P A R T O N E
"There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere,
and many of us will have to pass through
the valley of the shadow of death again and again
before we reach the mountaintop of our desires."
-Nelson Mandela
Chapter One: Patience
"Carlisle."
Even though he was upstairs, he would still hear my quiet voice. I tapped my fingers against the counter, impatient. I had never really been patient. Carlisle had always told me that patience was the key. The key to what exactly? I never really understood him and his abnormally high intelligence quotient. I wondered idly about patience and the symbolism behind it being 'a key'. I was just being silly, really. I knew exactly what he meant when he said patience was the key. He meant, and I quote from one time when I really got on his last nerve; 'Bella, shut up and stop whining for five godforsaken minutes'.
Carlisle was by my side long before I'd wiped the smirk off my face. His expression contorted slightly, confused to why I was smirking at whatever was going on inside my head. I smiled at him, which was code for 'let it go'. The confused look on his face was quickly replaced by a naturally casual expression, free from worry. An expression like that was out of place right now, especially on one who looked as healthy as a horse.
"What's on the agenda today then?" I asked, following him at a relatively slow human pace towards the front door of our small and silent home. No matter what I did to the place, it always felt cold. Even if I painted the walls bright red and placed vases of flowers everywhere, the theme of the house would still feel abandoned. I didn't know what to do. I supposed that no living person had lived in that house since the plague, which was a very long time ago. Maybe it was because the previous owner of the home had actually died within its walls, and he still haunted the building. No, that's just sounds stupidly melodramatic.
"We're checking wards and removing the deceased, Isabella," Carlisle replied lifelessly. Quickly, I wrapped my arms around him from behind and pecked his cheek. Carlisle and I had a past, I'll admit but we weren't in anything serious presently. We were what we wanted for one another. If he needed a friend, I would be there. If I wanted sex, he would be there. I knew that both of us wanted more, wanted more than what we had but neither of us could admit it. Not after the last time.
Carlisle and I had been working in the hospital for little over a year now, and it still felt strange putting the nurse's uniform every morning. I was Carlisle's assistant. Sure, I had majored in medical and bioscience and could probably become a good surgeon myself, but I didn't want to draw attention to myself like that. Physically, I was only sixteen years old. Unlike many vampires I had met, I had a talent, as one might call it. Carlisle was quite startled after he learnt of my gift. The only talented vampires he had met were the Volturi. I could change the likes and dislikes of myself and others, in any case.
When Carlisle told me why his eyes were such a vivid gold - as he only drunk the blood of animals - I immediately put myself off the blood of humans. The thought of ever drinking human blood appalls me but I cannot change the taste of it. I know that if I try it I will like it. I cannot change a vampire's nature, but I can change how it smells to a vampire. I can change the likes and dislikes of both vampires and humans alike. I could make two people fall so hopelessly into infatuation, but I would never do that. I say infatuation because I know that what I can do is most definitely not causing two people to fall in love.
It was a confusing talent that Carlisle and I did not really understand. However, it made things easier for both of us. He asked if I could put him off human blood as well, and I did, even though his great compassion had helped him for the past couple of centuries. He said that human blood doesn't really bother him anymore, but it was just in case.
The hospital wasn't far away. The word hospital would be used extremely loosely here, as it honestly wasn't much of a hospital. It was a prison for the sick. I could hear people shrieking from the outside of the building. That alerted Carlisle. It always did. I could see the alarm in his eyes, sense the unmistakable stench of blood that assaulted his nose and see every hair prickle on his forearms. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows that fine summer's morning. I on the other hand, was used to all of things which troubled Carlisle. No one could help these people. These people were as good as dead. Carlisle never believed that. We could help these people in a very inhumane way but I had never really felt inclined to change a human in a vampire.
We walked into the hospital where we got odd looks from the nurses in the foyer. No one really understood why a stunning man and his outrageously beautiful little stepsister worked in such a horrible place, especially now in the midst of the Spanish Influenza epidemic. I was still waiting for a disease that would finally let Carlisle and I go to rest, even thought technically my human years weren't over yet. Although I doubted that I would be alive right now if I was human. I'm sure that someone would have shoved a knife into my back by now.
I sighed as I followed Carlisle through the building. I was waiting for orders. I was waiting for him to tell me who I should kill next. He never liked to see humans suffer, so I had offered to put an end to their lives if he thought it was necessary. I killed at least one person everyday. I would never be able to wash the blood off my hands, now that it had built up too thick. Not even God could forgive me of the sins I caused and will continue to do until the day I finally die.
I picked up the clipboard sitting on the counter of Carlisle's office. I read through it quickly, "The Masen's were checked in last night. They're pretty bad. Edward Masen isn't going to make it," I stopped when I saw Carlisle stiffen. He flashed his golden eyes at me, urging me that I should continue without pause. "Elizabeth had to be moved from the room Edward and their son was, because she kept tending to them, even though she is far worse than the son but not as bad as Edward."
Carlisle sighed, no longer a marble statue on a chair. He beckoned me over with two of his fingers. I set the clipboard on his desk and knelt at the side of his chair. I laid my hand on his cheek and pushed it gently so he was staring at me. "We aren't gods Carlisle. You can't save everyone." I pecked his lips gently at stood up, walking away from him and picking up the clipboard again. "Edward won't make it, Carlisle. Say the word and I shall be blasphemous." I was no god, but I could kill the creatures of God and give them new life. I could pretend to be God, but no vampire could ever be Him.
His golden eyes bored into mine. I could almost feel their force. He couldn't understand the way I could kill without a second thought. It was in my nature I guess.
He sighed again, "Yes Bella. I think you are correct. It is a sin to see Edward Masen suffer like that."
I nodded. He could never say 'kill' straight to me. He thought up some complicated way but if he wanted me to kill someone, he would say 'Yes Bella'. I turned around and headed out the door, smiling crookedly. I found some peace when I killed a human. I was a vampire after all and I could never be Carlisle. He never found any peace in killing. That was our one major difference.
I checked the clipboard to see what room Edward and his son, Edward, were in. It was going to be complicated if Edward Junior was awake. It was very unlikely though. No one in a room full of disease could stay conscious for long. I walked at a quick human pace up the halls until I reached Edward Masen's room. I opened the door quietly and went in. No one had seen me walk in so I closed the door tight and locked it. The room was dark and smelt of blood, sick and male sweat. I kept my face composed however. I would reopen the blackout curtains when I was finished with Edward Senior.
"Mother, is that you?"
A broken, coarse voice mumbled from under the covers of the bed on the right. I walked towards it too see a beautiful young boy. He must have only been in his late teens, at the very most. His skin was sickly pale and almost transparent. I could see every vein and artery pumping quickly under his skin. His breaths were quick and shallow. His messy bronze hair lay matted and greasy against the pillow. The emerald eyes that searched endlessly for me were bloodshot and most likely blind to the world.
"No sweetie," I murmured in a motherly voice. Pulling the chair sitting next to his father's bed over, I sat next to Edward Junior. "I am Nurse Swan. Can I get you anything?"
"Yes," he choked. "I want to see my mother."
"You can't honey. You're very sick. You don't want you mother to get sick too."
He closed his eyes and opened them again, "Why is everything so dark, Nurse Swan?"
"I don't know," I spoke softly and lay my hand against forehead. The scorching temperature of his skin caught me unaware, and I pulled back, feeling the sting of the burn against my icy hand. Humans burnt so hot when they were sick.
"That felt nice, Nurse Swan." I thought I saw him smile.
I rested my hand back on his forehead, ready this time for the burning sensation of it. I must admit that it was uncomfortable for me but I knew my skin was extremely cool and it felt pleasant to him. Quickly with my free hand, I pulled a rag out and rinsed in the bowl of cold water beside the bed. I replaced my hand with the rag and gently brushed it across his face. He sighed at the coolness and relaxed.
"My name is Edward," he smiled, showing his slightly yellowing teeth.
"I'm Bella," I replied.
"That is a pretty name," he commented politely. I was surprised how he could speak so well in his condition. The influenza was an extremely unpredictable disease.
"Thank you," I smiled. "How old are you, Edward?"
"I'm seventeen," he coughed a little after speaking. He was only seventeen. I wanted to cry. He was only seventeen years into his life and he was going to die. I was only sixteen when Carlisle found me. I wasn't dying. I'd just made bad choices. Carlisle gave me a new life to see what I would become if I had someone help me make the right choices. "How old are you, Bella?"
"I'm sixteen," I lied to him. His pale face looked shocked.
"Why are you employed in the hospital? How can you work among the sick when you are so young?" He asked, his breaths coming quicker and shallower now that he was talking so much.
"My stepbrother and I lost our parents to the influenza," I whispered, forcing my voice to break as if I was about to cry. "We wanted to help. Dr. Cullen is an excellent doctor."
"I'm so sorry, Bella."
"No, no," I smiled. "Don't be sorry. Now, the least you can do is go back to sleep. I don't want to lose anyone else."
He chuckled, "are you not scared of catching the disease yourself?"
"No, I am not. I already caught it and my body healed itself completely. I am very well and immune to the disease."
He nodded and yawned.
"Sleep," I ordered. He chuckled and closed his eyes. I got up silently and walked over to Edward Senior.
"Will you come back, Bella?" Edward Junior asked me whispers.
"Do you want me to?"
Yes," he replied in a hoarse voice. "You are very kind."
"Thank you," I smiled again. "Sleep now."
I laid two fingers against Edward Senior's neck. No pulse. No heartbeat. Dead and I did not even harm him. I sighed and unlocked the door of the room. I covered Edward Senior's head with the sheets and wheeled him silently out of the room. I hoped that Edward wouldn't regain his sight. I didn't want him to hurt anymore than he did.
I wheeled him to the morgue slowly. I saw a little of his matted bronze hair poke out of from under the sheets. I felt like I was wheeling Edward Junior to morgue. No, I couldn't let Edward die. I just couldn't. He was too young. Barely had a chance to experience life to the full. But how could being a vampire let one experience life? We were not alive. I vowed I would talk with Carlisle tonight as I closed the door of the morgue and left Edward Senior behind.
Stroking a little lock of blonde hair that was tickling my neck, my eyes gazed into those of Carlisle's. His head lay against my breast, listening to an imaginary beat that he used to know. As I stared into those eyes, I could see that he was somewhere far away, long ago. Thinking of when my skin was soft and my tissues held my own blood. I listened to his steady breathing and pretended that my heart still continued to beat. When I was human, I thought that to be an immortal was everything. I thought that mortality was common and easily dismissed. There was nothing lost when a human died. They overpopulated the world with their love of alcohol and sex. That was what I thought. How wrong I was.
Carlisle sighed and sat up, bringing me up with him. There we were, in our little abandoned house late at night with only the dead for company. We sat naked on the couch; the lust filled moment we had shared had passed. I combed my fingers through my hair slowly, feeling the unnatural texture beneath my fingers. Humans didn't have such strong, soft and silky hair. On the outside, vampires were bait for anyone who looked their way. Oh, what I would give for greasy hair and body odor once again.
He sighed again, "You hate this, Isabella. Every day and every night, I watch you grow tired with this life. I have done everything in my power to excite you, to regain that spark you had when you were young. What can I do?" He paused for a brief second and grabbed my face with both hands. He drew me so near that I could feel the awesome force of his eyes against mine and his breath against my lips. "I'm scared you will leave me for better things, my Bella."
Carlisle was having his midnight panic attack. He had these every once in a blue moon. I guessed that they were a consequence of living so long. In a way, they scared me. They reminded me of how old Carlisle was and how I was going to be that old someday. Time was going to drive me head first into insanity. I wasn't saying that Carlisle was insane. But maybe in two thousand years or so, time would finally manage to drive us both into suicide.
"I didn't kill Edward Masen today," I murmured, breaking the awful silence between us. He let go of my face and slumped back on the sofa, his eyes dulling. The panic disappeared from them, only to be bottled up inside somewhere. It would bubble up again someday. I knew each and every time it happened, I died a little inside. It hurt me that he worried about me so much. It hurt me knowing that he was paranoid that I was going to leave him. I could never leave him. Even if I did, I would come running back.
"What do you mean? I heard you take him to the morgue," He replied in a carefully composed voice.
"His son was awake. I talked to him. He is a nice kid. By the time I got Edward Junior to sleep, Edward Senior was dead. His son has yet to notice the disease has made him blind," I explained slowly.
He chuckled quietly, "whatever did you and Edward talk of?"
"He was surprised that I was only sixteen years old. I had I lied and told him that our parents were victims of the influenza. I said that I had already caught the influenza and I was immune to it as he had asked me if I was scared about catching the disease. He is so young Carlisle, only seventeen. It's so sad to think that he is going to die from this horrific epidemic."
Carlisle slid over and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his shoulder and he began to stroke my hair with his fingers. I could feel every individual pull of my hair and how reassuring it felt. He did not say anything back to me at all. My eyes were on the strong cords of muscle I could see protruding from his thighs. If he were human, I would see the blood pulsing within those muscles. However, all I noticed was how still they were, and how unnatural it looked.
"He wants me to come back to him. I am human enough to know it will hurt when he dies, if I spend too much time with him. I do not know anymore."
"You can go and see him when you wish Bella. The wards are so full at this present time. Due to this, we are bunking Edward up with his mother tomorrow, that is if she survives the night."
I exhaled quickly, "She does not look good, does she?"
"Not at all," Carlisle replied, an emotion I recognized as sadness strong in his hard voice. "When you and I were in surgery today, Elizabeth crept from her room to Edward's to nurse him. If she does not give her son peace, it will be the death of her."
I sat up straight with a sigh and surveyed Carlisle's steadily darkening golden eyes. Touching his lips, I felt my own lips part to say words that did not want to be said. I felt his sweet breath my cheek and his lips parted beneath my thumb.
"Is this how you feel for every human that dies beneath my hand?" I whispered, not able to speak the words at full volume. "Is there a hole in your chest from knowing that you could save every dying human life in this world? Is there a burn in your heart when you think of that because you would not wish this life upon anyone, from knowing that destroying a human soul is not worth immortality?"
The corners of his lips turned up, just a little, at my words. He pulled me close and I brushed his cheek with the hand that I had been using to touch his smooth lips. And then he kissed me, with a passion and an emotion that I did not recognize. I closed my eyes and let the kiss engulf me. This was why I could never leave Carlisle. He could never fail to surprise me, no matter how long we lived. I loved him.
Once his lips left mine, he brought his lips to my ear and murmured, "Yes Bella. I always feel like that."
