Asami decides to take the little time that Korra will be gone to attend to Future Industries and the family estate. No matter the rocky times she's had with Future Industries, it's her company and it's up to her to see it succeed. She tours the warehouses. She knows they aren't where they should be—where she wants them to be, but in time, business will flourish. Things will feel right again.
She spends her evenings at the estate, frankly happy to have Mako and Bolin's family there. The estate is far too large for just one person. So much empty space makes her feel lonely, but despite the relative mirth that flows through the home, she can't seem to get her bearings. She stays up late, studying engineering books, creating designs. Her lines lack the angularity of before, the designs becoming swooping and soft. She wonders how Korra is and hopes she's feeling better.
Two weeks pass and a bubble of energy surges over her. She's not the only one. Everyone knows Korra's returning soon. Everyone is eager to see how she is. Three weeks pass and she still doesn't return. She might have said a couple of weeks, Mako says reasonably, but maybe she only meant 'a little while'.
Asami reasons that could be. Four weeks pass and she begins to feel somewhat anxious. It's silly. Things just feel different without Korra around. One late night, when the stars are particularly bright, Asami shuts the lights off in her room, deciding to write by candlelight instead.
Korra,
I know Bolin has been writing you devotedly. To be honest, I didn't think any of my letters would arrive before you returned, which is why I hadn't written. I anticipate you'll be back before this one reaches you but that's okay. I'd rather see your face than have you read this letter. Things are quiet here. I've been a little bored. I've been taking the car out for lots of spins in the city. Mostly late at night. Lots of lights and empty streets. That feels more honest, somehow, than all the lively streets during the day. Mako's already hard back at work and Bolin is positively smitten with Opal. I don't see them very much—when you get back, we should all find the time to be together.
Anyway—I hope you're well. I'll see you soon.
- Asami
Six weeks pass and she doesn't hear back. Mako and Bolin haven't heard from her either. Asami goes to see Tenzin, curious, and he tells her to be patient. She's going through a very difficult ordeal. Of course she is. Instead of being irritated at Tenzin for telling her the obvious, Asami's grateful to be reminded to not be so selfish. Korra will return when she's ready.
Two months pass and there's no word from Korra. Three months pass and still nothing.
Dear Korra,
Maybe a 'couple of weeks' means something different for you than it does to me? I'm only teasing. Still… I did think you'd be back by now. Maybe you were wrong about the Southern Water Tribe, and you're having a great time. I hope that's the case. We've all been thinking about making time to come and see you. I know last time we talked, you didn't want that but maybe things are different now. It feels like it's been so long. Don't worry, we wouldn't come down without your say so. If I don't hear back from you, we'll stay here, no hard feelings. If you write and tell us you don't want us to come down—that's okay too. It would be nice to hear from you but I understand if you're not ready. Things are moving right along here. I know Mako and Bolin have been writing you, so I won't tell you what's going on with them. I know these letters are short, maybe a little meaningless. Life's just not as exciting without you around. I hope you're taking care of yourself. Please say hello to Tonraq, Senna and Katara for me. Kisses to Naga!
- Asami
Six months crawl past.
Dear Korra,
I miss you. It's not the same in Republic City without you. How're you feeling? Things are going well here. I just got a big contract to help redesign the city's infrastructure, so I'll be keeping pretty busy for a while. Let me know when you're ready to come back. I'll clear off time on my calendar.
- Asami
There's no word but the sting of disappointment when she goes to check the mail has started to fade.
Asami finds herself thinking of all the adventures Team Avatar had, how Korra always managed to pull through even when all hope seemed lost. For so long, everything was so scary. The Equalists, Unalaq, Zaheer and The Red Lotus. Enemies near, like her father and Varrick I'm a business man, Asami! I was trying to get us business! No hard feelings! She considers herself a trusting person, but after her father, Varrick and the way he set Mako up, sometimes she's wary of trusting. Initially, anyway. It seems like one of the few people close to her that she hasn't questioned is Korra. She worried about her taking Mako before, sure, but she's the Avatar. How can she compare to someone like that? After they got to talking, it seemed stupid that they waited so long. She misses having someone to laugh with.
Things have calmed down. She should be relaxed but everything is flat and grey. She sleeps restlessly and takes to late nights and early mornings as a result. She throws herself into work. She's making Future Industries a company to be respected again. She writes Korra weekly.
Nine months pass.
Dear Korra,
I can't believe it's been so long since we've seen each other. I've been thinking a lot about you. The car stalled the other day and I thought back to when I threw you the keys. I thought 'if I can do this, so can the Avatar' but you were horrible! I think your driving is the biggest menace Republic City has ever seen. Anyway… I can't imagine you'd be gone this long if you didn't have your reasons. I've been working really hard to rebuild Future Industries. My father has been writing me letters. They keep stacking up but I haven't opened them. I don't know that I can let myself trust him again. Even if I really miss him—or what I thought we were—I can't bring myself to forgive him for what he's done. Maybe it sounds hypocritical, but I hope that these letters aren't sitting unopened on your desk somewhere. If you've read a word, that's enough for me. My thoughts are with you, Korra. You wouldn't believe how much I miss you. I hardly believe it myself.
Sincerely,
- Asami
A year passes.
Dear Korra,
Hurry back to Republic City! Whenever you're ready, of course. I hope you're okay. I worry you might not be. I wish there was some way I could help you. And maybe you don't need help… I just have a hard time accepting that you wouldn't return if you were feeling okay. If you need anything, all you need to do is ask. I hope I'll see you soon.
- Asami
The mailbox is always empty.
She lives, sleeps, breathes work, becoming as practical and efficient as any assembly line at Future Industries. Mako and Bolin's family scold her, tell her to get out there and be young. Men have always looked at her. She starts to realize that women look at her, too. Some stare a second too long, before smiling bashfully and turning away. So she dates but it just feels like another little job, one that she isn't passionate about. She gives it up soon.
Her letters become lengthier with the passage of time, small confessions. What else can they be when they're only one sided, when she doesn't get a response?
Dear Korra,
I don't know where you are or if you're even reading any of these, but on the off chance you are, I'll keep writing, just so you know we're all still thinking of you. It's been almost two years but it's felt like a lifetime. I've tried to do some dating but none of it feels right. I find my thoughts drift away and I get bored. Maybe you're having better luck than me and that's why you haven't returned. I've decided to put dating aside to focus on Future Industries. Republic City's infrastructure is far more important and it feels good to contribute to it. This is our city. You've saved us and this city so often, that it's the least I can do. Maybe I can give you a tour when you're ready to come back?
Yours,
Asami
She keeps writing. It's become habit even if she realizes she no longer expects a response. She no longer thinks Korra will return. Sometimes she wants to cry about it, usually late at night when the world feels so big and she feels alone. But she's so much luckier than others. Having been able to know her, as long as she did, is more luck than people get in their entire lifetimes.
One night, unable to sleep and tired of blueprints, she sits by the window and writes another letter.
Dear Korra,
I wish I knew how to help.
I think with Mom's death... and it was just me and Dad, I became something of an overachiever. I put my mind to something and I wouldn't stop until it was done. I wouldn't stop until it was fixed. Maybe that's why I love machines and technology. You can pinpoint what needs attention and find ways to get it going again. Dad was always so proud of me. For my grades, for my fighting skills, my looks, everything. I worked really hard so I wouldn't let him down. I made goals and I met them. In a way, it's as if I was trying to make up for mom's absence by being the absolute best I could be. But you're not a machine. You're a person. An incredible person but people are more difficult to patch up. You're more than a goal. You're more than I can put into words.
It's taken me a long time to realize that as much as I'd like to, I can't give you what you need.
Maybe the answers are inside you. I must sound like Tenzin. Sorry. I know you'll say you no longer have the past Avatars but I'm talking about your inner strength. I believe in you, Korra. We all do. Remember that.
- Asami
It's the last letter she sends. She no longer has anything to offer.
Weeks pass in a fugue.
The Southern Water Tribe is frigid. It's fitting given how little feeling Korra has in her body. In a way, the numbing cold makes her body feel as if it is at home. But her mind feels different. Trapped.
She has no appetite. Little by little, the muscle she has goes away. She doesn't sleep. She wakes up screaming in the night. Sometimes she wakes up having fallen off the bed, face smashed against the cold floor. She lies there until someone finds her. She can't even get up. Sometimes hours pass. Her parents always feel horrible which makes Korra feel worse.
She's triumphant when after weeks, she's able to curl her fingers, if only a little bit. It means she's one step closer to being able to eat her own meals. The love with which her mother, father and Kya cut her meals into small pieces, sit patiently to feed her – she can't think of anything more humiliating. She's the Avatar, the world is continuing without her and she can't even feed or clothe herself, get around without anyone pushing the wheelchair.
It's the reason she left Republic City. She couldn't stand the thought of everyone who knew her as the Avatar, reduced to such a pathetic person. It's easier this way. If she's out of sight, she can be out of mind. They don't have to worry and they can go on with their lives instead of fretting so much about her. Everyone doted on her, especially Asami. She meant well but something about it left Korra feeling claustrophobic and panicked. Even if Korra appreciated her every gesture: getting her pro-bending magazines, tuning the radio in to matches, bringing her a drink when she was thirsty. Korra never asked for any of those things and still, Asami seemed intuitively to know.
Having Asami around when her mother had to come in to help her change or bathe was mortifying. And Asami was so patient. She never pushed, she never questioned, she just left when Korra snapped at her to. Everything was so right and so wrong in one that Korra had to go.
She said a couple of weeks but it's been longer than that. Mako and Bolin write but over a month has passed when the first letter from Asami arrives. Her mother opens the envelope for and sets the letter on her lap for her to read after Korra declines having her read it. Korra will take any opportunity to do the little things she can do and is happy when her mother exits so she can read the letter in private.
The letter makes her cry. She's been doing a lot of that lately. Sometimes it's the pain. Other times she feels sorry for herself. She's disappointed so many and now, she's lied to Asami about when she would return. See you soon, Asami said. No. She can't go back. Not yet. Not so soon. Not when she's still so useless and crippled.
If she goes back, she knows how it'll be. The kids on Air Temple Island being quiet and well-behaved. Mako and Bolin being polite as they gather around for tranquil tea parties and Asami gently reminding them that Korra is too tired for any hang outs to continue much longer.
More weeks pass, more letters arrive. She's gained enough strength to be able to maneuver the wheelchair a few inches. The effort leaves her exhausted and winded but it's something and now she can go out to see the colorful waves along the skies, the stars that burn so bright. She thinks of the night Asami took her out to see the stars and all the things she still feels but couldn't say.
She practices picking up a pen and making her fingers curl around it. It's different with eating utensils. There's a crude way you can hold them and still be able to eat but penmanship requires more refinement. It isn't much but it's all she has. She practices, sometimes for hours at a time until her hand and fingers hurt. Eventually, when her handwriting no longer looks like a child's scrawl, she tries to write Asami.
Dear Asami,
I'm sorry I didn't get back when I said I would. Things could be better here but I really miss all of you. I don't know if I'm up for seeing everyone—but maybe, if you have time, you could come see me. I'm just so tired all the time—
She doesn't send it.
She worries Asami will cease writing her letters but they continue steadily. They quickly become the best part of her week and she devours the words, smiling when Asami lands business contracts, guilty, when Asami continues to quietly wonder when Korra will return, how she quietly implores without outright asking.
Dear Asami,
I wiggled my big toe! I know that seems like nothing but it's a pretty big deal! Katara's been helping me but I'm still not where I'd like to be. I tried to walk today and fell on my face. I've only been able to get a little bit of strength back in my arms and using it, even for a second completely exhausts me. Thank you so much for your letters. The Southern Water Tribe is great but pretty dull. Your letters are the only entertainment I get. Thanks for the Fire Ferret Magazines and movers! I wish I could hit the pro-bending arena again but I just don't have it in me. I'd like to head back soon but I'm worried—
She doesn't send that one either.
Months pass. A year passes. A year and six months. Her strength comes back gradually but she's still haunted by that dark Avatar. In some ways, it's as if the poison never left her at all. She didn't win the fight against Zaheer, no matter what anyone says. She battled and she lost. How can the world trust her again? Everyone is moving on, everyone is helping the world while she learns to take baby steps.
Mako and Bolin's letters start to come less seldomly, eventually spreading out to weeks and months but Asami's stream of letter writing is fairly consistent. She writes late at night. She talks about Future Industries and the progress she's made, how Republic City is shaping up—how Korra will have to come and see the park, because it's looking better than ever.
Asami worries for her and Korra worries for Asami. Korra worries at how lonely she seems, frowning, without meaning to, when Asami talks about dating. Smiling, ironically, when Asami questions whether Korra has been more successful. She's been a recluse and her mom and dad tease her about whether she's lost her ability to speak, some days she's so quiet.
Dear Korra,
Maybe I should stop writing you. Maybe I should take your silence as a hint that you don't want to hear from me. Maybe I'm being selfish but it's hard for me to accept that we could ever really stop talking, that you could stay away forever. I think I'm just having a hard time letting go of you.
After that letter Korra fears that Asami will stop writing altogether. The panic keeps her up later than usual, her appetite reduced to nothing, nerves taking hold of her. Some nights she leaves the home and takes the letters with her. She reads the letters over and over. They're a connection to Republic City and to Asami. As long as the letters continue, things can't ever really change between them. They can't be lost.
The panic subsides when Kya waves a letter cheerfully at her. Korra almost lunges at it, stealing it and running off to her room to read it in private. Asami hasn't given up on her. Asami is still writing her. She reveals more than she has. In some ways, Asami is so reserved. Korra likes that about her. They balance each other out. Asami is cool and stoic no matter the pressure. Korra is hotheaded and throws furniture around.
Still, Asami's letter leaves Korra concerned and elated.
You're more than a goal. You're more than I can put into words. It's taken me a long time to realize that as much as I'd like to, I can't give you what you need.
Korra reads the letters until they're soft around the edges. She continues to train and slowly, her body returns to fighting shape. She isn't as strong as before. Something is missing. As she is, she can't return to Republic City, despite how desperately she wants to go. She couldn't take down the training team when Tenzin came by. No matter how much she's progressed she still has so much further to go.
Weeks pass in silence and she gets no letters from Asami, despite the occasional one she'll get from Mako and Bolin. At first she assumes the letter has been lost but as more time passes a panic grips her that makes it difficult to breathe. Some piece of her feels even more fragmented than before and she realizes that Asami has given enough. She's attempted to write letters and none of them felt right. She tries again one late night, exhausted and unable to sleep.
Dear Asami,
I'm sorry I haven't written to you sooner, but every time I've tried I don't know what to say. The past two years have been the hardest of my life. Even though I can get around fine now, I still can't go into the Avatar state. I keep having visions of Zaheer and what happened that day. Katara thinks a lot of this is in my head, so I've been meditating a lot. But sometimes I worry I'll never fully recover.
I've been thinking a lot about you, and all the crazy times we've had together. Thank you for everything you've sent me. All of it has kept me from going stir crazy. I've read every one of your letters and maybe I took it for granted that you would always write, which is pretty dumb, given how busy you are. It sounds like you've been doing some really great work with Future Industries—which is a surprise to no one. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner how much I appreciated you taking the time to write. Your letters have meant everything to me.
No dating here. I've spent every waking second training and trying to get back to what I used to be. It's slower going than I want and I feel like the world is just moving ahead without me. I'm sorry for not coming back sooner. I've just felt so lost and I didn't want you to see me the way I was—I didn't want you to think differently of me.
I'm hoping that if I continue to meditate and train, I'll be able to go into the Avatar state again and everything will return to normal. I really miss Republic City. I really miss you. I think I'll go back soon. There's no reason I can't continue my training there. Maybe you're thinking 'you said a couple of weeks before' but this time it'll be different. You don't have to send a response. We'll see each other in person before your letter gets to me. I can't wait for us to be able to talk, face to face.
Clear some time off your calendar for me?
Please don't tell Mako and Bolin I wrote to you and not them. I don't want to hurt their feelings but it's easier to tell you about this stuff. I don't think they'd understand.
Love, She strikes the word out.
Korra
She reads and re-reads the letter and wonders if it's heavy handed. In a way, it feels good to just put it out there and be vulnerable—even if it's the very reason she left Republic City. When writing, you have to overextend because you don't have your face, your voice, your touch, to communicate.
It'll be fine. She sends the letter and the next day she tells her parents she intends to return to Republic City. As soon as she's said it, she's certain it's the right decision. It's been nearly two years and a half years. Enough is enough. Maybe she's become stagnant in the Southern Water Tribe.
The journey to Air Temple Island is good. The waters are calm and the sea animals come out to play.
It's only the stop at the sea side village that puts a damper in her spirit. She begins to wonder if she made a mistake, returning so soon. The two thieving benders beat her so easily it's humiliating. Are you sure she's the Avatar? Korra stares blankly at the fishmonger and old woman until they finally pull her to her feet. "Sorry," she mutters, "I'm a little rusty."
Her appetite gone, lobster cabs forgotten, she returns to the small boat and continues to make her way to Air Temple Island but with every inch of ocean that is crossed, she feels her courage falter and wonders if it was only desperation to not lose something that prompted the trip. Still, the sight of Air Temple Island, Republic City behind it, alight, makes her heart stir and she can't help the grin that comes to her face.
How can she feel like she's returning home after just having left it? The lights, the music, Air Temple Island, everyone is within reach! Her cheeks flush in anticipation, an energy she hasn't felt in so long easing back into her.
It's only when she sees the avatar, that dark spirit, mirror image of herself, eyes aglow, chains clinking in the darkness, that the heat slips away from her and she goes cold, lets out a small gasp, physically backs away. Push through it, Korra. Fight her. Win this. You made a promise.
But she can't. The air is gone from her lungs. She turns the sail, shifting directions, away from Air Temple Island, away from Republic City, away from Asami. Korra fights the burning in her eyes. Weak. She hasn't grown at all. She's lied, again. Go back. I can't go back. The smaller Air Temple Island gets, the easier she can breathe. Coward. She bites her tongue. She can't deny it. She should have known she'd just disappoint them.
A/N: So wow, everyone! Thanks for the faves, follows and reviews! They're super encouraging. It's heartening to see everyone love these two like I do. This chapter turned out a little longer than expected, so apologies for that. And any weird time wonkiness. I had to sort of make do from the ten whopping minutes dedicated to three years. In my head I imagine the title of this chapter as 'Korra and Asami unintentionally write love letters'. The lack of 'strikethrough' on this site is really annoying. Imagine a strikethrough where Korra's 'love' was. And all her other letters. The site has also been formatting my chapters all weird, so you may notice some edits as I catch things I might have missed the first go through. Forgive me for extending Korra's letter! I did it on purpose but it feels wrong to mess with the glory of the writers. Next chapter, reunion! In theory, anyway.
