Meredith took a deep breath, twisting her rings around her finger as she prepared herself to walk into the Attendings lounge. Once she walked into that room nothing would be the same again. Of course it already would never be the same, but this would truly make it...official, really. Letting people know. Oh god, Amelia was in there. She hesitated, her hand on the doorknob. She inhaled another deep breath, before pushing the door open and stepping inside. The room was chaos, her friends rushing around, engaged in mindless chatter. She felt detached from it all, like a small child in a room full of adults.

"Derek's dead," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. No one looked her way or acknowledged her existence in the room. She swallowed hard and bit back her tears as she spotted Amelia chatting away to Callie on the couch.

"Derek's dead," she said, louder this time. This time everyone looked at her and time seemed to stop. Her stomach churned dangerously and she wanted to make a mad dash for the bathroom. Derek was dead and his child was very much alive in her stomach; that much she knew.

Suddenly everyone was buzzing around her, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her over to the couch. Someone close by was crying; she suspected it was Amelia but she couldn't be sure. She was numb, moving through the motions of her daily life without really feeling or comprehending anything. How could she live in a world where Derek Shepherd was not alive? When did she get so dependent on a man? Maybe her mother was right, he had made her ordinary. Right now she wished she was extraordinary, and this entire situation had never happened.

"Grey. GREY!" She heard someone say, but it didn't sink in. Someone sat next to her on the couch. "Meredith. Mere?" She heard someone say, and she finally turned her head. It was Maggie. Thank god for Maggie, her half sister who she'd finally grown to love. Maggie pulled her into her arms and Meredith reluctantly put her arms around her, refusing to break down. "Mere, where are the kids? Are they in day care?" Meredith nodded, still not truly going through the motions of actually living. This wasn't living, this was hell. If this were living, Derek would be there with her, with their two - no almost three - children. They would be growing older together every day, learning new things about each other still, after all these years, watching their children grow up, marveling over her pregnancy. This was hell.

"I've got to go," Meredith said suddenly, pulling back from Maggie and jumping up from the couch. If she stayed there any longer she was going to break down. She was Meredith Grey and she did not break down. Not in front of her friends and family, and definitely not while she took her husband off life support.

She bolted from the room and headed for the daycare, signing out Bailey and Zola. Getting them into the car was easy; they'd been so good since everything has happened luckily. They took the ferry boat back to their house, where Meredith sat the two young children down in front of a Disney movie and started going through the motions of packing. She threw all of the kids clothes in as many bags she could find, as many diapers for Bailey she could find, as many toys she could grab, before toting them all downstairs. Then came the moment she was dreading. She pushed open the door to their bedroom and tears flooded her eyes. Derek was everywhere. His cologne, his clothes, dirty clothes across the floor. She threw her own clothes into suitcases, remembering to pack maternity clothes and some stray prenatal vitamins from when she was pregnant with Bailey, before dragging everything to the front hall. The kids were still enthralled by the film so she worked on packing the car up. Blankets came next; she had no idea where they were going or when they were going to get there.

Sometime in the middle of all of this Meredith had started crying, but she didn't realize it until she touched her cheeks and her face was wet. Dammit. She had to be strong right now, not just for Zola and Bailey, but for herself and the unborn child in her womb. This was just too much, it was all too much. She had such little hope for the pregnancy, despite how badly she was already invested in it.

"Zozo, Bay, come on. We're going for a ride in the car," she said, drying her tears and sniffling, pulling her dirty blonde hair back into a ponytail.