeling mirrored in her eyes. All he had ever wanted and desired was staring him straight in face and in that moment his decision was made and he wasted no time as he swiftly captured her lips with his. He tightened his hold on her causing her to gasp in surprise and Chakotay ever the tactician took advantage. He slipped his tongue past swollen lips, greedily plundering her depths, putting everything into the kiss that he had not been able to put into words.
"Kathryn"
